thecapitol | Awake and alive

Entry tags:

Awake and alive

Who: Eponine and Eva: Eponine and open
What: Eponine wakes up, Eva calms her down and Eponine tries to distract herself
Where: Eponine's bedroom and the common room
When: the beginning of week 4 of the arena.
Warnings: Eponine crying a lot. Probably talk of her endeavours in the arena and before that as well.

Closed to Eva - Eponine's bedroom

Eponine wakes up with a moan already on her lips. She closes her eyes tight again, almost as soon as she opens them. She does not want to be awake. She had hoped beyond hope that they'd just leave her this time, that they were finished with her and would forget about her and leave her dead. But there's no such look and Eponine has to wake up and face the music over what she's done.

She's made such a mess and she doesn't quite know how, and she certainly has no idea how to fix it. She definitely doesn't want to even begin figuring out where to begin with it all now, so she turns over, pulling her quilt right up about her. And then stops, shocked, when she sees Eva.

Open - Later in the Common Room

She's curled up in the corner of the arm chair, an open bag of 'body part fun gums' open next to her. It had been the Capitol's little joke, stuffing them into her gift bag for when she had woken up, and at first, Eponine had been upset. But then she had decided that she wasn't going to let the Capitol see how much they affected her, and so she sits, steadily munching on them.

In front of her, the television screen shows the Games: she watches as Wyatt comforts Howard. But she's not really paying much attention: on her knee is an open alphabet book, another little gift from the Capitol, full of cartoons of herself. She's flicking through it absently, systematically chewing on the sweets as she does so. She needs to get a plan together, to figure out how to survive, and how to live with herself now.

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"Madame?" She asks, completely shocked. She pulls herself into a sitting position, still clutching her quilt about her.
"Why are you here? I did not think you would want to... to see me again."

The gummy body parts actually taste quite nice: the Capitol cooks have managed to include all of Eponine's favourite flavours, with vanilla ice cream, and chocolate and sausage and brandy amongst the flavours. The sausage ones are a bit strange, but Eponine munches on them anyway. She finds, suddenly, that she's hungry again.

She sings with her mouth full, her hoarse voice tuneless against the cries from the arena.

"Au clair de la lune,
Pierrot répondit :
« Je n'ai pas de plume,
Je suis dans mon lit.
Va chez la voisine,
Je crois qu'elle y est,
Car dans sa cuisine
On bat le briquet. "

There are parts of Eva that rarely see daylight. They're musty and pale, the kinds of emotions that grow extra-large eyes and transparent skin to deal with the darkness, but they're there, and they come pouring out of her now. They come pouring out for Eponine.

Those parts are forgiveness and that maternal urge to coax a sick child back to health. It doesn't matter that Eponine's sick in her soul and not her body. It doesn't matter at all.

Eponine, sitting on a chair where Eponine's nightstand used to be, reaches forward.

"It takes more than the Capitol to scare me off, dear." She strokes Eponine's forehead, slinking past the defense of the blankets. "I'll have the Avoxes make us fresh tea."

Eponine had thought that there were no tears left for her to cry. But just that simple, motherly gesture - the human contact with someone who seems to love her unconditionally - is enough to set her off.

Eponine cries and it's ugly. Her face screws up and her cheeks turn blotchy and red all over again.

"Mama, I am sorry. I am sorry! I didn't think they would hurt you. I didn't want them - I didn't mean it. I'm so so sorry. I didn't think you'd love me. I am sorry." Her scattered explanations come out in a cough and a splutter; she sniffs and wipes her nose on her nightgown sleeve.

"I didn't think you'd come back."

Sigma crept his way through the Tribute Tower, hoping to find whom he could not in the Arena. His heart heavy, Sigma had come to accept that Eponine would not seek him out herself; regardless, he hopes to give her support to cling to should she choose. All of Wyatt's words against her, how evil and wicked he thought the little girl... he was sure there were others who shared his opinion, and Sigma wanted nothing, now, but to prove them wrong. He would lead her in the right direction so long as he could reach her.

He finds her in the common room and stops, letting her song block the sounds of pain that came from the screen. Announcing his arrival with a soft, polite cough, he shyly made his way towards her chair.

"...What does it mean?"

"It's about a man who wants a pen, Sir." She doesn't look up. Can't look up. She's so embarrassed. So ashamed of herself and what she has done over the last couple of weeks. And she's terrified as well. She is SO scared of the Capitol turning round and hurting Sigma because of her. She cares too much about him to let that happen.

"You shouldn't stay with me, you know? Did they hurt you?" She still doesn't look over to him. Instead, she concentrates hard on the book on her knee.

"Is it...?"

He is surprised at the tone he receives... well, he supposes he should not have expected a warm welcome after such an absence. Sigma reaches the threshold of her chair and greets her at her side, his hand on its arm, tilting his head curiously at her question. "Hurt me...? Who?" He allows her words time to sink in. "Eponine, why on earth would that happen?" He has only just returned.

"Because I am a selfish woman. I tried to run away and the Peacekeepers caught me and they Said that they were to hurt the people I care for."

