hit_girl_mindy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hit_girl_mindy) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thecapitol2014-09-24 11:28 pm
hit_girl_mindy) wrote in thecapitol2014-09-24 11:28 pm
Entry tags:
A neverending tunnel
WHO| Mindy, open
WHAT| Total brooding and evaluation of life choices here.
WHEN| Week 5
WHERE| Training room and the tower
WARNINGS/NOTES Mindy, so good amount of swearing, thoughts/talk of deaths
The riot should have been the easiest thing. What did Mindy want more than burning, breaking, smashing and shooting any living thing she could spy with her eyes? It should have been like putting on a second skin, and really, it would have been, had she stayed in the Capitol. She'd have finally had her chance to show the Capitol what she really thought of them and all the shit they'd put her through all this time.
Then, of course, they tortured her and right after that, threw her into the Arena. After a temporary good time with some friends, she watched each of them die, even the ones she'd sworn to protect, right down to Ellie, her bestie, and getting killed herself by some murdering cyclops bitch.
And then, back here, where Eva fucking pulls a black out on the Capitol, something Mindy could not stop but admire. The sheer bitchitude she showed, her treachery for the Capitol, only to fuck them balls deep in the ass for three hours.
But that, obviously, spelled Eva's end, and knowing Eva, she wouldn't go for some spectacle execution where they disemboweled her or gunned her down after torture. No, she'd die alone, private, and that was that.
And here she was, three hours of madness in her hands, and she....fumbled. Those memories, that self hatred dragged on her, pushed her down and she doubted herself and everything around her. She wanted to burn things and cause mayhem but for the first time in her life, she feared the pain.
Well, not entirely accurate. She didn't want anymore, not right away for fucks sake. She was still having nightmares of her torture, only now she had to deal with dead Hotaru and Chibi Usa floating around in her dream, along with Ellie falling through ice. It was only the Arena, she knew that, but that didn't stop her smothered yelling, her body taut as the pain came again, swallowing screams and breaking into closed mouth sobs she suppressed. She began to lock her room and not sleep (again). She was in her room, and honestly?
She could use the company.
_
Now numbness was replaced with anger. Chibi Usa was gone, which made her angry, but was doable. She didn't want a girl that young watching people scream and die. But Riley. She was in her district. She was a friend. She was ELLIE'S...something (girlfrined? Friend with benefits? Main girl?), and now she was dead. Again.
Shittiness. At least Ellie had closure, even if it was in the most fucked up way possible.
So Mindy's frustrations went into her obstacle course, jumping through rings, punching bags, seeing how much further she could jump. Her body was tight, screaming at her, and this, after all this time, was comforting now. She was sweaty, bruised, but all by her own hands.
She felt, at least, like herself again, concentrating on how pissed she was.
WHAT| Total brooding and evaluation of life choices here.
WHEN| Week 5
WHERE| Training room and the tower
WARNINGS/NOTES Mindy, so good amount of swearing, thoughts/talk of deaths
The riot should have been the easiest thing. What did Mindy want more than burning, breaking, smashing and shooting any living thing she could spy with her eyes? It should have been like putting on a second skin, and really, it would have been, had she stayed in the Capitol. She'd have finally had her chance to show the Capitol what she really thought of them and all the shit they'd put her through all this time.
Then, of course, they tortured her and right after that, threw her into the Arena. After a temporary good time with some friends, she watched each of them die, even the ones she'd sworn to protect, right down to Ellie, her bestie, and getting killed herself by some murdering cyclops bitch.
And then, back here, where Eva fucking pulls a black out on the Capitol, something Mindy could not stop but admire. The sheer bitchitude she showed, her treachery for the Capitol, only to fuck them balls deep in the ass for three hours.
But that, obviously, spelled Eva's end, and knowing Eva, she wouldn't go for some spectacle execution where they disemboweled her or gunned her down after torture. No, she'd die alone, private, and that was that.
And here she was, three hours of madness in her hands, and she....fumbled. Those memories, that self hatred dragged on her, pushed her down and she doubted herself and everything around her. She wanted to burn things and cause mayhem but for the first time in her life, she feared the pain.
Well, not entirely accurate. She didn't want anymore, not right away for fucks sake. She was still having nightmares of her torture, only now she had to deal with dead Hotaru and Chibi Usa floating around in her dream, along with Ellie falling through ice. It was only the Arena, she knew that, but that didn't stop her smothered yelling, her body taut as the pain came again, swallowing screams and breaking into closed mouth sobs she suppressed. She began to lock her room and not sleep (again). She was in her room, and honestly?
She could use the company.
