so i'll keep going till we've run out of road

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Who| Sam Wilson and YOU (prompts for specific characters in the comments)
What| Back from the arena and fresh from a canon update, Sam’s dragging people into blind spots and trying hard not to lose it over Steve and Jet
Where| The Speakeasy, various Capitol blindspots
When| After the end of arena 14
Warnings/Notes| Discussion of death, PTSD, will update as needed


It’s likely a surprise to no one that Sam isn’t doing so great right about now. With both Steve and Jet not coming back from the arena, Kurloz stuck as an Avox, and Albert and Bucky unreachable in District 13, the number of people left that Sam’s started to think of as part of his family is… not all that high. He’s working real damn hard at not letting himself end up the way he had when he lost Riley, but there are times when it’s a close call.

Playing along with the Capitol and getting sponsorships and ad campaigns gives him something to do with his time, gets him the money he needs to survive now, and hopefully takes some suspicion off of him, that he’s willing to follow what the Capitol says - but it doesn’t exactly do a lot to take his mind of off things. And he’s got a lot of things on his mind, especially with whatever the hell this is that’d gone down between when he died in the arena and when he woke up here with an extra year or so’s worth of memories. For the most part, when he’s not working, he sticks close to what’s left of his team, because he knows it’s a bad idea to let himself be alone right now.

Still, every once in a while he can be found alone in the Speakeasy, nursing a drink and people watching.

Comments

Clint

[sizeofyourbaggage]

As soon as he reasonably can, Sam drags Clint off to a blind spot. It’s hardly their first time, and it’s easy enough with Clint, since the whole Capitol seems to think they have some kind of tumultuous open relationship that means no one bats an eye with they go out to clubs together and slip off for some alone time.

Sometimes they just sit out there for just a few minutes, just breathing and taking a moment where no one is watching them, but tonight isn’t one of those nights.

Tonight Sam leans against the wall, running a hand over the back of his neck and digging his thumb into the muscle there, like if he can make the tension go out of it he can somehow make all of this go away.

“What do you wanna start with, man, you want arena shit or shit that just happened that I haven’t got a handle on yet?”

[cognitived]

Clint's been avoiding the blind spots, purposefully, because he knew exactly what Sam was going to do as soon as he got back and any effort to keep eyes off of them was one he'd spare. So he'd checked on Tony, aching more than a little bit at the loss of Bruce, waiting carefully and hopefully for the rest of his team still left in the Arena.

He's both grateful and not that he didn't have to wait too long.

But it's good being able to see Sam like this, whole and healthy and alive, here before him instead of bright on a screen. Clint hadn't been doing well those last weeks, but getting back to the Capitol and watching Sam starve and fight and die, it left him gutted. Even the all encompassing relief and having his arm back couldn't have touched that ache.

Here, now, Clint leans in against him, shoulders pressed close in faint comfort. He makes a sound in the back of his throat, half-laughter, half-forlorn, and lets his eyes close. He doesn't want to talk about it, but he knows they must, knows Sam won't let him get away with ignoring it.

"Arena shit first, I guess."

Softly, head tipped back against the wall. He's got something he's been waiting to say for weeks now, it's just not something he knows how to put into words.

[sizeofyourbaggage]

"Okay."

He copies Clint's movement, resting his head against the wall and letting out a slow, deep breath in preparation. Sam's got a feeling Clint's got plenty he needs to say, after the way shit went down and with what he was babbling about when he got feverish. Normally Sam'd stay quiet as long as he needed for Clint to gear himself up, but now he takes advantage of the pause.

Even if he's not sure he's any more prepared to say it than he had been back in the arena, when he put it aside for another time.

"We didn't really know what we were doing when we signed on for each other, yeah? I think you've got a better idea now, after all that." After Sam ranting at him when Clint was injured and delusional, all because Sam couldn't bear to lose another partner, he means, but he's not going to say that.

"It's okay if it changes anything."

Bucky

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Neither of them are doing even remotely close to what Sam would call “okay” right now. Sam’s faking it the best he can, he’s thrown himself into getting Sponsors and doing more of the ad campaigns and marketing he’d started doing before the last arena, trying to get enough money to support him and any of his friends who need it, trying to keep the Capitol’s eye off him, to make it seem like he’s playing along. To fill up his day with shit he needs to do, so he doesn’t spiral down like he did when he lost Riley.

