bottle your tears

[arrhenphobia]

Who| Mariko and everyone out there!
What| Mariko trying to keep herself together.
Where| the ever so popular roof of tribute center
When| right after Cruentus and Penny's post
Warnings/Notes| Mentions of self-starvation but that's about it, for now.

It hadn't taken a long time from her to learn just what was the true nature of the Capitol. She had learned about the avoxes, the chip inside her, the fate of district 3 and the horrifying power that these people had over her and other tributes. She had been watching television at the district 11 suite, when that shocking video had been posted online. After seeing it, Mariko had felt something heavy on her chest suffocating her. She had quickly left the suite to find some place safe, a place where she could breathe again.

So now Mariko stood on the roof top and stared at the view in front of her with a blank expression. Devastated didn't even begin to describe what she was feeling now. The lack of self-determination and control made her feel so frustrated, sad, angry and simply just upset. The food didn't hold much appeal to her anymore, not after what she had witnessed in the last arena, causing her to lose some weight. She missed her parents and her only friend Nanako and her first love Kaoru. All those important people to her who she would never see again. She wouldn't be able to speak Japanese ever again. She would have loved to speak English and French to people here, after all she had put lot of effort to her studies back at home! But now it all seemed pointless.

She looked down at her colorless hands and bit down on her lower lip. She hadn't been able to find nail polish of the right color on her own and it didn't feel right to ask favors from avoxes. Even the beautiful dark red dress she was wearing now didn't feel right-- it wasn't the dress she had chosen for herself but a dress that someone else had wanted her to wear.

Mariko felt like she was never going to feel happy again. It was like this world had robbed it away from her along with the other things. She wanted to cry so badly, but didn't want to give anyone who might be watching her that satisfaction (she had cried enough while being out in the arena).

Just when she felt like she would explode from all these feelings storming inside her, she closed her eyes, clenched her fists and began to scream.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" She screamed as loud as she could, only stopping for a brief moment to catch air before starting again.

Comments

[arrogantalloy]

Tony was already up on the roof when he saw the young girl come up. He was seated a little away from her. He'd come up to enjoy the height and the sky. We watched her curiously until she screamed out, wincing at the sharpness he takes a drink from his tumbler and waits for her to get it out of her system.

"Lungs like that. You really should be trying out for Panem's got talent, if they even have that here in between arenas."

He is acting as casually disinterested as Tony can muster. If she's going to come up here to scream, then of course Tony's going to make smartass comments back.

[arrhenphobia]

Mariko startled at hearing a strange voice and turned to look at the speaker. That was when her eyes widened from a shock. A man. How had she missed him?! Why was he talking to her?!

She grabbed the collar of her dress and took a small step backwards, as is if she was facing a wild animal instead of a man.

"No." She whispered and shook her head.

[arrogantalloy]

To be fair he was off in a quiet corner, even Tony can be unnoticeable at times.

He raises his eyebrow at her reaction. What with his being really not sure about where that kind of sock could come from.

"This isn't you not being a fan of reality talent shows is it?"

He tilts his head but doesn't make any actual move past that. After all, she's just some girl who came up to the roof to apparently scream about it. That's pretty much all he knows about her so why should he go near her?

"Or do you need an epipen?"

[arrhenphobia]

"Shut up!" Mariko screamed, but this time there was small hint of fear in her voice.

"Who are you and why are you talking to me?!" She tried to summon more courage and confidence to her voice, standing still and keeping her arms in front of her as a defense.

[arrogantalloy]

Both of Tony's eyebrows raise at her demand for him to shut up. He isn't even sure he's had someone actually tell him to shut up who weren't Rhodie or Pepper.

"Tony Stark. And you're the one who started the conversation to be screaming. So really, you're why I'm talking to you."

[arrhenphobia]

"That--!" She paused and took a deep breath. Just how self-centered and rude he could be?! This man certainly annoyed Mariko more than intimidated.

"That had nothing to do with you! I never approached you! What are you even doing here? Watching young girls from the shadows! It gives me creeps!"

[arrogantalloy]

He looks around him for a moment and then raises the glass at her.