_
Now numbness was replaced with anger. Chibi Usa was gone, which made her angry, but was doable. She didn't want a girl that young watching people scream and die. But Riley. She was in her district. She was a friend. She was ELLIE'S...something (girlfrined? Friend with benefits? Main girl?), and now she was dead. Again.
Shittiness. At least Ellie had closure, even if it was in the most fucked up way possible.
So Mindy's frustrations went into her obstacle course, jumping through rings, punching bags, seeing how much further she could jump. Her body was tight, screaming at her, and this, after all this time, was comforting now. She was sweaty, bruised, but all by her own hands.
She felt, at least, like herself again, concentrating on how pissed she was.
no subject
She turned from Harley, the hug not being pushed away, but feeling more and more isolated. "Things were easier when I didn't care about shit like this: people, or friends or fucking arguments about stupid shit that have nothing to do with getting the fuck out of here! I actually argued with Eponine instead of pounding her fucking face to the ground for being a tempermental shithead! What am I, in high school?"
Her voice was raising higher. "So I'm just HERE, coasting by, and I feel worthless if I'm keeping cover but now they're onto me and they can just torture me and for fucks sake, I couldn't even bounce back because they fucking got in my head!"
This last reveal actually made Mindy pitch a vase against the door, because thinking about it made her sick with shame, but it was tolerable when she kept that shit inside. Out in the open, she felt frustrated, rageful. Useless.
no subject
"Yeah me too."
It wasn't exactly something she liked to reflect on. Other peoples problems were easier then hers.
"But that's the thing isn't it? We change because we have to. Look at me am I as crazy or violent or selfish as the comics paint me out to be?" She gestured to herself.
"If this were my world on my terms I'd have this place running backwards and upside down in a month. But I can't be as crazy here because they shoot to kill. They don't take too many chances and we've used up most of our good will." Another tap to her cheek.
"And just when I thought they couldn't break my spirits They march Bruce Wayne, four of his sons, his daughter, Wonder Woman and some other random Gotham girl through here and each one of them bites it permanently. A few of them didn't even last two arenas." She groaned and ran her fingers through her hair.
"Humans are where we are as a species because we can evolve and adapt. We roll with the punches and let the world effect us. If we were the same no matter what life put in our path we'd stagnate and die."
At least that's how she looked at it.
no subject
All of the anger, the resentment, the bitter bitter reflection she kept to herself was pouring out, and fuck, what she wouldn't give for a FIGHT, a real one with punches and kicks and no interruptions. Something to make her remember she had a choice, that pain was temporary, not lasting in her head like their torture.
"I fucking know, Harls. I'm sorry. I don't...fuck, I don't want to think and play goddamn video games and arcade games or whatever else these fucking people think little kids do! How am I even supposed to be a little kid in this place?! So what, I can play fucking bumper cars and watch movies and laugh while ignoring people fucking getting flayed and avoxed? Or what, be like Clem and be cute so all the adults can feel bad and hug me but not be fucking around when I get killed in the Arena? This place, these people, we're chips, nothing more! Don't get more human than that!"
no subject
"We're not chips. And we're not toys. We're not helpless either. If we weren't a threat to them they wouldn't even bother trying to manipulate us they would just lock us in boxes and let us out when it's playtime."
Putting a hand on either side of Mindy's face she made their eyes meet.
"The only way you can be a kid is to do it the way that feels right for you. So yeah play video games, crash in bumper cars and eat too much junk food. But you're still training and protecting people as best you can because that's who you are. Not some comic book hero and not some tragic victim. You're Mindy Fucking Macready, the most dangerous pre-teen I've ever met. They can shake you, they can knock you down and even crack you. But if they break you then ole' Harley will just have to put the pieces back together. And it won't be smooth and it won't be perfect...but you'll still be your father's daughter and that's gonna have to be enough to hold onto for now."
no subject
"Eva wouldn't have risked her life if she believed that." She was quiet, her hands clasped. "What I wouldn't do to have had a real fucking conversation with her, no bullshit. Just guesswork now, and that annoying bitch that she left behind. Funny, who dies and who lives. Not even fair, really."
She sighed. "I guess I can fake it. I've still got a few of my friends left, right? Hotaru, Clementine. Ellie, whenever she can get away from fucking Joel. I can start from somewhere. I just...I wish they hadn't brought dad back when they were doing their reunion shit. All I can think about is him these days, and how I'm not anywhere close enough to getting him back."
no subject
"Eva wasn't perfect. If she was she could have opened up to us more and brought us into the fold. But the fact is she had trust issues. And look where it got her in the end? I mean really what was accomplished by her little stunt? Some riots, some fires. Nothing's changed. It was a waste because she didn't feel like she could trust anyone but herself."
