It's a symbol without meaning.

[justoutrunyou]

Who: Sandy and you
What: She's back from the arena and doesn't like what she sees
Where: District 12 common area.
When: After the arena
Warnings: TW: Self harm, child suffering, mentions of violence and death...all pretty standard hunger games.

The District 12 suite may have had plenty of residents but without Effie it seemed cold and empty.

Sandy had awoken to a clean room as she always did. Her paintings were removed from the walls and ceilings again.

Normally she would start painting right away, to get all the demons and nightmares out of her head. But today felt different. Today she rose and shuffled over to the mirror to see who would be looking back at her.

Pale and thin, the same way she'd arrived. Brushing back her bangs she saw the brand as clear as day. The Capitol logo, the perfect circle. A mark of ownership and weakness.

She hated it. It made her stomach twist with self loathing.

She brought her hands up and scratched at it leaving deep red marks through the middle. Something about the way it burned felt good to her. It felt like defiance. She scratched again, and again till the red grew darker and her forehead felt like fire.

She needed something more. Something that would really disfigure the symbol. Before she knew what she was doing her arm lashed out knocking a gaudy looking lamp from the desk. When it shattered her desperate fingers groped through the wreckage and found a long thin piece that came to a point.

Perfect.

With trembling fingers and wide eyes she pulled back her bangs once more and attacked her forehead with the glass, slicing clean through the circle from the top left to the bottom right. Then the opposite side making a perfect X. Then down the center of the X. Then across.

By this point blood and tears were running down her face and dripping onto the vanity. She had to grope for tissues to wipe it from her face but the thin paper wasn't enough though and she grabbed for a shirt out of her wardrobe.

With her tools at hand she resumed her work while her breathing became ragged and her skin darkened with flush. A shine of sweat mingled with the tears and blood as evidence of the effort it was taking her to continue. When the pain became more then she could handle the glass fell from her fingers and she let out a pathetic whimpering cry.

Looking into the mirror she saw blood and fear. She was looking into the eyes of the monster Penny as blood gushed from a stomach wound. She'd learned how painful and deadly a stomach wound could be, but once she'd buried the knife in Penny the first time she couldn't stop herself from doing it again and again. By the time she'd stopped stabbing penny she was covered in the woman's blood.

The memory faded and Sandy realized she was looking at her own blood, not Penny's.

She's gone...she can't hurt anyone ever again.

She would take a shower, clean her fresh wounds and pull a hat on to hide it from others.

She didn't deserve their pity or worry after so many failures.

Comments

[carnagecarnival]

After everything else, and checking on everyone else, of course he's gotta come for her. He promised to find her, even if he'd been avoxed again, so that's what as he's going to do. He's got a job. He's got help a sister get her sense of motherfucking self back.

Such things is all done just by the doing, ain't they? Maybe he ain't no proper what he's going to do yet but he'll figure that out on the way.

First, he's gotta find her. He hopes he can find her. He prays that when all last he saw her wasn't being the last for truth.

At least he knows to look in district twelve for her.

[justoutrunyou]

As he comes through the entrance to District twelves common area she's coming out of her room with a hat tugged down over her forehead and ears. There's a look of surprise and a flash of anxiety like she's been caught doing something wrong. It fades just as quickly and she crosses the room looking slightly ashamed of herself.

"Hey." She greets in an informal but subdued way.

[carnagecarnival]

He's relieved at first, just to see her here and back. There's always that lingering worry someone won't return. It almost covers up the odd way she behaves coming out to him. Almost. Not quite.

He swallows and pulls up a small, if worried, smile. There's a second's worth or pause and then, "HEY," He echoes back in a hoarse tone. He smiles a little wider. See? Look. He can speak again, isn't that good new?

He breathes deep to gather himself first, bends low, and then wraps around her-- careful, so as not to set either of them off. He pulls back. "You alright?" Any less so than would be expected, he means.

[justoutrunyou]

Her face lights up with surprise at his voice and a small smile manages to crease her lips without splitting her face apart. When he stoops to wrap around her she stiffens but relaxes almost immediately in his embrace. Her own scrawny limbs curl around him clutching tightly. She needed this kind of support right now.

