Special pieces. Not one bit what gets passed around. Special pieces leaving all the more holes. Mirth but that seems so risky. More so than the pan holes he makes in his own head by use of voodoo. It's difficult, but he can grasp that Kankri's saying like he'd be hurting him. But what then? What the fuck is he supposed to do.
"HE'S GOING TO FIND OUT, KANKRI!" He cries. "No staying secretive at all in this bitch. AIN'T NOTHING A MOTHERFUCKING SECRET HERE! He's going to find out and what then? WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY BE ABOUT FOR SAYING HE OUGHT NOT? Even if he didn't have the motherfucking sense to cull his and your torturer before chances were being had, I still hurt you in my time here. I MADE YOU CULL. I wanted you to come apart, I'm half the motherfucking reason you're not who you was, I know it worked, I got exactly what I wanted." There's something demented about it all, a crazed sort of look as the old Alternian attempts for surfacing with the memory, and what's been made new of him (drawn up from things so long ago) reels away from it all. The two opposing parts of him scrape raw at their edges and grind the shattered shard bits like to chip it all apart.
And he realises this. He realises and his eyes drop down, both hands rising up to press against the sides of his head, like he can keep himself together, just force the pieces all to fit. The old Alternian, so fucking joyous in that false broken way, all revelling bloodthirst and vengeance-desiring, and the self what's new and old in the way of being young-- the bright-eyed wriggler what was better, suddenly walking around sweeps aged without none to back it up, but still fighting that Alternian so hard. It's not literal. He's not of two minds, but he still feels it all.
He keeps talking, not wanting to come so undone, not where he's supposed to be better than this. "I DIDN'T MOTHERFUCKING KNOW HOW AS TO TELL OTHERWISE. Could barely make like I wasn't commanding him, even where such things wasn't meant. HOW COULD I TELL HIM NO? No matter how much as all I claim pity for you now, I can't prove nothing and I can't deny what's been done. WHAT RIGHT HAVE I TO SAY HE CAN'T DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE GETS GUMPTION TO?" Truly, he doesn't have the faintest knowing.
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"HE'S GOING TO FIND OUT, KANKRI!" He cries. "No staying secretive at all in this bitch. AIN'T NOTHING A MOTHERFUCKING SECRET HERE! He's going to find out and what then? WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY BE ABOUT FOR SAYING HE OUGHT NOT? Even if he didn't have the motherfucking sense to cull his and your torturer before chances were being had, I still hurt you in my time here. I MADE YOU CULL. I wanted you to come apart, I'm half the motherfucking reason you're not who you was, I know it worked, I got exactly what I wanted." There's something demented about it all, a crazed sort of look as the old Alternian attempts for surfacing with the memory, and what's been made new of him (drawn up from things so long ago) reels away from it all. The two opposing parts of him scrape raw at their edges and grind the shattered shard bits like to chip it all apart.
And he realises this. He realises and his eyes drop down, both hands rising up to press against the sides of his head, like he can keep himself together, just force the pieces all to fit. The old Alternian, so fucking joyous in that false broken way, all revelling bloodthirst and vengeance-desiring, and the self what's new and old in the way of being young-- the bright-eyed wriggler what was better, suddenly walking around sweeps aged without none to back it up, but still fighting that Alternian so hard. It's not literal. He's not of two minds, but he still feels it all.
He keeps talking, not wanting to come so undone, not where he's supposed to be better than this. "I DIDN'T MOTHERFUCKING KNOW HOW AS TO TELL OTHERWISE. Could barely make like I wasn't commanding him, even where such things wasn't meant. HOW COULD I TELL HIM NO? No matter how much as all I claim pity for you now, I can't prove nothing and I can't deny what's been done. WHAT RIGHT HAVE I TO SAY HE CAN'T DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE GETS GUMPTION TO?" Truly, he doesn't have the faintest knowing.