thecapitol | It could be her head wasn't screwed on just right.

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It could be her head wasn't screwed on just right.

Who: Harley Quinn and You
When: Before the Space Arena
What: Harley needs a little Christmas, right this very minute
Where: moping about the tribute towers
Warnings: It's Harley so be on your guard.

Of all the little Jewish girls growing up on Gotham, Harley had often prided herself on loving Christmas more then anyone else. She was always in Holiday plays though her school years and once her criminal career had gotten started she made sure that even her crimes had a level of festivity to them.

But as the Capitol began gearing up for another flashy, flamboyant and overblown celebration of the season...she just couldn't find it in her heart to get excited. She remembered fondly the year when she and Ivy had kidnapped Bruce Wayne for Christmas. Ivy had used her pheromones to make him their slave for the night and they'd used him to go on a shopping spree. It was great until they almost accidentally killed him by knocking him in an elevator shaft. ...of course they had been planning on killing him anyway but that was when Batman arrived and ruined their fun. There was no Batman here though. And all his little birds who had shown up had been promptly killed never to be seen again.

Harley felt a longing for her home when normally she was able to squash it down with laughter. Those close to Harley might notice the girl becoming more subdued as they drew closer to December. By December first she was hardly wearing her scandalous, trashy or flamboyant clothes and was lounging around in more subdued and plain boring outfits. Even in the training hall when she showed up for her daily routine she'd exchanged her shamelessly short shorts and tanktop for a much more modest track suit. And she was drinking more, which usually had her laughing too loud, or shouting, or sobbing. If regular Harley had no problem sharing her emotions, drunken Harley was extra noisy about it.

Spending her day alternating between laying around the District Nine common area, half heartedly training, drinking at the bar or laying stretched out on a sofa in the Tribute Tower Common area, Harley was clearly doing her best impression of an angst riddled teenager in a grown woman's body. And perhaps most worrying of all was she hadn't spontaneously broken anything in a whole two weeks.

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"Eh." Was her unhelpful response. She tapped the countertop and the bartender obediently poured another drink for her. The drink fizzled and sparkled like it was full of gems when in reality they were flavored ice drops.

"I'm just not feeling it anymore kid." She sighed rising up to sip the drink through a curly straw. "This straw is about the most spontaneous and eccentric as I've been in weeks. I'm losing touch with who I was. How can I be Harley Quinn when this place is so uptight that the slightest bit of aggression gets me zapped?"

"Can't be that bad." Yes it could. It could be that bad and worse and Mindy had dealt with it personally. It was hard to wade through bullshit she was up to her legs in. "Come on Harley. You can't be a sad sack of a mentor, that's MY job. You're the one that's the best of us, the R rated version...well, the PG-13 anyway. Where'd we be without you making life interesting?"

That was enough to make Harley bark out loud with laughter.

"The best of WHO exactly? You and me? Because I'm no where near the best mentor! I wouldn't even say I'm the most popular mentor."

Not for lack of trying, but even Harley was aware her personality made her difficult to handle for long periods of time.

"I'm pretty sure that without me around we'd still be in exactly the same place as we are right now. Me bein' nutty as a bag of squirrels hasn't helped us out a bit. And my boring sane bits aren't exactly moving mountains either. It's all starting to feel kinda...pointless."

And with that cheerful bit of self flagellation Harley threw back her drink in a slow measured slurp draining the glass.

"Hell no, not the best of you and me!" Mindy blurted out. "I'm fuckin' awesome. But when I say the best, I mean enthusiasm, fun. Don't even act like you're not, that's self pitying bullshit. You've always made things interesting for people in my District, and even in other people's Districts. Everyone could use some Harley in their lives."

If people had a problem with Harley being the crazy chick she was, they'd answer to her.

"Since when have you even cared what the hell we would be like in the first place? If you weren't a mentor, I'd be by myself. Can you really imagine me fucking up everyone in our district with a strict training regimen and calling all of them pussies for not waking up at 5 AM? Come on. Everyone could use a little insanity in our lives."

She rolled her eyes at the drink. "And since when are you all Debby Downer all of a sudden? You're stealing my thunder."

On the one hand Harley was touched that Mindy was trying to snap her out of her deep funk.

On the other hand it wasn't really helping. She shook her head and set the glass down on the bar.

