thecapitol | A neverending tunnel

Entry tags:

A neverending tunnel

WHO| Mindy, open
WHAT| Total brooding and evaluation of life choices here.
WHEN| Week 5
WHERE| Training room and the tower
WARNINGS/NOTES Mindy, so good amount of swearing, thoughts/talk of deaths

The riot should have been the easiest thing. What did Mindy want more than burning, breaking, smashing and shooting any living thing she could spy with her eyes? It should have been like putting on a second skin, and really, it would have been, had she stayed in the Capitol. She'd have finally had her chance to show the Capitol what she really thought of them and all the shit they'd put her through all this time.

Then, of course, they tortured her and right after that, threw her into the Arena. After a temporary good time with some friends, she watched each of them die, even the ones she'd sworn to protect, right down to Ellie, her bestie, and getting killed herself by some murdering cyclops bitch.

And then, back here, where Eva fucking pulls a black out on the Capitol, something Mindy could not stop but admire. The sheer bitchitude she showed, her treachery for the Capitol, only to fuck them balls deep in the ass for three hours.

But that, obviously, spelled Eva's end, and knowing Eva, she wouldn't go for some spectacle execution where they disemboweled her or gunned her down after torture. No, she'd die alone, private, and that was that.

And here she was, three hours of madness in her hands, and she....fumbled. Those memories, that self hatred dragged on her, pushed her down and she doubted herself and everything around her. She wanted to burn things and cause mayhem but for the first time in her life, she feared the pain.

Well, not entirely accurate. She didn't want anymore, not right away for fucks sake. She was still having nightmares of her torture, only now she had to deal with dead Hotaru and Chibi Usa floating around in her dream, along with Ellie falling through ice. It was only the Arena, she knew that, but that didn't stop her smothered yelling, her body taut as the pain came again, swallowing screams and breaking into closed mouth sobs she suppressed. She began to lock her room and not sleep (again). She was in her room, and honestly?

She could use the company.

_

Now numbness was replaced with anger. Chibi Usa was gone, which made her angry, but was doable. She didn't want a girl that young watching people scream and die. But Riley. She was in her district. She was a friend. She was ELLIE'S...something (girlfrined? Friend with benefits? Main girl?), and now she was dead. Again.

Shittiness. At least Ellie had closure, even if it was in the most fucked up way possible.

So Mindy's frustrations went into her obstacle course, jumping through rings, punching bags, seeing how much further she could jump. Her body was tight, screaming at her, and this, after all this time, was comforting now. She was sweaty, bruised, but all by her own hands.

She felt, at least, like herself again, concentrating on how pissed she was.

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Mindy was at it by herself save for one other tribute, but right at the moment she may as well have had blinders on, carrying on with her own obstacle running. She was even managing a decent pole vault when she spotted, out of the corner of her eye, two pieces of wood coming at her. She didn't hesitate: she kicked one out of her way and caught the other piece in her hand, the point piece aimed at whoever had thrown the offending tribute.

"This yours?"

"Mhm." He makes his way forward, walking around his course instead of through it to hold his hand out for the piece she's holding. Let's pretend we haven't noticed the implied threat there, hmm? "Cry your pardon, sai. I meant no harm by it."

It had been an instant reaction, of course. Mindy didn't know what intentions were being had by whoever had thrown the offending item, but now, seeing it was a misunderstanding, she relaxed, shaking her head.

"Fuck. For a second there I thought I was getting a flying shiv. Glad I was wrong for once."

She offered him a shrug. "No harm done. It happens."

Then she noticed the brand.

"Jeez. You too, huh?"

He raises his eyebrows at the 'flying shiv' comment, curious, but her meaning's clear enough that he doesn't need to ask.

May need to ask a second later, though. "Me-?" His hand rises a little as he follows her gaze, her meaning there becoming clear, too. He controls that ever-present urge to poke at the pain on his face, and his hand drops. "Ah. Silly of me to think they'd let it stay off after the arena. Suppose Susannah'll get hers once she gets back, too."

"I think they want us to stew, actually," Mindy said, shrugging. "We can't learn our lesson if they go and take the mark away so quickly, right? It's kinda laughable, in a way. You'd think the fucking torture would be more than enough to make the message stick."

Then again, in her case, they knew her all too well.

"Susannah. Hey, wait, you're Roland, aren't you?"

He nods at the question, but decides to answer the rest first. "I think we all knew our lesson well even before. This-" and here he does give in to the urge to touch at the brand, just a little, "-serves even better as a marker to all the others. Lets them all know we can't be trusted. Do you know Susannah very well, then?"

