Bucky Barnes ☆ 32557038 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tookthewheel) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thecapitol2015-01-04 02:44 pm
tookthewheel) wrote in thecapitol2015-01-04 02:44 pm
Entry tags:
Twenty five, don't recall a time I felt this alive (open)
Who| MCU!Bucky Barnes and YOU
What| Bucky's back in the Capitol and dealing with things
Where| Anywhere around the Tribute Center, specify the location of your choice
When| After arena 12 goes boom
Warnings/Notes| The usual with this guy
Waking up was easier this time.
Maybe it's because he'd accepted and waited for death to come rather than fighting against it as he had before, with the same resignation and understanding of what was going to happen that had made it easier to go into the ice when his missions were done. He can count it as a bonus that waking up in a warm bed was far more pleasant than from the cryostasis tank.
Bucky gets up calmly but still with the feeling something is wrong, more than just how weak his limbs feel again after living a month with his full strength back. A feeling that persists as he heads for the shower first, then irritably shaves off the beard he always wakes up with and is coming to loathe, discovering at the same time that the brand has now gone from his cheek. Venturing into the kitchen area yields leftover casserole from the fridge which he wolfs down quickly before heading out of District 1 with Toro the tribble safely in his pocket. He needs to see his friends, check for himself that they're still here and make sure no more of them have vanished like the first Widow did.
He goes down to District 9 first, then down to the common area to start working his way upwards, choosing to take the stairs rather than the elevator as he moves through the training and district levels before finally emerging up onto the roof. There he habitually heads for his favourite spot to try and let the cold winter air blow out the still persistent cobwebs in his head.
What| Bucky's back in the Capitol and dealing with things
Where| Anywhere around the Tribute Center, specify the location of your choice
When| After arena 12 goes boom
Warnings/Notes| The usual with this guy
Waking up was easier this time.
Maybe it's because he'd accepted and waited for death to come rather than fighting against it as he had before, with the same resignation and understanding of what was going to happen that had made it easier to go into the ice when his missions were done. He can count it as a bonus that waking up in a warm bed was far more pleasant than from the cryostasis tank.
Bucky gets up calmly but still with the feeling something is wrong, more than just how weak his limbs feel again after living a month with his full strength back. A feeling that persists as he heads for the shower first, then irritably shaves off the beard he always wakes up with and is coming to loathe, discovering at the same time that the brand has now gone from his cheek. Venturing into the kitchen area yields leftover casserole from the fridge which he wolfs down quickly before heading out of District 1 with Toro the tribble safely in his pocket. He needs to see his friends, check for himself that they're still here and make sure no more of them have vanished like the first Widow did.
He goes down to District 9 first, then down to the common area to start working his way upwards, choosing to take the stairs rather than the elevator as he moves through the training and district levels before finally emerging up onto the roof. There he habitually heads for his favourite spot to try and let the cold winter air blow out the still persistent cobwebs in his head.
no subject
Aang appreciates that now they're sitting on the couch. That allows him to curl up on top of Bucky properly, now clinging to him less like a limpet and more like a vine--looser, but still depending on him to stay upright. He can feel the slight bump of metal transitioning to skin under the clothes on Bucky's shoulder. A little part of him is curious and kind of wants to see how the metal arm connects to a fleshy chest, but most of him is too busy being consoled to bother entertaining a possibly offensive question.
Aang tucks his head under Bucky's. This way, he can hide his puffy red face and feel the man's heartbeat against his cheek, so it's a win-win.
"Zuko didn't come back from the arena." It's blurted out. Like it was just waiting for him to put down his guard to escape. "And I can't find Korra anywhere. My world can probably survive without Zuko, but if Korra's spirit doesn't make it home... I think my world is going to die." He doesn't even know if Bucky knows Korra or who she is. It doesn't occur to him.
There's no record of a world without an Avatar. At most, there were disjointed and inconsistent stories that always ended with the Avatar banishing darkness and swearing to shepherd the two worlds. The four nations only needed one hundred years without an Avatar to end up cutting themselves down to two nations. What would the rest of eternity without the Avatar mean?
All this on top of the fact that he killed someone. Took the air from their lungs. He didn't even mean to do it; he just did. But he doesn't know if he can say that.
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"I'm sorry." he remembers Zuko as the teenager who had been with Aang in the mall explosion, the one he'd helped keep Aang alive. That had been their only encounter but he'd appreciated Zuko's devotion to his young friend, one that must've gone both ways. The other name he recognises only from the Tribute roster as a teenage girl, one he now knows was also from Aang's own world.
There's nothing else Bucky thinks he can say about the fate of those two people, no reassurance he can offer that wouldn't be a lie. He cannot say that perhaps Aang's friends were returned to their home because he doesn't believe it himself, the Capitol is not that kind even if it is possible.
"Why do you think that?"
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"Because she's me in the next life. She's the next Avatar. My world barely managed one hundred years without one." Would it still be salvageable if he goes home? If the Capitol can't put him back exactly where he was, the Earth Kingdom is long gone. So are all the earthbenders, probably, just like the airbenders. All the Fire Nation has to do would be sweep through the Northern Water Tribe, and suddenly, they're the only nation with any bending left.
No matter what he does, the balance is still destroyed. There aren't any airbenders besides him. Even if he saves the Earth Kingdom, he's going to live, die, be reborn again, and be thrown right back in the games, and he might not ever get back home again.
"I'm not very good at being the Avatar." It's a soft admittance. When did he ever really think differently? He's a bad Avatar and an even worse Air Nomad, and he'll be succeeded by a woman who will possibly be the very last. "Let's hope her spirit makes it back home." Maybe it will find a way, and she will be reborn as an earthbender who will fix both their mistakes.