"They'd ignore you the same way they ignore us now. Sure some of them are grateful for our help but at the end of the day it's only because we're all they've got. Fat lot of good that's done them." She began folding a napkin idly into a paper airplane.

"I should be doing more then just keeping people on their toes I should be making them happy. I should be driving people crazy! The closest I've come to that lately is keeping you from throwing yourself in front of traffic and getting Nilly Billy some plants for her room."

She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted bombs. She wanted guns. She wanted to run rampant through the streets of the capitol sewing chaos wherever her eyes looked. She wanted to be the Joker for this wound up little distopia even if only for a day.

Throwing her paper airplane so it made a loop and then took a nose dive she sighed. "I miss Red."

Mindy looked offended. "Look, at the end, its always a crap shoot. We have to train them, because maybe, just maybe, all the training will give them means they don't have to die so horribly. To me, that means something, and I bet it means something to you too. I don't want them dying. So I do what I can, whether they like it or not. Bottom line is, even if its a job we're supposed to do, I'm still gonna do it."

She snickered. "So when the hell did a little bit of melancholy stop you? You were the one that ran with Joker. If anyone can make crap like this into a better situation, its you. By the way, thanks for the advice. It's come in handy."

She sniffed. "Yeah? I bet you do. I miss Riley...and Ellie."

It was a rapid transition for the two of them from bitterness to snarky honesty and down to sadness but they seemed to bounce off each other at high speeds as usual.

"This ain't nothing like being with Mr. J." She contested. "At least with him the fun never ended. Around here they just keep tightening up the rules so everyone's having fun but us." And if Harley broke those rules, even by accident people she cared about would be the ones to really suffer.

...of course they were already suffering but naturally she expected worse.

"Since when did that stop you?" Mindy said, quirking an eyebrow. "I mean, I get not starting enough trouble to get them to punish you, but you hardly ever do anything that big. Even if you did, well, you'd be smart enough not to do that out in the open like an idiot, right?"

She said this casually enough, but clearly Mindy wanted to know the answer herself. Sure, Ellie being gone had not healed: no one was around who could exchange stories and laugh about what they'd done. She could live with that. But losing a mirthful Harley would be just too much now.

Well Mindy wasn't entirely wrong...after all when Eva had killed the power a few months back she had run out and set fire to a bunch of buildings in the Capitol for all the good it had done.

"It's just not the same. Back home even if I got busted and they threw me in Arkham, but around here I can't be half as wild and I'll get killed. I mean I'm crazy but I'm not suicidal."

Despite what her actions in the arena might lead one to believe.

"There's a part of me that just wants to get all suited up and run wild. But it would be the last thing I do and well...there are people I can't leave behind."

She smiled softly despite herself. She'd really grown attached to too many people around here.

"Look, they haven't killed you for being a total nut bag before, why would they start now? I'm sure they're not looking for a reason to off a goddamn mentor. It's not like you're out there causing insurrections or whatever. You're just spreading a little manic Christmas cheer, right? I'll even help you, if you want. I think I could go for a little bit of insanity. Been a tough few weeks."

With no one to talk to even.

"Besides, if this place is so bad I can't even see you running around like a lunatic, what the fuck is the point?"

Harley took hold of her freshly refilled drink and sipped it thoughtfully.

"Maybe that's my problem. I'm just not feeling the Christmas spirit this year like I usually do." She mumbled glancing at her reflection in the liquid.

"It's not just being nutty you know? I'm used to causing chaos! Mayhem! Back home I usually never went a week without blowing something up or stealing something big like a car or an entire candy aisle. I've been on the straight and narrow here for months ever since our little flop of a rescue." She set the drink back down and stirred the ice with her straw.

"Maybe I just need a little Christmas right this very minute." She sang softly trying to stir the missing emotions in her.

"Then let's go and do some Christmas shit," Mindy offered. "I used to get into it too, when dad was around. We'd go and see the decorations and light displays at Macy's, or go to Rockefeller Center to ice skate. He said it was to improve my balance, but he got into it too. We can go, I dunno, buy a tree for our dorm, and you can run around the suites in a skintight elf outfit singing 'Santa Baby,' and I'll...well, I can make some Christmas cookies and shit like that. I'll put ginger in them and everything."

She was just spit balling at this point, but they were pretty good ideas, she thought.

