thecapitol | You and I better stick together. [Closed]

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You and I better stick together. [Closed]

Who| Bro and Jolie
What| Post coital real talks
Where| Jolie's apartment
When| After the Arena. VAGUE.
Warnings| Consenting adults post-messing around!!

Clearly, Jolie isn't remotely at fault here. Bro is the one who initiated the hook up, Bro is the one who brought it back to bed. Jolie was only partly complicit in eagerly bringing him back to her place and hardly getting out of drag for it. Shit takes too long, clearly they both needed this.

So why does she feel guilty?

It isn't about Sam, it isn't remotely about that guy. It wasn't because she didn't have a good time either, because that was good and it always is with Bro. But she isn't blind, it doesn't take an idiot to see there's something serious happening with Bro and the Princess. Oddly, she doesn't feel as jealous as she thought she might. Maybe it's because Anna would be better for Bro on an emotional level, maybe it's because Jolie's committed interests are starting to wander back to where they were a few years ago.

Either way, regardless of how good it feels being together, it also feels wrong. Not so wrong that she's about to kick him out of bed. Hell no. He's still a comforting presence to have around, because he's definitely more than just sex to her. Even if the foundations of their relationship have been dirty, there's a lot of sincere and genuine concern and affection in her heart for the idiot. Even after it's all said and done, Jolie is draped over his side with her chin tucked over his shoulder and her hand gladly tracing over the span of his chest.

So. He's a very good friend. And she should probably help him figure this shit out. He's the one who needs help, not her.

"So." So what? That is not a strong start. She needs to nail the landing here. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but something tells me your Princess might not be much of a swinger." The words are innocent, but the tone says explain.

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Bro doesn't feel guilty- he doesn't have reason to feel guilty. It's not as if he and Anna are facebook official, after all. He doesn't even know what the fuck they are, aside from a jumbled mash of confusion and denial. Anna isn't willing to admit how she feels and Bro isn't willing to make any kind of moves. And then there's Dave, who doesn't approve of it either. Then you've got his own issues with the situation, like the fact that he feels like Anna could do so much better, not to mention the fact she's hella younger than him. There's a lot holding him back, and that's not even touching on the fact that he's still denying that there's anything to feel in the first place.

And then there's his feelings towards Jolie, which aren't exactly platonic. Jolie has been the one person in the Capitol- hell, in his life- that he trusts absolutely. It's hard to explain why, but there's just something about her that makes it easy to trust her, to... to like her. But they're both so damn physical and less about emotional. He hasn't wanted to fuck up what they have by letting feelings get involved- which is probably how Anna happened in the first place.

He'd gone to her first for advice, and then last second changed it instead to trying to get his mind off of things. So it's startling when suddenly she's bringing Anna up. He sits up quickly, eyebrows raising. "What?" he asks, maybe a little too defensively. "What's she got to do with anything?"

It is, admittedly, a little nice not to be forgotten. She didn't expect it of Bro, but they never really laid down the terms and conditions of this little exchange. Things get misinterpreted, feelings get hurt, doesn't help that the backdrop here is a murder festival that she and her people are complicit in creating and initiating.

It makes her feel guilty, watching from the outside, but she owes it to people she likes to keep tabs on them. Plus, if she suddenly stopped watching it would look weird and she'd have too much to explain for.

Even so, Jolie is a person who doesn't miss a beat on the regular. She's a gossip and a meddling one at that, to think that she would miss something like this is laughable. So much so that she will actually laugh her trademark cackle at him for that response. "Don't play that game with me, boy. You're either gonna imply in no simple terms that I'm stupid, and I'm not. OR you're gonna confirm the fact that you're stupid, which you are." She gives his chest a pat. "So make this easy for me."

Bro presses his fingers to his temples and lets out a sigh. He really should have known this would happen, but he stupidly thought that maybe Jolie would ignore whatever it is that's happening with Anna. But of course not, she's too Jolie for that. "You're as good for my self esteem as ever, I see." He slumps against the wall and cuts Jolie a look out of the corner of his eye.

