i've seen trials

[dividedgirlofmine]

Who| Susannah and OPEN
What| Susannah wakes up after having spent most of the mini-arena as Detta Walker, only to find out that everyone knows about her multiple personalities.
Where| Her room on District Ten's floor
When| Right after the mini-arena, but before the Thicker than Blood event.
Warnings/Notes| Reference to the awful things Detta did, possibly other things.

Her forspecial legs aren't there when she wakes up on the metal bed. They haven't been retrieved yet, they tell her. They'll let her know when--if? perhaps it is if--she can have them back and until then there's a wheelchair for her. Not her wheelchair, of course. Harley stole that one and crashed it.

Harley...

Susannah isn't paying as close attention as she should to what's being told to her, even though she knows she ought to be. She's too busy feeling shame for everything Detta did--everything that Eddie, Roland, her district mates, the other tributes, everyone in Panem saw her do.

What must they all think of her?

She find out as she wheels herself past one of the ubiquitous televisions airing footage of the game. They're talking about her onscreen, about Detta and Odetta, speculating on if she's ever manifested Detta before in the arenas, they know, they know, and the memory of her telling Harley about her divided self all those months ago resurfaces, they'd been in an arena then, the Capitol had the footage, they must have been waiting for the right time to air it, oh lord of course they had, it was absolutely scandalous, everyone would be talking about her for weeks, poor mad SusannaOdettaDetta--

"No," she whispers, half to herself, and she starts wheeling herself, as fast as she can, to the elevator, the blessedly empty elevator, and if the D10 common room isn't completely empty she can still wheel herself back into her bedroom, pull herself out of the chair and flop down on top of the bed and never move again ever.

She'll just hide out until the next arena starts.

Comments

[dividedgirlofmine]

She can't help it. She chuckles at the caveman face. "That would scare anyone off," she teases. "I'm surprised it didn't scare Eep off."

Thank the Lord for Guy and his gift for making her laugh.

"I think-- I think I'll be okay," she says. "I've had other people come in to see me. You aren't the only one that still wants to be my friend, knowing about all this. And--- I'll just not watch television. There's never anything good on, anyway."

[acroodawakening]

"Eep's the one who taught me how to do it."

Since he wasn't really a caveman, after all. He'd taught them plenty of things, but they'd taught him things too, like how to growl.

"But okay. If you need anything, though, let me know."

[dividedgirlofmine]

Eep sounds like a lovely woman, for a cave woman. For anybody, really. Part of Susannah really wants to meet her someday. Not here, though. "I promise," she says.

[the_marshal]

He'd started to turn, to leave her to privacy, but paused, hand on the doorknob and looked back.

"I did," he said softly. "...Me, an' one of the new one's, Eliot - from three, an' her."

He tipped his head toward the door again.

[dividedgirlofmine]

Well. At least Harley won't be in the arena with her.

"Congratulations," she tells him, quietly. "You'll be a good mentor, Wyatt. I'll see you around?" Eventually. She still didn't want to leave her room.

[tis_allgood]

He comes in without any further pretense. He isn't upset, at least not at her. He didn't want that to have to be broadcast all over the Capitol.

"Because you intended to tell me yourself? Seems the sort of thing I would have to find out eventually."

Bert sits down next to her nest. This feels all too familiar, but this time he's not talking to a troll.

"Are you okay?"

[dividedgirlofmine]

After a moment, she nods. "Now, anyway," she says. "Roland's been to see me. He gave me his pardon and we talked for a spell. A couple of others have come. Wyatt, Mr Starkiller, Donatello, and Some. Not-- not everyone hates me."

She rubs her forehead. "I wasn't going to tell you. Not if I could help it."

[the_marshal]

Wyatt figured that remained to be seen, but he didn't argue.

"Ya know where to find me," he offered instead, nodding before he opened the door and slipped out into the hall.

[sithcretapprentice]

"Have you considered that maybe not everyone would particularly care?" he asked, raising his eyebrows as if it didn't make any sense to him. "To anyone who actually matters, anyway. You and I are hardly close, but it doesn't really change my opinion of you."

Starkiller moved a little closer. "It's a part of you, but it isn't as if it's a part of you that comes out all the time. You still seem you, to me."

[dividedgirlofmine]

If he had, Susannah would have asked him what he thought being a good mentor was if not how he was trying to help her now?

But he didn't. So she just whispers, "Bye, Wy," and lets him go.

[dividedgirlofmine]

"I am me again," she says, letting her hands fall to her side. "And-- oh I don't know, it seems to me that seeing someone act like that should rightly change your opinion of them, but counting you and not counting Roland who knew it all anyway, that's two of three people I've talked to whose opinions aren't changed and even Wy didn't hate me, so maybe you're right."

