I picked up the bird and above the din I said "That's the last song you'll ever sing". [OPEN]

[carnagecarnival]

Who| Initiate and OPEN (with special reserved spots for Terezi and whoever else wants to yell at him)

What| Initiate is brooding... It's time to yell at the clown

Where| Up on the rooftop click click click~

When| Now!

Warnings/Notes| Initiate, who is awful. Language. Who knows what else.

Down in the Training Center, the walls are curiously blank and empty. Not a touch of paint done up on them and somewhere, surely, an avox sighs in relief. He hasn't been down there even once since coming back. He hasn't watched the recaps. He hasn't lingered anywhere he thought the others of his kind might be, or even where those he likes might be about on chance he runs into his own kind. He doesn't want to hear it all, he doesn't want to deal with any of them. He did what he had to. It was done. 

Except it wasn't going to be done, now that he was back in capitol, he could feel it. It was never simply done. 

And then he was throwing himself out over the network for either side to take his offer-- just one really-- no idea if all of it was a trick and if he might be hanging himself anyway. He tells himself it's not rebellion. He tells himself, unlike some, he has plans for if by chance they look to those they shouldn't. It doesn't really reassure.

He sighs heavily, runs a hand through his hair, and scowls down at the city below. His arms are rested on the railing surrounding, but they're so thin, if he hadn't already tried throwing something over the edge, he'd think the rail would give way and drop him. Even knowing they can hold, he still feels like any minute they might let him go anyway, damn what he knows. He can't bring himself to move from it.

Comments

[pythianjudgment]

The floors of the Training Center are also devoid of their usual color. Terezi hasn't been down there to draw her own murals, for fear of running into someone that she doesn't know how to talk to right now. Unlike the Initiate, she's been watching the recap, trying to find out what happened in the spaces that she couldn't keep track of. The parts of this drawn-out story that she missed.

She doesn't like what she discovers, but it's for the best, she tells herself. She has to know, in order to understand. And she does understand--or she thinks she does. After spending a solid day shut up in her room and subjecting herself to Capitol television, she needs some fresh air. Some quiet to help her process everything. A long time ago, that was what Peeta had said the roof was good for, right?

Her arrival isn't perfectly quiet. She takes the stairs to avoid running into anyone that might be on the elevator. It's a long trip from the third floor up to the top, and there's too many people in between that she wants to avoid. She's a little winded when she reaches the roof, but no more so than she's used to. The door bangs open in the wind, but she doesn't think much of it. She's not exactly trying to sneak around.

But she stops dead when she notices the other person up here, and she kind of wishes she had given the sneaking thing a second thought.

[carnagecarnival]

He waits a minute or two, hoping whoever's shown up will leave or will at least leave him alone. He wants to believe that this isn't any of the people he's betting it is. He doesn't believe it for a second though. With bitter reluctance, he turns his head and there she is, standing there and at least having the decency to look like she wasn't looking for him.

He waits and waits for her to speak but in his mind, it's too damn long. If it's got to happen he wants it over with. He turns around some, just so his back isn't bared for her, and snaps, "THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, PYROPE?"

[pythianjudgment]

Terezi bristles at the snapping. Inwardly, it feels like a dozen little needles being dug in all over again, but outwardly, she just hunches her shoulders a little. She wasn't looking for him, but now that he's here, she can't just turn around and walk away. She never was good at running away like that.

"Nothing," she responds, and she's not sure how much of it she means. She wants an apology that she knows there's no point in hoping for. She wants him to understand what he did was terrible, but there's not much hope there, either. She wants him to understand how much that hurt her, but there's no way she can just say that. So 'nothing' is just about as much as she's realistically hoping for.

She stands there, not knowing what else to say. There's a million more things left to be said, but how much of it is going to make a difference? She doesn't know.

"Are you happy with yourself?" she asks, finally, her tone carefully neutral. For lack of any place better to start.

