Sam Wilson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thecapitol2015-07-19 04:17 pm
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote in thecapitol2015-07-19 04:17 pm
so i'll keep going till we've run out of road
Who| Sam Wilson and YOU (prompts for specific characters in the comments)
What| Back from the arena and fresh from a canon update, Sam’s dragging people into blind spots and trying hard not to lose it over Steve and Jet
Where| The Speakeasy, various Capitol blindspots
When| After the end of arena 14
Warnings/Notes| Discussion of death, PTSD, will update as needed
It’s likely a surprise to no one that Sam isn’t doing so great right about now. With both Steve and Jet not coming back from the arena, Kurloz stuck as an Avox, and Albert and Bucky unreachable in District 13, the number of people left that Sam’s started to think of as part of his family is… not all that high. He’s working real damn hard at not letting himself end up the way he had when he lost Riley, but there are times when it’s a close call.
Playing along with the Capitol and getting sponsorships and ad campaigns gives him something to do with his time, gets him the money he needs to survive now, and hopefully takes some suspicion off of him, that he’s willing to follow what the Capitol says - but it doesn’t exactly do a lot to take his mind of off things. And he’s got a lot of things on his mind, especially with whatever the hell this is that’d gone down between when he died in the arena and when he woke up here with an extra year or so’s worth of memories. For the most part, when he’s not working, he sticks close to what’s left of his team, because he knows it’s a bad idea to let himself be alone right now.
Still, every once in a while he can be found alone in the Speakeasy, nursing a drink and people watching.
What| Back from the arena and fresh from a canon update, Sam’s dragging people into blind spots and trying hard not to lose it over Steve and Jet
Where| The Speakeasy, various Capitol blindspots
When| After the end of arena 14
Warnings/Notes| Discussion of death, PTSD, will update as needed
It’s likely a surprise to no one that Sam isn’t doing so great right about now. With both Steve and Jet not coming back from the arena, Kurloz stuck as an Avox, and Albert and Bucky unreachable in District 13, the number of people left that Sam’s started to think of as part of his family is… not all that high. He’s working real damn hard at not letting himself end up the way he had when he lost Riley, but there are times when it’s a close call.
Playing along with the Capitol and getting sponsorships and ad campaigns gives him something to do with his time, gets him the money he needs to survive now, and hopefully takes some suspicion off of him, that he’s willing to follow what the Capitol says - but it doesn’t exactly do a lot to take his mind of off things. And he’s got a lot of things on his mind, especially with whatever the hell this is that’d gone down between when he died in the arena and when he woke up here with an extra year or so’s worth of memories. For the most part, when he’s not working, he sticks close to what’s left of his team, because he knows it’s a bad idea to let himself be alone right now.
Still, every once in a while he can be found alone in the Speakeasy, nursing a drink and people watching.
no subject
And then Sam says that last bit, and her eyes widen. "Really? You're saying you somehow lived a year in the span of a day?" The mere thought is heartwrenching, because that means that there's a possibility Sam lived an entire year thinking he was home free, that he'd never have to come back. It makes her heart hurt. She reaches for his hand, the hand facing toward the wall.
"Sam...I'm so sorry."
no subject
He's planning on showing her, but he's sidetracked pretty quickly when she takes his hand and says she's sorry. It makes him frown a little, because all right, he's usually pretty good at reading people, but he can't quite figure out what's got her apologizing.
Yeah, it's confusing and messed up and calls some stuff into question, but it's nothing she's got to be sorry for. Still, he takes her hand anyway, fingers curling around hers.
"It's... I didn't remember here, or any of this. If I had, I would have tried like hell to come back."
He didn't realize until he said it that he means it.
no subject
And that, that doesn't make any sense, him not remembering, but it does help to ease some of her guily, and his admission has her heart leaping all over again. "Really? You'd rather come back here, to all this--this struggle that's not even yours to bear, than be free back in your own home?" She's incredulous, but hopeful, unable to believe that anyone could possibly be as good-hearted as Sam.
no subject
He runs his thumb over her knuckles for a moment, trying to figure out how to put his explanation into words.
