thecapitol | [OPEN] We've opened our eyes

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[OPEN] We've opened our eyes

Who| Meulin Leijon & Terezi; Meulin and you!
What| Meulin hangs around the commons and then takes Terezi on an ill fated late lunch
Where| Tribute Towers Commons; out on the town
When| Backdated to the Sunday after the medieval ball
Warnings/Notes| None so far

A. Open
Meulin bounces on the balls of her feet, looking around at the magazines spread here and there. She's early for her outing and that makes her a tiny bit nervous. Various tributes and staff might not have been as appreciative of her work as they could be and well--she'd be happy when they were out of the tower.

If her picture hadn't been in there, maybe she wouldn't be so nervous. It was too late either way. There was no time to send a message to meet somewhere else and she was already here. She picked up Celebrus and flipped to an open page.

"Oh yes, tell me what outlandish new styles should be my own, Celebrus. Inquiring minds want to know." She mumbled, louder than she means, and pulls out a pen to take the ridiculous quiz.

B. Closed to Terezi

When she spies the young troll, Meulin pushes off from the wall she'd been propped against, leaves the magazine on a nearby table and starts moving to meet her. A purse is slung over her shoulder and she pauses for a moment to pull out her pen and paper. Her smile is still a little hesitant at the corners, not quite as light as it might have once been.

"I hope you're hungry, I have a reservation made for that weird fish place I told you about. The one where you catch the fish and they cook them. And there's a great place in the District 11 section of the shopping center that does fruit smoothies, ice cream and all that. I asked around for suggestions."

She looks so proud of the research she put into this, be proud of her Terezi. She might be a little awkward around Terezi but there was no excuse not to do things right.

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Lux 4... Terezi feels like she's heard that name before, but she can't quite remember where. She follows Meulin's lead into the restaurant, the whiteboard hanging from her free hand. It's all she can do to keep walking once the smell hits her.

This was not what she was expecting at all.

There's water everywhere, and most of it is over her head. Her shoulders tense and her movements become more rigid, that familiar fear coming back to her. She tries not to outright panic. No no no, it's okay, she mentally reassures herself. You can smell everything here. There's no lurking. The water is clear. They can't even get to you, they're behind the glass. She concentrates on breathing as she walks, keeping her head down so she can smell as little as possible. It's not great--the theme is hard to escape; but she thinks that if she can just hold out long enough to get to a table, then maybe she can distract herself with the food, and Meulin won't have to waste her time and money on this reservation.

Meulin notices, suddenly, her ducked head, the way she doesn't look up. She can't quite figure out what's wrong but something must be. She glances up ahead at the person waiting to take her name and scans the space beyond him. No one Meulin recognizes, but she stops a little short of the host.

"Are you alright? What's wrong?"

Terezi hears the question, but only shakes her head in response, her fingers curled around the whiteboard notepad tight enough to turn her knuckles white. Her breathing seems strained, and her hands are shaking. She doesn't think she'd have the ability to write even if she wanted to.

It's okay. It's just water. It can't hurt you. She tries to repeat those words to herself, over and over; but her head feels dizzy and her feet won't move. She's stuck in place with so much water over her head and the hues of blue and green glinting off of everything. And what if something broke that glass? The stray thought crosses her mind, and her stomach nearly drops out.

She sinks into a shaky crouch on the floor, whiteboard binder clattering on the ground next to her. Her hands go first to her face--as if she could hide from the scent of the water like that, and then to cover her head. Her breaths come in more desperate gasps. Her heart feels like it's going to pound out of her chest.

"Out. Get me out of here. I want out." She pleads over and over between ragged breaths, knowing that Meulin can't hear her, but unable to do anything else.

Terezi stays still for a few moments and just when Meulin begins to move toward her, she sinks down to the floor. There's something sad and familiar about that, she thinks in some distant part of her mind, as the rest of her sinks down beside Terezi. Her hands to her face then up over her head and Meulin distantly remembers what helped in her own panic attacks. This was a panic attack, but what about, Meulin wasn't sure. Hesitantly, she rubs her hand over Terezi's back, slowly.

"I can't..You want to go? We can go. Nod if you want to go, Terezi."

