so i'll keep going till we've run out of road

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Who| Sam Wilson and YOU (prompts for specific characters in the comments)
What| Back from the arena and fresh from a canon update, Sam’s dragging people into blind spots and trying hard not to lose it over Steve and Jet
Where| The Speakeasy, various Capitol blindspots
When| After the end of arena 14
Warnings/Notes| Discussion of death, PTSD, will update as needed


It’s likely a surprise to no one that Sam isn’t doing so great right about now. With both Steve and Jet not coming back from the arena, Kurloz stuck as an Avox, and Albert and Bucky unreachable in District 13, the number of people left that Sam’s started to think of as part of his family is… not all that high. He’s working real damn hard at not letting himself end up the way he had when he lost Riley, but there are times when it’s a close call.

Playing along with the Capitol and getting sponsorships and ad campaigns gives him something to do with his time, gets him the money he needs to survive now, and hopefully takes some suspicion off of him, that he’s willing to follow what the Capitol says - but it doesn’t exactly do a lot to take his mind of off things. And he’s got a lot of things on his mind, especially with whatever the hell this is that’d gone down between when he died in the arena and when he woke up here with an extra year or so’s worth of memories. For the most part, when he’s not working, he sticks close to what’s left of his team, because he knows it’s a bad idea to let himself be alone right now.

Still, every once in a while he can be found alone in the Speakeasy, nursing a drink and people watching.

Comments

[fuckitall]

"In case something happens...?" That's what has Nick's attention the most right now rather than the compliments that he would've countered otherwise. He might as well say, "you're scarin' me, man". The talk about the rebellion and the conflicts that happen - not to mention the executions...it only just makes the survivor worry even more.

"What did they take from you?"

[sizeofyourbaggage]

There's a pause, then Sam makes a face at himself as he realizes how he's making this sound. "Sorry, man," he apologizes. "I'm not planning on going anywhere any time soon, it's just - shit happens, you know? Lost a couple of people lately that made me think."

He rubs the back of his neck, letting out a breath before he answers Nick's other question. Sam hasn't actually had to explain this that many times - back home, it was top secret, and the only people he'd told about it, he'd been able to just show them. "My wings. Back home, before I retired, I was special ops. It was an experimental program, and they shut it down after a mission went bad. I had the last functional pack - but now the Capitol does."

[fuckitall]

Leave it to Nick to think of the worst case scenario when even the slightest bit of news is hinted to go bad. Rare to let his guard down, he half-expected for the peacekeepers to suddenly show up and arrest them both for having this conversation. He relaxes some at Sam's reassurance, though the mention of those that have been lost keeps the frown there. Neither of them are strangers to loss, that has been established long ago.

He remembers Sam telling him that he was a pararescueman, but can't seem to recall anything about having wings. From what he just heard, it sounded literal?

"So you're joinin' the Rebellion to get it back?" It's something the survivor doesn't quite grasp, but he continues on as his thoughts run. "I guess it'd be pretty shitty if the Capitol figures out how that thing works." Flying peacekeepers. Ugh. Stupid image aside, he's still concerned. "What if the Rebellion wants it for themselves? I get what they're tryin' to do but..."

Trust. It always comes down to trust.

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Nick's mistrust is a relief, actually. Sam doesn't trust district thirteen, either, but he knows that some people are pinning a lot of their hopes on it, and it’d suck having to be the one to try to dissuade someone from that.

“Technically I joined a rebellion about five minutes after I got here, just not the one run by District 13.” He followed Steve, and Kurloz, but neither of them are here now.

“I don’t doubt the rebellion’d want to use it for their needs. I know people in 13 that I trust, but I don’t trust them. But they’re still our best allies, at least right now.”

[fuckitall]

Of course there had been more than one rebellion. Nick has given the rest of this world some credit enough to believe that not everyone is willing to live under these conditions. But the fact that there had been any before in the past sense just shows how the Capitol can easily snuff these people out.

"So you're sayin you're goin' to D13? Just like that?" Nick knows next to nothing about District 13, sometimes even forgetting that it exists. It makes sense that he didn't, now that he's learned hat is where the rebellion is.

[sizeofyourbaggage]

"No. I mean, yeah, I'm not gonna deny that 13 seems like the safer place to be, if only because I don't think they have anywhere near the power the Capitol does when it comes to being able to control us. But I'm not looking to go over there, not yet. I'm good where I'm at."

Going through the arenas is absolute shit, Sam is real damn tired of people he loves not coming back and worrying if they're in 13 or if he's lost them for good, he hates having to pretend for the cameras, he hates that everything in his life right now is basically for show, and he hates having to watch his friends go through all of this - but he's got it managed. He knows how to be entertaining enough for the Capitol to keep bringing him back, he lights up Celebrus with his mess of a love life and flirts and charms anyone that looks at him enough that people don't suspect he's part of the rebellion.

It's working, and he's okay with that.

"But what I want might not be taken into consideration."

that* omg I wish I catch my typos 8'|

[fuckitall]

"It sounds like they take whoever they want from the arenas and back to D13." From the hacked posts that he seen in the network on occasion...although he doesn't pay attention to it much since the people he has lost so far seem to have been gone for good.

"...is there anything I can do for you, man? I mean, probably not but - " Nick's been known for his reckless behavior. It has saved his own life and that of others on more than a few occasions back home but here? When the Capitol could readily punish his friends to punish him? He finds himself thinking twice. Even just being in this blind spot feels risky - it's partially why he doesn't use them as often as he would like to.

[sizeofyourbaggage]

"Kind of, yeah. I think they're taking people they think have strategic value, ones that they think will be useful to them, but if there's a pattern I can't see it."

Especially not when they can't really know who's been taken to 13 at any given time. He guesses he could ask Bucky, next time there's a hacker post, but he's not sure how much Bucky'd been willing to share over one of those. Or with him in general, really.

He gives a slightly grim smile at Nick's question. "Not more than any of us are already doing. Like I said, I just - I don't got a lot of people left here that I trust, and I needed people to know, just in case."

[fuckitall]

If they're looking for strategic value then they should've taken Clementine, he thinks. Nick frowns at the thought of her again, part of him feeling immensely guilty for being one to out live her. She's probably back home kicking ass. That's the only thing he can think to comfort himself.

"Gotcha." He doesn't know what more he can do, but it's still good to know. "I'm...it means a lot to hear that," he says with a scratch to the back of his head. "You can trust me."

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Sam'd empathize, if he knew what Nick was thinking. There's a number of people that would've been way more useful to the rebellion if 13 had grabbed them, but Sam knows they didn't.

He uses the same form of comfort, particularly for Natasha.

But as it is, he just claps his hand on Nick's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

"I know. Thank, man, I appreciate it. And I don't know a lot, but if you ever want more info on the rebellion, just let me know, all right?"