"You've got friends. They may be targets, but they also are the ones you need in times like this when you're feeling weak in the knees."
A pause and she added, "And by the way? Why am I not on that list of friends? Just because I'm a little older? So cruel."
no subject
"See?" She mumbled. "In the old days, I would have shoved you off me. Well, maybe, you ARE Harley Quinn, its still insane that I've met you at all to begin with."
She wouldn't, of course. Harley was one of those adult friends she did care and respect.
"I was talking about my kid friends, dumb ass," she said. "I wouldn't put Clem in, say, the same category as Hawkeye."
no subject
"Well I guess that'll have to do. I may be an adult but I'm still childish at heart." she cackled delighted with herself like no other.
no subject
No, she was not totally referencing a certain song, what are you talking about?
"I don't know if I consider you an adult yet," Mindy said thoughtfully. "You still know how to have fun and you don't piss me off. Maybe something inbetween."
no subject
"We're not adults and we're not kids, we're something in between. I'd say teenagers but I think we're not quite that either because we're smarter and don't have acne yet."
no subject
"Yeah, and I can wait for being a teenager. Between Dave and Eponine's drama I don't think I need to have that kind of life!"
no subject
"I thought MY teenage years were rough. Eponine makes it into a greek tragedy."
no subject
"That's because Eponine is a fucking tragedy. A selfish, self destructive tragedy."
no subject
Eponine had even been there longer then Harley and the toll it had taken on her was clear for all to see.
no subject
She shook her head. 'I'm not surprised she's still around. Her bullshit makes the arena interesting."
no subject
"Maybe interesting to the masses, but I've grown bored with her." Harley countered with an elaborate and exaggerated yawn of boredom.
I will forever think of this as the "lazy bj" icon
"Of course you have," Mindy said, making a face, "you're a fucking headshrinker! In your spare time you've seen worse than her fucking high school Degrassi bullshit!"
Keep dreaming~
"But let's be fair, I glued a clown wig to her head. Her stylist had to shave it off. She made my stoic and serious little friend cry. That cat was the only thing keeping Homura connected to the life and love she had lost and Eponine thought she could just steal it? She's lucky that I was smart enough to figure out humiliation was the only pain she would pay attention to."
I don't....want that in my dreams! Who wants a lazy bj in their dreams?!
"Dude, come on, be serious. That bitch was lucky that the cat happened to be something important to Homura, and she made it worse by fucking crying about it. Eponine has the intelligence of oatmeal, whatever her street smarts are. Homura just had no way of filtering her distress or being intimidating. That's one of her worse points, really. Don't act like making Eponine look fucking retarded was hard. That was the first thing my fucking murderer did in the Arena. I'm still angry about it."
Desperate people?
"Whatever Homura's faults are, she's my pal and I'd do the same to anyone who made you freak out like that so watch it." She warned following with "And it may have been easy, but that wasn't the point. The point is that Eponine has lived a difficult life and because of that she doesn't respond to things like being punched in the face, tortured with knives or even yelled at. None of those things bother her. What really upsets her is to be embarrassed and humiliated. After you figure that out it's easy to do, even easier for someone like me but if you just try to discipline her in more traditional ways the message won't get through to her oatmeal and she'll just keep doing whatever stupid thing she'd done."
For someone they didn't like these two spent an awful lot of time talking about her.
"You'll notice since that incident she doesn't mess with Homura and she has a healthy fear of me." Which had come in handy once or twice.
Re: Desperate people?
"So you were going out to punish her. Fair enough: its you, and if anyone would know to go after the thing that a person hates the most, you would. I was sure that Eva might have killed you for that, seeing how she went after Felicity, but I guess Eva thought the girl had it coming. Makes me feel stupid that I went out and kicked her ass."
Because no one spits at her, damn it.
"Yeah, at the funeral. Seriously, that bitch had some nerve, trying to keep us out of that."
no subject
The funeral had been appropriately somber, but the kind of thing Eva would hate. All those people focused on her.
no subject
And Mindy would be damned if she wouldn't at least pay respects to Eva: it had taken balls to do what she did that night, wondering if everything she'd done would be forgotten later.
no subject
"Well as much fun as hating on Eponine is look at the time. We're gonna be sleeping till noon at this rate and that's hardly good Mentoring."
Harley normally would sleep in late but in the last couple weeks she'd been waking earlier and trying harder to get her tributes to train with her.
no subject
Mindy laughed at the insinuation that she would actually be sleeping in. "That'd be a nice dream. I'm young Harl, my metabolism is not to be fucked with. Keep in my mind I was making sure people at night didn't fuck around: strict regiment."
Drinking had toyed with that a little, but Mindy had figured out a decent enough schedule around it.
(no subject)
(no subject)