i've seen trials

[dividedgirlofmine]

Who| Susannah and OPEN
What| Susannah wakes up after having spent most of the mini-arena as Detta Walker, only to find out that everyone knows about her multiple personalities.
Where| Her room on District Ten's floor
When| Right after the mini-arena, but before the Thicker than Blood event.
Warnings/Notes| Reference to the awful things Detta did, possibly other things.

Her forspecial legs aren't there when she wakes up on the metal bed. They haven't been retrieved yet, they tell her. They'll let her know when--if? perhaps it is if--she can have them back and until then there's a wheelchair for her. Not her wheelchair, of course. Harley stole that one and crashed it.

Harley...

Susannah isn't paying as close attention as she should to what's being told to her, even though she knows she ought to be. She's too busy feeling shame for everything Detta did--everything that Eddie, Roland, her district mates, the other tributes, everyone in Panem saw her do.

What must they all think of her?

She find out as she wheels herself past one of the ubiquitous televisions airing footage of the game. They're talking about her onscreen, about Detta and Odetta, speculating on if she's ever manifested Detta before in the arenas, they know, they know, and the memory of her telling Harley about her divided self all those months ago resurfaces, they'd been in an arena then, the Capitol had the footage, they must have been waiting for the right time to air it, oh lord of course they had, it was absolutely scandalous, everyone would be talking about her for weeks, poor mad SusannaOdettaDetta--

"No," she whispers, half to herself, and she starts wheeling herself, as fast as she can, to the elevator, the blessedly empty elevator, and if the D10 common room isn't completely empty she can still wheel herself back into her bedroom, pull herself out of the chair and flop down on top of the bed and never move again ever.

She'll just hide out until the next arena starts.

Comments

[dividedgirlofmine]

"She did this to you too?" Then, a few seconds later, "Maybe you should come in, honey."

[polyturtle]

"...Yeah." Quietly, slowly, Don opened the door. "Close to a year ago, now. Long story short, I...wasn't exactly in the best place. And she encouraged me once I was...at a certain point."

[dividedgirlofmine]

Susannah's sitting on her bed. The mechanical legs are gone. Instead, she's got a pair of trousers on knotted after her stumps. "What did you do?"

[polyturtle]

"Before she got to me?" Don wasn't perturbed by the sight; it wasn't the first time he'd seen that kind of injury. "Or after?"

[dividedgirlofmine]

"Both," she says, quietly.

[polyturtle]

"...I..." At this, Don looked down. "It was a lot of things. Being in the Arena, dying, having memories and nightmare of things I didn't understand, of one of the Arenas I was in particularly. But...I had been able to handle it, for the most part. At least I thought I was handling it. Until one of my friends was publicly executed."

At this, he rubbed his head, looking guilty. There was a long pause before he spoke again.

"She...tried to bomb the Head Gamemaker. I wanted to stop her once I found out, but...I failed. And then, at the beginning of the candy Arena..."

Keep calm. Don't give into those thoughts. You can do this.

"...Well, they gave half of us the same neurotoxin they gave Ariadne. I...started to mutate again, as I was...dying...then I woke up...in the desert."

Don closed his eyes.

"And I ran into Harley...just as I found out...my other body was...still there..."

[dividedgirlofmine]

"Oh, honey," Susannah says, reaching to pat Donatello's arm. "You don't have to say the rest," she says, "if it's too hard."

[polyturtle]

"Yeah, it..." He nodded. Someone would probably show her the breakdown, anyhow, if they asked. "It...wasn't a good moment at all. It wasn't just about my body, but my mind as well. If...they can implant memories into it..."

He trailed off, leaving the obvious unsaid. What else could they do to the thing about my on self I try to protect most?

"She was there when that happened. And she pretty much just encouraged me. Egged me on to do whatever damage and kill I could."

[dividedgirlofmine]

She keeps patting his arm. "That seems to be her modus operandi," she says. "She-- she likes it. Likes doing it with someone. Likes--"

And then her cheeks heat up, because how do you tell anyone, much less five-foot-tall turtle man, that you thought your ex-friend had enjoyed causing mayhem with you a little too much.

[polyturtle]

"Yeah," Don sighed, his shoulders sagging. "She's...definitely unpredictable. One moment she's a friend, friendly, and the next..."

[dividedgirlofmine]

"She's wringing your brain out and telling you it's for your benefit," Susannah says angrily. "I don't care if she's a doctor, I know my own mind better than she does."

[polyturtle]

There was a silence, before Don let out a sigh. He knew it was the truth. Of course it was the truth.

"Well, considering what's happened, it obviously wasn't."

cw: gay panic

[dividedgirlofmine]

"She took everything I'd told her, thinking she was my friend, and she used it against me." Susannah's shaking with anger. "Just because she wanted to-- to--"

She can't go on, she can't finish what Harley wanted to do because she doesn't want to think of such things in conjunction with herself, she doesn't much care anymore if other people those things, but those are other people, that's different.