Samuel Årud (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
broken_gospel) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thecapitol2015-05-15 02:38 am
broken_gospel) wrote in thecapitol2015-05-15 02:38 am
Entry tags:
[OPEN] Help
Who| Samuel and YOU
What| Samuel is back from getting arrested during the binding plot
Where| Tribute center
When| After his release and onward through May for any shenanigans you'd like
Warnings/Notes| Self-destructive behaviour
He isn't allowed to tell the truth about what happened. In fact, he is supposed to be spreading lies which is why Sam avoids people as much as he can after his release. He doesn't know how to look those he cares about in the eyes and lie to them, much as he wants nothing more than to look them all up and hold them close for a long, long time.
His usually tortured nights have become even harder to get through, and he is fairly certain that he is perilously close to falling off the edge again, shattering like glass. He doesn't think he'd be given an opportunity to put himself back together this time.
Inside he is fifteen again, a scared and angry boy doing terrible things just to stay alive another day, and he feels dirty, soiled, tainted. Several tattoos are added to his painted body, alterations made to already existing ones as he loses himself in pain because it is the only way to make his head go quiet.
He is almost constantly mumbling to himself now, a steady stream of consciousness conversation with that ambiguous Other that he tends to communicate with when he is alone. He looks pale and worn, dark circles under his eyes. He tries to find his way back to peace, tries not to regret what he did because he knows that it was right.
The truth is that he needs help, but he has absolutely no idea how to ask for it.
What| Samuel is back from getting arrested during the binding plot
Where| Tribute center
When| After his release and onward through May for any shenanigans you'd like
Warnings/Notes| Self-destructive behaviour
He isn't allowed to tell the truth about what happened. In fact, he is supposed to be spreading lies which is why Sam avoids people as much as he can after his release. He doesn't know how to look those he cares about in the eyes and lie to them, much as he wants nothing more than to look them all up and hold them close for a long, long time.
His usually tortured nights have become even harder to get through, and he is fairly certain that he is perilously close to falling off the edge again, shattering like glass. He doesn't think he'd be given an opportunity to put himself back together this time.
Inside he is fifteen again, a scared and angry boy doing terrible things just to stay alive another day, and he feels dirty, soiled, tainted. Several tattoos are added to his painted body, alterations made to already existing ones as he loses himself in pain because it is the only way to make his head go quiet.
He is almost constantly mumbling to himself now, a steady stream of consciousness conversation with that ambiguous Other that he tends to communicate with when he is alone. He looks pale and worn, dark circles under his eyes. He tries to find his way back to peace, tries not to regret what he did because he knows that it was right.
The truth is that he needs help, but he has absolutely no idea how to ask for it.
no subject
Shepard didn't like to talk about it, of course, because in a very real way, that fear was her fear too. It was the fear that makes a small man challenge a large one to a fight. It was the fear that sends a species out to the stars, or to the top of a mountain, or into a wide and unknown wilderness for no better reason than that it seemed the thing to do. It was what made teenagers rebel and grown men buy shiny cars, and also what drove straight-A students into study-hall while rich men strove to grow richer. A fear of inadequacy, of fading into nothing having done nothing significant, having been left behind as a pile of dust and the ghost of wishful thinking.
But knowing that fear, understanding it, capitalizing on it... that was an undeniable skill. Shepard took one look at Samuel Arud and saw that fear, the terrible looming darkness in the curve of his spine and the nervousness of his hands. She remembered, with effort, a face with his eyes, and remembered him as an ally.
"Hey, buddy," Her hand on his shoulder was meant to startle, to shock him out of his self-induced trance. Straighten a spine bent by fear into a different, more immediate fear: call it the hair of the dog, "You got a minute to talk?"
Ask for help? He should be so lucky. Shepard never asks before helping.