Twenty five, don't recall a time I felt this alive (open)

[tookthewheel]

Who| MCU!Bucky Barnes and YOU
What| Bucky's back in the Capitol and dealing with things
Where| Anywhere around the Tribute Center, specify the location of your choice
When| After arena 12 goes boom
Warnings/Notes| The usual with this guy

Waking up was easier this time.

Maybe it's because he'd accepted and waited for death to come rather than fighting against it as he had before, with the same resignation and understanding of what was going to happen that had made it easier to go into the ice when his missions were done. He can count it as a bonus that waking up in a warm bed was far more pleasant than from the cryostasis tank.

Bucky gets up calmly but still with the feeling something is wrong, more than just how weak his limbs feel again after living a month with his full strength back. A feeling that persists as he heads for the shower first, then irritably shaves off the beard he always wakes up with and is coming to loathe, discovering at the same time that the brand has now gone from his cheek. Venturing into the kitchen area yields leftover casserole from the fridge which he wolfs down quickly before heading out of District 1 with Toro the tribble safely in his pocket. He needs to see his friends, check for himself that they're still here and make sure no more of them have vanished like the first Widow did.

He goes down to District 9 first, then down to the common area to start working his way upwards, choosing to take the stairs rather than the elevator as he moves through the training and district levels before finally emerging up onto the roof. There he habitually heads for his favourite spot to try and let the cold winter air blow out the still persistent cobwebs in his head.

Comments

[tookthewheel]

Darcy's can hope whereas Bucky's thoughts are tied to bleak realism.

For him there is only one alternative if Thor has not been imprisoned and that is that he is truly dead. He doesn't believe the Capitol is capable of having mercy, certainly not enough to send a troublemaker home even if that is possible for them to do. For all the Tributes know the device that brings them here only works one way.

"Me too." he says quietly, in agreement that out of imprisonment or death, death is probably the kinder option with their captors. His own experiences tell him that (which is why he has a suspicion that the imprisonment is more likely, the Capitol is not kind). "Have you checked the Tribute listings?"

If Thor is dead and gone for real they would surely have removed his name.

[tasermaiden]

Darcy likes to hold onto the tiniest grain of hope that death here just means they get sent home. It's naive and idealistic and probably totally false, but it's what she has.

Plus, considering the type of people they bring here, it'd mess up a lot of things in people's homeworlds if they weren't sent home from the sounds of it.

She gives him a quick shake of her head. "No, I..." she trails off, her tongue feels thick in her mouth as she thinks about every time she's gone to check. "I'm scared that if I do, I'll find out and I won't like the answer," she says before letting out a slightly bitter laugh. "Maybe dealing with Schrodinger's Asgardian is better than knowing the truth."

[tookthewheel]

"You're going to have to explain that one to me." he tells her after a moment. He doesn't know who Schrodinger is, or what relevance he has to Thor's race. Answering may help her to calm down, it's helped him to be asked questions and explain the answer.

Bucky looks around and spots a bench nearby. He carefully pulls himself back from Darcy and starts to guide her towards it, gentle as he can manage to be (which turns out to be more than he expects himself capable of).

[tasermaiden]

For once in her life, Darcy lets herself be guided. It's not that she like's being led around, but in this situation, it's better than trying to resist and fight back.

"It's this science thing about how whether or not this cat in a box is dead and how, if you don't look in the box, then theoretically the cat is both dead and alive." She gives him a watery little smile. "Or a zombie, I guess. Jane's better at explaining it than I am. What I mean is that if I don't look at the list, then I don't know whether Thor's at home or if he's here, and ignorance is bliss right now."

[tookthewheel]

He sits her down, then takes the spot beside her, offering his large steady presence as a comfort.

"Sounds confusing." Bucky says, nodding along in encouragement. He doesn't quite understand but he gets the essence of what Darcy is saying. It can be easier to lie to yourself than face the truth.

Personally he will check the lists, he will face the truth; that Thor is gone or being subjected to Capitol punishment, but he know it is Darcy's choice whether she does the same. "I'm sorry."

[tasermaiden]

Despite how much everything sucks right now, despite the worry and guilt and feeling of terror scratching at her, she lets out a tiny smirk. "Yeah, it took Jane forever to really explain it to me." That touch of levity disappears as soon as it took for it to appear as she thinks about Jane and the thought that, what if, maybe Thor didn't get sent home and Jane's pacing around her mom's apartment worrying about where they disappeared off to.

Right now isn't the time to think about Jane and how guilty she feels, even if none of this is her fault. "Thanks," she says softly. She knows she should just put on her hypothetical big girl pants and go look at the list but maybe it's better this way.

"Whatever you find, just...don't tell me, okay?"

[tookthewheel]

"I won't, I promise." it's one promise he can keep to her. If and when she finds out about Thor's fate it won't come from Bucky, that's for sure. Despite the awkward beginning to their relationship, which was more like a near murder, Bucky likes Darcy. He doesn't want to be the cause of any pain to her, she's earned her way into the small group of people he considers his.

