Why should they go out to fight?

[biiowiired]

Who| The Ψiioniic biiowiired and YOU
What| Arriving and scoping out possible escape routes
Where| Central commons, District 9 floor, gym, a street outside a train station
When| dec 01-02. Threads below won't happen in the order they were posted.
Warnings/Notes| mentions of slavery, abuse, language, lisping, Alternian society's (and Psii's) insensitivity towards the disabled

Training Center: Central Commons

He fucked up somewhere, but how? He was always so careful, so fastidious, so goddamn paranoid. And he didn't even have any memory of a fight, let alone capture. Did his friends make it out ok? Exactly how badly did he fail to protect them? He'd had no inkling of their deaths, no vision, nothing.... So they were alive, at least.

He couldn't fail to notice the voices of the dead were gone, now that he'd arrived here. He never thought he'd miss them, but now would be a really great time to have apeshit psionics up his sleeve. Trying to call up a bit of energy in his fingertips as he was marched towards the living quarters was fruitless. He was frustrated that he couldn't simply level this place and rocket out of here.

Once alone, the tall troll leaned his shoulder against a wall. His hands shook. A few reporters turned their heads to eye the wan Tribute with grey skin, fiery-colored horns, and scars head to toe. He had been dressed in clothes that weren't his, but accents of his District's yellow suited him anyway. He was a yellowblood, a slave caste on Alternia. Now he was a slave once again.... He wanted to retch. He knew from experience exactly what that entailed.

Training Center: District 9 suites dining area

He didn't have eyes for the wasted luxury on District 9's floor, only on possible escape routes. Reinforced windows, people guarding all the exits, and who knew what the city borders were like? His eyes were wide and alert, slightly manic with the knowledge that he'd have to endure and escape captivity all over again. He wanted to check every room for electronic bugs, but he curbed that impulse in front of the ever-present Peacekeepers.

Eventually he'd had enough of metaphorical buzzing against glass he couldn't break. He cornered one of the servants(?) in the dining area, speaking in a low mutter:

"Hey. I know you can hear me. Talk to me. How long have you been here? When do the peathekeeperth change shiftth? What'th border patrol like? Hey. At leatht tell me to get lotht if you're not going to thay anything."

Training Center: Gym

There was no point working out in the gym with the next arena just a few days away. But it was always good to get an idea of the competition.... God, if he was already thinking of his fellow slaves that way, how would he fare in the arena? He didn't want to fight anyone; his real enemies were the ones in the Capitol pulling the strings.

And yet there he was, in a suitably dark corner, his red and blue eyes scanning every Tribute. He was looking for strengths and weaknesses. Fights among slaves back home weren't unheard of. If anyone here really bought into this killing game, he'd have to watch his back.

Capitol: Street outside a train station

He squinted against the sun, hardly daring to believe he could go out during the day and not be horribly burned. Damn the curfew anyway, he was nocturnal. He groggily kept to the shadows, rubbing drowsiness from his eyes. He was clearly marked as an off-worlder, Capitol fashions having not quite reached the point of grey skin, orange horns, and eyes in bright red and blue, schlerae and all. He'd also shrugged off the attentions of the stylist (for now), which meant his hair was still on end from worrying fingers through it, and he looked like he could use a meal and a good day's sleep. Both were available to him, but he didn't have much time to waste.

He was willing to bet that his best chance of escape would be after he left much of the Capitol's surveillance, en route to the arena. Other than a jet, the train seemed to be the fastest way in and out of the city. Psii hung around the entrances, scoping out the station. He knew Peacekeepers would be watching all points of exit. He'd probably come up dry on escape plans today, but what was he supposed to do? sit and twiddle his prongs in his respiteblock? train in the gym to kill people who should be his allies against the Capitol slavers? He didn't want to die, but he also didn't want to spin his wheels in their shitty Games.

Comments

[69problems]

The more he spoke the more awkward Signless's expression became. The small smile he'd managed to call forth flickered, died and then deepened into an uncomfortable grimace.

It wasn't as though the Psiioniic was wrong to be wary of clowns. When he'd first come to Panem the Signless would have agreed with him without a second thought: clowns were dangerous, unstable, murderous. Worthy of being helped and invited into the philosophy, certainly, but not to be trusted with one's friendship and certainly not with one's quadrants.

Look at him now. Things really had changed.

"Right. Killing." Because it's that that has his expression so down. Obviously.