"Beats just sitting here and drinking yourself sad, Harls."

A soft smile curled at the corner of Harley's lip. It wasn't her manic grin or anything close to chaotic, but it was a start.

"Yeah alright. If there's one thing I can't stand it's to see a trained killer beg. We'll go do some Holiday junk and see if that helps me shake this gloomy grinch off my gams."

Silently she assigned herself bonus points for alliteration.

"And let's be fair." She added with a hiccup. "I was sad before I started the drinking just made me numb."

"Only you would call what I'm doing begging you evil bitch." Mindy punched her in the arm, grinning.

"Good. I can only stand you looking like a gloomy shit for so long. If the drink made you numb, clearly its anti-Harley juice. You're at your best when you're moving around. What do you wanna do first?"

"I wanna drink more." She declared but turned and stood up all the same.

It was standing up that did it to her. She felt the world shift underfoot and suddenly everything was tilted to one side. The drink was hitting her all at once.

"You're in charge of this operation. Lead me oh great christmas...leader...led." She hiccuped again and giggled enjoying the sound.

"What's first on the agenda?"

"Unless its some kinda caffeinated alcohol drink, you're better off saying no, Harls. Can't have you getting all sluggish on me."

Of course, seeing her stumble like that did make her snicker a little bit.

"I say we get a cart and start decorating while singing as loud as when can."

Harley didn't even bother waiting for the cart and burst out into song, as loud and off key as she possibly could.

"JINGLE BELLS, BATMAN SMELLS
ROBIN LAID AN EGG!
THE BATMOBILE LOST A WHEEL
AND PUDDIN' GOT AWAY!"

The Patrons were startled by the sudden burst of noise but most of them just rolled their eyes when they saw who it was. Harley leant heavily on Mindy for support as they staggered out of the bar into the common area of the tower.

Damn. Supporting someone she could carry was one thing, but it was always awkward when that person was much taller than you.

She lumbered into the halls with Harley at her side, laughing lightly. So she wasn't drunk like her fried: she'd still have a good time.

"I've stopped drinking," she said to Harley. "Just don't like it as much anymore."

"Good!" She barked out in a shout. "It stunts your growth. An' you're too young anyway. Girl like you should be like...into boy bands and movies about supernatural monster boys and...and super spies! And homicidal maniacs. And ancient weapons. A laser beams! A radio theater! And elves! And wallets with chains on them. And elaborate body modification that can ruin your chances at gainful employment in the future. And designer cupcakes!"

At least Harley seemed aware that Mindy was struggling to keep her propped up and seemed to make and effort to right herself again, only to over correct and stumble into a pillar wrapped in tinsel.

"Boy bands? Supernatural monster boys? Are you trying to set me up again? You're scaring me, Harls. Not that I mind all that other stuff...wait, radio theater?"

Why was that the thing that sounded weird to you and nothing else, Mindy.

"Oh, whoa." Mindy steered the woman away from the pillar. "I think the drink's making you go straight for the shiny stuff. Watch it. Last thing we wanna do is have you go to one of their moles."

"Moles?" Harley sniffled and began wrapping herself in the tinsel which required her to circle around the pillar unwinding the colorful shiny decoration.

"I miss my mallet!" She whined. "I'm not allowed to have one anymore because it's a security risk." By the time she'd finished a long drawn out groan of sorrow she was bundled up in glittery gold tinsel.

"Yeah, stooges," Mindy said, "cannon fodder. Whatever you wanna call them, you know what I mean. People loyal to the big bad."

She was careful NOT to say that the big bad was the Capitol. Never knew who would be listening in, after all.

"What the hell are you gonna do with a mallet, Harley?" Mindy asked, looking dubious. "You know that the Capitol would never allow rats that big to run around here. Nice, uh, new fake fur stole, I guess?"

"I'll whack a mole of course!" She declared and tried to shake her fists only to find she'd tied her arms to her sides with the stolen christmas decor.

Shrugging her shoulders she set off at a run, jumping on one of the sofas and springing over the back of it apparently making for the door to the city.

"Nice use of words there," Mindy said, hardly believing she set herself up for that pun. That was tossed aside though, when Harley suddenly decided she was going to take off in a sprint.

"Wait for me Harley!" She called, trying to catch up with the woman. "Christ!"

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It could be her head wasn't screwed on just right.

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