"Looks like I haven't approached you either, Kiddo." He drinks. "It's a free roof. Well as free as this place gets, I was just up here for a scream free few hours. And then you came up here and decided I was creepy."

He gives her something of a bland look, though to himself he finds her over reaction to him kind of funny.

[arrhenphobia]

Mariko did not find anything funny or relatively amusing in this situation. In fact she felt rather offended by Tony's attitude and the fact that he had managed to surprise her on such private moment.

"Oh! But you were the one who talked first! You were the one who watched me secretly!" Her voice was getting hoarse and breathing heavy after all the shouting. "You-- if you had any tact you would have left me alone!"

[arrogantalloy]

"You made the first sound." Tony counters her easily. "And I wasn't watching you, I didn't even know who came up until you went Home Alone there."

He puts his glass down, then rolls his shoulders.

"Well I've never really been known for tact. They didn't even bother to put that in my files, it's public knowlege really. At home at least, and to anyone who's met me here. Which is a slowly growing nnumber. The term 'mouthy ass' comes up a lot when talking about me."

[gardienne]

Eponine had been sat in the middle of that roof garden for a long time. It's her quiet place, her special place where she can just smell the flowers and pretend that she is somewhere else, someone else not tainted by murders and loss and hunger and theft and everything else that had happened in her life. She was sat there then because Jessica was upset. Everyone was upset. With Eddie gone, Jessica was the last natural member of District Three alive. How long would it be before they came for her?

And then Eponine. She was a trouble maker and she knew it. She saw no reason as to why the Capitol wouldn't kill her too.

She had been sat completely still and quiet before Mariko screamed, but the girl's voice sort of roused her, and made her get up and follow the sound.

And by the time she saw Mariko, Eponine was furious.

"SHUT UP, MISS." She yelled, over Mariko's scream. "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO SCREAM AT ALL? BE QUIET NOW!"

[arrhenphobia]

Mariko's screaming was cut when she heard unknown voice over her own. She stared at the other girl, baffled and hurt by the sudden interruption. The tight feeling on her chest altered into an anger. Who was this random girl? And how does she dare to order Mariko around like that?

"W-what!" She shouted back as she collected herself back together.

"I will scream and shout if I want and anywhere I wish to! What right do you have to tell me stop?!"

[gardienne]

"Me?" Eponine retorted angrily. "Me, I have been here two whole years. Two stinking whole years, and what have they done to me? Everything! So what right do you have to yell? I have never even seen you before! How can you shout when you know nothing and you make noise in the quiet? How is it I come from my room to escape screaming to have you ruin the garden? Now, you be quiet, Miss, or it shan't be they who cut the tongue from your mouth."

Eponine put her hands on her hips, still seething. Her cheeks were an ugly blotched red now, and as she stopped yelling, and began to calm, she got a little bit worried.

"Miss? You are a tribute, no?"

[arrhenphobia]

Mariko was shaking by the time Eponine finally finished her rant. She was used to screaming and yelling contest, and it wasn't the first time someone lashed their anger at her and vice verse. However, this was first time anyone had threatened her directly like that, in a such violent manner.

"You're awful," she spoke after brief moment of silence. The tears she was holding back earlier were now running down her cheeks.

"You have been here for two years and still don't understand how I feel. How awful."

[gardienne]

Eponine flinched at the name calling, glaring angrily at Mariko, but then her expression softened into a queer, sad kind of smile and she laughed bitterly.

"Awful. Yes, I suppose I am. It is not the worst name I have been called, not by far, Miss. Oh no. I am a bad girl. But you - yes, you have come to a bad place. But you think on everybody already here. Miss Jessica, she sits on her room downstairs and she cries for all of her dead family. Me, my sister is locked up here, and my brother too, perhaps dead. And my Mama and my Pa are both dead and my friends. And yet it is you who can scream and cry and not me. It is not fair."

[arrhenphobia]

Mariko had not meant to call the other girl by names or insult her. She knew exactly how selfishly she was behaving, but she couldn't help it. And really? Who was she to call anyone awful when she was herself like this? She was the bad girl here.

She cried just harder while listening Eponine's story. It wasn't just her own misfortune that made her suffer but others' too. While she shed tears mostly for herself, she couldn't help but remember those who were suffering more than she was.