"Tuna... he wears the paint. He follows the scriptures." He rushes on, trying to head off or steamroll over any objection. "I know it's hard to believe just on my word but I swear to you he is a good troll at his core. Without the Empire to twist the teachings of the cult, much of what they preach is actually positive. Promise me you'll at least give him a chance. Everyone is worth at least that."

[biiowiired]

Psii immediately opened his mouth to protest, sounds cut off by Signless's words.

"No. No." Psii was on his feet before he knew it, pile abandoned, pacing the floor as his voice climbed in volume. "Are you inthane? What did they do to you? What did he do to you? He'th tricking you! You haven't theen the shit I've theen, not jutht in my vithionth but firthhand too. You—you can't—"

Psii clutched his hands to his own head as if he had a vision coming on, but really it was just bad memories. This was a nightmare. The person Psii looked to for strength was being duped by a clown, in the most emotionally vulnerable quadrant, too. He didn't ask about this supposed closeness between Initiate and Helmsman, afraid what other crushing revelations might befall him. As far as he was concerned, Helmsman was a useless slave who let his best friend fall into the clutches of a clown.

"Kankri, they preach fear! They uthe their cult ath an exthcuthe to thcrew uth over! 'We're higher than you and you're all fucked,' don't you remember? Athk him about hith paint back home, how he got it tho fresh! Everyone knowth they uthe the blood of the freshly culled, dumbath!"

The bite in his words fizzled out, as it always did when panic and distress trumped all else, but that didn't stop more words tumbling out of his mouth as he barely stopped for breath.

"And I wath here! What wath I even doing? I let mythelf get turned into a ship and let a clown get the better of both of uth, FUCK!!" he shouted bitterly.

[69problems]

Oh no. Signless scrambles upright, moves to take the Psiioniic's shoulders in his and stop his wild pacing. He can't really stop it: his hands creep upward to the other troll's cheeks, not papping but close enough to hopefully incite some of that calming feeling.

"I remember. I know what they preach and know what their doctrine was used to justify on Alternia. You forget that I've seen things too, that I've witnessed just as much atrocity as you have-- and you have no idea what I've seen here."

It stings just a little to be treated as though he's insane, as though he's just foolish and naive. To have his words ignored is one of the few things that can really get Signless angry, and it hurts most of all coming from one of the few trolls he always thought would listen. Listen and question, certainly, but never dismiss entirely.

"This place changes people. It changed him too. Just as I've seen his cruelty and hatred, I've seen his sorrow and regret. In every troll there is good that can be nurtured and brought forth when they no longer feel bound by the shackles of a violent and casteist system. I always said that back on Alternia and I believe it even more now because I have seen it. He is not perfect. There is much that he still has to unlearn and much that he may never entirely rid himself of, but he's willing to try and why shouldn't he have a moirail to guide him?"

His eyes search the Psiioniic's for a moment before he relaxes and lets his hands drop back to the other troll's shoulders.

"Don't make me choose between you. Please don't. I can't leave him alone, and I can't lose you again."

[biiowiired]

He shook his head, little no's muttering past his lips for what seemed like an eternity. He was terribly afraid to move, and of what might happen if Signless actually papped him. Would he be overcome with pity, or deck him to the floor and storm out? He didn't want to find out. Psii raised his own hands, initially to bat Signless's away. He even managed to grab them from touching him, an angry buzz droning through his fangs. But he found himself clutching them instead in a moment of weakness. Just yesterday he had been traveling with his best friend across Alternia. Psii was not a particularly nostalgic troll, but even he had to adjust to the shock of everything he knew being pulled from under him. Psii wanted Signless to be the same, but he wasn't.

"Choothe? There'th nothing to choothe, you've made your choithe. Thtop touching me. If you want a hug that badly, you should go to your moirail. You know, the one who thtill wearth paint, even while knowing what it thtandth for! He probably hath a bottle thtashed away for when he cullth you and taketh your blood!"

He shoved at Signless, though not very effectively. He did it more to give himself the strength to release his hands and step back. It didn't really make him feel better; he felt more raw and alone than ever. He dearly wanted all of this to not be happening, but denial never got him anywhere.

"You can't lothe me unleth I thtop caring what happenth to you—which ith apparently what will happen when they thcramble my thponge and inthtall me on a ship! Tho why should you even care what I think? Didn't I fuck up?!" he gesticulated wildly. "I'm flipping my shit for you now, thure, but onthe the Empire getth their handth on me, that'th it, I'm done, everything I rithked my life for I jutth give up and watch my friend get cozy with a troll of the paint!"

