[Closed] I'm sorry, so sorry...

[silberfuchs]

Who| Albert and Jessica
What| Albert apologizes for making his mentor look bad
Where| District 3 suites
When| Backdated to before the arena
Warnings/Notes| None


It's an uncommon thing for Albert to regret his actions. Generally he thinks his moves through before he makes them, examining possible outcomes in order to prevent himself from causing any unwanted drama or consequences. But you couldn't tell by examining his recent actions. He'd put everyone he cared about - an admittedly short list - everyone he'd had a passing conversation with, anyone he'd met at all in danger simply by speaking his mind and the worst bit is he should have known. He's done this fascist government thing before and it's no different than the Nazis or the Soviets or even Black Ghost; they'll go through others to get to you, come at you sideways with no care for anyone's well being because it's the way to corner a compassionate man.

And there'd been a secondary consequence. Jessica Wakefield, the girl who'd been nothing but kind and helpful to him as his mentor, he'd put her in a terrible position by speaking without thinking. He may not regret what he said, but he sure as hell can regret the unintended consequences.

Which is why he knocks on the door to her room softly, a small apology bouquet of white and yellow bellflowers clutched in his hand and hidden at the small of his back. He just hopes she'll accept them.

Comments

[confidentially]

She meets him at the door in her pink silk pajamas, blonde hair up in a matching decorative scarf. The expression on her face is difficult to read. It's one of exhaustion, resignation, worry. It's one that doesn't seem to belong on the face of a twenty-something. She was never meant to be so distraught over other people. It doesn't suit her personality or her features. But here she is, a nervous wreck over a bunch of grown men, Terezi and Eponine.

"Are those for me?" She asks, looking up at Albert with something of a puppy-dog pout gracing her face. It's an attempt to retain her coquettish charm and prevent premature grey hairs from taking root. She'll get wrinkly if she keeps up this fretting. Though it'd be nice if her Tributes didn't drive her bananas with their mischief, in the mean time.

[silberfuchs]

"Yes," he brings the flowers around front to offer her in peace. "I wanted to apologize for causing you trouble."

Jessica hadn't asked for this, as he understands it. She'd bee pulled from a hat, forced to murder everyone around her, and then made to teach others how to do the same. It's a terrible position to be in and he knows he hasn't made it any easier by being as he is. He may not regret his words at all, nor apologize for the sentiment behind them, but he can acknowledge there are better, more constructive ways to vent or channel his ire.

[confidentially]

"Really." Her tone isn't questioning, it's flat and dull, but on the inside she's pleased as punch. She leans in to sniff the bouquet, looking up at him as she does so. "That was very thoughtful of you."

She takes this as her opportunity to emerge from her room completely, gracefully slipping past him and toward the suite proper. She gestured that he should follow. "But I'm not sure that I'm ready to forgive you."

[silberfuchs]

"I understand," he sounds almost mournful as he pads after her. Gifts don't really buy forgiveness, but they at least show he's willing to make it up to her, which is the actual goal.

"I am sorry, Jessica. I'll control myself from now on; I never meant for my actions to reflect poorly on you."

[confidentially]

She glances over her shoulder at him, leveling him with an unimpressed look. "I should be used to it by now, right? Between you and Ian, I've got the most unruly Tributes in the whole damn Capitol!"

She sighs, wishing for the first time in forever that she was from District One or some other place where people kept in line. That thought evaporated immediately, however. She didn't really want to represent One. She loved Three, and part of her also secretly loved that Three still had it's rebellious streak in tact, even with out of towners doing the dirty work.

[silberfuchs]

Albert sighs, lowering his head a bit and rubbing the back of his neck. "I know. I'm not usually like that. Generally I'm the calm and collected one, Jet is the hot-head."

Maybe his fiance is rubbing off on him in some not so positive ways, but the thought for Albert is still somewhat endearing even so and he can't help a little curl of a smile just at the corners of his mouth. It's gone as fleetingly as it came though, it's inappropriate given the situation.

[confidentially]

Jessica isn't smiling, but she's not exactly angry looking either. Albert really frustrated her with his speech, really pushed all of her buttons, but she understands the sentiment behind his words. She'd wanted to go off on a tirade on more than one occasion, and the one time she did, she got punished for it. The one time Ian resisted, someone else had been punished. Truthfully, she isn't certain Albert and company are in the clear just yet.

"In that case, I'd hate to hear his version of your little speech." She bites her lower lip, pausing once she a sofa.

[silberfuchs]

"I'm sure there would be stronger language, to start."

He stops a little away, a respectably cautious distance since he's not sure how close Jessica will suffer him. True, she doesn't actually seem all that angry, but he's learned that his mentor is a master of appearances and he doesn't want to risk making her angry - or more angry.