She turns her head to Sigma now. Despite the nonchalance in her tone, Eponine is clearly worried abouthim, and the state she'd find him in, and how cross Sigma might be with her for hurting him.

"I thought you didn't want me any more. I don't care," she hastily adds. "But I would rather you tell me, so I do not keep waiting."

Ian was high, and was planning on going out. He spent as little time around the tribute centre as was possible.

The singing gave him pause though, because he knew that voice. He found her quickly and watched her for a moment, trying not to think too hard about the last time he had seen him, as pain had overtaken him and he had died, again. The fact that she was here, meant she had died too. Though he hadn't been paying attention, hadn't been watching. It was enough to know it had happened, anger curled in his gut.

"Hey 'ponine." He glanced at the book of cartoons. "Looks like you've got fans."

"Ian." She looked up, and patted the seat next to her. "Do you wish for a body part? I think it is a joke from the Capitol, but I don't care. They taste good." She looked down at the book. "It is to teach me my alphabet. Listen. 'A is for Argot that makes a strange sound, B is for bin where Eponine can be found... It goes on and on and on, all through the alphabet. But someone cares enough to make it, I suppose."

She was trying to put a brave face on how absolutely dreadful she felt. Whether she was actually successful in her endeavour was another matter completely.

"I am very dependable in some ways." Eva reaches under her chair and produces a box of tissues. She doesn't want to admit how worried she was that Eponine wouldn't return, finds it gauche to congratulate her on such a dramatic performance. "You needn't apologize."

Chastising, if ever, can come later. She puts a hand to Eponine's shoulder and pulls her close.

"I'm just glad you're back." She tries to keep the tightness in her throat from coming out in sound.

Ian took one, chewing it thoughtfully. She was right, they did taste good, even if it was the Capitol's version of a joke. He frowned as she began to read the book out loud.

"They have a shit sense of humour." He told her, stealing another body part. "But they make good sweets, not sure it makes up for the rest of the shit they pull though."

"It is better than nothing, though, is it not?" She shrugged, and selected a brandy flavoured arm.
"You know, it was the same man who killed me. Not the woman in the wheelchair - she got me last time. But the man who was with her: Monsieur Cuthbert. He killed me as well."

Eponine puts her own arms about Eva, hugging the woman with all of her might. "I was so scared they'd hurt you. I wanted to die so I could find you - but oh, I was so scared in case you were hurt or cross with me... and it kept getting worse, and they're laughing at me and - and - " Her tears come thick and fast and she hides her face against Eva's shoulder, soaking the woman's top with tears and snot.
"Mama, I do not know what to do. I do not want to cry any more."

"I guess." He shrugged and then frowned, "Bastard." He hadn't even known his name, the man who had fired at him before that woman had killed him. "Cuthbert, you know I don't think you're supposed to use honorifics for people who kill you 'ponine, it sort of... loses their right to your respect."

She snorted her laughter and shook her head.

"He was just playing the game, Ian. Like I was. I am every bit as bad as he is, you know? I killed too. That girl- Homura is her name. I killed her. I don't think it matters if I say 'Monsieur' ornot. What will it change?"

She had given up trying to fight back. What was the point?

Ian shrugged, and tried his best to keep all judgement off his face when Eponine told him she had killed, who she had killed. Because Homura, she was just a kid. Though... not actually all that much younger than Eponine herself.

"Yeah okay, you're right, it doesn't change anything. It just sounds strange."

To his credit, his emotions didn't show on his face much. Perhaps just a slight tightening of his jaw, maybe a flash of his eyes, but Eponine didn't notice particularly. More, it was that he said nothing about it at all that concerned her.

"I didn't want to do it, you know?" She asked. "I didn't want to kill her...do you believe me? Honestly..." It was really eating her. Not being a murderer had been her one saving grace. And now she didn't even have that. And she needed her friend to tell her that it was going to be okay.

Ian wasn't sure what to say, not killing anyone was about his only salvation as well. He hadn't killed, and wasn't planning to. Because it was about the only thing he still had control of. He reached out to put his arm round Eponine, "I believe you. Shit happens, especially in there."

"She threatened to kill Marius." Eponine cuddled into Ian's side. "She said I was useless. I... I don't know. I wish I hadn't. I wish I'd saved you. I tried, you know? I tried, but it was too late." She could apologise over and over again, but what was the use? It was over and done with and neither of them could change what happened.

"Are you going out?"

"Hey," He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "Don't blame you for that, no one could have stopped them, I was dead the moment they decided to attack."

He still wasn't sure what to say about her killing, "Don't get upset, or shit, get upset if you want but don't let it eat you." He nodded, "I was planning to, want to come?"

"Where are you going?" She got up anyway: she definitely did not want to be left alone again. It was when she was alone that bad thoughts began to creep in. She'd go wherever, drink whatever, take anything he handed to her if it helped her forget everything.

"Just out, somewhere loud where no one stares." He told her, getting to his feet as well.

She offered her hand to help pull him up. "Well, if you know of such a place, I will happily go there with you." She grinned.

"I do." He nodded, "You ready?" He was happy to wait if she wanted to get changed, or put her stuff away. He wasn't in that much of a rush.

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Awake and alive

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Later in the Common Room

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