The Initiate Fraysong ♑ (Young GHB) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
carnagecarnival) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thecapitol2013-12-02 10:13 pm
carnagecarnival) wrote in thecapitol2013-12-02 10:13 pm
I picked up the bird and above the din I said "That's the last song you'll ever sing". [OPEN]
Who| Initiate and OPEN (with special reserved spots for Terezi and whoever else wants to yell at him)
Down in the Training Center, the walls are curiously blank and empty. Not a touch of paint done up on them and somewhere, surely, an avox sighs in relief. He hasn't been down there even once since coming back. He hasn't watched the recaps. He hasn't lingered anywhere he thought the others of his kind might be, or even where those he likes might be about on chance he runs into his own kind. He doesn't want to hear it all, he doesn't want to deal with any of them. He did what he had to. It was done.
Except it wasn't going to be done, now that he was back in capitol, he could feel it. It was never simply done.
And then he was throwing himself out over the network for either side to take his offer-- just one really-- no idea if all of it was a trick and if he might be hanging himself anyway. He tells himself it's not rebellion. He tells himself, unlike some, he has plans for if by chance they look to those they shouldn't. It doesn't really reassure.
He sighs heavily, runs a hand through his hair, and scowls down at the city below. His arms are rested on the railing surrounding, but they're so thin, if he hadn't already tried throwing something over the edge, he'd think the rail would give way and drop him. Even knowing they can hold, he still feels like any minute they might let him go anyway, damn what he knows. He can't bring himself to move from it.
What| Initiate is brooding... It's time to yell at the clown
Where| Up on the rooftop click click click~
When| Now!
Warnings/Notes| Initiate, who is awful. Language. Who knows what else.
Down in the Training Center, the walls are curiously blank and empty. Not a touch of paint done up on them and somewhere, surely, an avox sighs in relief. He hasn't been down there even once since coming back. He hasn't watched the recaps. He hasn't lingered anywhere he thought the others of his kind might be, or even where those he likes might be about on chance he runs into his own kind. He doesn't want to hear it all, he doesn't want to deal with any of them. He did what he had to. It was done.
Except it wasn't going to be done, now that he was back in capitol, he could feel it. It was never simply done.
And then he was throwing himself out over the network for either side to take his offer-- just one really-- no idea if all of it was a trick and if he might be hanging himself anyway. He tells himself it's not rebellion. He tells himself, unlike some, he has plans for if by chance they look to those they shouldn't. It doesn't really reassure.
He sighs heavily, runs a hand through his hair, and scowls down at the city below. His arms are rested on the railing surrounding, but they're so thin, if he hadn't already tried throwing something over the edge, he'd think the rail would give way and drop him. Even knowing they can hold, he still feels like any minute they might let him go anyway, damn what he knows. He can't bring himself to move from it.
no subject
"YES, THAT'S MY MOTHERFUCKING SOLUTION! That is all what the fuck it is like to being, Pyrope! WHY DOES IT MATTER IF I ADMIT ALL WHAT YOU WANT ME TO, HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT CHANGE ANYTHING? Why? WHY THE FUCK ALL DO YOU WANT THIS SO MOTHERFUCKING BAD, PYROPE, I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER YOU!"
Why can't she just let it go? Why can't she just take that damned friendship what he can't even do right and leave with it? He throws his hands up.
"I hurt you! I MOTHERFUCKING HURT YOU I UP AND DID AND AT THE MOTHERFUCKING TIME IT WAS WORTH WHAT ALL I WOULD DO! What the fuck are you still doing here? WHAT EXACTLY ALL DID YOU EXPECT OF ME? Any other troll would've gone long ago, SO WHY HAVEN'T YOU?!"
no subject
"You stayed." The words are quieter than his and they feel a lot more fragile when following the barrage of questions from the Indigo's mouth. But that's her answer, and she has to stand by it, even if it sounds dumb to her own ears.
"You stayed, even when everyone else was too angry to give me the time of day. You're the only one who didn't shun me for an instant. And maybe that's stupid. You had no reason to hate me for killing someone that we both can't stand. But you didn't have to be there. You didn't have to soften that blow. You didn't have to care, but you did anyway."
She doesn't know what else to say, or how else to explain what that meant to her. How making her smile just for a minute, when all she had to look forward to was dirty looks and cold shoulders... How that mattered so much to her. Their talk at the last crowning comes to mind. It feels like forever ago, and yet only just a little while.
"...It matters because it's worth it to hear it. I can't forgive you unless you mean it. You don't mean it unless you can say it, and I'll know it when I hear it." She pauses, rubbing her arms in the chilly air. "I don't expect you to say it, though. I'm not expecting anything at all. I'm not that naive, either, and you already showed me where your priorities lie in that arena. ...But knowing that doesn't stop me from wanting to give you the opportunity to prove me wrong again."
no subject
He goes cold. The anger drains from him and then some.
Each breath is too loud in his ears and his heart sounds even louder, still racing from shouting at her just a moment before.
He can't speak.
He feels weak and stupid and small. He didn't even realise what he'd been doing this whole damn time, he had no idea. He stands there useless, for so damn long. He tries forever to mouth a word, any word.
Finally, he manages something. Just a whisper.
"I don't know if I can."
He closes his eyes.
no subject
But once again, he surprises her. He's so deathly quiet, and she's not sure what it is that she said to make him that way. As the silence stretches on, she grows more uncomfortable, wondering if she should ask what it was that she said. What left him so speechless, and why.
But then he speaks, and... He sounds so small and vulnerable to her ears. Just barely a whisper. It's not something that she's heard from him often.
She wants to tell him to try, but she doesn't want to push. If he's going to make any sort of apology, she doesn't want it to be coerced. It has to come from him because of him, and not because of her insisting. It has to be real.
"Let me know," she says finally, taking a step back towards the door, making to leave. "When you figure it out. If you can or not."
no subject
He thought, for a little while, he didn't really miss anything from his world, but right now, he misses the beach. And he misses how, when he wasn't fighting, it was always so damn empty.
He turns around and puts his arms up on the rail. Then, after a pause, he decides 'fuck it', and rests his head on his arms too. Just for a while. The railing still holds.