[carnagecarnival]

The Initiate watches the way she hunches up like she was struck. The way she goes stiff like she was hurt. They way she doesn't move. His eyes narrow. Coldly, he says, "Do you expect me to be? WOULD IT PLEASE A SISTER TO KNOW?"

He turns around completely, leaning his back against the rail. Anger carries his words along like the easiest damn thing, like blood on a wall.

"You up and know, If a girl didn't want for no thing, a sister wouldn't all be looking like does now, before me. SHE'D BE ALL MAKING LIKE TO LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE. For motherfucking once. BUT NO. She has at a game all to play firstlike don't she? LET'S MOTHERFUCKING HEAR IT THEN."

[pythianjudgment]

"Is that what you think this is? A game?"

She feels her claws dig into her palms, but she doesn't care enough about the pain. His tone hurts more than that. Cold as ice; and every laugh and every smile that she remembers from two months ago feels like a slap in the face. She finds herself wondering how much of that he actually meant, if he could brush it all off so easily now. It makes her feel sick to think about it.

"It has never been a game! Not in there, not out here. There's no--" She struggles to find the words she's looking for, but the inability to define exactly why she's upset. "No Oops, I guess I have to murder your friend because of tangential associations! What made you think that that was the path you had to take? And did it ever cross your mind that you'd be hurting more than just one person? Even for a second?"

[sleeplessinalternia]

"You fucking shitpail," a voice that Initiate probably wishes he could never hear again shouts from behind him. "You Faygo-swilling mirth-munching fucktard. You bulgesucking hollow-nooked hypocrite. How the fuck did you shame me for what happened with Terezi and then turn right around and do what you did to us?"

Because seriously, even more than the palpable unjustness of the Initiate's revenge, the utter hypocrisy of it really infuriates Karkat. Maybe he was an asshole for treating Terezi like shit after she killed his moirail, but the Initiate had reacted in the same circumstances by grabbing Signless' own moirail and torturing him before forcing Signless to mercy-kill him. The two weren't even remotely comparable.

[carnagecarnival]

If one were to say he wished never to hear that voice again, they would be right a thousand fold. His teeth clench, along with his fists and his shoulders hike high before he turns around, face made to a stone.

"THOSE MOTHERFUCKING THINGS," He says, growl all within his words, "AIN'T BEING THINGS WHAT ALL ARE LINKED. If you think that's like at to being why I did what all I did, you'd be motherfucking wrong, Brother. DO YOU GOT FOR ANYTHING ALL OF IMPORTANCE WHAT TO SAY OR DO YOU JUST WANT AT TO SPILL YOUR MAW?"

[sleeplessinalternia]

Karkat sneers at him. Strangely, the Initiate doesn't scare him anymore, not at all. Maybe it's because he's already been through the worst and spat his defiance back to the other troll's face.

"Oh really. She killed my moirail. He killed yours. But me shunning her because of that for over a perigee is terrible, shameful, and wrong, proof of how I'm everything you despise--while you fucking torturing his own moirail in front of him before before forcing him to make the final cull... well, somehow that is supposed to be fucking justified? And I used to think his pan was cracked. But if his is cracked, yours is fucking shattered."

Seriously, how the fuck does that make sense? Is it because he and Signless are lower than the lowest lowblood and Terezi and the Initiate are highbloods and no matter what the highbloods are right and the lowbloods are in the wrong? It is, isn't it?

That concept never used to bother Karkat as much as it does now.

[carnagecarnival]

'She was your friend' He wants to say, looking at Karkat incredulously as he thinks it. But he can't. He can't voice that part, not after everything. Instead he growls, "Instant damn assumption. DID YOU NEVER EVEN GET IN YOUR PAN SHE MIGHT ALL HAVE HAD FOR A REASON OR DID YOU UP AND ASSUME INSTANTLIKE SHE WAS WORTHLESS? The Pryope is smarter and better than all you give her credit for."

He shakes his head. This is so fucking stupid. And there's no point defending her now. Especially not against this one.