"No." she answered honestly.

[carnagecarnival]

Well in that motherfucking case maybe he'll just hang on a little bit longer.

From in his chest cavity he lets the smallest of rumbling rise up, just soft enough only she can hear it. He ain't happy, no, but it just seems like the sort of thing what she could use hearing.

"TALK AT HIM, LITTLE SISTER," He says as low and quiet as he can make that part of the fluctuations go. Which isn't much, but he tries.

[justoutrunyou]

She takes a few deep slow breathes letting the familiar scent of her friend wash over her. He was clean here, not like back in the arena where sweat and stale clothing were the norm.

"I'm totally losing it." She muttered softly, bitter and angry with herself.

"One minute I'm scared out of my mind, the next minute I want to murder everything that isn't my friend. Then when I do kill..." she paused to collect herself "When I did kill, I felt guilty about the whole thing. I was hoping he wouldn't come back just so I wouldn't see him later and feel sorry for what I did."

It was alot of clashing emotions for her tiny body to take in.

"At the end of the arena I started seeing things. I saw a dead monster. A monster that I killed that should be dead and I tried to kill it then I died somehow. I don't know what happened."

At least she'd managed to avoid saying "her" when talking about the monster she had killed. Even now she knew the slightest hint she'd killed Penny could be the death of her.

[carnagecarnival]

He settles down low, kneeling upon the floor so he's more her height.

"Sound like a little indigo, sister," He tells her, smiling sadly. "JUST GOT ON WAKING TO THE HARSH NOISE." She needs a damn moirail. But he can't be that for her, even if he felt that way, it's a too way street and she ain't one he thinks could handle his own rage. He'll just have to help as best he can.

"I've been there. AIN'T YOUR FAULT." He taps his hand upon the floor, inviting her to settle with him. Perhaps it was silly, doing such a thing there in the open, but he found oftentimes getting yourself settled somewhere open was a good start for ignoring all that shit.

He explains, patiently, "Fear is natural. SO IS RAGE. But they're not so far apart as you're thinking. THEY GUIDE ONE ANOTHER, THEY DO." He would know. "First thing's first, did you kill so as to get on protect yourself? SO AS TO MAKE YOUR OWNSELF SAFE?"

And of course, there was the question of the illusion, of a monster. He'd get to that.

[knifewithnoname]

She had to be back. Pruna had been as patient as she could - and despite how she seemed she was quite patient, she had staked out many sites for hours in her past, sitting perfectly still, waiting to kill. But she had seen loads of people who had died in the last few days and Sandy was still not back.

So she went to investigate and when she heard whimpering from Sandy's room she burst in, wishing she had a knife but ready to fight whoever was causing Sandy pain.

She blinked when she saw the blood and the glass, pausing because she couldn't fight Sandy, not to protect Sandy. It was all very confusing. "Sandy?"

[justoutrunyou]

Sandy gave a startled jump and looked to Pruna, caught in the act. The bloody glass slipped from her fingers to the vanity and she stammered.

"I-I...I just...I couldn't stand looking at it anymore." She babbled in the panicky voice one uses when caught doing something shameful and embarrassing. She was quite literally red handed.

[knifewithnoname]

"You should no be hurting yourself." Pruna's voice was quiet, still confused but she reached out for Sandy as if she feared the girl would run away from her like a frightened animal.

"Be coming with me, we will be cleaning it."

[justoutrunyou]

"O-ok." she agreed feeling foolish. Of course she shouldn't be harming herself but she just couldn't stand the look of that thing on her forehead and everything it stood for.

She gently took Pruna's hand to show she wasn't scared of her closest friend. "No one else is out there are they?" she didn't want Tony or Cinna or anyone else to see what a mess she'd made.

[knifewithnoname]

Pruna stared at her intently and nodded, squeezing her hand. "I do no be thinking so, I will be checking and then we will be sneaking, alright?"

She let go of Sandy's hand a moment to go towards the door and check that the path to the bathroom was free. "Okay be coming on."

[justoutrunyou]

Sandy took her hand and gripped it tight, the skin was still slick with sweat and blood.