"I don't know what you expect me to say," he says flatly. "I mean, if you've been watching then you'll know it ain't like the two of us have actually done anything except a whole lot of bickering. She won't suck it up and admit that she's got a thing for me." He hesitates, because he knows that isn't the entirety of the issue here.

Bro shakes his head. "It'd probably be a bad idea anyway, so why fuck things up more than they already are?"

"Hey, you're fine as hell, I ain't denying that much. You're just dumb as hell." She scritches her fingers lightly, smiling sweetly like she didn't intentionally miss the point there. He isn't as dumb as a lot of cut, bootylicious blonds she knows, but he's fucking useless at this stuff and she's clued into that quickly.

"If I've been watching, then I know there's more fucking UST there than a school dance." That is, as everyone knows, a lot of UST to be contained between two people. God, the way he's already approaching this is all wrong, Jolie brings a hand up to cover her face like she's blinding herself from a car crash before she tuts at him and sits up a little more. The shoulders are straightened, the brows are furrowed and Bro is about to go back to school.

"First off, did you seriously come out and fucking demand an answer out of her? Did you put her on the goddamn spot? What are you? Five? Fucking tell her in no plain terms how you feel, because clearly you fucking feel something, and stop skirting around trying to put it all on the girl who could probably count her romantic endeavors on three fingers." She takes in a sharp breath after that tirade, but her voice doesn't soothe any. "Writing something off as a bad idea before you even try it is only fencing you off from any sad little chance you have at changing your goddamn self." And it's only now that she feels like she's talking to herself a little, so she sinks back into the bed just a little. "Shit." That was some real talk.

Bro rolls his eyes at her first statement, but it's hard to feel too put out when he knows deep down that Jolie is only teasing. But then she continues, and he has to wince because of course she has to notice the UST. You think he hasn't noticed it, too? It's so thick it's like getting caught in a spiderweb every time the two of them are together.

It's hard not to feel a little awkward when she covers her face like that. It makes him feel like his life is a complete and utter mess, if someone like Jolie is getting exasperated by it. But honestly, as good as the advice is, it just makes him feel even more like it would probably be a mistake to actually act on it. "See!" he says, sounding a little worked up, like the problem is extremely obvious. "That's exactly my fuckin' point, Jolie, look at all the experience she hasn't had. You really think a guy like me ought to be the fourth finger? Because I don't want to fuck her up, not when I've spent this entire damn time trying to protect her!"

As his rant goes on, his voice keeps raising, but he falls silent as he finishes off, sinking back down to the bed along with Jolie. Suddenly he feels exhausted. "Why do I get the feeling you weren't just talking about me with that last bit, though?" he asks, hoping maybe the subject can be swayed away from himself.

It isn't entirely exasperation at Bro, it's been a busy month. Lots of new tributes with lots of new problems to be meddled with. She won't lie, though, it is frustrating. If only because as long as he's still flirting with her, she's complicit in this budding relationship as far as she's concerned.

That answer, of course, is wholly unsatisfying and enough to earn Bro an eye roll of the highest order and a scoff to go with it. "A guy like you? Oh boohoo, Strider. You're a good guy, and you know I wouldn't say that just to pat your ass." She reaches out to ghost her fingers over his cheek affectionately, her expression softening. "What's wrong with a guy with a little experience? She's not made of glass, you know. I mean. I don't know her personally, but you really think a relationship going sour is the worst card she could be dealt?" She skirts around saying anything negative about the Games, but the implication is obvious.

The attempt to derail is being ignored, because she doesn't want to cheapen her point with her own problems. Not gonna get out of this so easily, buddy.

Don't think he doesn't realize that Jolie is avoiding the question, but it's hard to say anything about it when she's saying what she is. In a weird way, it make him feel good to hear it, because coming from Jolie he knows she think it's true- but that doesn't mean it actually is. There's a lot of reasons as to why he thinks he's bad for Anna.

He places a hand on the one Jolie pats him with, giving it a small, appreciative squeeze. "Maybe I'm not as bad as I think I am," he relents, even if reluctantly. "But that doesn't make all the other shit disappear. I'm way fuckin' older than her, for one. And... and I'm fuckin' weird, y'know? Like- somebody like her, she needs somebody... normal. Like Christopher or whatever his name was. He was boring, she needs boring. Not me. She needs somebody who can be straight with her. And- and I don't really do feelings well, either. How's it gonna work out? It ain't."

