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WHO| Cuthbert Allgood and Signless, Initiate and Psiioniic
WHAT| Seeking ~~bad~~ advice
WHEN| After this conversation.
WHERE| Common areas
WARNINGS/NOTES| Language warnings for Initiate as usual

So some unfortunate and unplanned for things happened. Troll things. Things Cuthbert has no frame of reference for. So now he's looking for advice; good, bad or otherwise. And unfortunately with the choices at hand that was exactly what he would probably get.

When he catches sight of each of the other trolls he knows he immediately moves to corner them.

"A moment, if I could."

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This is the worst role reversal Bert has yet had in the capitol. That should be his shit eating grin.

"I was hoping to get some sort of advice. I've already stepped deep in this mess and I have no hope of stepping out until I understand it better."

The Psiioniic is enjoying this role reversal. He's enjoying it very, very much.

"Maybe you thhould jutht tell Karkat you have no feelingth for him. That thhould clear thingth up, ehe."

"And risk ruining the one alliance here I can count on?" Bert scoffs. "I would rather take whatever it is he uses for a prick. But I would take a better alternative than either of those things if I could think of one."

Sighs. His life is suffering. Why does he have to deal with this?

"Telling him you don't want to have theckth with him doethn't mean you can't be allieth, unleth you think you and Karkat are incapable of ignoring tenthion."

”I don't know if he can. You said he's young, how good were you at keeping your bulge in your pants at his age?”

Bert is that age and he knows how difficult it can be. He doesn't think things will work out for them if he denies Karkat.

"My bulge wath tholidly within my pantth at thickth."

But he was a slave at six, so. He didn't really have your normal adolescence or puperty. "It'th not that hard to keep it there, either."

"Mayhap because no one wanted thee. I have no such issues, and I should not have looked for advice from a stick with a lisp who no one has ever loved!"

He's mad now, this isn't the advice he wanted. He almost wants to smack Psii right now.

He snickers, resting his hands on his hips. Cuthbert is proving to be entertaining, so maybe he's not so bad.

"Obviouthly you don't have thothe ithueth, or elthe you wouldn't be having thith problem with Karkat!"

"My problem with him is that he and I aren't even the right species. He may want to mate with me, but I've no idea if we're even compatible. Not to mention, I'm fairly sure he's male."

Bert is just spouting off now.

"Trollth have the thame genitalia." The Psiioniic lifts his eyebrows. Really, Cuthbert. "Gender ith dethided through other characterithticth, tho maybe you're actually capable of...mating with him."

He's so helpful.

"What do you mean they're the same? You don't mean to tell me that men and women of your kind have the same..."

There's no good word for what he wants to ask so he gestures awkwardly at his own crotch.

He nods, deadly serious. This might not be what Cuthbert wants to hear about trolls, but he's hearing it anyways.

"Of courthe. Like I thaid, other thingth determine the actual gender of a troll. Everyone hath bulgeth and nookth, unleth they're mutated or mutilated."

"You don't mean like Signless and Karkat? I know they call themselves muties, but they seem just like the rest of thee. Only more tolerable."

It isn't really what he wants to hear about trolls, but for reasons he isn't totally clear on. It just makes him feel strange to hear it.

"I do not. Their blood, ath awful ath it ith, ithn't the thort of mutation I mean. It doethn't change their actual bodieth."

He pauses, his lips twitching. "Well, I would athume it doethn't."

And he will completely ignore that tolerable comment, tyvm.

"I suppose there is one way to find out. But it hardly helps my case to try and find out. Nor would I know what I was looking for. Ah, Cuthbert, you have painted yourself into a very nice corner, haven't you? Yes, I have, Cuthbert, so good of you to point it out. Now we shall have to step in paint or admit defeat."

Bert is just musing to himself now, as if he's forgotten Psii is even there.

He doesn't particularly enjoy being forgotten, but listening to Cuthbert ramble to himself is actually kind of entertaining. "You can jutht whip off Karkat'th pantth and thee."

"I think he would take that as more flirting."

Which it really would be, at that point.

"I could always rip your pants off to get a better idea. Or would you accuse me of flirting as well?"

"Ithn't that what you want to do, by now?"

He's pretty sure Cuthbert wants Karkat. He squints at Cuthbert, before snorting.

"I really don't care what you do to me."

Which is his way of saying that there's nothing Cuthbert can do to offend him or make him like him.

"Flirt with him or get him naked?" He makes a face at both options. But the truth is: "I have no clue."

And that is a heavy realization to come to. Bert lets his whole body slump forward.

"Both?" Because, really, that's what the Psiioniic is assuming.

He doesn't have time for your theatrics, Bert. "Ith it really a problem if you want to?"

"Aye, so it is. For me at least. You may all walk around with the same things in your underwear, but my species does not. And we tend to take a low view of crossing two barrels."

Guns as a metaphor for penises is as old as guns themselves, so hopefully that translates for the Helmsman as well.

Edited 2013-06-29 05:56 (UTC)

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