The Initiate Fraysong ♑ (Young GHB) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
carnagecarnival) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thecapitol2014-12-03 09:09 pm
carnagecarnival) wrote in thecapitol2014-12-03 09:09 pm
Entry tags:
And if you leave me, rest assured it would kill me
Who| Initiate + the Signless, Terezi, Sigma (and any others whom he would go to, PM or hit me up elsewhere if you want in). All separate threads.
What| The Initiate gives a warning and request.
Where| The Signless's room, Terezi's room, Sigma's room.
When| After running into the Psiioniic.
WARNINGS| Language. Pale heartbreak. Mentions of a formerly-terrible person doing terrible things? Skewed sense of what garners a death sentence. Probably a slap or two. (Probably going to be some wibbly wobbly time madness.)
Now, now at last that he's left the Psiioniic's side, he can come apart, is what he thinks, but it ain't true. It's always one thing after another, one trial ignored, another break all the fuck postponed. Hold together, hold together, that's all it is what he keeps doing. It's what he keeps fucking telling all everybody, just motherfucking hang in there. It is not. Fucking. Working.
He's angry, all sharp and sudden for a good ten seconds. If he was just allowed to be what he was he'd be fine right now. If he'd just stayed a goddamn monster he wouldn't have to deal on with none of this. The Psiioniic's threat? Shit would be a joke. A joke what he'd be laughing his damn ass off then and still now.
The moment passes though, as it always does.
He just promised his death to an ex-moirail ex-friend what don't remember him no more. All this time trying to stay alive and now this. He can't even curse himself for impulse or stupidity because his mind ain't changed, it still sounds as to be just.
Either way, he has to hold together. He can't all fall apart up as of yet. He has to let them know, them what it's being relevant to. In place of the anger, he's almost numb. He regains that quiet hollowness as like he held when he was Avoxed. He trails through the halls all like he's being one, eyes down and careful not to touch nobody. He keeps the cleaned off side of his face facing the wall wherever all he can. Soon, he can come apart, but not yet. Not yet.
He knocks on the door.
What| The Initiate gives a warning and request.
Where| The Signless's room, Terezi's room, Sigma's room.
When| After running into the Psiioniic.
WARNINGS| Language. Pale heartbreak. Mentions of a formerly-terrible person doing terrible things? Skewed sense of what garners a death sentence. Probably a slap or two. (Probably going to be some wibbly wobbly time madness.)
Now, now at last that he's left the Psiioniic's side, he can come apart, is what he thinks, but it ain't true. It's always one thing after another, one trial ignored, another break all the fuck postponed. Hold together, hold together, that's all it is what he keeps doing. It's what he keeps fucking telling all everybody, just motherfucking hang in there. It is not. Fucking. Working.
He's angry, all sharp and sudden for a good ten seconds. If he was just allowed to be what he was he'd be fine right now. If he'd just stayed a goddamn monster he wouldn't have to deal on with none of this. The Psiioniic's threat? Shit would be a joke. A joke what he'd be laughing his damn ass off then and still now.
The moment passes though, as it always does.
He just promised his death to an ex-moirail ex-friend what don't remember him no more. All this time trying to stay alive and now this. He can't even curse himself for impulse or stupidity because his mind ain't changed, it still sounds as to be just.
Either way, he has to hold together. He can't all fall apart up as of yet. He has to let them know, them what it's being relevant to. In place of the anger, he's almost numb. He regains that quiet hollowness as like he held when he was Avoxed. He trails through the halls all like he's being one, eyes down and careful not to touch nobody. He keeps the cleaned off side of his face facing the wall wherever all he can. Soon, he can come apart, but not yet. Not yet.
He knocks on the door.
no subject
"I can't lose him again, Kurloz. I want so badly to go back to being his best friend but it doesn't come easy anymore. He's hurting and scared and I can't make it better as easily I should be able to." His expression deepens into a frustrated frown. "I couldn't even hug him."
no subject
"DON'T WANT TO LOSE HIM NEITHER." Even if Mituna hates him now. Even if he wishes he could have the Helmsman-- and feel ill for it. He wouldn't really wish Mituna back in the Helm, or even back on Alternia.
"You're afraid of being hurt. SO WAS I, WHEN I SAW YOU AGAIN HERE FIRSTLIKE. So was Mituna when he saw you here first." He rubs his thumb in a circle of Signless's hand. "THE WOUND IS RAW, KANKRI. But it will heal in time. LIKELY NOT ALL THAT LONG UP AT ALL. So long as you let it."
no subject
"I know. I just need to re-learn being friends with him. It will come back."
no subject
He was the one what had to think and plan and work out every damn thing, like a clicking gear. Signless worked miracle when at doubt left him. He remembers. "GOT MY FAITH IN YOU."