[gardienne]

"Is that all you do, Miss? Cry?" Asked Eponine, contemptuously. Never mind that this was completely hypocritical of her - she spent quite a large fraction of her time crying.

"How old are you?"

[arrhenphobia]

"Shut up!" She barked back. She hated the way the other girl talked to her. Looking down and ridiculing her.

"I cry and shout because I can't talk! I can't even decide what to wear anymore! I've been robbed of everything and crying is the only thing that is left for me! " She managed to shout without sobbing. "I was so happy before. Things were finally going right."

"Me? I'm sixteen. What about it?"

[arosewiththorns]

Rose has become quite fond of the roof, finding it one of the places where true privacy could be gotten, if one planned it right. There were enough little alcoves and nooks to disappear into with a good book and to let her try and arrange her thoughts somewhat, sift through all the information she's learned by now.

The scream however is unexpected and she rises quickly, slipping knitting needles out from the waistband of her skirt, and holding them tight as she moves swiftly but carefully to where the sound is coming from. And she finds the young girl, shrieking like she's being murdered, and Rose finds her brow raising.

"Are you quite alright?"

[arrhenphobia]

The sudden voice calling her from behind caused Mariko to jump a little from a surprise and stop her screaming. As usually (and very typical to her childish and selfish attitude) Mariko hadn't even considered that there might be others on the roof, who might actually hear her.

Mariko spun around to see who the voice belonged to.

"I--", she blinked and examined the older lady for a brief moment, or rather the needles in her hand, trying to figure out whether she was friend of those two ladies who had posted that horrific video or not.

[arosewiththorns]

Now that it's apparent that the girl isn't in any immediate danger, if you don't include hysterics, Rose slips the needles back into the waistband of her skirt. It's a move to reassure the girl that she's no threat, not here.

That she's not one of them.

"Yes?" she says and it's gentle, as gentle as Rose can make it and her brow stays raised as she studies her.

[arrhenphobia]

A wave of relief went through Mariko as the woman put her needles away. The gentle and calm voice helped he to calm down a little.

"I--" she took a deep breath and unclenched her fists. "No. I'm not alright. How could I be?! In a horrible, violent place like this!"

[arosewiththorns]

She's glad, somewhat that the girl seems a little calmer, and Rose hopes this means she'll avoid screaming again. All the same she keeps her tone gentle and soft, keeping her distance so she doesn't feel threatened.

"No, I don't suppose any of us feel completely alright here. But shrieking like that isn't going to fix the issue, it'll likely only cause more, yes?" She's reasoning with her, as much as she can.

[arrhenphobia]

Mariko shook her head.

"But I have to! I have to scream now or else I will explode!"

She shouted back desperately, surprised by the strength in her own voice. The feeling of embarrassment took over her causing her to turn her down to her feet. She hadn't mean to raise her voice like that, not when the other woman was still standing there in a calm manner, trying to understand her.

"They," she continued in more collected tone "--have taken everything away from me and I'm so tired of feeling scared, sad, confused and lonely all the time. Surely you understand?"

[woops, I just noticed that my previous tag was filled with typos. sorry!;;]

[arosewiththorns]

Rose holds her hands up, open, fingers spread ever so slightly as if that will will block the sound down. And she takes a step forward, one single step before pausing, waiting to see what reaction it gets her.

"They have taken much from all of us. They have taken us from our worlds, they have taken powers from some and native languages from others. They have taken away our ability to chose in many ways by placing us in these games." She's still calm but there's steel in her voice. "I understand I assure you."

"But screaming fixes nothing in the end. You are merely letting your frustrations control you, rather than channelling them towards something more useful." And, provided Mariko hasn't freaked from her first step, Rose takes another.

[Don't even stress I didn't even see em haha]

[arrhenphobia]

"I tried!" Mariko kept her head bowed and eyes shut tightly.

"I've tried, I swear! I've decorated my room to look like it did back at home! I've gone to shops, cafes and even to an amusement park!" Slowly she lifted her chin and turned her gaze towards the other woman. She was taken aback to seeing her suddenly moving closer to her but didn't react out.

"But it's all useless. Everything is still too horrible! It's like they are trying to take away my own will and try to turn me into someone else!"