"THAT AIN'T EVEN THE DAMN POINT. This is more than all being about simple vengeance for the culling of a moirail. I MADE TO TEACH SOMETHING THAT HE DOUBTS YOU WOULD ALL UP AND UNDERSTAND. I sought to secure things futureways. IT'S ALL BEING ABOUT MORE THAN A CULL. This is further and bigger than you and shall always be so."

[sleeplessinalternia]

Further and bigger than him? Wow, Initiate, if you were trying to convince Karkat you're a bigger hemoist than even Equius, you're doing a great job of it.

"You know what? I don't fucking care what you thought you were trying to teach. You're a piece of shit who thinks he's a troll and even the weakest, most pathetic of these aliens is worth more than you."

He spins around to stomp off, because he is completely tired of the Initiate's shit and has way better things to do right now.

[stilest]

When Claudia sees him on the roof she doesn't say anything at first, just goes and stands next to him, leaning against the railing.

The Initiate, no matter how old he actually is and sometimes Claudia wonders about that, has an emotional age of about five human years, as far as she can tell, and she decided shortly after Maximus' crowning that she was going to treat him if he were exactly that age.

"I'm cutting your hair again," she says, finally.

[carnagecarnival]

The Initiate turns to see who's joined him on the roof this time-- just to be sure it's not the little Vantas or Pyrope back for more-- but when he sees Claudia he turns back away. He doesn't exactly emit any welcoming vibes but neither does he say anything.

The relative peace can't last of course.

He looks at her again, raising a brow. Then says simply, "NO YOU AIN'T."

[stilest]

"Yes," she says, "I am. It makes you look younger and we'll want that, what you did to that District One boy with the nubby horns will look better if they see you as an older kid and not as a grown man. Not really all that different than the things Careers used to get up to in the old Games."

[carnagecarnival]

He opens his mouth. Then closes it. He wasn't expecting actual reasoning from this. But still. "Why all does that matter? IT'S A CULL GAME AIN'T IT? Wouldn't it make all the fuck more sense to seem as he is?"

[stilest]

Claudia gives him a sideways Look. She knows kids and one thing she knows--she doesn't know how, maybe it's instinct--is that Fraysong is still a kid, in most of the ways that counts. A kid pretending to be an adult, pretending so well he has himself half-fooled, but still... an overgrown kid. "That's why I'm insisting on it."

[tis_allgood]

Cuthbert hasn't been in a good mood, and he came up to the roof to try and clear his head. It's nice, until he sees the outline of horns of the Intiate, up here where he came to feel better. His mood sours again, but rather than slink away, he comes up with a much more suicidal plan.

"Go on and pitch over the edge. You'd be doing more than one of us a favor."

There's more strength behind his voice than he's had since he's been back. This is definitely someone he can lash out at.

[carnagecarnival]

He says nothing for a long moment. He wonders if everyone he knows might come to say their piece to him, wish him this ill and that. He's not surprised in Cuthbert even a little.

"SO HE'S GATHERED," He says. "Unfortunate for all such indifuckingviduals he ain't got no intent for such. IF MOTHERFUCKERS WANTING HIM DEAD WERE ENOUGH TO KILL HE, HE WOULDN'T NEVER ALL HAVE EXISTED. If you got anything better, might as well up and fucking voice it."

He feels calm, strangely. But he can tell it's a false one, not at all like the way Mituna makes him feel, like the way things seem to settle before a storm.

[tis_allgood]

For the moment Cuthbert is going to keep his distance, he wasn't about to die stupid twice in the same week. But that didn't stop him from being hostile from outside of the Initiate's reach.

"Oh, I have much better, I'm only getting started. How gods damned stupid can you be? Doing what you did and knowing you would end up back here. Did you not expect that stunt to be on every highlight show? There are children not yet born into this world who will know the hoofbeast shit you pulled and while they cheer for the entertainment you gave them, not one will ever want to stand close enough to smell you. Karkat was entirely right about how cracked in the pan you are.

