thecapitol | (no subject)

She's gotten more than a few blank and silent stares from the Avoxes she's passed, but she just sort of glares at them in return and dares them to do something about it.

It had been sickening to watch the building collapse and be able to do nothing but stare at the screen. To endure watching him die all over again. But the worst part, she thinks, was the waiting. Most of them come back. It's something that she's learned. But not all of them. So here she is, on a floor she's pretty sure she's not actually supposed to be on, waiting and hoping that he will eventually emerge from the door that no one will let her through.

Luckily Shepard doesn't have to wait long. Kaidan is fed up with his room, a cell, and even if his head is throbbing and body aching and leaves shortly after waking up-- only to see that the Commander is there. It's a shock, but at the same time, Kaidan expected it. Straightening up instinctually, military form, Kaidan gives Shepard a once over before nodding. He doesn't know why she's here, but if she wants to enter his room, she's free to it. There's very little there, nothing besides his Capitol clothing and the suit of armer arrived in.

"Commander."

"Kaidan," she nods, and can't decide if she wants to smile or cry in relief at the sight of him, but ultimately does neither. Her voice remains calm and even but there doesn't seem to be any other sounds to drown out the strange heaviness in the air. Something to delicate and fragile to be truly awkward. But it isn't a comfort either.

It's hard not to solely focus on the fact that the last time they spoke, he had died in her arms. At her own hands. And sh feels disgusted with herself that she has been able to do very little to stop if from happening again.

"It's good to see you," Shepard finally tells him. She isn't sure if she's catching him as he's leaving, or if he's inviting her inside. Isn't sure which one she would prefer, either.

Edited (can't spell. i'm sorry.) 2012-07-06 06:25 (UTC)

"Yeah. Same here." Kaidan wavers for a second before he steps aside, granting Shepard passage into his room if she's willing to take it. He'd rather have whatever conversation is coming next in... this semi-private environment. He knows it's bugged, but hell if he can find anything. He's picked out the obvious ones but-- well, they just came back. He keeps his lips sealed, at least, until she decides where this is going to go.

It feels strangely inappropriate to be speaking to him dressed like this. Or maybe just.. unusual. She doesn't know. He calls her 'Commander' still, yet she's standing there in another ridiculous dress, gold and green and her hair is too red and too long and she doesn't think she likes Kaidan seeing her like this at all. Like she's just gone let the Capitol take a hold of her and dress her up like a doll; like one of their new little puppets. And maybe she hates this because that's a little bit how she feels. Like... maybe they have, just a little.

She hasn't been able to do anything, and it's killing her, and if there is one person in this godforsaken place she thinks will understand that, it's Kaidan. But, that isn't really why she's here.

She steps inside, and even though it's just the two of them, she knows they aren't alone.

"I'm... I'm sorry," she says, and it's perhaps the softest her voice has ever been around him. There's a lot of weight in those words, and she means them in almost every way imaginable.

Kaidan takes the apology easily, nodding again and simply rubbing a knuckle against his scarred lip as he absorbs everything. He doesn't say anything about her dress, about her hair or makeup. He knows that it's the Capitol doing this and it makes him hate them even more. He wants to say she's free to anything in his closet, but everything is tailored for his body type, for his size and gender. But honestly he's not sure if Shepard would care about that at this point.

"I don't blame you. And I never will, Shepard."

She gives him a smile at that, maybe not the best and brightest of smiles, but she takes him at his word. For as soft spoken as he comes across, she knows he's not afraid to let her know when things are off. They've have plenty of experience in that department already, after all.

"They don't all come back you know..." she isn't sure why that's where she's decided to take this conversation. But from the moment she saw that building crumble, heard that cannon fire, and saw his face projected on every screen in sight, it's been in the forefront of her thoughts. She wasn't sure if she was going to be lucky enough for him to come back a second time. Ariadne had. The little blonde woman from 8 had. But so many of the others... They tell her she's supposed to be trying to keep the tributes of District 9 alive but none of them made it past the first few days. So she's had little else to do but sit, trapped there in the Training Center and watch them all die. Kaidan. Tali.

"I know." Kaidan takes a step towards her before stopping-- just fringing on the line between respectable and personal space. He doesn't want to crowd into her but... he's missed her. He would never want her back in the Arena, but her confidence, her stubbornness, all of it was missed. "I'm just glad you're out here, not in there."

There's a slight change in her stance, hardly noticeable unless you were looking, but she shifts; relaxes just enough that her shoulders aren't quite so squared, that the line of her her jaw isn't so tight. She doesn't have to put on a face or a show for Kaidan and that in itself is a relief.

"It would be better if the both of us were out," she says flatly. "Not a lot of people around here I can trust." She doesn't particularly care if anyone hears that, but even here, she is hesitant to say exactly what she means by that.