Her mind races ahead to the quieter spots nearby. Nothing in a blind spot of course, but there were at least two relative secluded areas. Quiet with little traffic.

Terezi almost doesn't hear Meulin. Her mind is too preoccupied with the way her chest is straining to get air, which only ramps her terror up tenfold. She has to breathe. If she can't breathe, she's going to die. She's going to suffocate again.

Somehow the voice breaks through. Something about going. Leaving. She manages a shaky nod. Yes. Yes, she wants to leave. Before something terrible happens like she knows it will.

Once she gets the nod, she scrambles to pick up her bag and her whiteboard. The whiteboard goes in the bag and that gets looped over her arm. Over her shoulder, she murmurs an apology, something about having to cancel that reservation for Leijon, and focuses back on Terezi. She gets a hand under her arm and lifts. She's not exactly strong but it's more of a suggestion than actually trying to carry her.

"We're going outside, okay Terezi? Come on, there's a park nearby. You just need some fresh air, right?"

Terezi is easy to lift up. She doesn't way much, and her legs still make the attempt to work; but if Meulin were to let go, she would likely end up on the floor again. For the moment, she tries to concentrate on breathing and walking, trying to drown out the terror of what might happen if the ceiling cracked under the pressure of all that water. She wants to run, but her legs feel too paralyzed to manage more than an assisted walk.

She lets Meulin decide the direction and location, her hand clamping tightly on her friend's arm. The trip back outside is agonizing, but she eases her grip a little once they get outside. Neither the panic nor the shakiness disappate quite as quickly.

They make it out the door and Meulin breathes easier. That was probably the hard part, she thinks, and takes a moment with Terezi latched onto her arm but still upright to think. Left is the park with the faulty camera in the corner by the trees, right is the benches and courtyard area, no spots but closer. She shakes her head just a little to clear that thought. Terezi is a Peacekeeper. They don't need blind spots. She heads to the benches.

It takes only a few minutes and Meulin doesn't speak until she has Terezi settled on a bench with her purse in her lap.

"Do you want something to drink? I can get you something if you need it."

Something to drink. Terezi nods her head, clutching her purse in her lap, now that Meulin has her sitting again. She's not sure that she could drink anything right now, but now that they're outside, it might help. If it helps, Terezi is willing to try.

There are people staring by this point, after a scene like that. Terezi keeps her head down, trying to ignore them. Undoubtedly, this is going to end up on someone's gossip column, but for the moment she just doesn't care.

Meulin nods. Okay, something to drink, she can do that. She glances around the courtyard and spots a little shop. That'll do.

"I'll be right back okay? Just..." There's hesitation, then Meulin kneels down a bit to get closer to Terezi's eye level, "Breathe in and out slow, it helps. Try concentrating on that. Or try like--relaxing your muscle one by one. I won't be long, so just sit tight."

Once she gets some acknowledgement, she's up and across the way to the shop, disappearing inside. It takes a few minutes for her to return with a bag of what is probably too many drinks.

For what it's worth, Terezi tries to follow Meulin's advice. She concentrates on her breathing and tries to ignore the craving for more air. Slow and deep. Not drowning. Not suffocating. Just breathing slow and deep. She tries to let the breath come on its own, forcing herself not to hurriedly suck in air.

When Meulin returns, Terezi seems a bit better--still shaky, but not as panicked. She feels on the verge of starting up again, but the precise motions of breathing in and out are enough to keep her from hyperventilating.

She lifts her head a little, holding her hands out for one of the promised drinks.

A cold fruit juice is pressed into her hands. It claims to contain all sorts of enriching vitamins but Meulin was skeptical. She holds the bag up to peer inside as she waits for Terezi to take a sip.

"I got plain water and something fizzy if you'd rather have that. But you said you liked fruit."

Terezi is less shaky but Meulin still kneels in front of her and sorts through the bag. It was more or less what she just grabbed from the shelves and she pulls out a stick of jerky with a strange look.

"I'm not sure why I grabbed this. I got some crackers...and an orange."

She was feeling more silly by the moment. Crackers, jerky and an orange. Hardly the thing she'd want during an attack.

