Where I go I just don't know

[steepled]

Who| Vivi and you!
What| Vivi explores the Capitol...or tries to. Overthinking is bad, man. Help him out?
Where| Starts off at the park, but it could go anywhere you like!
When| After his arena death in week 6.



There's a lot to see in the Capitol, probably enough to distract Vivi from these thoughts that seem to lead him nowhere. He had been roaming around for a while, eventually feeling the need to adjust his hat to block his view of the curious glances from the citizens. They're not screaming and running away, but having so many eyes on him like that makes him feel smaller than he already is. He's in a big city just like Alexandria, but that's where the similarities seem to end.

The bench he finds faces out to the rest of the park with the jogging path and a playground in plain view. He looks to sides first, searching for a familiar face before giving up and taking his seat. None of this is a dream after all. He really isn't in Alexandria anymore and he hasn't seen or heard from the others either. Zidane would've found him by now, Vivi thinks, knowing him.

He tips his hat back to better see and take note of the people around him. It's not the first time he's been in a big city and seeing friends and families playing with their children. But for some reason, instead of joy, he feels sadness.

"...I'm all alone now." He thinks to himself, lowering his head to look at his own feet.

Comments

[steepled]

"Maybe..." Zidane always seems to have an easy time making himself known or hidden whenever he wants to be. That could just be Vivi over thinking things like always but even as he looks around the crowd and taking in the way they dress, James is probably right.

He's in the middle of eyeing the flower garden they're passing by when James asks his question. The mention of Peacekeepers, from what he has heard from Jason, makes him a little nervous. He keeps his gaze on the flowers as he answers the question, "Um...no. Not yet."

He's not sure if they're supposed to help him or James. "Did you try asking them about your wife?"

[inrestlessdreams]

"I did...they keep telling me that I would have to wait for official word, or that they don't know," James answered and stopped so Vivi could enjoy the flower garden, "Are they always like that? Obtuse?"

That's a kind way of calling their obstruction.

[steepled]

"I...I don't know," Vivi admits. "They're kinda...scary looking." He's aware that one of their purposes is to keep tributes from escaping. Not that Vivi feels confident enough to pull such a stunt alone, but he doesn't even know his way around this world either.

It seems hopeless now, and Vivi can't help but let his shoulders sag. "It sounds like they bring whoever they want...what if we can't find her because they only brought you here?"

Why were they chosen over others, Vivi doesn't know. If they want people to fight wouldn't it be better to pick those that can? Vivi has seen battles in his life but there isn't much he can do outside magic...and he can't imagine hurting people that don't want to be here as much as he does...like James.

"...maybe it's better this way...that they're not here."

[inrestlessdreams]

James offered a smile to the small mage, "They can't all be bad, right?" And then he hears Vivi say We can't find her because they only brought you here?

The mere idea of losing Mary all over again caused James to momentarily shut down all over again. They...they left her behind, the thought was enough for the man's breath to be knocked out and collapse against the nearest tree. Vivi can see the real anguish coursing through Sunderland's body.

"They left her in the lake, oh God...they left her down there."

A more vivid picture could not be painted for anyone watching as a grieving widower is told the worst news of his life. He could have helped Mary with the Arenas had she become a Tribute. He could have done something to bargain with the people behind the glass walls. Now she was in that wretched town, all alone, because of him.

[steepled]

Vivi's stomach drops when he realizes his words had cut too deep. He goes over to James and knees down to be at eye level with the man, feeling both distressed with a look that displays an overwhelmingly amount of guilt.

"I- I'm sorry!" He says, fingers jittering. He had done something that hurt another person's feelings and the weight of it comes crushing him harder than any stone could. "I..."

The Gamemakers wouldn't do that, would they? They don't strike Vivi as being particularly picky about who ends up here. He can't reach a conclusion without sounding hopeless. He just didn't mean to bring James down with him, especially when the man has been so nice to him.

"...I'm sorry," he repeats, ignoring that feeling of a pit that just opened in his stomach. "...um....I don't think they'd do something like that. We haven't looked around hard enough."

[inrestlessdreams]

As lost as James was, he wasn't without empathy as he snapped out of his mourning. Vivi sounded so miserable, so distraught, the clerk had to comfort the poor mage. Poor thing was just trying to help, he meant no harm in what happened there.

"Sorry, I…I didn't mean to make you sad. It's just…it's been so long since I've heard from her. She was so sick then, the disease destroyed her from the inside out. Maybe it's better this way, that she remains lost or at least out of the Arena. I can fight for her then and maybe," he then smiled for Vivi, "Maybe we'll both find answers to what we're both looking for."

