(no subject)

[tis_allgood]

WHO| Cuthbert Allgood and Signless, Initiate and Psiioniic
WHAT| Seeking bad advice
WHEN| After this conversation.
WHERE| Common areas
WARNINGS/NOTES| Language warnings for Initiate as usual


So some unfortunate and unplanned for things happened. Troll things. Things Cuthbert has no frame of reference for. So now he's looking for advice; good, bad or otherwise. And unfortunately with the choices at hand that was exactly what he would probably get.

When he catches sight of each of the other trolls he knows he immediately moves to corner them.

"A moment, if I could."

Comments

[xanthous]

The Psiioniic isn't sure what Cuthbert is planning. He frowns at him as he's cornered, crossing his arms and shooting him a glare. "What do you want?"

He has time to waste doing other, more important things. Like eating honey.

[tis_allgood]

"I have some rather pressing issues that involve another of your species. I am humbling myself to ask someone who obviously knows more on the subject."

Maybe some sucking up will help. He bows his head, trying to sound as sincere as he can.

[xanthous]

His eyebrows creep up his forehead. He's...not really sure what to think about Cuthbert right now, at all.

"What did you do to thith mytheriouth other? Did you grab their horn?"

[tis_allgood]

Oh god, this again. Wasn't twice enough times to embarrass him over that?

"I did, but that was when I didn't know what I was doing. And I must say they're rather conspicuous for something so... intimate."

He shakes his head, he didn't want to talk about grabbing some alien gonad or whatever the equivalent was.

"This time I was just shooting him with popcorn. How was I supposed to know that was a form of flirtation? Last I heard Karkat was too young to pail anyone anyway."

[xanthous]

He manages to keep a serious expression for most of Cuthbert's rambling. Which is a shock in itself, because...well, him and romance. Not the best or most logical conversation. Then he says Karkat's name and he can't help but laugh.

"The thix thweep old? Of courthe he would think it'th flirting, he'th too young to know otherwithe." He smirks widely. "Though if it maketh you feel better, he'th not too far from puperty."

[tis_allgood]

"How would that make me feel better? Not only have I been making my advances toward a gods damned insect, but he's a child too? There's no hole deep enough to bury my misdeeds today."

This was a terrible idea, Psiioniic is definitely not helping. Cuthbert is now going to keep an eye out for men from the Capitol to come take him away for general perversions. It was bound to happen someday.

[xanthous]

He's about to start laughing at your misfortune, Cuthbert. "Trollth tend to be very mature, and it thhouldn't be too long until hith final moult."

He has the most shit-eating of grins right now. "Anywayth, that doethn't really eckthplain what it ith you want me to do."

[tis_allgood]

This is the worst role reversal Bert has yet had in the capitol. That should be his shit eating grin.

"I was hoping to get some sort of advice. I've already stepped deep in this mess and I have no hope of stepping out until I understand it better."

[xanthous]

The Psiioniic is enjoying this role reversal. He's enjoying it very, very much.

"Maybe you thhould jutht tell Karkat you have no feelingth for him. That thhould clear thingth up, ehe."

[carnagecarnival]

He's carrying a pile of books when Cuthbert stops him, hands full now that stubbornness has won out over frustration in his efforts to learn to read this world's language. Cuthbert's probably lucky he's caught him now of all times, or else he'd have simply slammed the infidel out of the way. Possibly by the neck. And fuck him if the moronic alien, Jack, should appear to get in the way of that too.

"DON'T KNOW AT WHAT YOU'VE HEARD TO TELL YOU OTHERWISE, but blocking a troll's motherfucking path ain't something most take in kind," he growls through grit fangs. "WHAT do you motherfucking WANT?"

[tis_allgood]

"We can walk and talk a bit if that is any help." He is trying his best to be nice, he really needs this advice. He even steps to the side so the Initiate can keep walking.

"I've come across something with another troll and I've no idea how to approach it. I wanted to speak someone who would know better."

[carnagecarnival]

Keep walking he does. Cuthbert can keep up or be left behind.

"And you believe I should help you," he snorts. "THE FUCK DID YOU UP AND DO? Should he guess? HANDLED A MOTHERFUCKING HORN TOO MANY, PERHAPS?"

Yeah, he's still pretty unnerved by that.

[tis_allgood]

He winces, because that is far closer to the truth than he wants to get at the moment.

"In a manner of speaking. I have been flirting with a troll when I thought myself only annoying him, and he took it upon himself to kiss me to show his feelings. I'm at a loss of what to do now."

Bert has no idea why he thinks this particular troll will be of any help, but it's worth a try. He picks up his pace so he doesn't end up left behind.

[carnagecarnival]

He stops sharply and stares.

"What." No. No he wasn't supposed to confirm that for a motherfucking yes.

"WHO THE FUCK-" He looks around, then leans close with narrowed eyes to hiss, "Are you whole and motherfucking true, asking me to play auspistice? FOR YOU? And some other fucker what you AIN'T EVEN NAMED? Or would this be you making yet another example of what a Messiah damned fool you are turning out to be?"