Despite her panic, Terezi has to laugh a little at the jerky and the other things. It's a nervous quiet little thing that sounds a small part hysterical, but it's still progress made. She holds onto the fruit juice for a few seconds, just feeling the coolness in her hands; then the cap comes off and she tries a few careful sips. She can feel the cold down through her throat and chest, and it clears her head a little.

In and out, in and out, she breathes.

"Thank you" are her first words, when she finally finds her voice again. It takes her a few seconds to remember that Meulin can't hear them. She grimaces at the slip, but doesn't reach for the whiteboard yet. A few more breaths, a few more sips... Then she manages to shakily draw the whiteboard back out of her purse.

Her writing is a mess, but somewhat legible.

TH4NK YOU SORRY

Edited 2015-08-18 03:27 (UTC)

Meulin watches her quietly, fingers curling and uncurling in the bag in a nervous gesture. One she forgets would make some sort of noise, that it's something Terezi might notice. When Terezi speaks, Meulin understands. The words can only be a few things 'I'm okay' 'thank you' 'im sorry'. Some short and to the point. She nods but Terezi spells it out as well.

Picking up Terezi's pen, she carefully writes back a reply beneath it.

It's alright really. I've been through this.

Take as much time as you need. We'll grab something at a little place. Was it the water? I didn't realize it would be like that honestly :( I'm sorry.

Terezi nods at the both the question and the plan to get something at a different place. There's no distinction between them, though. She takes a few more sips of the juice. It feels nice in her hands. Cold and grounding.

1T W4S TH3 W4T3R

She starts writing a few more things: "I didn't", "I wasn't", "It's o"... But each time, she rubs out the letters again. Her handwriting is a mess, even more than it normally is. She finally manages to start something, but it's only small fragments of an explanation.

F1RST M1N1 4R3N4
D1STR1CT SC4V3NG3R HUNT
SW1MM1NG 1N S3CT1ON FOUR
SOM3TH1NG GR4BB3D MY L3G
DROWN3D
COULDNT

COULDNT SM3LL
COULDNT H34R
JUST D4RKN3SS 4ND S1L3NC3
4ND W4T3R PR3SS1NG 1N

The idea of drowning is so vague a concept. She knows it happens, that it happens to a lot of people, but she's been in water all her life. It's like a comforting friend, something to hold her and keep her and when she tumbled over herself in the waves, it was a reminder to be careful, not a danger. Yet, she can imagine the horror, spelled out so succinctly. A shark perhaps, pulling a surfer off their board or a muttation dragging down a tribute in their prime, back in the old games. She remembers something like that. Many things like that. There's a sudden shudder at the idea of water in the arena.

There would be no comfort to it there.

I'm sorry. I can't fully imagine what it must have been like.
I've never been through that.
But I understand how you must feel now.
Do you need anything else?

Terezi is already surprised by the kindness that Meulin had shown her. She doesn't know many people in the Capitol who would help her like this. She's already done enough just sitting with her like this and buying her drinks to calm her down. She wouldn't mind staying like this for a little while.

C4N YOU ST4Y W1TH M3?
1 DONT N33D 4NYTH1NG 3LS3

That's all she really wants right now. To have someone nearby that is comforting to talk to. Someone who can ease her fears with the sound of their voice. Meulin isn't quite the one that she wants right now, but she's very close. She can still help.

Terezi sips at her juice some more, until the liquid is more than half gone. She takes the whiteboard and writes something else:

1 KNOW HOW TO SW1M
TH3 1N1T14T3 T4UGHT M3
1 W4S TRY1NG TO F4K3 1T
4ND TH3N 1T H4PP3N3D FOR R34L

Staying there is something she can do. Kneeling on the ground like this just makes her even shorter, but she sits back on her heels and waits quietly. It's odd, knowing Terezi has these sort of things happen to her too. Even a peacekeeper has things that can bring on panic. The whole situation makes her more uncertain, more unsure. She wants to stroke her hair or her hand like she might for Taria but she hardly knows Terezi. It would be weird.

Better to keep a distance anyways. Better not to get too attached to the peacekeeping troll.

Yet, her interest is piqued when she writes about Initiate. Perhaps is the shipper in her or the memory of hearing about him through those at home, in what was most likely an exaggerated version of events. She takes up the pen curiously to write back.

Fake swimming or drowning?
I guess I don't understand why you'd try to fake either?