"I'm a soldier, Porrim. When I was 18 I signed up to be deployed to a dozen different struggles I never even knew existed until they were sending me over to be a part of them. I'm not going to say war is all I know, because it isn't." Not any more, and jumping back in to become an Avenger or to get himself involved in this rebellion hasn't changed that.
"But it's always gonna be a part of me. I didn't ask for this, and I sure as hell wouldn't have said yes if someone asked me to, but I'm in it now. This is my war, too, and I'm enough of a stubborn jackass to want to see it through."
no subject
This isn't the time for that. This is the time to listen. She offers him the tiniest of smile.
"I can't say I know many people who would do that," she admits. "But I'm fucking lucky that you would. We all are." This isn't just about her, she reminds herself for the thousandth time. This is so much bigger than her.
Still, she lets her gaze drop, a little shameful. "I have to admit, I'm very glad you came back."
no subject
Still, he smiles a little when she says they’re lucky that he came back. “The truth is, half the time I don’t know if anything I’m doing is helping, but - I’m still here, and I’m gonna keep trying.”
He frowns for a moment after she looks away like that, until she keeps talking and he thinks he gets why she’s a little ashamed. Even if this is where he wants to be right now, it’s hard to admit that you’re glad someone else is around when it means they’re stuck in the Capitol, stuck going into the arenas.
Sam gives her hand a little squeeze. “I’m glad you’re with us, too, even if I know you’d be safer if you weren’t.”
no subject
She squeezes his hand back, and then takes a conspiratorial glance around them. There don't seem to be any passersby at the far end of the alleyway, and if there are it's doubtful they'd be paying much attention. So she looks back at Sam with a little smirk. "I've been thinking a lot about the last time we talked, you know."
no subject
He raises one eyebrow at that little smirk, shaking his head before he gives her one back.
"You mean the time I put you in danger or you saving me from the poorhouse by helping me out with getting those ad campaigns?"
no subject
Porrim winks. She's only kind of joking.
(Okay, so maybe she's not joking at all. But she digresses.)
"But I was referring to the other time." The time with the kisses and the confessions that she can't seem to get out of her head no matter how hard she tries.
no subject
His hand stills when she clarifies, though, voice softening a little.
"So the time I put your job in danger and risked complicating everything and probably shouldn't have done, but don't really regret, then."
no subject
"Well, when you put it that way...yeah." Her voice has gone low, and a bit throaty. What it must be like, in another world, to be able to have conversations like this out in the open, and not to have to pretend they didn't happen every other waking moment of your day. "I don't regret it either, though."
no subject
It's risky having this conversation like this, even, when it's about something that didn't happen, as far as the Capitol knows, during a mission that they have to pretend like they have no idea even went on.
"It's not really going to get you in trouble, is it, the shit Celebrus keeps writing?" Sam encourages what they write about him, for the most part, because if they're reporting on his fucked up supposed love life, they're not looking at him for much else, but it's different with Porrim.
no subject
"If anything, I've been making sure to protest at a volume that's not too high so as to rouse suspicions. We haven't actually been seen together in an inappropriate capacity, so." She gives him a soft smile. "No worries."
no subject
"Yeah, okay. I'm pretty sure they've got enough shit to write about me that they won't dig too much into this one, anyway."
Which has been intentional, for more than just trying to protect Porrim. Still, he gives a slow exhale, quirking a little smile at her.
"Still no regrets getting mixed up in all of this? It's probably not too late to back out, I don't think anyone in 13 knows about you."
no subject
His smile brings her out of her ruminating, small as it is, she she shakes her head, one firm, solid shake, ponytail swishing side to side. "None. I'm not backing out, Sam." She's too deep, she couldn't go back to her little bubble, fragile as eggshells, even if she wanted to.