Bucky looks down at his hands for a moment, "When last I saw him... we fought." he frowns, "Over something stupid, I shouldn't have done that." too caught up in his self-imposed mission to think logically and let Thor take the kill.

[tasermaiden]

"Thank you," she says softly, "I mean it." Maybe it's childish to want to keep her head buried in the sand. Maybe it'll ruin the way Bucky sees her. Right now she doesn't care about any of that and would rather have the sweet, blissful ignorance of pretending that Thor is fine.

Her brows knit together as she gives him a look that isn't quite pained, but definitely comes close. She tried to avoid watching the Arena for the most part, nothing good could come from it (and the few times she had...well, she regretted it). "Hey, when...if he comes back, he'll probably forgive you. Shit happens in there." Not that she's gotten to experience much of it, thankfully.

[tookthewheel]

"It's no problem." Bucky shakes his head, a little self-consciously at her thanks. He doesn't know why it makes him feel that way, vaguely uncomfortable and undeserving for doing something he espies as basically distant. It's just obeying her wishes.

At her look he regrets saying anything, "Sorry, I..." he feels his throat clam up as he turns his gaze down towards his feet, focusing hard on the ground. Darcy hasn't needed to know that, why had he brought it up? "I hope so."

She would know better than him about Thor.

[tasermaiden]

"He probably will," she shoots him a watery smile. "I mean, he's a warrior. He gets that shit happens out there. He'll probably boisterously forgive you and demand you share in a night of drinking mead and singing war songs to make it up to him." Okay, that's overly idealistic, but she can't help it when it comes to Thor.

Of course, maybe she's being overly idealistic about him coming back at all.

[tookthewheel]

"I think that would be an entirely new experience for me." Bucky says, with full honesty behind it. "Pretty sure I never had mead before." or sang war songs. Did they have those in his war? The only music he knew were the pieces that Albert had played for him in a bid to try and help his memory come back.

It's a better thread of conversation than the one they had going before, one that might make her a little less sad so he's going to encourage it.

[tasermaiden]

Darcy resists saying how many things are kind of new experiences for him. She cares about him too much to want to accidentally open that wound. "Mead's alright. It's sweet. Of course, I've never had Asgardian mead." She doesn't bring up that the one time they had mead at some sort of celebration at Jane's mom's place, Thor accidentally insulted Midgard's take on the drink. "I don't even know if they know how to make mead here. I mean, considering what they've done to pizza, I don't exactly have high hopes."

[tookthewheel]

"I don't know if there's anything they don't have here." Bucky counters with a minute shake of his head. God knows he's constantly overwhelmed by the amount of choice on offer in this city. The sheer amount of... everything.

He frowns, "What did they do to pizza?"

[tasermaiden]

"I can think of a few things," she says, doing her best to keep her voice light and cheery, leaving it at that.

Though, that's one dark, disappointing thing she can't keep from him. "The crust's wrong. And the idea of a plain pepperoni pizza with extra cheese seems to be beyond their comprehension."

[tookthewheel]

"Oh." he says, obviously less than knowing about what she means. Pizza hadn't been on the approved Winter Soldier menu. Most food hadn't been on the approved Winter Soldier menu. MRA's and protein shakes had made up most of his diet from before. He has no idea if pizza was a big thing back in the forties the way it is now either.

"You could make your own?"

[tasermaiden]

Had Darcy known that, she...probably still would've brought it up because it's one of those things that just keeps turning out wrong here. Like tacos, or crappy romance novels without a trace of propaganda.

"Yeah, but it wouldn't be the same. There isn't that satisfying moment of opening the box and pulling out a slice of totally unhealthy, greasy, cheesy pizza." Okay, saying it out loud makes it sound disgusting. "It might be worth a shot, though. Ever been to a pizza party?"

[tookthewheel]

It sounds disgusting to Bucky, who makes an odd facial expression as Darcy describes it to him. The one time he'd tried pizza before coming to Panem had been back when he'd been detoxing after escaping HYDRA and he'd thrown up. That probably hadn't been the pizza's fault, given how unused he was to eating any food other than processed protein shakes and the nutrient-rich gruel the techs would feed him.

"Don't think so." Not in any memory he can recall, that's for sure. Who knew if they were actually a thing before he went off to war.

[tasermaiden]

Darcy is used to pizza being the thing that can gap any bridge from her years spent at Culver (and being an American teenager, but mostly at Culver), so seeing him make that face...okay, not the thing she was hoping for. But she'll try, oh my god will she try, to make Bucky warm up to pizza.

"We should fix that. We could do it after the next Arena, make it a huge 'oh my god, we all survived, let's eat, drink, and be merry' party." Of course she's being painfull optimistic that they'll all come back, but she refuses to believe otherwise.

[tookthewheel]

"Sure." he finds himself saying, anything to stop Darcy's face from falling again. It hits him for a moment how strange that concern is for him, or maybe not that strange at all. "We can do that."

It's likely something the others would enjoy by his observation and that cements it for him.