She sighs and rubs her forehead. "Congratulations on your friend winning, by the way."

[sithcretapprentice]

"I would think that's enough proof that you're overthinking things, then. Don't you think so?" As strange as multiple personalities were, he didn't think it was a dealbreaker in their acquaintanceship. "If you let it consume you, you'll only turn into something resembling that person."

At her congratulations, he shrugged. "Thank you. I didn't put too much hope in him winning." It was a lie, of course. He'd hoped a great deal. "It was a pleasant surprise."

[gruesome]

Some's tail wags in time to the singing as he rearranges cushions, blankets, and a couch cushion purloined from the tenth floor's common room. The result is a roomy blanket fort, the kind of little shelter from the world that would have been what he needed, if it were him in her straits right now.

"How does this look?"

[tis_allgood]

Bert nods as she lists off everyone who's beaten him to the punch but the last line actually gets him angry.

"So you would rather I find out at the wrong time? You thought it would be better as a surprise? Did you think I would turn my back on thee for it, or that it would destroy my image of thee?"

He stands up, getting really angry now. How long had Susannah been here with this secret and she never intended to tell him? Somehow hearing that it was a deliberate ruse makes it much worse.

"You're a gunslinger! And you have forgotten your father's face."

[dividedgirlofmine]

"I'd rather you'd never found out!" Susannah says heatedly, staring up at him. "I thought-- I thought I had her under control! What you saw in that damn maze with that bitch Detta, with her holding on tight and not letting go, that was something I didn't think could happen! And I cry your pardon for that, I should have warned you at least to kill me without hesitation if you encountered me and I wasn't myself, but I will not cry your pardon for wanting to be seen for myself and not them."

She's got tears in her eyes. Why oh why did she tell him that, even if it was true?

[polyturtle]

"Yeah," Don sighed, his shoulders sagging. "She's...definitely unpredictable. One moment she's a friend, friendly, and the next..."

[tis_allgood]

"If I had known I could have helped, aye. But I'm no help if I'm in the dark. What if you had killed me? Or Roland? He knows now, but did he know before? Gan."

He's trying to calm down, he doesn't want this to lead to worse things, especially when Susannah has already been through a lot. But he can't help but think that he might have found out about this when Detta came out to try and kill him someday and that just wasn't okay.

"I know who you are, and I believed you were all of that. I'd just rather not find out you're hiding a secret when her knife is in my back!"

[dividedgirlofmine]

"He knew before," Susannah says, flatly. "He knew about her before I did. He's the one that made me Susannah as much as he made me a gunslinger. Before I met him I was two broken women and he helped make me whole and there is no way that bitch could kill him, believe me she'd already tried."

She's weeping now, again. "Damnit, Bert, you're one of the things that keeps me from her."

[tis_allgood]

He kneels beside her. "I would keep you whole, but I'm no good in the dark. Hell, even Roland has a keener touch than I do, I would never have known! I still love you as a friend and I won't let this change that or anything else. But you should have told me.

"Or at least tell me what I can do to keep it from happening again."

[dividedgirlofmine]

"Ugh," she says. "No... that's definitely the last thing I want." She rubs her forehead again. "At least he'll probably be a good mentor. I kinda worry about Harley's tributes, if she'll start messing with their heads too."

[dividedgirlofmine]

"Good," she says, "nice." It does look nice. It looks comfortable. Comforting. She crawls onto the nest, then pets the side of it. "You can come up here with me if you want," she says. "I trust you're not gonna try to eat me now."

[dividedgirlofmine]

"She's wringing your brain out and telling you it's for your benefit," Susannah says angrily. "I don't care if she's a doctor, I know my own mind better than she does."

[dividedgirlofmine]

"Stay with me," she says softly. "If we find each other in the arena again, stay with me. Give me a reason to fight for myself. It can be so damn tempting to be that bitch, to stop caring, but if there's someone to fight to be me for..."

She wraps her arm around him. "I love you, Bert," she whispers. "You're the son I should have had."

[polyturtle]

There was a silence, before Don let out a sigh. He knew it was the truth. Of course it was the truth.

"Well, considering what's happened, it obviously wasn't."

cw: gay panic

[dividedgirlofmine]

"She took everything I'd told her, thinking she was my friend, and she used it against me." Susannah's shaking with anger. "Just because she wanted to-- to--"

She can't go on, she can't finish what Harley wanted to do because she doesn't want to think of such things in conjunction with herself, she doesn't much care anymore if other people those things, but those are other people, that's different.