I picked up the bird and above the din I said "That's the last song you'll ever sing". [OPEN]

[carnagecarnival]

Who| Initiate and OPEN (with special reserved spots for Terezi and whoever else wants to yell at him)

What| Initiate is brooding... It's time to yell at the clown

Where| Up on the rooftop click click click~

When| Now!

Warnings/Notes| Initiate, who is awful. Language. Who knows what else.

Down in the Training Center, the walls are curiously blank and empty. Not a touch of paint done up on them and somewhere, surely, an avox sighs in relief. He hasn't been down there even once since coming back. He hasn't watched the recaps. He hasn't lingered anywhere he thought the others of his kind might be, or even where those he likes might be about on chance he runs into his own kind. He doesn't want to hear it all, he doesn't want to deal with any of them. He did what he had to. It was done. 

Except it wasn't going to be done, now that he was back in capitol, he could feel it. It was never simply done. 

And then he was throwing himself out over the network for either side to take his offer-- just one really-- no idea if all of it was a trick and if he might be hanging himself anyway. He tells himself it's not rebellion. He tells himself, unlike some, he has plans for if by chance they look to those they shouldn't. It doesn't really reassure.

He sighs heavily, runs a hand through his hair, and scowls down at the city below. His arms are rested on the railing surrounding, but they're so thin, if he hadn't already tried throwing something over the edge, he'd think the rail would give way and drop him. Even knowing they can hold, he still feels like any minute they might let him go anyway, damn what he knows. He can't bring himself to move from it.

Comments

[stilest]

When Claudia sees him on the roof she doesn't say anything at first, just goes and stands next to him, leaning against the railing.

The Initiate, no matter how old he actually is and sometimes Claudia wonders about that, has an emotional age of about five human years, as far as she can tell, and she decided shortly after Maximus' crowning that she was going to treat him if he were exactly that age.

"I'm cutting your hair again," she says, finally.

[carnagecarnival]

The Initiate turns to see who's joined him on the roof this time-- just to be sure it's not the little Vantas or Pyrope back for more-- but when he sees Claudia he turns back away. He doesn't exactly emit any welcoming vibes but neither does he say anything.

The relative peace can't last of course.

He looks at her again, raising a brow. Then says simply, "NO YOU AIN'T."

[stilest]

"Yes," she says, "I am. It makes you look younger and we'll want that, what you did to that District One boy with the nubby horns will look better if they see you as an older kid and not as a grown man. Not really all that different than the things Careers used to get up to in the old Games."

[carnagecarnival]

He opens his mouth. Then closes it. He wasn't expecting actual reasoning from this. But still. "Why all does that matter? IT'S A CULL GAME AIN'T IT? Wouldn't it make all the fuck more sense to seem as he is?"

[stilest]

Claudia gives him a sideways Look. She knows kids and one thing she knows--she doesn't know how, maybe it's instinct--is that Fraysong is still a kid, in most of the ways that counts. A kid pretending to be an adult, pretending so well he has himself half-fooled, but still... an overgrown kid. "That's why I'm insisting on it."

[carnagecarnival]

He makes a frustrated noise. "THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?" He snaps, voice even cracking on it a little. Perfect timing. "That doesn't explain shit, sister. THESE GAMES ARE ALL ABOUT WHO ALL CAN CULL MOST AND BEST AT TO WIN. And you want to make him look weaker?"

[stilest]

"What's more pathetic?" she counters. "An older kid getting into a grudge match with his slightly younger peer or a grown man picking on a small boy to settle his grudges because he can't be bothered to fight the actual adult he wants to punish?"

[carnagecarnival]

"SISTER, WHAT ALL ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?" His confusion continues to grow and his annoyance with it. "No one cares about age. LEAST THEY DON'T UP ON ALTERNIA. Culling is culling. HOW CAN ONE CULL BE DEEMED MORE PATHETIC THAN ANOTHER ALL BECAUSE A FUCKER LOOKS OLDER OR YOUNGER? That's motherfucking ridiculous."

[stilest]

"Fraysong," she says, rolling her eyes. "In case you haven't noticed, we aren't on Alternia. It matters here, believe me it does."

