Cassandra "Sandy" Marko (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
justoutrunyou) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thecapitol2014-10-02 04:10 pm
justoutrunyou) wrote in thecapitol2014-10-02 04:10 pm
Entry tags:
It's a symbol without meaning.
Who: Sandy and you
What: She's back from the arena and doesn't like what she sees
Where: District 12 common area.
When: After the arena
Warnings: TW: Self harm, child suffering, mentions of violence and death...all pretty standard hunger games.
The District 12 suite may have had plenty of residents but without Effie it seemed cold and empty.
Sandy had awoken to a clean room as she always did. Her paintings were removed from the walls and ceilings again.
Normally she would start painting right away, to get all the demons and nightmares out of her head. But today felt different. Today she rose and shuffled over to the mirror to see who would be looking back at her.
Pale and thin, the same way she'd arrived. Brushing back her bangs she saw the brand as clear as day. The Capitol logo, the perfect circle. A mark of ownership and weakness.
She hated it. It made her stomach twist with self loathing.
She brought her hands up and scratched at it leaving deep red marks through the middle. Something about the way it burned felt good to her. It felt like defiance. She scratched again, and again till the red grew darker and her forehead felt like fire.
She needed something more. Something that would really disfigure the symbol. Before she knew what she was doing her arm lashed out knocking a gaudy looking lamp from the desk. When it shattered her desperate fingers groped through the wreckage and found a long thin piece that came to a point.
Perfect.
With trembling fingers and wide eyes she pulled back her bangs once more and attacked her forehead with the glass, slicing clean through the circle from the top left to the bottom right. Then the opposite side making a perfect X. Then down the center of the X. Then across.
By this point blood and tears were running down her face and dripping onto the vanity. She had to grope for tissues to wipe it from her face but the thin paper wasn't enough though and she grabbed for a shirt out of her wardrobe.
With her tools at hand she resumed her work while her breathing became ragged and her skin darkened with flush. A shine of sweat mingled with the tears and blood as evidence of the effort it was taking her to continue. When the pain became more then she could handle the glass fell from her fingers and she let out a pathetic whimpering cry.
Looking into the mirror she saw blood and fear. She was looking into the eyes of the monster Penny as blood gushed from a stomach wound. She'd learned how painful and deadly a stomach wound could be, but once she'd buried the knife in Penny the first time she couldn't stop herself from doing it again and again. By the time she'd stopped stabbing penny she was covered in the woman's blood.
The memory faded and Sandy realized she was looking at her own blood, not Penny's.
She's gone...she can't hurt anyone ever again.
She would take a shower, clean her fresh wounds and pull a hat on to hide it from others.
She didn't deserve their pity or worry after so many failures.
What: She's back from the arena and doesn't like what she sees
Where: District 12 common area.
When: After the arena
Warnings: TW: Self harm, child suffering, mentions of violence and death...all pretty standard hunger games.
The District 12 suite may have had plenty of residents but without Effie it seemed cold and empty.
Sandy had awoken to a clean room as she always did. Her paintings were removed from the walls and ceilings again.
Normally she would start painting right away, to get all the demons and nightmares out of her head. But today felt different. Today she rose and shuffled over to the mirror to see who would be looking back at her.
Pale and thin, the same way she'd arrived. Brushing back her bangs she saw the brand as clear as day. The Capitol logo, the perfect circle. A mark of ownership and weakness.
She hated it. It made her stomach twist with self loathing.
She brought her hands up and scratched at it leaving deep red marks through the middle. Something about the way it burned felt good to her. It felt like defiance. She scratched again, and again till the red grew darker and her forehead felt like fire.
She needed something more. Something that would really disfigure the symbol. Before she knew what she was doing her arm lashed out knocking a gaudy looking lamp from the desk. When it shattered her desperate fingers groped through the wreckage and found a long thin piece that came to a point.
Perfect.
With trembling fingers and wide eyes she pulled back her bangs once more and attacked her forehead with the glass, slicing clean through the circle from the top left to the bottom right. Then the opposite side making a perfect X. Then down the center of the X. Then across.
By this point blood and tears were running down her face and dripping onto the vanity. She had to grope for tissues to wipe it from her face but the thin paper wasn't enough though and she grabbed for a shirt out of her wardrobe.
With her tools at hand she resumed her work while her breathing became ragged and her skin darkened with flush. A shine of sweat mingled with the tears and blood as evidence of the effort it was taking her to continue. When the pain became more then she could handle the glass fell from her fingers and she let out a pathetic whimpering cry.
Looking into the mirror she saw blood and fear. She was looking into the eyes of the monster Penny as blood gushed from a stomach wound. She'd learned how painful and deadly a stomach wound could be, but once she'd buried the knife in Penny the first time she couldn't stop herself from doing it again and again. By the time she'd stopped stabbing penny she was covered in the woman's blood.
The memory faded and Sandy realized she was looking at her own blood, not Penny's.
She's gone...she can't hurt anyone ever again.
She would take a shower, clean her fresh wounds and pull a hat on to hide it from others.
She didn't deserve their pity or worry after so many failures.
no subject
She cracked her neck. "So in a way, it really always comes down to us."
no subject
But were the people really that helpless? Maybe in stead of being reminders for everything they couldn't do...maybe the tributes were meant to remind them what they could do if they put their mind to it and made some sacrifices.
But when they had so little who could ask them for more?
no subject
She smirked. Mindy, of course, had been thinking the very thing Sandy was now. This was the unspoken thing that was in the air: this WAS their job, their REAL Arena, not the bullshit they were running for the Capitol. That was just the show.
The real fight would be the one that took place in the hearts and minds of the citizens of Panem.
"In the meantime...feel like doing some kid related stuff? I could use the break."
no subject
"I'm not moving from this bed except for Pruna."
She thought about thanking Mindy for having stopped by, but reminded herself she hadn't wanted to see Mindy, and Mindy hadn't really apologized so there wasn't much to thank her for. That bitter thought was smothered down by a voice that sounded something like Effie reminding her how important it was to swallow your feelings and practice good manners.
"Thanks for worrying about me. I'll be fine."
The scars on her forehead left that to be highly suspect. But what could they do?
no subject
Not that Mindy would let that show.
"Sure you will," she said, her voice empty of emotion. "Take care."
She turned, quietly steeling herself. She'd be all right. That was just how these things happened.