[confidentially]

She gave him a brief smile, as if to say 'I'm so sure' as she made herself at home on the sofa. Truth be told, she was cross still. She didn't like the risks he'd made, the lives at stake because of this. But she'd wanted to speak out. She had before, and she'd been punished for it. Part of her was eternally grateful that of all the people to go off, it was a representative of good ol' Dee-Three.

"Thank god you were able to control your outburst, huh?"

[silberfuchs]

"Or whoever may be watching." He smirks a little, finally relaxing as she seems to no longer be hiding her mirth even if there's still a bit of bite to it. Albert seats himself in the armchair across from the couch.

"Has there been any other fallout I'm not aware of?"

[confidentially]

"Not yet," she shook her head. They weren't out of the woods by any means, but she'd yet to have the hammer come down on her again. "But they don't always react quickly. With Ian, it took a couple of months. With me, it took about 72 hours."

[silberfuchs]

"So it could be some time. They'd let it fester..." Albert leans back, fingers at his lips in a dour sort of musing. As a result it takes him a moment to process the other implication of her words. "Wait, you?"

[confidentially]

Jessica gave Albert a solemn look as she debated how to level with him. "Yeah. Getting sent back to Three for a year wasn't the first time I stepped out of line, you know. I used to be a dumb, mouthy little brat instead of a big mouthy one."

[silberfuchs]

"So even victors aren't immune." He folds his hands across his stomach, thinking of his first real conversation with her. Out of bed well after was decent, flippant and uncaring to start. definitely not the Jessica he's come to know but also hard to see past. "You fit in so well it's difficult for me to picture a rebellious Jessica Wakefield."

[confidentially]

"No one is immune. No one is safe." She thought back to her first days after her arena. In addition to the trauma of having to cope with the arena itself, she'd been thrown into the seedy underbelly of the Capitol almost immediately. No one liked to talk about what happened to victors who angered the Gamemakers or President Snow. No one had warned her about the ramifications that might come her way. She hadn't expected that she'd be bid on, but there it was.

"I used to numb myself a little more. You think if you drink it all away, you'll forget it all. Turns out that isn't true. It just makes you likelier to say what's really on your mind." And get you exiled for a year.

[silberfuchs]

"Alcohol only solves things if you need them to be flammable." He says it lightly, but that doesn't mean the gravity behind what she's saying escapes him. having dealt with politicians and the like off and on for the better part of a century, recognizing subtext is second nature.

"And they didn't like what was on your mind, I take it." Not a question. "I'm not so naive to think that all they did was send you away. Did they threaten your family? Your sister?"

[confidentially]

Jessica closed her eyes. She could feel her lip tremble a little, though she willed herself to be a good example and not cry. "All of those things. They did all of those things to me. But worse than that, they threatened people I didn't even know. They'd kill strangers and tell me it was my fault, if I didn't keep in line. I... didn't know people could be so evil, Albert. I didn't know people were capable of that."

[silberfuchs]

He's quiet for a long moment.

"I had a close friend who was a Shakespearean actor. He would often quote the Bard when the mood struck him. I heard him once, when we'd witnessed some of the worse things we dealt with, mutter a line under his breath and it struck me as being all too true. 'Hell is empty, and all the devils are here.'"

Albert shifts to sit up, leaning in towards Jessica to lay a hand on her knee.

"It's not your fault. The fault lies with the person who pulls the trigger, the person who decides to push and press and grind people under his heel. It may be a small comfort, but it's the truth. Don't let guilt keep you from believing that."

Especially when, ultimately, the result is the same. You can be as righteous as you like, but if someone is killed in your name, that guilt can lay heavy even if it wasn't your doing. Albert knows that well, too well, but sometimes it's the price of freedom.

[confidentially]

Of course it was her fault. It had to be. The guilt had been ingrained in her from the very earliest days of her victory. Anything that happened after that would be her responsibility. Whether men lived or died hinged on her willingness to submit to authority. And unfortunately, she was shit at that kinda thing.

"You're sweet to say that, and maybe I'll believe you someday. But until this world burns to the ground, I'm better off listening to what they say about me."

[silberfuchs]

"I'll convince you. Mark my words." He stands up then, already late for an appointment with his stylist that he's loathe to attend - why is she so enamored of fishnet shirts? - but he's glad to have had the chance to make things right with Jessica. Feeling sentimental, he plants a paternal kiss to the side of her hair before moving to take his leave.

"At the very least, go easy on yourself Fräulein."

[confidentially]

Jessica sat surprised by the show of affection, but not unhappy by it. She smiled, just slightly, as she watched Albert make for the door.

"Thanks for the flowers, Albert."