i've seen trials

[dividedgirlofmine]

Who| Susannah and OPEN
What| Susannah wakes up after having spent most of the mini-arena as Detta Walker, only to find out that everyone knows about her multiple personalities.
Where| Her room on District Ten's floor
When| Right after the mini-arena, but before the Thicker than Blood event.
Warnings/Notes| Reference to the awful things Detta did, possibly other things.

Her forspecial legs aren't there when she wakes up on the metal bed. They haven't been retrieved yet, they tell her. They'll let her know when--if? perhaps it is if--she can have them back and until then there's a wheelchair for her. Not her wheelchair, of course. Harley stole that one and crashed it.

Harley...

Susannah isn't paying as close attention as she should to what's being told to her, even though she knows she ought to be. She's too busy feeling shame for everything Detta did--everything that Eddie, Roland, her district mates, the other tributes, everyone in Panem saw her do.

What must they all think of her?

She find out as she wheels herself past one of the ubiquitous televisions airing footage of the game. They're talking about her onscreen, about Detta and Odetta, speculating on if she's ever manifested Detta before in the arenas, they know, they know, and the memory of her telling Harley about her divided self all those months ago resurfaces, they'd been in an arena then, the Capitol had the footage, they must have been waiting for the right time to air it, oh lord of course they had, it was absolutely scandalous, everyone would be talking about her for weeks, poor mad SusannaOdettaDetta--

"No," she whispers, half to herself, and she starts wheeling herself, as fast as she can, to the elevator, the blessedly empty elevator, and if the D10 common room isn't completely empty she can still wheel herself back into her bedroom, pull herself out of the chair and flop down on top of the bed and never move again ever.

She'll just hide out until the next arena starts.

Comments

[revvinguptheharley]

And so there came a tapping, an ever gentle rapping. Indeed a knocking knuckle upon her chamber door.

Twas the clown girl herself so she announced with a cheerful call.

"Suuuuusie~ Are you hoooooome? I heard from one of the Avox's you weeeeeere~"

Which was of course a lie because they couldn't speak.

Harley was practically walking on air. She'd won! She was out! A mentor to future generations of sociopaths!

[dividedgirlofmine]

"I'm not home to you!" comes the shouted reply. "I'm never home to you! How dare you, Harley Quinn! After how I trusted you! How dare you-- you spit on that trust and set that bitch free and ruin-- my-- goddamn-- LIFE."

[revvinguptheharley]

Harley flinched hearing the sharp rebuke and had to think for a minute about how best to proceed.

"OK, alright I'll accept the first part. You trusted me and I took advantage of that...but how is your life ruined per say? I mean specifically?"

[dividedgirlofmine]

"I mugged a little girl! I tortured one of the Sherlocks! I lit the arena on fire!" she yells back. "I did it all on national television and they all know, Harley! They all know me, about Odetta and Detta, THEY ALL KNOW." A sob, somewhat muffled by the door between them. "Eddie knows. He's gotta hate me now. Everyone prob'bly hates me 'cept Roland an' that's cause he's got bigger people t'hate."

[the_marshal]

Wyatt caught the tail end of the show, the elevator opening into the suite just as the shouts were reaching a crescendo. Approaching warily, he rounded the corner to the hallway just in time to watch the blonde woman go down in a crack of lightning and a violent spasm.

He hadn't watched the footage himself, but between Pruna and the endless chatter of the Ten team, he'd certainly heard a lot about Misses Harley Quinn and Suzannah Dean. More than enough to be able to put two and two together.

He considered walking by, just carrying on to his room as he'd originally intended, but he found himself pausing just outside the woman's door.

She'd stolen from a child, and that was pretty damn low, but damned too if he hadn't thought better of her. Hoped better of her.

"...I like to think myself a fair judge'a character," he rumbled after a long pause, watching the light beneath the door. "But I didn't see that comin' at all. Why'd ya do it?"

[dividedgirlofmine]

Susannah doesn't reply at first, being much too concerned with weeping. Finally, though, his words penetrate through her haze of tears. "Didn't you see them talk-- oh lord, no, of course you didn't, you were in there too." She sniffles. "It's because I'm broken, Wy. I'm broken and wrong, I've been that way all my life, I just didn't always know it, and I thought I'd fixed myself but she found away, that bitch found a way, and I didn't want to do any of that, not me, not Susannah, that bitch Detta might have wanted to but she wasn't supposed to come out then, she's only supposed to come out when I absolutely need her and I didn't, Wy, I didn't want her there, I didn't want you all to see."

She's babbling. She's making absolutely no sense to anyone, least of all Wy, and she wonders how he can even bear to talk to her, if only to chide.

[the_marshal]

She was right, it didn't make much sense to him. His knowledge of the body and its ills was limited to things that could be fixed. Broken bones, torn flesh, bruises and sprains - wounds he'd suffered, injuries he'd tended. When it came to afflictions of the mind... He was helplessly outmatched.