"If you gave two wet shits about Ka you should be watching your hard shelled back, because it will roll around to you with a terrible vengeance."

He is just getting progressively more and more angry the longer he rants.

[carnagecarnival]

The Initiate's eyes narrow. Slowly, the troll turns. He walks slowly closer.

"BROTHER," He starts. "Cuthbert. LET THE LURID TRUTHS REACH THINE GODDAMN EARS AS ALL THEY ARE PREACHED NOW. Let there be no fucking fraudulence persistent between us now. YOUR KARKAT AIN'T GOT THE SLIGHTEST OF MOTHERFUCKING CLUES UP ON WHAT CRACKS ALL MAY BE IN MOTHERFUCKING ANYONE. He ain't got any idea. HE DON'T KNOW OF THE CRACKS AND THE HOLES AND THE MOTHERFUCKING THE FANG LINED APERTURES WHAT SWALLOW THE FUCK UP WITHIN VOIDS GAPING! He don't know. HE AIN'T GOT COGNITION AT FOR A MOTHERFUCKING THING!" He stops then before the boy. He stares down intently, anger found. It didn't take him long, it's never far from the surface. Especially when fuckers talk on things they know nothing of. He says, low, acid-tongued, "And neither do you."

He lifts his chin upward. Make the human look higher up to he. Make him realise. He is all condescension and anger. But he is not going cull this fucker. Yet.

"I GOT ONE," He continues, "ONE WHAT ALL COULD COME CLOSE. And he could all have been taken from me-- DON'T DARE YOU RECITE YOUR FORGERIES HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN TO ME! Don't you tell me there's no chance no one ever leaves from this place OR THAT HE NOR ANY OTHER WHAT ALL THAT TROLL HAS TOUCHED AIN'T ALL BEEN HURT THE FUCK BEFORE! He could've been taken from me, and not just in arena, do you understand? I CAN'T UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE BE ABOUT THE LETTING OF THAT HAPPEN! Not for the sparing of that welp, AND CERTAINLY NOT FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING PERSISTENCE OF SOME IGNORANT, BLASPHEMOUS MOTHERFUCKER'S PERSONAL UNCOUTH WHIMSIES! I should have culled that heretical motherfucker the first I ever laid eyes on him back on Alternia but if I can't guarantee his cease of what all he does through death in his future then I will take every motherfucking blame what all comes with making him cease through how all I did here. I SOUGHT TO PREVENT THINGS WHAT ALL WOULD'VE CONTINUED ONWARD ANY OTHER GODDAMN WAY AND SO NOW THEY HAVE BEEN PREVENTED! I don't care, what some wriggler thinks of me for it. I DON'T CARE WHAT ALL THEY THOUGHT FOR HE OTHERWISE! Let them detest me. LET THEM FEEL FEAR AS THEY FUCKING SHOULD! I will drink that fear for all it is worth, Cuthbert, if so I am given the motherfucking opportunity. I WILL TAKE EVERY LAST DROP OF THEIR DETESTATION, PAINT MY OWN SELF WITH IT, AND IT WILL BE WORTH IT!"

He steps back.

"I am not motherfucking stupid. I AM MORE AWARE OF ALL THE GOINGS ON HERE, WITH THIS WORLD, AND WITH THE SIGNLESS, THAN I WOULD BET OF YOU. I would stake highest fucking wager up upon that I all would and I would gamble how all I did so the REAL RISK HERE dies the fuck out. I AIN'T GOT A KNOW FOR WHO THE FUCK YOUR KA IS, BUT LET WHOEVER ALL THEY BE COME TO HE. A brother will wait with open motherfucking arms." He spreads them then, wide.

[tis_allgood]

That is a lot to listen to, and he doesn't understand half of it, and tunes out most of the rest. He honestly didn't start this to get into a deep discussion with the Initiate, but more to vent his own rage at the situation.

"The more you speak, the less you say. I would judge a man by his actions over his words, and we both know where your actions stand."