Before he can stop himself, he throws in his last concern. "And what about you 'n me?" It sounds so dumb when he says it, and he opens his mouth to add to it, but the words die in his throat and he just ends up closing his mouth again, letting out a sigh.

It absolutely is true if it's Jolie saying it, Jolie is the be all and end all of rational opinions. Of course, Jolie is a Capitolite, so maybe Bro is just particularly impressive to her in a way she hasn't experienced before. The idea of him being a bad guy is beyond her, though. It's impossible for her to imagine someone that protective and elusively sweet could ever compare to the scum that congregates around here.

"Are you really telling a drag queen that boring is better?" She zeroes in on that, crinkling her nose. "Boring isn't better. Boring is boring. You can't tell her what she should like anymore than you can tell yourself, right? Clearly Christopher wasn't hitting the right notes if she's still hung up on you like she is." She preaches, squeezing his hand back in return.

"Just respect her and be good to her and nobody can tell you that you're wrong." Her smile widens with her conviction, but it strains a little at the question. "What about you 'n me?" She turns that back on him, not wanting him to worm out of making his own choices here.

It's really frustrating when someone makes such a good point that you can't even argue with it. But even when someone makes a good point, that doesn't necessarily mean it's gonna just be believed so easily, and Bro is skeptical. Maybe the two of them would work well together, but that honeymoon period would end and it would probably just end real damn badly. He isn't sure he wants to ruin the good thing they already have going. Or... had going. It seems to have been ruined already. But then there's the good thing he has with Jolie that's still good.

Except she's playing dumb and now he has to explain himself. He'd hoped it would go without saying, but this is probably some kind of test or something, to see how deeply he feels. Suddenly it feels a little awkward, and he just sighs. Feelings are hard, but Jolie's always been someone he's had an easy time opening up to, so... Fuck it.

"You know what I mean," he says, with a little exasperation in his voice. "This... thing we have going. Fuck buddies, friends with benefits, whatever you want to call it. It goes deeper than that though, doesn't it? I mean, don't you- I dunno- fuck." He throws his hands up. "I can't be the only one who's felt like there's something there. Help me out here."

It's frustrating to watch Bro throw himself into the grave and start shoveling dirt on himself without any help from anyone else, but Jolie isn't having it for a second. If he wants something, he needs to goddamn say it and he needs to learn to say it instead of waiting around for someone else to. He brought it up, so it's on him.

She pushes herself up into a sitting position, watching him when he talks with a small, sly smile on her lips. Her expression warms when he goes so far as admitting that he might feel something for her and she reaches out to brush a hand through his hair affectionately.

"Well, you just said it right there. Buddies. Friends. Without the fucking or the benefits. Beyond, y'know, the fact that I'm an amazing friend being an obvious benefit." She splays a hand on her chest for dramatic effect, but it falls back to her side when she realises she should give him something for being so obvious. It's not fair if she has the edge all the time, and she's been itching to talk about it anyway.

"And if you're worried about leaving me alone in the dust. Don't be. I have my own shit to sort out and uh. I dunno." She fidgets, suddenly self-conscious about whether Bro will think she was just trying to let him down easy. "I feel bad being here." She admits, sitting up again to put a reassuring hand on his chest. "Don't get me wrong, it was good. It's always good! I just.. yeah." God, she's meant to be the competent one. Excuse her while she presses her palm to her face. "Fuuuuck."

It isn't that he minds the idea of Jolie being his friend- or rather, he wouldn't if they hadn't been so... intimate with each other since close to the beginning. Cutting all of that out and going to just a basic friendship is weird to him. And that's without the feelings involved. It almost, in a sense, feels like he's going through a break up and he doesn't know how to really deal with that. Because it's not a break up and he knows that, so why does it feel like this stupid conversation is chipping a piece of himself off and throwing it into the abyss?

That's dramatic as fuck, but that's just how he feels.