"Oh, I don't think it was just about that. Probably needed to make sure that it was embedded in us, so to speak. Now we serve as a reminder. But yeah, now we definitely can't be trusted, and let me tell you, that's a weight off my shoulders. Last thing I want is for these people to think I'm being complicit."

Never mind it was what she'd been trying to do for months. Never mind that they still had her dad and she had to play nice, even a little, because all of this was important in living SOME kind of life here.

"I know her a little. We had a friend in mind, and we've hung out a few times. She thinks pretty highly of you. My mentor mate Harley, not so much."

He smiles at that, though the smile might look like he's chiding her as much as he is agreeing - as it happens, he still wants them to think he's submissive and agreeable to the Capitol's whims, and wants to be able to insist at least semi-plausibly that it is so, if he ever needs to.

Then she mentions Harley and Roland eyes her, smile still faint on his face. "She has her reasons. Might I know your name, since you know mine? Susannah may have mentioned you." And if she has, maybe Roland will know more about her than that she'd the type of person who'd make friends with Harley Quinn.

Edited 2014-09-27 00:55 (UTC)

With as many times that Mindy talked to Susannah, she had the feeling that Roland was from loving the way the Capitol lorded all over them. But for now, she was playing her part too: the impulsive, brash young kid. A mentor that was too wild to be allowed.

It would take time to build a new reputation.

"So I heard. Mindy, actually. Mindy Macready. Heard a bit about you too."

She looked over the obstacle course, then down at her wrist. "Good. Got through that faster."

"Mindy. She has mentioned you. Speaks pretty highly of you, in fact. Perhaps we should compare what she's said sometime, when you're not busy training." He waves a hand toward the course she'd been running, then walks over to pick up the stray half of the pole she'd kicked out of the way.

So she mentioned her? Mindy had to admit she felt a little flattered. She knew how highly Susannah thought of Roland, so that actually meant something to her. Still, she this made her all the more curious about him.

"Since we're here," she said, "Susannah mentioned you were a pretty good shot. I was hoping I'd be able to see you in action."

He raises his eyebrows, lips spreading into a brief, satisfied smile. "I was thinking of saying the same thing. I favor the gun, but until they stock this place with one of those..."

He walks toward the racks of weapons, tossing the half-pole into the trash as he passes it. "Pick a target," he says, picking up an automatic crossbow and looking it over.

"Trust me, I know the feeling," Mindy said dryly. "Where I'm from, I favor the gun too, glocks specifically."

Mindy went straight for the bow and arrow. She was working toward the crossbow soon enough, but before she got there she wanted to make sure she got this down first. Luckily for her, she'd been practicing. She motioned to the target twenty feet away. She eyeballed the target, making sure her position was decent, and let the arrow fly. As expected, she hit her mark, just as she'd hoped.

He walks over to an identical target beside it, hefting the new weapon a few times as he lifts it to try and get a feel for the thing. "That's not a model I'm familiar with," he says, and turns his focus toward the target, and hits it square in the middle.

"Wasn't familiar with the one I got in the arena, either, but-" he shrugs. "It worked well enough. Susannah tells me you had one in an arena a while back. How did it feel, to hold it again?" It isn't quite a test. More like a curiosity, wanting to feel out what Susannah'd told him of her character.

"I'm not sure what time period, or even version of Earth you're from," Mindy said. "Things are always so different. Safe to say, I'm pretty damn handy with a pistol, so long as I've had practice using it. After that, its all about instincts and guess work."

And eyeballing, of course.

"Like I had my arm again." If he knew how to shoot and it was his specialty, he'd understand. "People here, they have powers or their bodies are a weapon. For me, long ranged weapons was what I trained with. But they basically handicap the shit out of you when arena time happens, so you make do. Once I had a gun, it was like I was the me I knew back home again: sure of myself, a little unstoppable."

"If Susannah was right about you, you are a weapon. You and I, perhaps not so much as some of these others." Having heard the answer he partly expected, he moves on to the next target, a little distance further, and reloads. Doing so is easy with this weapon, simple, which is the entire reason he chose it; there's a time and place to risk being tripped up by those missing index and middle fingers of his right hand, as he even now tends to be sometimes, but this isn't it.

The bolt hits its target. In circumstances like these, that doesn't at all surprise him. "But more power or skill doesn't always count for so much. Not near so often as we may like."