[steepled]

Emotions are...strange. It's strange how feelings can come, go, and return later. The fluctuations are unpredictable and a lot of the times, confusing. Taking James's reassurance as face value indicates that he's probably okay, but it's as plain as day to Vivi that he isn't. It's hard to be okay in a place like this.

How many people here are just pretending?

"Um...y-yeah, maybe." Answers. He's always looking for answers to learn more about himself but he has a feeling that this place might not have anything he's looking for. If his friends really are here, it won't bode well...

Something else the man just said gets his attention.

"The disease...destroyed her?"

Destroyed...that usually doesn't include survival. He hopes asking about this doesn't upset James further - so hopefully he just misheard him or something.

[inrestlessdreams]

Talking about the disease was easier for Sunderland to think about than Mary's location, at least that happened in his life. Panem was just too surreal to truly think about.

"Y-Yeah, it weakened her body, covered her in lesions, made her hair fall off, and made her very unstable. It chipped away at her joy, her health," he replied, eyes to the floor, the memories of her screaming insults while then pleading for him to be there. He lost his own will to live and made a decision that would forever haunt him. "If she's here…maybe this place can heal her." To have that piece of the past again, to hear her play the piano and laugh, that was worth every Arena.

[steepled]

Vivi moves over to sit next to James, palms rested on the grass to keep himself balanced. He's still feeling rather guilty for (quite literally) bringing the man down with his own thoughts.

"That's horrible," the mage says with sincerity. His gut feeling is telling him that they probably won't find their friends or loved ones, so all he can do for James right now is to just sit with him. He wants to believe that Mary is probably here if it means that James will be happy...but what it could mean for them later keeps him from doing so completely. "Um...I don't know much about how this place works but...they probably can, if they can do these other things like bringing us here."

[inrestlessdreams]

"If they have her...I'll do anything to have them heal her, I do every Arena they want me to..." the despair was long-lasting, way before Vivi made reality happen once more. But he, no, they had to keep going.

"Have you met friends here?" Sunderland asked to ease the mage's mind a little. Surely there had to be a silver lining to all this, that humans and the like could get along and bond here.

[steepled]

Vivi nods, lacing his fingers together as if to pray. It's not much of a religious gestures as it is to sooth his nerves. James just said he'd do anything to help her to which Vivi can get but...how far would he go?

"Not...not really," he hadn't gotten around to introducing himself to others. He mostly came out to this park to think. "Um...the escort guy is kind of mean though."

"Kind of" is an understatement.

[inrestlessdreams]

The worry seemed to radiate from Vivi and for reasons that are of his mind, he kept seeing a little girl with blonde hair tied back. He could never hurt Laura, even if she was justifiably bratty towards him. Children were supposed to be safe and sound. He supposed. "Uh, um...well, don't be nervous," he tried to be assuring.

The comment about the escort was enough for the clerk to say, "He can't be that mean, can he?"

James Sunderland has not met the likes of Jason Compson the IV. Though thankfully not as homicidal or disgusting as Eddie, there was underlying nastiness that was rumoured.

[steepled]

Vivi will try not to be. His habit of over-thinking things can get to him a lot of the times.

"Maybe I just caught him on a very bad day..." Vivi muses, quietly and carefully. But calling others "furniture" and beating them, no matter what their status may be, just isn't right to him. The benefit of the doubt Vivi's willing to give to the escort only extends so much.

"So which district are you...um, did they put you in?"

[inrestlessdreams]

"Ah um...District 3 I believe. Apparently it got blown up and, well..." James shrugged, "Haven't been there as much as I should have, it's pretty apparent at this point."

He should be getting to know his fellow Tributes but right now, the clerk offered, "Do you like snacks? I'm starving and I bet if we start walking again, we'll feel better."

Vivi might not be Laura...but at least Sunderland could rebuild something in his mind: how to be a proper person again.

[steepled]

Vivi lets out a squeak. "B-blown up?!" There's a story behind that but it seems to be a story for another time, a story that he'd like to know more about later. If James isn't comfortable with a subject, Vivi knows better than to press on about it.

"Sure," he says as he stands back up to dust off his pants. With an adjustment of his hat, he waits for James to lead so he could follow. "I haven't eaten anything yet either."

(ooc: End thread? :3)

[inrestlessdreams]

The hat would get messed up as James allowed some of his old self, the sweet man that Mary met so many years ago come through. A man he'd long thought dead with the news of the disease. His wife may be gone but Panem was a new start.

"It's been so long since I've had pizza or a hot dog, you know," he spoke up with his hands in his pockets, reeling a bit at that first one. "Well, hot dogs anyway."

[[sure! thanks for threading with me! <3 ]]