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"It's not your fault." he tells Aang immediately, eyes dark as he gazes at a spot on the carpet. "You know that, don't you?"
It seems funny for him to be saying that to someone else when others had told him the same and he can't truly believe it, he can't. Aang is different though.
Bucky takes one hand from Aang's back and reaches into his pocket, removing Toro from his warm hideaway. The tribble does nothing more than let out a sleep coo of curiousity at the change in its surroundings when Bucky offers it to Aang to hold.
He might not be able to sustain the kind of comforting contact the boy wants but the tribble can. It won't mind being held as long as needed.
no subject
Aang accepts the little purring creature. He looks down at it, slowly removing his hand from Bucky's shoulder so he can pet it. It makes him relaxed. Sleepy, even.
He decides that he can stand to give Bucky some space again. He doesn't want to make the man any more uncomfortable than he might already be. He rolls off his lap, cradling the purring creature close, but he can't help but rest his head on Bucky's shoulder. Hopefully, that is still acceptable.
"Stop yelling at him! Aang wouldn't turn his back on anyone."
"Oh, he wouldn't, huh? Well, then I guess I must have imagined the last hundred years of war and suffering.'
Bucky doesn't understand the Avatar. He can't hope to understand how an entire world can be designed to depend on one person, and he can't understand that whether it's fair or not, all that responsibility has to be managed by the Avatar. It's a personal failing if the balance is disrupted under his watch, and the people rightfully blame him for his failure.
'Have you forgotten that you vanished, allowing the Fire Nation to wreak havoc on the world? The decline of the dragons is your burden too.'
Despite it all, he likes that Bucky doesn't understand. He likes being told that it isn't his fault, even if he knows that it is. It's comforting that at least one person doesn't expect him to carry the sky on his shoulders.
"It doesn't matter whose fault it is. What matters is that I was supposed to fix it. Maybe I still can, if they can put me right back where and when I was." And if Korra's spirit can find its way back. There's no restoring the balance completely--the Air Nomads are dead and gone--but he can keep the Fire Lord from destroying it further.
He keeps petting the sleepy tribble. "I'm going to go back home one day. I'm going to go back home, and I'm going to fix this." He has to believe that. He has to. For Zuko and Korra's sake as well as his own.
'That’s the infirmary, and those soldiers are the lucky ones. They came back. Every day, the Fire Nation takes lives. People are dying, Aang. You could end it now.'
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At he has the tribble now, there to do what Bucky cannot. It's ability to sooth Bucky at his worst is strong and so it's no surprise that it works for Aang as well.
"It shouldn't be--" he starts, stops, uncertain of his own right to speak out against what Aang see's as the truth but this is what Bucky feels and now, after several decades, his voice is supposed to be his own again. "There should be others who can do that, not just you."
Not just a young boy, barely a teenager. He tries not to think of young boys and girls with guns and blades in their hands, the ghosts of memories that dance around the back of his head when he's supposed to be focusing on someone other than himself. Bucky won't let himself get sidetracked. The point remains that it's wrong for an entire world to pin their chance of salvation on a child.
"If it's possible..." he murmurs. He doesn't know if it or it isn't, to be frank. Tony seemed to think it was when they talked after the last arena and would probably know better than Bucky does if their transportation here worked both ways. "That's what you want?"
no subject
If Aang hadn't had the tribble, he would have flinched. As it stands, he just keeps running his fingers through its fur with painstaking gentleness. It's discomfiting to hear someone question the entire system on which his world is based, especially when he himself has been wondering it about it as of late. He shies away from the questions and doubts that bubble in his own head, because pursuing those would only lead to hesitation and resentment. The last time he did that, the Air Nomads died, and he lost everything he loved. "Maybe that's how it works in other worlds, but in mine, only the Avatar has to power to take care of the world. The Avatar has to do it because no one else can."
Even if the Avatar is a child. Even if the people sit back and wait for a hundred years for a little boy to fight a full grown man--it's how it must be done, because only the Avatar has the power to do it, and the Avatar must endure.
At least, Aang tells himself that. Otherwise, there would be many questions to ask. "If I don't, so many people will die, including the ones I love. I can't leave them. Not again." He can't have another genocide on his conscience. It's not about wanting to save the world--it's about needing to, because if he doesn't, his own guilt will kill him.
no subject
Bucky came from a universe of superhero's and shadowy organisations, where men turned others into super-soldiers, built metal suits that could fly and there men who could turn into monsters, with God's visiting from another world...
He's still uncomfortable with the idea of a child having to bear the weight of a world on his shoulders but reflects that perhaps he doesn't have the right to keep arguing it with Aang. Bucky's made his viewpoint clear and despite his wish that the boy wouldn't have to fight, done his part in offering to teach him the techniques that Bucky knows to fight. Sometimes people didn't have choices even when they should, he knows that.
"I understand that." Wanting to protect people who were important to you was one thing he couldn't argue with. "If I can, I'll help you get back there." but not without seeing that Aang would have the means to take down the opponent he was supposed to deal with that he'd told Bucky about before.
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The purring tribble is so soothing that his eyelids begin to droop. His lack of sleep is catching up to him. Careful, Bucky, or you'll have a little boy falling asleep on you.
"Thanks. I appreciate any help I can get."
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That's alright, Bucky doesn't mind at this point if it helps Aang feel better. Tribbles are magical animals.
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Yeah, he's drifting off now.
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He'll stay, at least a little while until he's certain Aang is truly asleep. Then maybe he'll ease himself out of that monkey grip to carry on his way but for now Bucky is content to stay here, taking the opportunity to recuperate a little more himself.