[carnagecarnival]

"BUT YOU STILL AIN'T EXPLAINED WHY?!" He snaps. She rolls her eyes at him. The goddamn nerve. His fangs are bared now. "It's survival being at of the motherfucker what's best at it. IF THEY AIN'T BEST, TOUGH MOTHERFUCKING LUCK. He can't be less than six sweeps. I'VE BEATEN ADULTS WHAT TRIED TO CULL ME AT YOUNGER. It doesn't motherfucking mean anything more than save stepping on a grub. AGE MEANS NOTHING AND WHATEVER RULES YOU ALL GOT ARE MOTHERFUCKING BACKWARDS."

[stilest]

She trembles a little, but she still stares stubbornly back up at him. "Because on our planet when an adult human goes after a child instead of going after the other adult who is right there, completely refusing to fight the other adult, it looks cowardly. It doesn't matter if the child is tougher than the other adult, it still comes off that way. Some of those rules are suspended for the Games, of course, but that doesn't mean that our subconsciouses aren't going to react that way! People went wild when the footage of what you did aired, but that's because of how dramatic it was. In the long run, it could be damaging to you. You don't want to be the person who everyone always boos."

[carnagecarnival]

"Let them boo then!" He shouts, staring her right on back down. "I'D RATHER BE THE ONE WHAT LIVES. You don't understand what all it was even about anyway! NONE OF YOU ALL DO! This will be better as all it is even if ain't none of you see it. AND I'LL TAKE THE DAMN RISK WHAT ALL COMES FOR IT AS EVERY ONE ALL TAKES THEIR DAMN RISKS. It'll be motherfucking worth it. NO ONE CHEERED HIM BEFORE HE GODDAMN GOT HERE BUT THAT DIDN'T KEEP A FUCKER FROM SURVIVING! People will want you dead your whole fucking life, it's a motherfucker's own job at to deal with it and live the fuck anyway and keep what's being yours samelike. CALL HIM A COWARD, BUT IF THEY DON'T LIKE HOW ALL I DEAL WITH WHAT NEEDS DEALING LET THEM CHOKE ON A GODDAMN BULGE." He grumbles, "If all goes intended it ain't even gonna need at to happen again anyway."

[stilest]

Claudia steps back, shaking more visibly, but she stares up straight in his eyes. "No. I can't accept that. I want people to cheer for you. I want them to support you. I want them to like you, because I like you." She takes a deep breath. "Please. Trust me in this."

[carnagecarnival]

His mouth opens, then closes, teeth grinding. He turns away from her, bowing his head to run a hand through his hair and twist it in his fingers. First Pyrope, now this. Fuck him. He drops his hand and rests his arms back on the rail, shoulders hiked. He glares down at the city.

"YOU KNOW YOU AIN'T GOT REASON TO," He says, with a huff. "You have to up and know too, just as all I know, ain't no motherfucker's gonna cheer for me, of all damn things. I AIN'T DAMN STUPID."

He doesn't feel the need to point out that her liking him isn't some common thing. He's definitely not going to ask why this time, who knows what he might get.

"...Does it have to be a motherfucking haircut?

[stilest]

"It should be something," she says, "that will get your hair to be neat and keep it out of your face. I want people to be able to see your face again. We'll keep the face paint, I know that's important to you, but we're definitely going to change your style of clothing. All the flowing robes and martial stuff made you look older, gave you an air of authority. We'll want the opposite now. Shorts, I think. Shorts and tee shirts and leotards and bagging sweaters. Heels if you think you can walk in them. Glittery make-up, colorful jewelry, androgyny." She's pacing now. "We can still keep the skull and bones motif, though. We'll just adapt it to the new style. I really think I can make this work, Fraysong."

[carnagecarnival]

He turns a little, then more when she starts into a full rant. His brows raise ever higher. He wants to say he likes the robes for exactly the reason she said. He is meant to be a preacher, was born to be, and he wants to look it.

But, really, he's not going to be doing any preaching in the now. He mulls it over.

"ALRIGHT," He huffs finally. "At least for what be of this turn. HEELS CAN BE WALKED FINE. Long is it all ain't at to being stupid. AND HIS HAIR AIN'T TO BE CUT." He mutters low, almost inaudible, "My moirail likes it better long."