It’s not working all that great, and the fact that he can’t be alone at night, that he keeps showing up to be with either Bucky or Clint, is probably making that obvious, but he’s trying.

Still, he asks Bucky to come out with him to their usual blind spot anyway, because he just needs some time where he knows the Capitol isn’t watching him. And he needs to talk to him about a few things.

“I-” he starts, then cuts off. He doesn’t know how to even begin on any of the things he wants to say, needs to say, about Steve. All right, he’s just going to table that, then, going to start with something else. Anything else.

“When I woke up from the arena, something weird happened. I’ve got - I’ve got memories, it’s like I went home for a year and lived in between the arena and now.”

Porrim

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Not so long ago, the idea of going to a Capitolite for something like this would have seemed absolutely ridiculous to him. But there’s not a lot of people left that he can trust with this, and even aside from that, Porrim’s more than earned her spot way up on the top of people Sam trusts.

So he asks her to lunch, ostensibly to talk about getting him more ad campaigns and sponsor deals than he already has. Which, really, he does need, so it’s not even like this meeting is entirely clandestine.

But when their route takes them to a blind spot, he ducks them into it.

“There’s something I need to tell you.” He runs a hand over his jaw, thinking for a moment - he hates bringing up stuff that happened in the arena, hates acknowledging that yeah, a ton of people saw that shit - but it’s the best place to start. “You heard me talking about my wings, in the arena?”

[fusshionable]

Porrim's more than happy to accompany Sam to lunch, more than happy to have a little time with him that isn't in Five's suites where everyone and their mother is watching. Even if they're still in public, she finds herself feeling just a little better about everything going on if she can spend some one-on-one time with him. It's a little sappier than she likes to be, but hell. What's a rebellion without some emotional complications?

That being said, she's not completely surprised when she's pulled aside into what she can only assume is a blind spot. "I'm all ears," she replies, expression serious, watching him think. "Yes, I did." She sees a lot of things, watching her Tributes in the Arena. A lot of it, she chooses to ignore. But the wings, that's hard to. "What about them?"

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Honestly, Sam probably has more emotional complications than he needs, when he’s stuck on enemy ground in the middle of a war, having to play at being a spy when he’s only ever been a soldier. But he doesn’t regret his attachment to Porrim. If anything, she continues to remind him that there are good people here, people that don’t deserve what the Capitol does.

He relaxes a little when she says she heard what he’s said about them. This is easier, then, means he doesn’t have to explain what they are and why they’re important to him.

“The Capitol has them,” he replies, letting out a frustrated breath of air. “They didn’t before, but… I’m pretty sure they do now.”

Terezi

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Sam’d sought her out pretty quickly after he woke up from the arena, for a number of reasons. To make sure for himself that she’d come back, to thank her for looking after Kate while he and Clint were gone, to check in on how she was doing - and to try to get her to a place where he can tell her about what’s changed between when he last saw her in the arena and now that he’s woken up.

It surprises him when she’s the one that starts leading them in the direction of a blind spot, but he goes with it immediately.

“I did have something to tell you, but I’m thinking maybe you should go first.”

[pythianjudgment]

Terezi is equally surprised that Sam was seeking her out, but she has to agree that whatever he plans to tell her can't possibly be as important as the information she's been sitting on for over a month now. It's been painful not to talk about it, but she also knows that he's the only person she can trust with it. He's the only person who can pull it off.

"Okay," she starts, taking a deep breath and trying to calm herself. She's antsy in the worst way, sniffing over her should to make sure no one is keeping tabs on them. "When we were in the arena, I got my Sight back. So I started searching for some way to get Kurloz out of the Capitol. And I think I found one."

[sizeofyourbaggage]

And that has his attention almost immediately. He doesn't even question her Sight thing, honestly - his teammates are an AI given a body an conscious and a woman who can manipulate peoples minds, he is past the point of questioning things like that from people he trusts.

"Whatever I can do, I'll do it."

Peggy

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Sam hasn’t avoided Peggy, but he hasn’t talked to her any more than what's more or less appropriate for a mentor from another district who he went on a date with. Greeting her in the halls, always a little flirting, some comments about needing to make time in their busy schedules to see each other again, just to give them a reason to meet up again, if they ever need it.

Which is fortunate, because after he gets back from the arena - well, he needs it. For more than one reason.

He wonders if she suspects part of the reason he’s asked her here. He knows what the Peggy Carter of his own world meant to his Steve, and with both her and Bucky being from here, he’s assumed that there was - is? - a version of Steve out there, somewhere. He’s never asked before, part because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know and part because he didn’t want to push, but… but now he wants to know.

