I picked up the bird and above the din I said "That's the last song you'll ever sing". [OPEN]

[carnagecarnival]

Who| Initiate and OPEN (with special reserved spots for Terezi and whoever else wants to yell at him)

What| Initiate is brooding... It's time to yell at the clown

Where| Up on the rooftop click click click~

When| Now!

Warnings/Notes| Initiate, who is awful. Language. Who knows what else.

Down in the Training Center, the walls are curiously blank and empty. Not a touch of paint done up on them and somewhere, surely, an avox sighs in relief. He hasn't been down there even once since coming back. He hasn't watched the recaps. He hasn't lingered anywhere he thought the others of his kind might be, or even where those he likes might be about on chance he runs into his own kind. He doesn't want to hear it all, he doesn't want to deal with any of them. He did what he had to. It was done. 

Except it wasn't going to be done, now that he was back in capitol, he could feel it. It was never simply done. 

And then he was throwing himself out over the network for either side to take his offer-- just one really-- no idea if all of it was a trick and if he might be hanging himself anyway. He tells himself it's not rebellion. He tells himself, unlike some, he has plans for if by chance they look to those they shouldn't. It doesn't really reassure.

He sighs heavily, runs a hand through his hair, and scowls down at the city below. His arms are rested on the railing surrounding, but they're so thin, if he hadn't already tried throwing something over the edge, he'd think the rail would give way and drop him. Even knowing they can hold, he still feels like any minute they might let him go anyway, damn what he knows. He can't bring himself to move from it.

Comments

[carnagecarnival]

His arms drop down. His fists clench.

"MOTHERFUCKER, IF YOU AIN'T EVEN GOING TO LISTEN, if you are all like to be too damn stupid to comprehend, THEN WHY THE FUCK YOU HERE? You just want at to yell at something what all don't talk back why all don't you go find at for one of them mute-voiced, tounge-taken, slaves?" He sneers. "IF YOU'RE HERE FOR VENGEANCE, THEN YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG."

[tis_allgood]

He stands his ground against the massive troll.

"I came up here to find a quiet place of my own. But I find this sorry exoskeleton here feeling bad, not for the wrong he's done, only for his own shit-filled existence."

He balls his fists, trying to tamp down his anger.

"If I sought vengeance I wouldn't come at it with words, but with a sword. I just want you to feel as terrible as you made everyone else feel."

[carnagecarnival]

He scoffs.

"Oh go fuck yourself, Cuthbert. WHO THE FUCK ALL YOU EVEN TRYING AT TO CONVINCE? If you wanted for quiet you wouldn't fucking be here speaking unto he. IF YOU MOTHERFUCKING THOUGHT AT THIS PLACE WOULD MAKE LIKE TO BELONG TO YOU AND YOU ALONE, YOU'RE A FUCKING DULL-PAN. And neither, as should be well and goddamn clear, do you got know to know to how all I feel." He sneers the word Like it's a bad joke. Like it's some ridiculous delusion. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head some, continuing to head on toward the rail.

"AIN'T IT UP AND GOT OCCURANCE TO YOU YET? You ain't doing shit right now. YOU'RE THROWING WORDS, MAKING LIKE TO TRY AND DO SOMETHING BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN STOP THE MOTHERFUCK LONG ENOUGH TO FIGURE WHAT AND HOW ALL YOU WANT AT YOUR UNRIGHTEOUS SHIT DONE. You're a tool you up and are, and that's all what you been from motherfucking start. NOT EVEN FEELING USEFUL, HAD TO COME AT HE TO SAY YOUR MOTHERFUCKING PEICE WHERE ALL YOU COULDN'T BRING SWORD TO HE IN ARENA, PLAY HERO FOR VANTAS PAIR. You ain't a troll Cuthbert, You have no motherfucking idea of what all be of our business and you got no motherfucking reason what to be in it. AND NO MOTHERFUCKING AMOUNT OF PRETENDING YOU ARE ONE IS GOING TO CHANGE THAT." He reaches the rail and turns back to face him again. "I'd bet even your precious Vantas holds you apart for it. HOW IS THE FUCKER BY THE WAY?" He doesn't actually want to know, he's well aware. "Still making like to lead you along without at all telling you where he's up and going?"

[tis_allgood]

The Initiate is right about him being up here starting trouble. And that stings, but not nearly as much as the insinuation that he is a pretender among the trolls. Somehow that hurts much worse, because it's something that bothers him a lot in his own head.

"You are right in that I want to stir up resentment between us. Did you really think I could watch you torture someone I loved and forgive you the next time we met? I am many kinds of a fool, but that is beyond my ability to forgive.

"But I draw the line at you making this about Karkat, this is my anger and my hate and even if it is tied closely to what you did to him. This is no knight riding to his rescue, he can fight his own battles. I can hate you for your own actions even without having a troll or human reason for it. Some hate transcends those barriers."

He's blushing hard by now, embarrassed and angry and unsure on how to deal with any of it.

"Karkat doesn't hold me to different standards than any other troll, that's why we disagree on some topics. But I think he held thee to higher standards, which you have clearly failed. I have stood by and supported him, no matter what thin relationship excuse you want to give it. You are the one who failed to be worthy of being a troll!"

There are a lot of emotions and issues mixed up in this and Cuthbert is not equipped to deal with it right now.

[carnagecarnival]

He barks a laugh. Then another laugh slips out, and one more.