Once they were safe in the confines of the bathroom Sandy automatically turned on the shower to fill the room with white noise to down out any microphones listening to them.

After that she promptly collapsed onto the toilet, head hanging in a defeated sort of way.

"I don't know what happened in the arena." she mumbled mostly working over the thoughts in her head. "I remember...I felt sick. I was really warm and thirsty, and my stomach was all twisted up. Then I saw-"

But no...she couldn't say that name. Not here...maybe never again. But especially not in this tower.

"A monster. The sharp toothed ones remember? I thought it was back for revenge so I tried to kill it again and then there was a loud noise and..."

A shuddering breath.

"...and I woke up here."

How much of her death Pruna had seen was a mystery for now.

[hit_girl_mindy]

She had no reason to see her. Yes she did. No she didn't.

These were the thoughts floating in her head. The last time they fought had been for justifiable anger on Sandy's part: she'd killed her, after all, and Pruna, and for not very good reasons. It had sucked, but eventually they let wounds heal. This time around, what happened went down when neither of them were at their best: Sandy, murderous and crazed after her torture and Mindy, sleep deprived, blind in one eye and seen all of her allies killed in a way or another, including a seven year old. It was safe to say they were under some serious duress.

But Mindy couldn't let things die, and when it came down to it? She worried about Sandy. The last conversation with Harley had reminded her how much she'd come to care for the girl, how angry she'd been when the Capitol slowly started taking everything away from her. She could relate. Then seeing her head blown off by that motherfucker had been the final straw. She was at the door, knocking.

[justoutrunyou]

Sandy opened the door to her room expecting to see Pruna or maybe one of D12's coordinators (None of them could hold a candle to Effie though). She looked pale and washed out when the door slid open revealing a girl fresh from the shower wearing a green knitted cap with pink flowers on it and a T-shirt that read "I will take your fucking eyes". The hat was pulled down low enough to hide her forehead branding and the subsequent mutilation she had done to it.

Her eyes narrowed when she saw who it was and promptly made to slam the door in her face.

[hit_girl_mindy]

Like Mindy was going to give her that chance. She promptly kicked it open, not in any mood to have the door slammed on her leg. If that happened, Mindy would have lost her temper. Oh, and she noticed the hat, Sandy, SMOOTH.

"Don't act like you have any right to be pissed at me," Mindy started off, looking more than a little annoyed. "From what I remember, you got pissed off when I killed Pruna the last time, and I didn't even do that despite having a good fucking reason to."

[justoutrunyou]

Sandy's scowl only deepened and she aimed a kick at Mindy's shin in irritation.

"What the hell is your problem? First you started a fight with her to teach me a lesson and make me mad enough to try and kill you. Now what? You wanted to teach me not to let my guard down after watching my friend drop another one of my friends into a bunch of gears? Or maybe you were just looking for another challenge against someone you didn't have to hold back on huh?"

Sandy couldn't deny the Games messed up peoples priorities, but she was starting to think that Mindy's priorities had been messed up before she arrived.

[hit_girl_mindy]

Mindy moved her leg, easily getting out of the girl's way.

"Wow, you really are over thinking my motives. If you really want to know, I was just fucking pissed she killed Clem. I walked into the stupid fucking arena with a gaggle of friends. When I met up with you guys, they were all killed, and I blamed myself. So I hadn't touched base with Clem for awhile and I saw THAT. Anyone would have reacted the way I did."

Granted, anyone wasn't also working against lack of sleep, torture and fucked up dreams, but that was something she had to figure out for herself.

"Uh, your 'hat' is bleeding."

[justoutrunyou]

Sandy looked furious at the explanation but blanched when the reopening of her wound was pointed out.

"Pruna barely knew Clementine, you would have done the same thing she did if you were in her position with one person you loved and one you barely knew and you couldn't save both."

She tried to shove past Mindy since retreating into her room wasn't an option with Mindy blocking the door from closing.

[earthborn]

Shepard had always made a point of visiting the people important to her. It was, to her mind, as vital a duty as servicing her armor, keeping her weapons clean and her omnitool up-to-date. You didn't go into a fight without knowing what was going on in your allies heads anymore than you'd go into one without knowing whether or not your gun was loaded. You needed to know. She needed to know.