But first, he needs to get this out of the way, even if he suspects he already knows the answer.

“I know it’s a long shot,” he opens up with, managing to keep his voice steady. “But have you heard from our friends about any new acquaintances?”

He’s still not the best at this spy stuff, but he hopes she can guess who he means. It’s far from a secret that he and Steve are close - especially after the last arena, when the whole damn world probably saw them kissing while Sam was dying.

[impaledqueen]

Peggy was worried it would be about this. Sam has been good about keeping the cover so far, but he's emotional. More emotional than he probably would have been had he lived in Panem his whole life, but how can she expect someone to know how to behave under constant surveillance if they haven't even lived with it for a year?

She just hopes that his emotion won't get them all in trouble.

"Sam," she says, keeping her voice soft and her smile appropriate for a date setting just in case someone glances over at them, but her touch is gentle when she brushes her fingers against his wrists, trying to be comforting without being obvious to onlookers. "If I had any new friends to tell you about, I would say so. What I gave you is probably a one-time thing."

[sizeofyourbaggage]

The fact that he doesn’t deflate at all when she tells him that is probably a pretty obvious indicator that he was expecting that answer. He honestly didn’t really have much hope, but he had to ask.

Sam nods, his shoulders and spine straightening for a moment as he braces himself for what’s coming. Kurloz and Steve definitely out of commission, now - not only two of his best friends, but the two people in this rebellion that he’d have followed without question. He doesn’t know what they’re going to do it, but it’ll have to be something. They’re going to have to keep going.

Then he catches himself and relaxes. They’re supposed to be on a date - people are going to start thinking it’s going really badly if he looks like a soldier facing an oncoming war.

He doesn’t trust her enough to tell her what Terezi told him, he realizes, despite the fact that Bucky back in 13 trusts her and Bucky from his own world seems to be heading that way, too. It’s a point in her favor, but it’s not enough. And he could use another person who isn’t a Tribute knowing about the fact that the Capitol’s got their hands on some tech of his that he really doesn’t want them having, just in case something happens before he can do anything about it, but their last meeting didn’t exactly give him enough to get a handle on her.

“Did you know him? Any version of him?”

Nick

[sizeofyourbaggage]

He checks in on Nick on occasion - it’s easy enough to do, when they live in the same suite - calls him over if he sees him while Sam’s in the kitchen cooking, hangs out with him when he’s watching bad Capitol TV, that kind of thing. He’s getting a feel for Nick as much as he’s making sure that Nick knows he’s there if he needs anything.

After Sam gets back from the arena, though, he’s got a new reason to check in with Nick. Sam’s pretty sure he can trust Nick, and right now, the list of people that Sam can trust who are still in the Capitol is looking pretty low. He needs everyone he can get.

So he invites Nick out for dinner, and takes the route he knows goes right by a Capitol blind spot. When they reach it, Sam shifts his path a little, and stops right inside it, glancing sidelong at Nick to see what his reaction is.

[fuckitall]

Nick only survived for a short term in the arena. While he did his best keeping his eyes open for his friends still in the game by sending supplies here and there, the inevitable happened and the victor was someone who he had already knew wasn't a good guy. Clementine never came back from it either. Nobody in his group has taken that well and Sam's death hit him just as hard. It's been shitty the past couple of weeks, all things considered.

Maybe Sam knew when he came back, because of all things, Nick honestly did not expect a dinner invitation. If it had been anyone else, he'd likely to have refused but he decided to make an exception this time.

That and Sam will probably not let him live it down.

Nick pauses for a second to glance at the other man when he realizes that they're at a blind spot. He had already learned about them thanks to Daryl. A lump forms in the back of his throat when he starts to wonder why Sam brought him to this spot.

"What's up?" He just blinks once to do away with the worried look he had been wearing, but the concern is still there.

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Nah, Sam really wouldn't let him live it down. Especially since this is half about something he really needs Nick to be away from the tribute center for.

He relaxes just a little when it's clear that Nick knows where they are. It means Sam's instincts are probably right about him - and that he's involved at least enough to know where some blind spots are, which is a lot less explaining on Sam's part.

"I needed to talk to you without the Capitol's eyes on us, man. How much do you know about the rebellion?"