But it got him to linger. To listen. To try and work out for himself whether he believed it or not.

(That, and the tears. He'd always had a weakness when it came to a woman's tears. To pain in general.)

"An' Pruna?" he asked after another pause. "What happened there?"

[ka_sera_sera]

It's the whispers that let him know. A couple giggling to each other and pointing, and he doesn't even have to approach them to hear which way the woman in the wheelchair went. From there her bedroom is his only guess, and the fact that he has no idea where else she would have gone is a problem for another day.

"Susannah." His voice, like his knock, is steady and decisive; no hint of his frown, or the briefest hesitation that came before it. If she answers to that name, she'll answer.

[dividedgirlofmine]

"Roland." Her voice is shaky. It sounds like she's been crying a lot. "You can come in. It's not locked. And even if it were, I'd unlock it for you."

Susannah forces herself to sit up for him. She can't be curled up in a ball for this, not to cry his pardon and she needs his pardon, she needs somebody's pardon for the this stupid, terrible mess and she wants his.

[ka_sera_sera]

The voice slips relief through him, makes his steps light as he closes the door behind and moves toward her bed. "It's good to see thee once more," Roland says, voice warm. He sits on the mattress facing her, gaze quick and thorough and taking her in, and wraps his fingers around her hand. "It's very good."

[polyturtle]

Don didn't really need to guess what was happening. In between the screams echoing through the halls, and the sound of Harley being dragged away by Peacekeepers an increasingly common occurrence, he noted, if the rumors were true - and he had no reason to doubt them given Harley's state of mind, he had the feeling something happened upstairs.

Who was upstairs? Wyatt, he knew. And...it took him a bit to remember who was in the District above him. After he did, though, he had the feeling he understood what happened.

It wouldn't have been the first time Harley had helped drive someone bonkers, after all. In some form or fashion.

So there he was, in front of Susannah's door, quietly knocking.

[dividedgirlofmine]

"Go away!" comes the reply from inside the room. Then a few moments later. "Who's there?"

[polyturtle]

"Ah..." Don rubbed his head. "Its just me. Donatello. The turtle...do you mind if I come in?"

[sithcretapprentice]

Starkiller never thought he would find himself curious about someone like this. When he first arrived, he wouldn't have cared at all about anyone, whether they were alive, or dead, least of all why they seemed to be holing themselves up in their room. But he'd changed, even if a little. After the whole pie thing, he couldn't help but view the woman in a positive light.

And it's because of the pie thing that he wants to figure out just what's going on with Susannah. The nice, friendly woman seemed to be gone within the arena and he had to wonder where that even came from. Granted, being in a life or death situation could change even the best of people, but a few things didn't add up. Usually personalities don't take a complete 180. He hadn't ever met anyone with multiple personalities before- then again, he hadn't really been around anyone in order to do so.

So he was curious. That's why he's stopping in front of her door, feeling a bit awkward. He's never checked in on anyone before. Usually he comes with a purpose, and that purpose is to train. Oh well... this is what friends do, right? Or at least, acquaintances who might become friends.

Either way, a knock on the door announces his arrival. "It's me... Starkiller. Are you in there?"

[dividedgirlofmine]

There's a bark of not quite laughter from the other side of the door, a rueful sound. "I decide I want to be left alone and suddenly everyone's bangin' on my door. So what are you here to say, Mr Starkiller?"

She sounds much more like the woman he first met, not the woman from the arena.

[sithcretapprentice]

That's a good question. He doesn't know what he's here to say, exactly. It's even harder to admit why he's here- which is essentially just to check on her. But he guesses a bit of honesty isn't going to kill him. "Considering how stressful the arena clearly was," he says. "I just wanted to see how you were fairing." There. He was honest and it hasn't killed him.

Yet.

[gruesome]

The way they're talking about Susannah on the air now reminded Some uncomfortably of how they talked about him, after the time he tore that woman's throat out on the glacier.

He remembered how well he'd coped with that. Which was why he had two big blankets in a tight bundle on his back when he rode the elevator up to the tenth floor, and found her room to knock.

"Susannah? It is me, Some."

[dividedgirlofmine]

She almost yells at him to go away, but it seems she's stuck with all these well-meaning people trying to see if everything's all right. It's reassuring in its way to know that she hasn't completely fouled up everything.

And she supposes if anyone would understand about being a monster, it would be Some.

"You here to check up on me?"

[gruesome]

"Here to see if you wanted to make nests and listen to musics and only talk if you wanted to," he said through the door, smiling so that she'd hear it in his voice.

[tis_allgood]

Cuthbert sees the footage, and it's hard to ignore. He didn't really understand before what was going on with Susannah, and he isn't sure he understands now. There's just something... off about the whole thing. And the only way he can really set things straight is to see her himself and talk to her.

So he heads to the 10th floor as soon as he knows she's back. He is polite enough to knock before he barges in.