"BROTHER. Cuthbert," He sneers, with an eyeroll. "YOU HAVE BEEN SO UTTERLY MOTHERFUCKING BAMBOOZLED IT'S A GODDAMN MIRACLE YOU AIN'T WALKING TURNED WAYS. Worthy of being a troll? MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU EVEN KNOW AT WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO? You ain't got any motherfucking idea what all it means to be a troll. DID YOU THINK IT WAS ALL AT TO BE ABOUT BEING NICE? Do you think that fucker even has close to a place to make up fallacious fucking standard is word writ and legit all to be taken serious? YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF ALL STRAPPED THE FUCK DOWN WITH MILENKO, MOTHERFUCKER, AIN'T NOTHING WHAT ALL YOU KNOW IS TRUTH SPAT!"

It's almost sad. It's pathetic. Over and over and over, have been people been fooled by shit the Signless has said, and Cuthbert is just another sorry sucker. He's trying so hard, but with all the wrong information to back him. Trancsending hate barriers? The Initiate shakes his head.

"Let me tell you, it has been down right motherfucking magnanimous it all has of this brother's ownself all to have sparred him even long as all I did. IF WE PLAYED ALTERNIAN RULES, MOTHERFUCKER, HE'D HAVE BEEN DEAD BEFORE HE COULD SO MUCH AS MAKE FIRST SQUEAK. If we were all playing it proper fucking Alternian I'd have culled every last person here right now and I would do it slow, and oh how worthy I'd be. GUTS TO BE STREWN THIS WAYS AND THAT, BONES TO BE CRUSHED, HUES PAINTED BRILLIANT; THAT, BROTHER, IS WHAT ALL IT MEANS TO BE A TROLL! My letting those sad saps live at all-- EITHER OF THOSE INIQUITOUS HERETICAL MUTANT WHAT AIN'T EVEN MEANT TO EXIST-- is the least trollish thing what I or anyone else has done up since being here, do you fucking feel for what all I am saying?"

He gestures with his arms as speaks and he laughs.

"YOU, CUTHBERT, ARE A HUMAN! You are just human who learnt of being troll, was lied to of being a troll, from fuckers who are only trolls in goddamn name! YOU WILL NEVER, NOT EVER, HAVE PLACE TO SAY WHETHER ALL I AM WORTHY OF BEING A MOTHERFUCKING TROLL, BECAUSE BROTHER, I AM MORE A TROLL THAN YOU, THE MUTANT, OR ANYONE WILL EVER BE!" He shakes his head again.

[tis_allgood]

It's a hard thing to hear, and he doesn't really believe it. He would rather believe the trolls were like him, that they had some morality and boundaries and sense. It went against everything he had built up in the last few months.

"'Tis a shame for you that we're not playing by your rules. And a shame for me that we're not playing by mine. I might have shot Karkat dead on sight had I met him with my guns on, but at least it would have meant I would be in my right to fill you with lead."

He was determined not to take offense at being called a human, since he was starting to think that being a troll was not the best way to go.

[carnagecarnival]

"You're wrong," He says simply. It doesn't have the enthusiasm to it that his words only a second before did, but there's still an energy there. It lies in an unsaid promise. "NOT ON WHAT LEAD, YOU WANT AT TO TRY FOR SUCH, MOTHERFUCKER, YOU BRING ABOUT WHAT WAS PROMISED AGES BACK. But I will play by whatever all rules I deem fit. I WILL DO WHATEVER ALL THE FUCK I THINK AT IT TAKES TO DO THAT WHICH I MUST. You are free to decide you don't up and like at for that, but it don't change nothing."

He's surprised to hear as much about what he says on Karkat. It's sort of an ironic thing that way. If he had just culled the Signless when they were young, like he should've, like they way Cuthbert professes he would have to karkat otherwise, they wouldn't be here now discussing all this. But that sin committed has been well and turned over by now.

[tis_allgood]

"I'm never sure with all the paint whether you genuinely are speaking from the mouth or whether you've let your ass take over and say everything." Two can play at the overcomplicated dialog game.

"But if you're truly telling me that I should do as I please and find a way to kill thee, then I'll take that under advisement. Truly, I will."

He really doesn't intend to do anything outside of the arena, but he can make sure it's his first priority to track down and kill the troll the next time he gets a socially sanctioned chance to. His look turns hard and for the first time in a long time he really feels like the Gunslinger he is.

Strangely, for what it's worth, this has improved Cuthbert's mood. He isn't as intent on questioning himself and even though he's not sure what to take away from the comments about what trolls are supposed to be, he's pretty damn sure he doesn't want to learn about it from the Initiate anyway.

[carnagecarnival]

He rolls his eyes.

"DO YOU THINK AT IT FUCKING FRIGHTENS, CUTHBERT?" He asks. "Do you think at I got a goddamn bone in me what to scrape the slightest bit of care up off? TRY AT HIM. Try at to cull him. I MOTHERFUCKING ASSURE I WILL TAKE YOUR HEAD FIRST. So in sense, yes, I say do what all you will. AND THE MOMENT YOU TRY, YOU WILL DIE, AND HE WILL LISTEN FOR THE SOUND YOU MAKE WHEN YOU AIN'T GOT WIND PIPE TO MAKE THEM WITH NO LONGER."

Cuthbert is annoying, decidedly. He's put up with the human's shit for this long, and frankly, he's not sure why. Every chance and reason to cull him available. The least the motherfucker could've done in return was be entertaining. He's not amused.

[tis_allgood]

As if death would keep Cuthbert from talking.

"We'll just have to see how that goes, won't we? Because there is no way I will let you take the life from my veins. Not until I've slaughtered you like the oinkbeast you are."

He's trying to sound more intimidating that he is at the moment.