Tony

[sizeofyourbaggage]

As bad as things had been before the arena, Sam doesn’t have to bet that they’re worse now. Tony’s lost Bruce, Sam’s lost Jet, and they’ve both lost Steve, and Sam knows damn well that he and Tony are enough alike in how they react to bad shit happening to the people they care about. He can guess what’s coming.

But that’s… only partially related to why Sam’s showing up in Tony’s secret computer room right now. Before Tony gets the idea that Sam’s here to talk about feelings or try to pull either of them out of this spiral they might be finding themselves in, Sam tosses a box of cookies down on the table and perches next to it.

“Two things,” he says. “You want ‘what the fuck’ or ‘what the hell’ first?”

[arrogantalloy]

While Tony probably looks like hell he's certainly not acting like it, as he's once again focused on the computer, like usual not giving Sam a greeting as he comes into the room. Though as the box of cookies lands on the table he does stop to look at them.

"I know you haven't really known me long." He blinks at the box. "But you're going to have to be more specific." He picks up the box and eyeballs it then it's contents. Not eating them yet so much as using them to focus on instead of Sam because he's clearly about to be scolded.

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Sam makes a little bit of a face at himself. Of course he needs to be more specific, this is Tony. There’s probably any number of things that Tony could’ve done that’d warrant a ‘what the fuck,’ or a ‘what the hell.’

“Pretend I didn’t say that. How about this: Terezi saw some of a possible future in the arena and told me about it, or I think the Capitol’s got my wings now.”

Clint

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Normally he wouldn’t pull Clint out again, not so close to when they last spent some time in a blind spot. Sam maybe uses them a little more than he should, but he’s still careful about it, and this is cutting it a little close.

He doesn’t have another option, though. There’s no way he can talk to Clint about what Terezi told him anywhere near where the Capitol might be able to overhear them, and there’s no way that he’s going to go without talking to Clint about this.

They’re partners, and like he told Albert on the Lonestar post, Sam isn’t willing to leave Clint.

“What’re your thoughts on people who can see the future?”

[cognitived]

It eats at him to be constantly under surveillance, but fact is, Clint rarely uses the blind spots. Sam's the only one he trusts enough to spill real secrets to, so this is no surprise. What is a surprise is being dragged back here so quickly after their last talk, and he's not sure what to expect.

Didn't expect this though.

"What, like, crystal balls and shit?" He eyes Sam, unsure if this is real or not, but if it's in a blindspot then it's probably very, very, real. "Usually I'd say I know enough of those tricks, but I'm guessin' you know more?"

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Sam makes a little face at himself, because yeah, he knows exactly how that sounds.

"Yeah. Or I think I do, anyway. It's from Terezi, and I know she wouldn't bullshit us." He runs his hand over his head, around his neck and back to his jaw, and obvious sign of his agitation.

"She called it the Sight. Said she can see possible futures, and she was able to use it back in the arena when they turned powers on. According to her there's going to be a way for me to get Bucky and Initiate out to 13, and soon."

[earthborn]

As a rule, Shepard doesn't nurse. Drinks are meant for one purpose and one only-- and taking your time in getting there is a waste of everyone's time. But she understands there are other schools of thought. Today, Shepard's sliding in and signaling for... Well, it's blue, and it's in a long, cylindrical glass, garnished with something that would be an orange peel if it weren't metallic silver.

"That bad, huh?" It's apparently been that kind of day, "Same shit, different day."

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Sam raises his eyebrows when he sees her coming over. This isn’t actually his first drink - he’s just at the stage where he’s not ready to go yet, but he doesn’t want to keep downing them, either.

So he’s only… mostly sober, and a small bit pissed. If it was most anyone else, sidling up to him like this after the way things ended in the arena - after neither Steve nor Jet had come back - Sam’d probably be swinging at them right about now. But he knows Shepard is involved in the rebellion, and he trusts her at least somewhat. At least enough to think she wouldn’t have done any of that without a reason.

But it’s Steve and Jet, and part of him isn’t sure he cares what that reason is.

“You’re betting a lot on me being the understanding type.”

[earthborn]

"I'm pretty comfortable with bad odds," She replied, dry and seemingly unconcerned for his emotion, "Or maybe that's just cockiness. Fuck if I know."

How bad could the odds really be, if you just kept beating them, over and over again? Except for the arena; there, the odds kept sending her back. And yet, she never tried to petition out, never really tried to win her way free, either.

"If you wanna be mad at me about it, that's your call, not mine."