Edited (whoops) 2015-09-09 03:19 (UTC)

F4K3 DROWN1NG

It occurs to her that maybe she should stop. This wasn't something that she was supposed to be vocal about. She was supposed to be a good Peacekeeper and a good Tribute. She was supposed to keep her mouth shut and nod her head and say all the right words... But her head still feels light from the panic, and she just wants to curl up somewhere and be comforted. She misses her moirail.

TH3Y S41D
1F W3 D1DNT W1N OR D13
1N TH3 4LLOT3D T1M3
TH3Y WOULD K1LL US
4ND NOT BR1NG US B4CK

Oh. She's confused for a moment, why would she kill herself if they had to win--

Or die. She faked drowning to die so she'd be brought back. So it was her doing it and she could make sure. Meulin sits flat on the ground and the breath escapes her at that daring. She's not sure she could do it. Then again, she wouldn't have the chance. An arena was a one way trip for her. One way and no way out except dead. She didn't have to contemplate dying for the sake of living.

That was very brave
But probably not the best if you can't stand the sight of water now
Maybe you just need better memories for it
A friend of mine went into an arena with things in the water that tried to kill him but he still swims I think.
Maybe one day it won't scare you anymore

Better memories... Terezi isn't so sure about that. Anyone that might have been able to give her better memories was lost to her--dead and gone, or out of reach in other ways. She had tried to acclimate herself again, at first. She had to. The first time she tried to use the shower, the feeling of rushing water over her head had sparked a panic so intense that she nearly fell trying to scramble out of the bathroom. It had been weeks before she could talk herself through it. Weeks of washing herself in the sink and hating how weak she felt.

These days she could manage the normal everyday amount of water, but sometimes if she wasn't careful or wasn't prepared... It still felt so overwhelming. She still hates it just as much.

M4YB3

She wants that day to be now.

There's things she's not being told, she can tell that much. She watches Terezi and her expression and there's so much not being said, so much hidden under the surface. It reminds her, of herself, of slinking past Peacekeepers, avoiding entire areas of town, hiding in the room she shared with her sister and almost running from the reaping that year. Of how she still froze against the wall in the Medieval Ball when everyone ran around, how she had clung to Kurloz's hand in the elevator, wanting to explain how it still scared her sometimes, how it wasn't something she could help, but it came out wrong.

Meulin reached up and grasped her hands in her own. If she didn't think of this girl as a Peacekeeper, it was easier. If she just let herself see the things that are similar, it slips into familiarity, into a friend helping a friend. Just don't think.

"I know. Some things scare me still and I don't think I'll ever get better memories of that particular thing. And even when I think I'm past it, sometimes it sneaks up on me. But it'll get better, I purromise. It will."

The grasp of her hands in Meulin's causes Terezi to lift her head just a bit. Just enough that it might seem like she's looking at the connection between the two of them. There's a stirring of feeling there, and she feels guilty for that. She's so kind and warm and oblivious to the things that she's doing by being so supportive. The urge to fold herself into her arms and shut out the world is strong, but Terezi manages to resist.

But she doesn't pull her hands away, not even to write another message. She only nods her head, trying to put her gratitude into her expression where Meulin might see it.

Years of reading expressions helps. The fact that her hands stay right where they are helps too. Her words and gestures aren't unwelcome, aren't pushed away. So Meulin stays like that, crouching on the ground and looking up at the girl, hands clasped. A smile so faint it might not be there turns up the corners of her lips. She really hadn't expected this side of Terezi. Terezi had always seemed so...confident, in her space and unafraid. It's different, to see her scared. Not bad, not humbling, just...different. Like she's a normal sort of person.

"Do you want to go find something else to eat? Or just stay here a while?"

More than anything, Terezi is grateful for Meulin's presence, whether she's doing so out of a pale inclination or not. She's calming in her own right, and that's helping more than anything else could.

Meulin asks her a question, and Terezi touches her stomach and nods, trying to get across the idea that she would like to go somewhere else for food. Everything still feels a little shaky and there's an exhaustion creeping into her mind, but the feeling of being hungry is starting to return ever so slowly. Even if she gets something small, it would be better for staying on her feet than nothing at all.

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