[tis_allgood]

It takes a few moments for Cuthbert to remember all things Karkat has told him about romance and where auspistice fits in to that. And when he does he slumps a bit and actually manages to feel stupider than he did when he started this conversation. That has to be an accomplishment at this point.

"I am a damned fool. That will be engraved on my headstone one day; Here Lies Cuthbert Allgood, Damned Fool. But I do believe I am asking that of thee, yes. I have no wish to break off the trust I've built with Karkat, but I've no understanding of his personal parts, let alone a driving want to interact with them."

And then, just because this situation really demands it, he deepens his voice a bit and says. "What's a motherfucker to do?"

[carnagecarnival]

The Initiate stares. On the list of things he expected to happen here, this was not on the fucking list. This was not on the list of things he'd expected back on Alternia.

And the other one was Karkat. He'd planned to cull the mutant, to teach the elder a lesson. He'd planned to kill this one because the only reason he hadn't already was the ridiculous Capitol no-cull rule. But if they killed one another, he'd be out on the mutant and all he could do in that regard. And on the flip side, he'd really rather kill this wretch himself. Fuck.

Certainly they're both irritating enough... He gives a suffering sigh that's really more of a growl.

"FINE. But if this be a joke, I will tear off your limbs, hang you with your entrails, and use your carved up bones to pick the little Vantas from my teeth, you understand, BROTHER? Now, one ought to figure the fuck out if he wants a quadrant of the ashen motherfucking nature. AND IF SO, PREPARE TO BE MOTHERFUCKING SCHOOLFED, IS WHAT A MOTHERFUCKER IS TO DO."

For now he's just going to drop these books off in his block. Then. Grab the Vantas.

"May the Mirthful slay all in this place where they stand," he mutters under his breath, continuing on.

[tis_allgood]

"I will admit I'm not entirely sure what will happen here. But I've little choice but to trust your judgement and his in the matter. I will abide by what you chose to do, so long as neither of us gets killed for it."

Which is still on the table, apparently. But really, it has been a possibility since they first met, it's just been waiting on the next arena to decide it. Trusting the Initiate seems like a poor idea at best, but as far as Bert can tell this is how Troll things are done, so he's going to do his best to go along with it.

The last phrase is amusing to Bert, but he knows better than to laugh just then, so he just tags along instead, at least until he's told not to.

[69problems]

Hm. Cuthbert has never sought him out before. The Signless is legitimately curious, and glad for an excuse to stop not-actually-watching Capitol television and turning the ring Karkat gave him around and around on his finger. It's his favorite part of the outfit his stylists stuck him in, by far.

"Yes?"

[tis_allgood]

"Pardon the interruption, but I had something of some importance that I needed to talk with thee about. It involves Karkat."

He's trying not to blush or otherwise made more of a fool of himself than he already has. This is an embarrassing subject, and the fact that he's asking Signless about it somehow makes it more embarrassing.

[69problems]

"Ah." He sits up a little straighter, giving Cuthbert his full attention. "I think I already know what this is about. It's probably best if you tell me in your own words, though."

[tis_allgood]

"I thought he might be running off to speak to you." There's a little bit of a pout there. He isn't surprised, but he wants to be the one to break this because damn it he wants to give his side of the story.

"I have been teasing Karkat, he makes it so easy. But to him it was more... personal than I expected. He reached his limit earlier and kissed me. That was the first indication to me that I had gone too far. But I fear I've hurt something between us now."

[69problems]

"And why do you think that? Are you not interested in his kisses? Because I'm sure all you have to do is explain that you don't hate him that way, because humans don't have that kind of relationship. You haven't hurt anything."

He smiles and turns the ring around on his finger again.

"From what he's told me about the way you've been acting toward him, you are the absolute model of what one would want in a budding kismessitude."

[tis_allgood]

"You don't think rejecting him will change how he feels about me? I mean, beyond the obvious."

He's already sort of wilting over this, it's hard to keep his good humor when he's fairly sure he's about to lose his first and probably closest friend here.

"I'm glad to see I would make a good troll husband. Or would I be the wife?" So much bitterness in that statement.

[69problems]

He ignores the bitterness, because really, he does just want to help.

"I think he may take it hard, but he'll understand. Romance is difficult and complicated at the best of times. And he does very much want to remain your friend, too, from what he's said. Really I don't think he really knows what he wants, and he's worried that because you're a human whatever he decides he wants won't translate well enough to work even if you are interested. I think when he says hate, what he means is really different from what you hear, if you think it means there's something wrong between you."

[tis_allgood]

"I know he does not wish me dead, and there's a bit of me that can understand the wish to bed someone you are at odds with. But he and I are more than a bit alike, if I confessed myself to someone who turned me down I would not wish to spend time with them any further."

This whole thing is a mess and Bert blames himself for most of it. He does envy Karkat for having a very quick and easy source of good advice in Signless. He doesn't know if he can ask quite as much of the older troll as Karkat can, though.

"He was so upset when he left."