Cuthbert holds his ground even though this is becoming a physically intimidating encounter.

[pillowmania]

The more time Penny spends in the Tribute Tower (sniffing out her prey, he assumes), the more time Katurian spends there as well. When they arrive together, it is impossible not to feel like a tagalong, a broken third wheel that squeaks and catches on the ground. Worse, he sometimes feels like a ventriloquist's dummy, hopelessly latched onto the hand of his more sadistic partner, bowing when she bows, clapping his hands as she wiggles her fingers. He tells himself that if he's familiar with the place, he might wobble less in the presence of the tributes. He might become stronger.

But strength has its limits, and soon he is overwhelmed, dizzied, and struggling up the stairs to the roof, his arms wrapped tight around his chest.

edits because i forgot he wouldn't have seen his face all with the text and also im dumb /o\ sorryyy

[carnagecarnival]

He'd been thinking to leave, had turned made all like to do so, so of course, of course, he should be found again by someone else. He doesn't know who this man is. He looks ill. Perhaps injured. He might feel like hell but at least he doesn't look it the way this one does. On the plus that means whoever they are, they probably weren't looking for him. On the other hand, he'd rather not be blamed for this guy's dying. If that's gonna happen he'd want to at least actually be responsible for it.

The Initiate, unhappily stuck in place before the man, eyes him down. Then says, "YOU AIN'T ALL GONNA UP AND KICK WICKED SHIT UP HERE ARE YOU?"

it's not a problem! 8D

[pillowmania]

Even though Katurian is aware of another person on the roof (but is this thing really a person?), he still jerks at the voice. The tone, the tenor, the speech is all off. Like Wesker, it is alien, and for Katurian, the alien is just as frightening as it is fascinating.

"Kick up," he says, still breathless from the surprise. He looks the Initiate up and down without much subtlety. "Vomit?"

It would make sense. The meaning behind this creature's words is twisted, but not entirely obscured. Kick up. Throw up. It's like playing a bizarre word game, and he feels grounded in it, somehow. Uncomfortable, granted. But grounded.

"No," he says, relaxing his hug only to tense it again. "No, I --"

(-- think about how I'm complicit in murdering you people, and it makes me sick with a nervous tension I can't describe. Sometimes I hear things -- screams -- and I dream about faceless pigs dressed in my clothing --)

" -- hate crowds," he says, offering a sardonic smile. "I hate people, too. I don't even know what I'm doing here."

C:

[carnagecarnival]

"Vomit... OR DIE," He says.

Long before, he might've got on this Man's case for the way he looks at him. Now, however, it's long past being a thing he's used to. Everyone staring him up and down as he passes in the streets, muttering, 'is that the monster,' then, 'no, no, that's an alien'.

"Brother, don't we all give at motherfucking wonder unto that what you've preached." He shakes his head. "TO ENTERTAIN AND SET EXAMPLES SO ALL HE'S GATHERED. Unless of course you all just watch, then I ain't got for a motherfucking clue." He starts to walk back to the rail, giving the man his space and giving up on the idea of leaving just yet.

"YOU'RE IN SOME LUCK HERE ALL IT SEEMS. The only other what all be up here is my ownself. GET ON ALL ABOUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING LONESOME HOW ALL EVER YOU WANT AT TO DO IT. Don't got no fancying for gatherings up of others neither."

So sorry for the delay! Busy week.

[pillowmania]

He should turn away. He knows this on an intellectual -- no, an animal -- level. This monster weaves puzzles with his words that, if solved, could spell catastrophe. Katurian can taste danger in the air like smoke from a fire.

Go ahead, says his mind. Turn away. Get on all with your lonesome self, just like he asked.

But for Katurian, the alien is just as fascinating as it is frightening.

"Is that why you're on the roof?" he asks. He uncurls his arms from his stomach in slow degrees. Muscle by muscle. Joint by joint. "Because you hate spending time with other people?"