[69problems]

It was happening all over again: Signless was losing his best friend and this time the fault rested solely on his shoulders. He let go of the Psiioniic as though his hands had been burned, taking a further step back from him.

He'd gone into this so optimistic. He'd promised himself he wouldn't let this happen. Why did he always have to fuck everything up?

"I care what you think because you're my friend, my best and oldest and dearest friend." His tone was heavy and subdued. "Me caring for him doesn't mean I don't care about you anymore, doesn't mean I value you any less. But if you really no longer want me around you because of it... I'll respect that."

[biiowiired]

Psii was riding his high-strung wave of self-loathing, but, as always whenever he was flipping his shit, all he needed was the tiniest switch to direct his careening vehicle of emotions—straight into a ditch. He immediately crashed, hard, at Signless's suddenly quiet voice. He wilted, eyes hopeless. He always blew up like this and had to pick up the pieces. He wished he wouldn't freak out the people around him like a sparking wire. He wished all his cosmic visions of death and striving for temperance would actually do him some personal good. He wished he wasn't destined to become a loser space battery.

"No, what...?" he croaked, voice breaking. He picked through the dark mire at a small thread of confusion. When did this conversation about Signless's safety and Psii's self-loathing start sounding like a break-up speech? "I thtill want to help you—unleth you don't want me to. What, you think I'm throwing a fit becauthe I'm a jealouth wiggler? You collect friendth like beeth collect frond thporeth, ok, I wouldn't be thurprithed if I walked into the middle of a papping orgy in your block. That'th not it."

Psii wrapped his arms around himself and kept his eyes trained on the floor.

"I'm thorry. I'm thcared becauthe there'th a troll walking around who keepth hith paint. And I'm thcared I'll fuck up like the Helmsman, jutht do what the clown or anyone elthe tellth me to do. And God, if thomething happenth to you and I couldn't thtop it becauthe I wath too buthy being a good thlave...." He swallowed bitterly, grimacing. "You can't depend on me, but I'll thtay if you want me to."

[69problems]

At 'papping orgy' he let out an unpretty half-laugh. Somehow the Psiioniic always managed to pull him out of falling into his own worry spirals and jolt him back into the here-and-now, and often he did it through a throwaway joke.

"I know you're scared. You're right to be cautious and you're right to question. That's why I know I can depend on you and why I want you to stay: you don't just do as you're told. Neither did the Helmsman," he added gently. "Everything he did he did himself, and in that way he regained much of the freedom he'd lost at the helm."

He left out that much of what the Helmsman had chosen did not include him. It would explain why he'd jumped so quickly to assuming the Psiioniic would be the same, but on the other hand he didn't want the troll before him to think too badly of his future self. The Helmsman's hurt had been real and justified, even if it had resulted in the loss of their relationship.

"I want you with me for as long as you want to be."

[biiowiired]

Psii shuddered. He didn't want to hear about the Helmsman, not now. He clutched himself tighter and sagged against the nearest wall, the weight of his future still bearing down on him. Even if Helmsman had more autonomy here than back home, he could still have been tricked.

"Offering to thtay away jutht becauthe I can't keep my shit together today.... Nextht you're going to athk me if we're thtill friendth. I think you underethtimate your ability to be a conthtant pain in my ath," he muttered gently. "I can't imagine what it would be like without you driving me shithive maggotth inthane."

His eyes finally flicked back up at him.

"You're moirails with the clown, tho you thee why I can't take your word for it. I have to thee for mythelf. He might have tricked you, uthed thome thort of power, but that mind shit only workth on me half the time."

[69problems]

He nodded. That was reasonable, at least.

"I understand. Just promise me you'll give him a chance. I don't need you to like him, but hopefully you at least will come to tolerate him."

He sighed and stepped closer to the other troll. Carefully he reached out and took one of Mituna's hands in his, re-initiating that contact he'd broken before and running his thumb over the back of the other troll's hand.

"I know what it would be like without you, and I don't want to ever have to feel that again if I can help it. You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not."

[biiowiired]

He hung his head, looking only at Signless's thumb as it traced over his scarred knuckles. He was surprised at the contact, but not enough to call attention to it. He really must have given Signless a scare, for him to be getting all touchy-feely. Psii didn't deserve to be friends with such a forgiving troll. His thin fingers closed hesitatingly around Signless's square ones.