She needed to know, after Donatello, after the footage streaming in from the arena, if Sandy was still here. If she was safe. If she was sane.

So she came to see her favorite little psycho.

[justoutrunyou]

Psycho was pretty much how Sandy was feeling now.

She was gripping the remote control in her hand and the TV was frozen on her face. The scabs from her violent attack against her own forehead were hidden under bandages and a hat, but the corner of one of the bandages was sticking out.

The Sandy that looked back at her was sickly looking. Her pupils were different sizes and her face washed out. Dark circles under her eyes betrayed how little she'd slept in the arena without Pruna to protect her.

She didn't so much hear Shepard coming into the room as she felt like she wasn't alone and peeked cautiously over the back of the sofa at the intruder. "Oh...hey." she answered cautiously as her stomach flopped. One of the last people she wanted to see her so weak was Shepard.

tell me if this is not okay and I'll edit it

[earthborn]

There was a long and varied list of shit Shepard didn't want to deal with, and every morning, sometimes every hour, she had to stop and ask herself what she was willing to put up with right now.

Not. Fucking. This.

Cassandra Marko looked like death warmed over, like she'd been hit in the eyes and spent hours crying and had been dosed up with some heavy painkillers at some point in between. The corner of bandage was like a breach warning-- it seemed small, but once you noticed it, you could think of nothing else.

"Shit, kid," Never one to hesitate in the face of a call for decisive action, Shepard took four quick strides across the room and knelt down so that she could look her in the eye as she reached out to peel back the hat and have a look, "What the hell happened?"

Shepard's own mark stood out on her forehead, clean and pink-tight, skin too shiny. The feathers of the proud Capitol eagle were blurred to near-obscurity, as if whoever had branded Shepard had smeared the iron nearly into her left eyebrow as they'd worked. Or maybe, she'd flinched. Jane had made no special effort to hide it.

"Did you do this?"

Lovely~

[justoutrunyou]

Sandy recoiled once Shepard had taken the hat but it was too late. There for all to see was a bright white bandage plastered to her forehead with medical tape. Pruna had dressed her wound as best she could without a doctors visit but it was still like putting a large white curtain around a crime scene hoping no one looks.

Compared to the version of her still starring at them from the TV Screen Sandy wasn't too bad. She was still too skinny and too tired looking, but at least there was coherency in her eyes.

The question had her in stunned silence. What would Shepard think of her if she knew she had done that to herself?

Worse still what would Shepard think of her if she lied about it?

Torn between the two horrible options she could not answer so instead looked away shamefully. "S-sorry." She stammered unable to hold Shepard's gaze for more then a moment.

[earthborn]

Gently, but with no quarter for this cowardly flinching business, Shepard peeled back the tape to examine the wound.

It had bled like hell, that much was clear, but it had been washed well enough, and the spots left behind on the bottom side of the bandage were orangish and watery. Head wounds, even small, unimportant ones, often did. She peeled back the tape and looked at it. The scabs were crusting red and oozy, slightly damp from being confined, proud-flesh just beginning to get itself in a snit around the edges.

She taped it back down with deft, sure movements, smoothly running her fingertips over the clean cotton as if she could protect the weakness by mere willpower. Liara had always said that she'd had a lot of it, after all. If only it were so easily transferred, like a talisman.

"No, I'm sorry. I should have looked after you. This was my fault," even a good commander made mistakes, but the best always took credit for their faults as well as their achievements, "Too wrapped up in my own bullshit, this time."

Next time, she'd make a point to kill Sandy first.

"Don't do it again. You hear me?"

[justoutrunyou]

Sandy was still as stone while Shepard inspected her and her shoulders slumped as the bandage was put back on. She shuddered from the faint stinging and was about to apologize again...but Shepard's words tripped up her apology.

"I was just...so sick of looking at it. Knowing what they want it to mean. Everything that happened before the arena and then the arena itself..." she trailed off and swallowed hard.

"I thought it would get easier after the first kill but I lost it. It was messy and painful and I didn't even know him. He startled me and was trying to save me and I killed him."