thecapitol | I'll be your harvester of light

Who| The Disciple; openish!
What| The Disciple wanders in search of Signless
Where| Training Center
When| Late Week 5/Early Week 6
Warnings/Notes| Angst purrobably

The avoxs have replaced three pillows since she returned and somewhere in her haze, she hoped they didn't get in trouble for the mess they were throwing away. Torn to shreds, covered in green tears, it's not their fault. She's the one acting like a wiggler. Acting like her whole world has fallen apart. Childlishly holing up in her room, waiting for Signless to come to her, to apologize for the hell he put her through. But that's stupid, she realized. Selfish. Cruel.

Eventually she forced herself to watch the coverage. Watch every moment, from Psiionic and Signless, to Terezi and Karkat--the Ininiate who makes her blood boil...To the death in her arms. She watched it twice more, until the tears stop falling and she could face it as it is.

And she still does not know what to say to him. The hate boils but mixes with pity and god she needs a pap, she needs a soothing touch because the Ininiate is somewhere in these walls and she wants to--needs to hunt him down and make him pay.

That's how she ends up wandering around, trying to find him. Down to District 1 where Karkat lives and up to Twelve where he lives. Her stupid selfishness needs to end.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

She bites back the automatic response 'He's not a lisping shitsack' because fuck, what's the point in defending him if he didn't even care to know her anymore. If he wouldn't forgive her.

"Well..." Aren't we all, she wants to say, Don't you think all of this has messed up quite a few of us. But she doesn't. Supportive matesprit, that's the role she decided on today.

"It was a screwed up situation..."

"No fucking kidding," Karkat replies, scowling a little. "He broke him. That piece of jumped-up harlequin shit who doesn't deserve a title broke him--and he used me to do it." He's still angry at that. He doesn't think he'll ever stop being. The idea that what happened to him at the Initiate's hands was unequivocally wrong... he still isn't over it.

Her nails dig into her palms as she tries, tries so very hard to be calm. A quick nod, she takes a breath and shakes her head.

"Of course he did, he's a messed up indigo and indigos do what they want. He becomes that Highblood--I don't..." Know what you all expected.

"He's not used to being denied or messed with. All trolls are just playthings to people like that. Pieces he uses to instill fear and get his message across. To him, I doubt you mattered. The end point was hurting and messing with Signless, to drag him down to his level--so he didn't care about you at all."

"I know they do what they want," Karkat says, irritably. "I'm not two. But for some reason I expected that capering fuckshit to be reasonable in his revenge. I mean, there were a fuckload of ways he could have killed me on his own. He could have done that, left me for Signless to find, and he'd have been fucking avenged. The--" he grasps for the right word, "the fucking arrogance of that shitbag. Like his pain was so much more worse than anyone else's would be, that it's his fucking right to dish out revenge expo-fucking-nentially worse-- that asshole. You know what, I don't fucking care that it's his right to do what he wants to us! That was incredibly shitty and wrong of him!"

It's at this point that Karkat realizes he's shouting. He lowers his voice slightly to ask, "Have you been up to see him, yet?"

She blinks, starting at him for a long moment.

"Of course it wasn't right. Why would they have a sense of right or wrong when they are allowed to do anything they pleases. They don't have to monitor their behavior, who will hold them accountable? And really--they can't just do as they please with us. Not unless we let them."

She looked away and frowned, "I haven't...I was looking for him. Thought he might have come to you first."

Look, Di, he was a tool of the system for most of his life. He's only just getting used to this shit.

Karkat snorts her reply. "I'm pretty sure he hasn't left District Twelve since he got here. I was the one who came to him. He's super fucked up right now. You should probably go and see him so he knows you don't hate him. I mean, not in the good way, I guess, you guys are really fucking weird about quadrants, you know that."

"I know."

Another selfish spike, why did she have to go to him, he had to know how much that hurt her. To be so dismissed as irrelevant to his wellbeing, to be pushed aside when she only wanted to help. She swallows the selfish stupidity and looks at him with the faintest smile.

"I am well aware. Nepeta and every troll I've met have told me such. But it worked--works? Though I'm starting to feel like I need my own moirail...You do him much good."

"He's helped me a lot," Karkat says with a shrug. "There's a lot of shit only he really understands. Because of how he is, I guess."

"I know. I mean, I think I do at least." She shakes her head, "But you do him a lot of good. I mean, you're taking care of him so well and I don't think...You're just so very pale for each other."

Destiny? Maybe. She doesn't really believe in that nonsense. Maybe he's better for Signless than Psiionic was.

He shrugs again. "We weren't supposed to even meet," Karkat says, "except we came here. If that's not Troll Serendipity, I don't know what is."

She smiles faintly. Troll Serendipity. She doesn't really believe in it, since she's pretty sure she screws it up by having all of her quadrants in one. Yet she finds the idea sort of charming. It does seem like serendipity. Fate.

"I'm glad you found each other."

"Yeah," Karkat says. "Me too." It's been nice having a moirail, to have someone else who understands about shit like Sgrub and being a mutant.

Her smile flashes at him for a moment before she has an awkward though. She brushed at her outfit, long sleeves getting in her way for a moment before she looks up at him again.

"You don't mind if I go see him alone, do you?"

He shakes his head. "I'd feel weird being around anyway."

It wasn't like they'd use the opportunity to pail, Signless being how he was, but still.

She tilts her head, amusement coloring her voice, "I promise I won't steal him from you. It helps to have someone else being pale for him. As many paps as we can manage."

Then a slight pause, "I'll be going up now then. Thank you." She smiled.

"Okay?" Sorry, Disciple, Karkat's kind of confused about how he should act around you. "Take care of him."

I'll be your harvester of light

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject