The world is burning around me, but I just keep moving on

[arrogantalloy]

WHO| Tony Stark and anyone in his radius
WHAT| Tony isn't taking well to wining the arena
WHEN| 11th of may onwards.
WHERE| The Tribute Tower.
WARNINGS| Survivors guilt, PTSD, mentions of death, memories/dreams of death.


His dreams, were haunted. Eight pairs of eyes wide and empty looking at nothing but he feels all of them staring at him. Sprawled out around him on a battlefield? No. Arena. Trees, ice, and fire encircle him so he can't escape their gaze.

He moves to go to the body next to the shattered shield first, reaching out with the hope of finding a pulse still working inside his crumpled body. He stops when he sees his hands, he can feel the world around him shiver as he stares in horror at the blood dripping thickly from his hands, a knife gripped tightly in his right hand equally as stained. Looking at the bodies around him they look different, warped, far more bloody and even more beyond repair than some of them already were. Broken glasses lay upon a small chest that's in the shadows of a mountain of green.

You did this. He hears, stumbling around to look for the voice that felt familiar but unrecognizable. Dropping the knife when he makes the connection looking horrified. How could you let it come to this? The knife skitters along the ground until it comes to a stop next to an arm, as broken as the string weapon that is entwined around the limb. A god once powerful and strong looks nothing more than a rag doll. Can't you see what you've done? Draped over the remnants of a pair of wings digging into their owner. 

Why didn't you try harder? He stumbles back a little to look for the voice that felt familiar but unrecognizable. You could have prevented this. a single arm whose metal bicep leave only the scratched remains of a red star You just had to listen. He covers his ears wanting to block the voices out, but the only difference that was made was he could now feel the blood from his hands filling his ears. I just wanted to fight with you. Red hair losing the fight to stay bright amongst the darker all encompassing crimson liquid. 

A bright light starts to fill the space Tony doens't even have to open his eyes to know it's there, he doesn't hear the explosion, but every inch of his body screams at the feeling of it.




District 12's Penthouse.

Tony wakes with a sharp noise of distress. Throwing himself upright and off the couch pushing himself away from a nonexistent threat, breathing harshly and looking panicked until he realizes where he is.

He was in the common area of District 12's floor. He didn't remember falling asleep, he only remembers coming back from building a new routine to help even out B.O.B's access into the Capitols servers making him even harder to detect. The last thing he remembered was deciding to have an orange juice before taking a moment to read some of the Capitol's history to try and find something he could use against them in some way.

When he sees someone shifts in his vision, he simply pulls his knees up while he remains on the floor and rubs his face.

"No."

Is all he says.

Shopping/Cafe District

If he didn't count waking up this morning he could easily say he had gone 7 days without sleep. He's realised that's as far as his body can handle being awake in Panem before shutting down. After all, he doesn't have his workshop or full scale Iron Man based projects to keep him fully focused. At least if the last two weeks of avoiding sleep had anything to do with it.

After wining he had done nothing but wake up with nightmares, but after Steve made his last message during the distractions and raids, Tony gave up sleep entirely in order to not only find him but work on actually helping District 13 and it's resistance. He didn't think he would need Steve or Thor back around him so desperately. But then you only really notice how much something is a part of your life when it's gone.

He is so god damn tired of having to keep learning that lesson.

As he wanders he's looking around, keeping an eye out. Because even though Tony's on the hunt for a quiet place to eat and have a coffee (as quiet as he can manage while he's the newest victor of course) he's eager to revert to his old ways. Which is pushing everyone that means anything to him away just enough to protect them and himself.

When he feels someone come into his space with any form of intent he faces them with his masterfully maintained fake grins.

"I'll autograph anything except children and dogs."


The Secret Computer Spot.

While Tony knows that at least a small handful knows about his computer operation and it's location, it's still his main go to place to hide from the world. Something that's gotten pretty hard with his surge in popularity not that it's too hard to duck the masses, after all it has always been something to deal with since he was growing up. But when you're trying to help bring down a totalitarian government it makes things dicey.

But now he sits over B.O.B and works on codes and filters through videos, trying his best to ignore anyone who's managed to get into the room to see him.

Comments

D12

[beckstitch]

"Hey. Hey, it's okay." Beck goes down on one knee beside him, holding out a glass of water. She doesn't touch him, but kneels fairly close, running her free hand back over her curls. She's only just got up herself, and is in her running gear, one of the close-fitted tracksuits she favours, her hair pulled back into a ponytail. "Tony. Tony, hey. Eyes on me. It's okay."

It's not the first time she's dealt with a Tribute's PTSD. It is the first time she's been around to deal with Tony's specifically, but that isn't what matters. What matters is that he's struggling, and he's one of hers, and that makes it her responsibility to look after him. So she stays where she is, the water glass held out in one steady hand, and gives him a reassuring smile.

"It's okay," she repeats, for the third time. "It's over. You're safe." Lying through her teeth. You can't grow up the daughter of a Victor and think, for one moment, that Victors are ever safe.

[arrogantalloy]

While Tony works to keep a handle on himself with her kneeling near him, he looks at the water then pointedly ignores it for being offered to him. He knows it's not her fault she doesn't know yet that Tony doesn't like being handed things.

However when she says he's safe he snorts, giving her an appraising look before starting to stand up.

"It will be. I mean." He knows that he is going to fix this, he's going to get the others back, he has to get them back really there is no other way this ends in his mind. But he blinks once he stands up he remembers how this isn't New York and B.O.B is barely smarter than DUM-E at this point. "Somehow." He shakes his head to appear to be dismissing that thought before looking at her again after a glance out the window.

"You're up early."

He says like he knows her routine, but really he barely pays attention to the other tributes on his floor let alone the staffers.

[beckstitch]

"Every morning." Beck shrugs, sighing, and gets to her feet, the water glass still in her hand. "I do actually work full-time, you know. When else am I gonna find the time to go for a run?" Her tone is gently teasing, just a little dry. Putting the glass down on the nearby table, she tucks her hands into the pockets of her hoodie and looks Tony up and down.

"You," she decides, "need a hot drink and a sit-down. I might have been lying about it being okay, but it's not going to get better by you standing around and dwelling on it." She turns away, heading towards the kitchen. "I was going to make myself a coffee anyway. You want one? Or are you more a tea person?" Her voice suggests quite strongly that neither isn't going to be an acceptable answer. She's already getting out two mugs and putting the kettle on, turning back over her shoulder to call, "I'm gonna guess you don't want to talk about it. But if you ever do, you know. I'm here."

Secret Computer Spot

[sizeofyourbaggage]

Tony's totally welcome to try to ignore him, but Sam isn't gonna go away.

Neither of them have ever really talked about this kind of shit, about Tony's panic attacks or Sam showing up in the middle of the night to play poker when his nightmares get too bad, they've just dealt with it without mentioning it. And in a way, that's been nice, having that weird kind of support where they just banter with each other and bitch until it goes away, but-

But with the way things are right now, Sam's not sure it's gonna be an option.

Not that he's planning on jumping into anything. Nah, the first thing he does after he manages to get into the room is to drop a bag of cookies next to Tony.

[arrogantalloy]

At best Tony glances sharply at Sam as he enters. If only to see who it is coming in. The second he realizes he just goes back to his coding, his fingers barely stopping in their movements as they blur over the keys. His focus on the screen so strong that he doesn't react to the cookies next to him because he honestly hasn't noticed them appear next to him.

Deep down he knows he should say something, acknowledge Sam's presence, or shoo him away even. But right now there is only the code, improving B.O.B is going to save lives as far as Tony's concerned.

And get Thor and Steve back. Maybe even Natasha if she's actually still alive somewhere in the Capitols claws, but there's a niggling feeling in him that she isn't, not that it's going to stop them. He needs to bring the team back, keep them safe.

[sizeofyourbaggage]

See, Sam knew he should have just dropped them in Tony's lap. Apparently this is going to take more drastic measures than just showing up with some cookies - though it only proves that Sam'd been right about coming here.

It's pretty damn obvious that Tony's not doing so well, either.

"Those are my mama's recipe, it's gonna be a personal offense if you don't even open them."

He doesn't count on Tony answering him, though, or even hearing him. Instead he moves in next to Tony, leaning physically against him.

"I never asked if you wanted it."

cafe; presumably at a time when school's out?

[fintastic]

Feferi doesn't even have a chance to say anything, stopping cold and staring wide-eyed at the quick response to her approach, clutching a bag in her hand, and looking all the more like she's starting to assimilate to Capitol fashion, as much as a five-foot slash five-six-with-horns alien can assimilate. Her clothes, at least, blend in, and her hair is styled wildly, but the fins are horns and gray skin still stick out like sore thumbs, despite the even more bizarre modifications the Capitolites like to make to themselves.

After a moment's pause, she laughs, and shakes her head. "I am not looking for an autograph! Sorry to fishappoint you. You're Thor's friend, right?" Other than what she saw of him at the crowning (which she always takes with a heaping cup of salt, especially after Signless') that's really all she knows about him, and his name. "I just wanted to say hello! A friend of a friend is always a friend of mine. Where are you headed?"

And maybe, just maybe, she wonders about the look on his face. Feferi isn't an expert at reading people, but she might as well have a sixth sense for when someone's feeling a little under the weather.

[arrogantalloy]

Fishappoint. Tony blinks at the troll. Fishappoint.

Yeah Tony's going to take a second or two to ruminate on the fact she fish punned so effortlessly there. He's really not sure how to feel about that.
He does however pause from his thoughts when she brings up Thor, feeling a mixture of feelings about the demi-god not being here.

"Uh. Yeah. Dave's too. Well I know Dave, not sure if he'd call me a friend or an idol. But whatever. So. Hello?" Tony finally says sounding a little confused at his own words, mostly because he's still thinking about fishappointed. But at least he's not distracted enough to remember that Dave has a connection to the trolls and so brought him up.

"As for headed,ah. Well just to one of the coffee places here. They do a good donut and coffee."

[fintastic]

"Oh! I don't know if he's ever mentioned you..." But then, knowing Dave, who knows if he'd actually admit to idolizing someone. Was that a cool thing to do? Gushing is something she would do, and she's definitely the exact opposite of cool. But Feferi's not sure, so she just shrugs it off. "Yes, hello! I hope it's okay, I just thought you looked like you could use some company."

She moves like she's already inviting herself along, regardless of what he says. It's hard to help herself; she doesn't even realize she's doing it. Too busy making cute faces and trying to make herself endearing enough that he doesn't just book it and leave her in the dust.

"Besides, I never got to say congratulations. Maybe it can be my treat!"

shopping/café district

[tucky]

Tiffany doesn't approach him - but she sees other people approach him, and there's something very familiar about him that she can't quite put her finger on. It's only when she overhears a couple Capitol citizens gossiping about him in hushed whispers (Look over there; is that Tony Stark? Oh, we'll have to tell the kids we saw him; do you think we should get a picture?) that she remembers why. She's seen him on tape, and stories about him have been drilled into her head by her mentor and district's management team.

Tony Stark, District 12 Tribute and winner of the last arena.

Naturally, she's completely intimidated. But she's curious, and kind of in awe, so she inches closer. She's dressed in a somewhat tame but still very recognizably Capitol style, and so when he turns around and smiles at her, addresses her, she just assumes that he thinks she's one of his Capitol groupies.

"I... nah, I mean, I'm a Tribute. I just was gonna..."

Do what? Ask him a question, maybe; ask if he had any arena advice. But that idea seems stupid now. Surely he didn't win by giving away all his tips and secrets.

"... Yeah, never mind, I guess. Sorry. Wasn't trying to bug you or nothing. Should I go away?"

[arrogantalloy]

When he gets a better look at her, it's kind of obvious that she wasn't a capitolite. Fashion aside she looked like a normal person, which immediately takes her off the 'born here' list.

He looks over his glasses at her with a curious eyebrow lift. Was she really going to start something then try and leave. Even for Tony who has just walked off on people while either he or they were in mid sentence before, it's odd. At least to Tony it's odd, and in this case odd means interesting.

"It's fine." He starts, as he shifts his wait. "You were going to what?"

[tucky]

"Gonna ask you a question," she says, a little reluctantly. "About the arena, maybe. About..." She looks around quickly, making sure that there's no one obviously listening in.

"About how you did it. You got a lot of powers?"

D12

[needlebearer]

Arya had known that coming up here was a bad idea, especially so late at night, but she hadn't expected such a sharp dismissal as that. She freezes, and she's about to leave when she sees how tired and disoriented Tony looks, and she wonders if he's actually noticed her at all.

"It's only me. Arya. I can go."

[arrogantalloy]

When he hears her speak he looks over at her, running his hands through his hair making no move to get up off the floor.

"As long as you don't ask if I need help. You can stay."

He shakes his head, sucking in a deep breath before standing up, then heading to the kitchen as if nothing in the last few minutes had happened.

"Something up, kid?"

Tony asks as he powers himself a juice, then makes a gesture to her by way of asking if she wants one too.

[needlebearer]

"I wasn't going to," she replies a little quickly. It's not exactly a lie, it hadn't been her primary reason for visiting, even though she was worried about him. It had been a convenient excuse, though. The truth was, she was lonely and homesick and he was the nearest to a Stark left to her.

She follows him through to the kitchen, seating herself in a dining chair and crossing one leg over the other, nodding at his invitation for juice. "No. Not really." She hesitates, knowing that he'd see right through that, especially with her sneaking into another District's suite in the night. "I just needed to see you, before the next Arena starts. You helped me a lot in the last one, it won't be the same."

shopping/cafe district

[conifer]

Emily had been on her way back from the park when she spots him, the small carvings she'd been working on in a tote bag over her shoulder. It's impossible to miss Tony, really - it seems as though the whole Capitol is buzzing over the latest Victor. She didn't envy him at all.

As she comes closer she sees just how exhausted he looks, and it's something she recognises from every past Victor, most especially herself. Her nightmares have never gone away; if anything, they've increased since she returned to the Capitol to oversee the Neverending Quell.

She doesn't know him well, but she knows how stressful the hordes of the public can be when struggling post-Games, and decides that stepping in can't hurt.

"There you are, I was wondering where you'd got to," she says as she approaches, smiling casually, giving the impression that he's late meeting her for lunch or something to provide a convenient getaway from the watching eyes of the press and fans.

[arrogantalloy]

It doesn't take Tony at all very long to catch what she's doing. After all Pepper's been saving him from people he isn't interested in dealing with for years.

Not like this exactly, but the premise is the same, so he gives her a playful smile and tilts his elbow out for her to take.

"Well, I've been told that I'd wander off on my own funeral. That being said I've also been told I'm worth the chase. Shall well?"

He asks letting her take the lead on their fake planed meeting.

shopping/café district

[inrestlessdreams]

James had been struggling with the glitz and glamour of the Capitol but he could tell someone was struggling. Damaged people knew each other, or at least recognized each other. Nightmares leave quite the impression on a person's face, aging them slightly. That and the fact that after watching the gore and intrigue fest that was the thirteenth Arena.

"Uh, coffee's on me then, it's an honor to meet you," James meant that sincerely; there was a good chance news about the Avengers didn't reach either South Ashfield or Silent Hill.

[arrogantalloy]

Tony looks at the guy, almost with a studied eye up and down before answering him.

"Not that we really have to pay, as tributes." He starts because he can't help but be pedantic. "And an honor? Really? That's new" He mutters to himself before shaking his head slightly and speaking up. "But that's rude. Thanks, it's uh. Nice, to be." He looks at James for a second and blinks. "Wow, you were being really honest about that honored comment, huh?"

b.

[cognitived]

If he could, Clint would lie his way through the fall out of the last Arena. His first had been slapdash, a haze of confusion and desperate clawing at the walls, Natasha's hand in his and flame devouring him. His second, his second -- well, Clint doesn't have to tell Tony how it ended. He has nightmares sometimes of being eaten alive, screaming at the snap of bone and feel of teeth in his flesh, screaming, choking, gasping, blood in his mouth, in his lungs -- and Tony standing there, eyes wide and face pale, watching it all happening but never moving.

Sometimes, Clint wakes up and he has no idea which way is up or down, whether that was what really happened or a figment of his own imagination.

So yeah, maybe he's avoided Tony in the mess of that, the crowning, the rebellion invasion. Steve's gone now, Thor and Nat gone in some nebulous point just out of reach. But there's no way to ignore this, Tony falling apart even though he hides it masterfully well. They all are, in their own way. Bucky, Sam, Bruce, hell Clint's curled up around all of them even hazed out on pain meds to make sure they didn't run off on some foolish mission. It's taking a lot out of him, but he's trying. He's half a whole here, now, and the truth is Clint's painfully aware that their number is getting slowly whittled away. They can't afford to fall apart, to distance each other. So he hunts Tony down, stubbornly keeping from limping out of sheer force of will.