"I'm thorry for my prethent and future thelf'th fuck-upth. If it weren't for me, you'd probably be out of thith shithole already."

Signless had this uncanny ability to make him feel terrible about every mistake, just by existing. Psii wanted to better himself because of him, if only so they could laugh and make fun of each other instead of sitting around licking their own wounds. He didn't wish Disciple and Dolorosa were here to suffer with them, but he was beginning to face the reality of suddenly being without their insight and strength. He felt more inadequate than ever.

"I hope it'th ok that I bombard you with quethtionth about our alien ownerth for a little while. I want to help, but I only have my exthperienthe back on Alternia to go on.... God, thith ith shitty, I'm shitty, biggetht bulgelicker in paradoxth thpathe, proof that you have terrible tathte in friendth."

[69problems]

It was so unsettling to hear the Capitol referred to as their owners -- even moreso because, despite never phrasing it like that himself, he knew the Psiioniic was right. It pained him to think of how his friend must feel, enslaved again after fighting so hard to leave that life behind.

"I couldn't possibly expect you to be perfectly equipped to handle this the moment you arrived. Please, ask me anything you need to know, and I'll do my best to answer. Let me protect you for once, until you've found your footing. Alright?"

[biiowiired]

He wanted to know about previous arenas, what running themes he could expect, the best tactics for survival. He wanted to know Signless's personal experiences here, but was too afraid of touching old wounds. He wanted to know why Signless kept from hugging him, but was also so quick to touch his face in his moment of panic. He wanted to know more about the Helmsman and the haunt he'd left behind. Were they just ghosts of their former selves, Psii by being brought here twice, and Signless by the changes forced upon him?

Psii gripped his friend's too-warm fingers, afraid to ask the wrong questions, or even agree with his sentiment right away. He was used to always being the one with the foresight, the tactical plan. It wasn't that Psii didn't trust Signless with his life; he hesitated mostly because the things Psii needed protecting from most were in his own head. His last refuge from physical trials was only that of an unstable mind. If he really was to be a slave again, he was scared of showing that weakness to anyone. Finally he met Signless's bright eyes and nodded, throat tight.

"Why would they bring me back like thith?" he muttered bitterly. "Helmsman not a good enough thlave already? Did they revert to a previouth verthion becauthe they didn't like the Empire'th beta featureth?" He gave a hollow laugh. Battery, computer, slave, it was all the same. All were meant to be used, then recycled when they expired.

[69problems]

"They probably thought it would add drama and make things more entertaining to watch. To see you like this again after having lost him, first as a friend and then when he didn't come back... they assume it will lead to emotional tension they can make a profit from."

To say nothing of the complicated relationship politics. Both Signless and the Initiate loved and lost the Helmsman, and now they had each other. Bringing him back right on the heels of that, from a time where he still wanted anything to do with Signless at all, was a clear attempt at jumpstarting some sort of fight over who was more worthy of the yellowblood's affections.

[biiowiired]

That ham-handed tactic would work, if Signless and Initiate were at all interested in fighting each other over anyone. Psii wasn't one to be tugged between two people anyway. Why not both? Or none, since he tended to avoid fights.

"Well, no fucking shit it lead to tenthion. I haven't been thith thtrethed thinthe forever."

Unfortunately, half of Signless's concerns were lost on him. Psii didn't share Helmsman's memories or sentiments for the people he'd left behind. Psii didn't even have steady quadrants at the moment. Most who would come up to him professing to know him from before would only receive blank stares and maybe an apology. He would imagine apologizing for his future self from the past and appreciate that sort-of-not-really double reach around.

"If they find thome reathon to take me away again...." If they realize I'm an active rebel and cull me, "Well I've alwayth told you there'th a good chanthe I'd die an untimely death anyway, it shouldn't come ath a thurprithe. I mean it'th not like you haven't thurvived without my thorry huthk around. In fact it might be eathier without having to worry about thome neurotic troll having yet another mood thwing, who the hell wantth to deal with that anyway...."

Sometimes, Psii's reaction to an unpleasant death-related thought was to be determinedly crass about it.

[69problems]

"I want to deal with that," Signless pointed out with a wan smile. "I'd welcome it if it meant a distraction from everything else. Just try not to give them a reason, would you?"

He knew it would be hard, the Psiioniic's earlier outburst proved that, but there was no harm in asking. He'd like to enjoy a little time with his best friend, perhaps get comfortable enough around him for their relationship to feel natural and easy again.

"At least not on purpose."