"I've been called that before," she said, smirking slightly, "though not always in the nicest way."

Mindy found herself strangely in awe of the man. There was something...weathered about him, like he'd seem and felt a lot, and that was corroborated by eyeing his missing digits. Watching his accuracy isn't surprising: she expected him to have pinpoint accuracy. Something about him told her he didn't miss a thing.

"Nah, sometimes there's luck. Just as useful is survival instinct and daring. You pretty much need all of that to have a sane head in a place like this."

That decides him. Roland's been waiting for her to ask, to try and find out what exactly Susannah said about her, but as patient as he can be it doesn't always come natural to him. "Did Susannah ever mention that she's a gunslinger?" he asks, walking toward the targets he'd used and collecting the bolts from them. "Has she told you what it means?"

"She's mentioned it, yeah," Mindy said, "but I'm going to be honest and say that it means more than just being able to shoot some stuff, doesn't it? I've met people who are good shots, and if they are, they'll just say so. This is something different."

"It is. In my world it was... Hm. Meant more than being tough, being lucky, more than being a living weapon - although it included all those things." He walks back toward her as he speaks, looking thoughtful. "We served the White. We protected knowledge and order and light."

Roland stops a little ways away from her, looking solemn, and doesn't think too closely on the fact that his explanation is all in past tense. "Susannah said you could be one, and so far as combat goes I think she's right." When he'd found Eddie he'd known fairly soon what the man could be, but it does help to be inside someone's mind to make that sort of discovery. Susannah had taken longer, needed observation, and if he truly wants to know about Mindy he thinks that'll probably be what it takes. He watches Mindy a moment, expression very focused as if he's trying to look a little ways into her.

Mindy pondered this a moment. When she thought of "the light" in that way, she was thinking the good boy scouts: Superman, Spiderman. The ones that upheld good and didn't toe the line. Mindy knew damn well she could: she SHOULD have, conceivably, in this Arena if she hadn't chosen to opt out of direct killing and protecting instead. It was a choice that had, in the end, not worked out too favorably.

"I dunno about that," she finally said. "My way's always been about a sliver between going crazy and getting really ugly with my enemy. The world I live in, they need that. They're very comfortable that way, letting other people who may or may not get bought, fight their battle. To them, its impossible a crazy fuck could up and shoot the fuck out of them one day, or slaughter their loved ones for kicks. But to do what I do, stand by all of it? Yeah, it comes down to what I'd rather see in the world."

She gestured to her brand. "It's sure as hell worth more than this, even if it too a toll on me."

"It's not a simple calling, not a clean one." He turns the crossbow over in his hands, figuring out how to put the bolts back inside it, and doing so carefully. "To serve the light, we must be able to move through the dark."

He sets the crossbow back where he'd gotten it, turning back toward her and changing the topic with no thought to things like emotional whiplash. "Susannah spoke of me, you said? What did she say?" Not that he doesn't know well how she thinks of him, but he is curious, faintly.

"Don't imagine that it would be. Best thing I could call myself is an antihero, or maybe a true neutral by nerd standards. What I'm saying is the kind of fighting I do can get my hands dirty, and I do shit some people would't want on their conscience if it means getting the bad out in the end."

Which, Mindy saw, she was going to have to start leaning on in the coming days, even with all of the people she'd befriended.

Mindy restrung her bow, taking careful aim. "You're her teacher, but more than that. I think I heard her call yousai before. I don't get it all, but I can gleam what it means, in a way."

"Sai is nothing much. A term of respect in my world. Like mister here, or missus." He doesn't move any closer, just watches her restring her weapon. That isn't anything he could do now, at least not without far too much time to make it worthwhile, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know it well enough to be curious on a professional level. "What I was was her - something between a leader and something a very little bit like a father. My world had a word for that too, but I don't think it matters now."

"You may be getting tired of hearing this," he adds, "but being willing to act as an 'anti-hero' is something a gunslinger knows well. If you're expecting me to be someone who's never dirtied his conscience in all these long years you're going to be very disappointed."

"She said she was a part of your k-ka-kit kat, something like that," Mindy said sheepishly. She let the arrow loose, hitting her mark, but was already setting up to do it again. Mindy was very unhappy with the Arena results, and wanted to make damn sure that she would never rank that low again.

"Glad to hear it," Mindy said. "I usually don't get into the nitty gritty of what I've done for obvious reasons. Glad to know that sometimes people have to come to terms with not being able to take down someone as nice and clean as they do with in the movies. Last thing I am is disappointed."

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