"How about birds?" Wryly, because Kate's there perched on his shoulder, nestling against his jaw. She's still largely a baby, molting her soft down for purple feathers, but Clint takes her out anyway. Not like she's a surprise after all, Celebrus had mentioned her nearly immediately after they'd found her. Still.

I didn't list anything as B!

[arrogantalloy]

Tony looks at the bird at the question, then focuses on Clint. His face going still for a moment before kicking into a sardonic grin. Refusing to let himself remember how he had to see the Archers last minutes by his own hand.

"Yeah, can't sign birds. Well. With a sharpie but it's not going to look like my signature. And. All out of sharpies right now." He replies.

Because, let's be honest of course he's tried to sign an actual bird before. It was how Tony distinguished his pigeon from others at MIT. It wasn't part of the syllabus so much as something one of his class groups thought they could try out that failed.

"That and they moult. I don't think that would work on Ebay somehow."

D12

[carnagecarnival]

No. Well that's command enough. It suits him just as well not having to bother anyone. He goes back to wiping down the table nearby until it's clean, thinking of all the times he woke up just like that from soporless daymares, while trying not to think up at all.

There's a very stubborn stain. Spilt coffee or maybe hot chocolate. There's the briefest painful flash of nostalgia for someone no longer around. Then it's gone, tucked far away again.

But he still notices things. He notices that Tony isn't taking this all so well. Or at least, he would assume that's what all this is over. He is too drenched in his fear right now to see past his own onto
others what are beyond him. But if he were in Tony's shoes, it is what he would guess it to be about.

The stubborn table stain makes a squeak with the wet cloth. He doesn't wince external, but all inside he braces for retribution in wake of his disturbance.

[arrogantalloy]

Tony's head lifts at the squeak, while he knew Avoxes were around the floor he was used to ignoring him. But with everything in the place so quiet, his head still spinning with noise and pain, he looks at the Avox and actually sees who it is.

Initiate.

Watching him Tony stands up. The logical side of his mind is cautioning him, telling him it's not Initiate's fault Steve hasn't been heard of, that Steve made that choice, had even mentioned it was a possibility. Unfortunately for his logic, Tony had been running on too little sleep, not enough food, and was mostly running on alcohol left near him when no one was looking.

So Tony wasn't listening to that part of his brain, instead pacing quickly towards the troll. If he looked more like Thor or Steve you could have almost called his approach predatory.

Computer Spot

[honeyibrokeharlem]

To say Bruce is worried about Tony is an understatement. There aren't many people who can read Bruce like Tony can, but it goes the other way around, too. They click together well, so Bruce is very sensitive to when something is wrong with his friend. Something is very wrong, and it's just gotten worse with the loss of Steve.

He's tried to do his usual 'subtle support' thing. He's tried to just quietly keep Tony company and share his tribble and ply him with food (making the excuse that he just made too much and he's such a stress cooker and would Tony please help him with eating this). It's not working, and Bruce feels himself getting worked up the longer Tony goes without any sign of improvement.

So, before they both go crazy, he's going to have to be more direct.

He knew he'd find Tony in his secret room. He comes inside casually, putting his coat aside like he'd be there a while. He might just be coming in to work with Tony, but there's a distance to his demeanor while he tries to figure out how he'll confront this issue. "I'm surprised you got away from the fangirls long enough to get here. Any progress?"

[arrogantalloy]

At first Tony ignores him, as his fingers hit hard against the keys trying to get a line of code to work. Huffing when B.O.B's interface pops up to let him know that this line like the several before it, isn't going to work, so he looks over his shoulder at Bruce.

"Years of practice." Is all he says at first, because that much is true, fangirl avoidance was a skill that was as well practiced as his fangirl seeking skill. To the question he takes a long moment to sigh and then rest an elbow on the table before threading his fingers through his hair.

"He's not J.A.R.V.I.S. I don't have the power, or the resources to get him to the point where he can seamlessly slip in and look for him. Still hitting firewalls that are easily broken but there's... I'm missing a code somewhere that could free up some memory to get B.O.B anticipating what to do."

He sags in the chair for barely a moment before he sits up again and goes back to hammering away at the keys again.

"Maybe if I can run a continuous dump, or reroute through Psiioniics computer to run of some of the memory he has..." He trails off as he works.