Kaidan smiles at that, ducks his head away as if he doesn't want Shepard to see. "Yeah, this place isn't what anyone would call friendly." And of course Kaidan notices Shepard relaxing just slightly, he's been trained to read body language and Kaidan has to wrestle his smile down to just a simple smirk.

"Or too friendly, sometimes," she adds, unable to keep a small smile from slipping across her face in seeing his effort to try and hide his own; she hopes that he won't take it to mean she's referencing him whom she believes is too friendly. People of the Capitol just had a way of getting nosy and personal a little too quickly for her taste.

"Do you..." she shifts a little again, wraps one of her bare arms around herself in tell of apprehension. "Remember everything?"

"About what?" Kaidan asks, the jovial tone disappointing quickly as Kaidan picks up on her anxiety. It's rare for the Commander to feel trepidation of any kind. Suspicion yes, but this? No. Something had to really be bothering Shepard for her to bring it up like this.

"You died, Kaidan," she says. "Twice. Believe me, I know that it's a little bit... disorienting."

Kaidan lets out a breath, shoulders sinking a bit before he rubs his forehead gingerly, closing his eyes and letting some of the ache return to his frame, what he had been tucking away. "It hasn't been easy. But if BAaT did anything for me, it was leanring to be aware the second you got to your feet. I've been handling it. You don't need to worry about me, Shepard."

She takes a step toward him, closing the distance between him and she touches him on the arm, "That's a bit like telling me not to breathe, Kaidan," she says, almost teasing.

Kaidan pauses for a second, looking at Shepard and trying to get a read off her-- is he reading too much into things? He has to be. They're friends, of course, soldiers together, peers... Clearing his throat, Kaidan offers Shepard a small, awkward smile. "Are you flirting with me, Commander?"

The question catches her off guard more than she wishes that it did, and she tries not to let that show on her face, but the corners of her mouth are quirked up and she blinks, once; twice; three times as she tries to actually think about her answer. She isn't sure that was entirely her intention. But then again, that doesn't seem all that inaccurate, either. So she answers in the best way she can think of, and simply laughs. But she doesn't move away either.

Kaidan laughs too, a light blush dusting his cheeks before he ducks his head down. "Don't answer that, let me just live in the illusion instead." It's a fun thought to entertain, but not one he believes either of them will pursue, not while they're here, not unless things get... well, it's the Capitol, maybe he shouldn't rule anything out. Shepard is wearing a dress, afterall. Speaking of which-- "If you want to, uh, change into something more familiar than a dress, you're welcome to anything I have. It'll all be too large, but... As good as you look right now, Shepard, it can't be comfortable." Kaidan knows that in the Capitol you have to be battle ready, and a dress is not exactly that. It's the only way soldiers like them are comfortable, in something they can fight in.

Her smile widens because there's something endearing in seeing him get a little bit flustered. And she thinks it's perfectly alright letting him live in the illusion. Not certain that it even is an illusion, for that matter.

Shepard relaxes, drops her arms and moves deeper into the room. "Thanks, but, I don't think I'd make it five steps out of here. Not without starting up some rumors we... well, I guess they wouldn't be the worst rumors I've heard yet," she winks at him. "It would almost be worth it just to see the heart attack it would give the woman who comes up with all this." She gestures to herself.

Kaidan manages to keep himself under control. Okay, now she's just doing it to get under his skin. It makes his lips quirk though, one eyebrow lifted. "You'll have to forgive me, but I can't imagine the great Commander Shepard, Hero of the Citadel, being bullied by stylists. Just doesn't seem possible."

"They stuck me with a needle the first time," she shrugs as though that was just something totally normal, and continues on with a chuckle, "I think I actually broke someone's nose. Never saw that one again though. I imagine there was a personnel transfer of sorts after that."

Kaidan approaches after a second, hovering just a bit worriedly. They're making fun of the whole ordeal, but must be a shock for Shepard, something exceedingly foreign and unwelcome. "How are you doing, Commander? This entire situation can't... can't be good."

"I've dealt with worse," she says with an almost-sigh. "But it's exhausting. I'd much rather have something to aim at than play all their games, to be honest. But I'll play with the best of them if it means getting to the bottom of this."

"Yeah." Kaidan stops for a second, looking at Shepard easily before simply going to stand at her side, where he belongs. "Haven't seen Garrus in a while. Amy, Lily. I don't know what happened to any of them."

"I haven't seen Garrus at all," she tells him, turning to look at him and not bothering to disguise the concern on her face. "Not since those first days after we first arrived. Amy either."

She had never actually met Lily, but she'd seen her face on the screens. She'd not lasted long in the second arena, and there hadn't been a single word about her resurfacing since then. There seemed to be a pattern that if they didn't show up again in a matter of a few days after their death in the Arena... they didn't show up again at all.