The twinge of jealousy he feels when she mentions her own shit is also dramatic, because this whole time he hasn't cared who she's with or what she does, it's only in this moment that he cares. That's what happens when you realize you're actually carrying a torch for somebody. And then she starts getting awkward and it's clear that Jolie doesn't know what to say, and he just feels... he doesn't know how he feels, honestly. It's rare for Jolie not to know what to say, and he wishes this wasn't happening.

After a moment, he just holds up his hand. "Stop, just..." He lets out a frustrated sigh. "Just tell me it wasn't just me. That's all I wanna know, just tell me I ain't the only one who went and had feelings when it wasn't supposed to be like that in the first place."

To be fair, Bro, it was you who started schmoozing on princesses and falling in love with them. Jolie is open to open relationships, but there are some things even she can't involve herself. She's a few years too old for her involvement to be right, and she didn't really account for Samuel coming back and everything she felt for him still being as intense as it was years ago.

She's conflicted, because she adores Bro and even Steve to some extent, but it hurts knowing that they'll never be on the same level. She holds too much sway over their lives for anything to ever feel good and normal. Not that she's casting him off for that and that alone, of course, but if he has a shot at something that could do him a little better then she can't rightly stand in the way of it.

Her mouth pulls into a frown when he stops her, mostly because she knows how inelegantly she fucked that one up. Her expression softens when he makes his admission, and she hates that it simultaneously fills her with warmth and butterflies and hurts like hell. "Of course you aren't." She assures, reaching out so she can cup his face with both hands and force some eye contact between them. "You've been the best part of my year since you got my dumb ass drunk on the roof." Her voice cracks a little, it's hard to say whether it's because she's trying not to laugh or trying not to cry.

"But if it's right, it's right- and it's not like I wouldn't wanna try, because you've got boyfriend material written all over you. It's just.." That there's no way she could feasibly commit to an offworlder and a tribute and maintain her pro-Capitol status, that she could never close the door on Samuel when he's in proximity and that she can't deny the fact that there's something going on with Bro and Anna that she can't bring herself to be involved in? "It's not right." She answers, resentful of how vague she needs to be about it. "And it's not what we need."

Edited 2015-02-09 04:17 (UTC)

Yeah, it was him. There's going to be that part of him, always, that knows that he brought all of this on himself. He can't bring himself to truly regret his feelings for Anna, because she's... well. She's Anna, and that would mean regretting her and all of the things he's done for her. That would mean regretting that she's a part of his life, and he can't do that. As painful as all of this is, he doesn't think he would change it. But there's always going to be a part of him that wonders what if. What if he picks Jolie instead? Would they actually have a shot? Would it crash and burn? He's not stupid, he knows that nothing here is long term. One of them might die or get imprisoned. They could be punished simply for being together, if the Capitol decided to put a stop to it.

There are a million different reasons why it wouldn't- couldn't work out. But take all of those factors away. On a base level, as human beings, could they work out? He can't help it, he'll always wonder that. And you know what? He believes that they would. So when she says that they aren't right, he disagrees with it.

He disagrees with it a whole fucking lot.

But he won't say that, because he's made his choice somewhere in the back of his mind. He can't just turn off his feelings for Anna and at the rate things are going between them, he's going to lose her if he isn't honest with her about his feelings. It just feels like he's sort of giving Jolie up so he doesn't lose Anna- even if that's silly. Jolie isn't going anywhere, it's not like he could ever just stop being around her. She's too important to him to lose, no matter if they have to stop being intimate with each other. He trusts her completely and absolutely.

On some level, he can at least rest easy in the knowledge that she felt it too. It would have sucked even more if he'd been the only one to feel something here. But then on the other hand, it just makes it even harder. She has so much faith in him, she truly thinks he's a decent person and she's encouraged him to go for someone else. It feels like the end, though. Like this door is closing, and he can't do anything but watch it close with a depressing finality.