"Susannah? Will you see me?"

[dividedgirlofmine]

Bert. One of the people she most wants to talk to. One of the people she's been dreading talking to the most. The only person she's more scared of talking to is Eddie.

"Of course I will," she says after a few awkward moments pass. "You can come in. It's not locked."

When Bert enters he'll see her in the remains of the blanket nest she built with Some. Her eyes are a little red still from the crying she'd been doing before, but they're mostly dry now.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I-- I didn't want you to ever see that."

[tis_allgood]

He comes in without any further pretense. He isn't upset, at least not at her. He didn't want that to have to be broadcast all over the Capitol.

"Because you intended to tell me yourself? Seems the sort of thing I would have to find out eventually."

Bert sits down next to her nest. This feels all too familiar, but this time he's not talking to a troll.

"Are you okay?"

cw: mentions of gore

[acroodawakening]

Her door was unlocked and while Guy had a vague idea that there were privacy things regarding doors he still hadn't quite grasped the concept of knocking. If a door was something you could open, clearly it meant you were allowed to go through.

He wasn't sure what to say at first.

What did he know about mental illness? Nothing. In his world, you were functional or you weren't. There were no standards people were expected to adhere to. Anyone that was dysfunctional to the point of hurting others was either killed or left to survive on their own depending on the levels of malice involved. Anyone that was crazy but functional, not harmful, was usually accepted and treated as eccentric.

There was a part of Guy that was cautious about craziness because being cautious had helped him survive. Most people in his world were peaceful but cavemen were territorial and paranoid to a degree that was deadly and a small child wandering alone had to have good instincts for people. He'd rarely run into anyone that seemed truly dangerous but there'd been a few - just a few odd stragglers here and there - that had tugged at the spider-webs of his instincts so that he'd steered well clear of them. After all, he'd been wandering alone because he was an orphan but other people wandering alone were sometimes people that had been cast out of a tribe or family and cast out for a very good reason.

But he'd still not met many people that were...off, because he hadn't met that many people in his life in general. Just enough to understand people, enough to know some kinds of people existed, not enough to understand many different types of people.

At the same time, he was quite sure there were people that would have probably found him a little bit crazy before two years of traveling with his new family had tempered it. He'd been a little...jangly. High-strung. Prone to rambling and odd flights of fancy and saying things that made absolutely no sense. Eep had made a good guess when she'd asked if he'd been alone for a long time because that time alone had done something to him, something he hadn't really understood until he'd spent a lot of time notalone.

And of course, in the in-between time, the time after he lost his family, the time before Belt, he'd been a mess. Crying and screaming at the world, angry and sad and sometimes only carrying on through survival instinct and sheer spite in the face of an uncaring universe. That part of him had been tempered by contact, by friendship and love, and of course by the fact that his life had gotten easier as time went on.

He had enough wisdom to know that not everyone's did. Not everyone was gifted with the kind of intelligence that could bring them - and others - out of the dark, or obscenely good luck, or unlikely friendship, or a world where they could truly make their own way without other things holding them down.

As for him, That Him, the other him, it was still there. That part of him was the part that had helped him every time he'd had to grit his teeth and push himself to survive, and it was what had made him take out a chunk of Azula's arm, delighting in the scream she'd made when he did it. It came out when he was burned, whether literally or emotionally.

How was that all that different? That part of Susannah seemed able to take full control and had its own name but he couldn't pretend that nameless part of him - that nameless thing in all people - was of a different nature by virtue of being nameless.

Not denying its nature was his particular way of keeping that part of him, his own not-so-small shadow, in check.

So there he stood, looking a little bit nervous, but still waving a hand in an awkward hello.

"Hi." He spoke slowly, as if trying to choose the right words as he went, "I saw. It. And - and I'm not sure I understand but I like when people try to understand me before assuming things. So I don't know if you want to take me up on it now or if you need time. To, you know, deal with all the -" He waved a hand vaguely. Capitol stuff. That was a 'Capitol bullshit' handwave. "But I want you to know I'd rather try to understand than not be your friend."

Re: cw: mentions of gore

[dividedgirlofmine]

Susannah startles a little at the sound of the door opening without warning. For the moment before Guy comes into view she thinks it's Harley and she readies to fling herself off the bed, to knock the other woman to the floor and strangle her--

But it's not Harley. It's Guy.

She relaxes, lets go of her grip on the bedcovers, and sits back in the remnants of the blanket nest.

"Thanks," she says. "Close the door and sit with me a spell and I'll try to explain what I can."

Re: cw: mentions of gore

[acroodawakening]

It made him nervous but she sounded like Susannah and Susannah had never been unkind to him. Even the death she'd given him had been a kindness.

So he swallowed that down, closed the door, walked over, and sat down next to her, simply waiting, listening.

He planned to ask questions if he needed to but he didn't want to accidentally make assumptions with them, so to start with, he planned to just listen. She had a right to say what she needed and wanted to say.