He can at least let it close with a bang, though. Bro takes hold of one of Jolie's wrists and tugs her close, leaning in at the same time so that he can press his lips to hers. One last kiss, that's all he needs. It's the closure more than anything he wants- needs. He can't just walk away without one last little hurrah. He pulls away after a few seconds, before he can truly lose himself in it and when he does, he can't stop himself from saying, "You're wrong." He hadn't meant to verbalize his disagreement, but it's impossible for him not to. "We would've been good. 'cept I'm a dumbass and didn't bury my heart deep enough, I guess." Bro shrugs, trying to play it off as casual and cool, so that she doesn't know how much this is tearing him up. "We had fun though, s'all that matters, right?"

What ifs, in Jolie's experience, tend to weigh you down. There's an alternative choice to every scenario, sure, but mistakes are made for reasons. Some factors are just so intrinsic to the situation that imagining a world where they don't apply practically strips the most important feelings and experiences from what they had. If there's anything she can hope for here, it's that she's at least left an impression of humanity from Capitolites on one person.

The fact is that they've been toeing lines since they started doing this, and it was always going to end badly. Admittedly, it's something less tearful than one of them being held at gunpoint like Jolie had envisioned for sometime, but it almost feels as bad. It seems terribly dramatic to say it, but as the feeling really sinks in it just starts to feel awful. It's like a weight on her chest and a sadness she can't really express for a multitude of reasons. She can't help that bitterness and anger are flaring in her, both because she's forbidden from speaking her mind without compromising their safety and because it has begun to feel like Bro is the one abandoning her. It's like he pushed her off the ledge but she let go, and playing the martyr is so beneath her.

On the surface, it probably looks like she's taking it fairly well. She can't bring herself to bawl in front of Bro, even if she has the desire to do so welling up beneath the weak smile she's giving him. The more she tells herself it's better this way, the more she needs to wonder who it's better for. Bro is going off to be happy with someone else and she's stepping back to pursue something that might never end well for her. There's a palatable injustice to it, and it tastes bitter, but focusing on that is a detrimental and dismissive way to be and she's above that.

So, there's no shortage of passion when she lets him lean in to kiss her. She goes so far as to catch his bottom lip in her teeth for a brief moment before she lets him pull back. His response flares that irritation again, though it isn't necessarily directed at him. She's proud, and everything about this is dampening that. Her eyes meet his steadily for a moment, forcing herself to respond confidently. "Honey, I'm never wrong." You just don't know it yet, she thinks, and then her eyes drop away from his to look elsewhere for a long moment before she finds it in her to speak up again.

"You should probably go." There's a quiver in her voice that betrays how calm she is about everything, but she isn't looking back at him.

Jolie isn't wrong, honestly. In a sense, he is the one leaving her, even if she's the one who's put her foot down and said that it needs to end. She's doing what's right for herself, in the end this is probably going to save both of them heartbreak that might've happened later if things with Anna went unchecked. It doesn't make it any less hard or less frustrating, but this is just how it is.

They're both pretty good at masking their emotions, to his credit he's doing about as well as she is hiding how he really feels, even when they make eye contact he manages not to look as upset as he feels. His lips are still tingling from the kiss and it takes a lot of willpower not to move in for another one. Instead, she speaks before he can be too tempted to and just the same as what he said sparked some annoyance in him, it sparks some sadness in him. He isn't sure if she really thinks that, or if she's just saying it to make this easier for the two of them. Does she really believe that? He can't bring himself to ask, he'll just hold onto the hope that it's just to spare their feelings.

Jolie speaks again, and that quiver to his voice unsettles him on a level he hasn't experienced in a long time, because it makes it clear that Jolie isn't okay. For the first time, true guilt washes over him, burrows in and settles somewhere deep down. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. This is all so stupid, feelings are stupid and if he could turn them off right now he damn sure would be. She said he isn't a fuck up, she said he's a good person, but right now he doesn't feel like one. She was wrong about something, that's for damn sure.

After a long moment, he gives a nod. "Okay." It takes a lot of effort to keep his own voice steady. He can't bring himself to look at her again as he moves about the room gathering his things, before heading to the door. He lingers at it, trying to think of something to say before he goes, but he can't think of anything worthwhile to say. Finally, he just opens it and leaves wordlessly.

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You and I better stick together. [Closed]

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