the day my baby left me; semi-open???

[aintyourdad]

Who| Joel and uhhh... close CR??? idk you know who you are.
What| Ellie's gone. This is gonna be bad.
Where| The Tribute Tower, Joel's room in D8.
When| After the mini-arena.
Warnings/Notes| Possible mentions of torture and/or abuse. Feel free to have your character run into him while he's searching for Ellie, or have them drop by his room later.

Joel expected worse treatment than he got, honestly. He knows what he did at the Reaping was stupid, and he expected to pay for it more harshly than what actually transpired. They made him watch things, mostly. First it was Capitol propaganda, which was annoying but not particularly noteworthy.

Then they made him watch the mini-arena. And it's not that he's not used to seeing violence, even violence against children. He is, but that doesn't make it right, or good, or something he enjoys. By the time it's over, he's exhausted, and hungry, and all he wants is to find Ellie and keep her close, remind himself she's here, that as long as he has her, everything is okay.

When she isn't in her room, he doesn't think too much of it. She's not in his room, either. She probably didn't know when he would be released, hell, he didn't know either. But he should be able to find her pretty quick - she rarely strays far, and never for very long.

He searches for an hour, two hours, three hours, hitting up all her usual hangouts. Nothing. At some point, he realizes there's a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, and his palms are starting to feel clammy. Where is Ellie? The bile starts rising in his throat as the day gets later, curfew starts to approach, and she is still nowhere to be found.

Is this his real punishment? Did they take her away from him because of that little scene he made? Is that why they went so light on him while they held him? The more clear it becomes that Ellie is gone, the more detached he starts to feel. It's like his anchor is gone, and now he's adrift, and now what? It's like winter all over again, waking up to find her gone, except this time? He's completely powerless. He's not injured, and yet there is nothing he can do. Nothing. No one he can beat it out of, no place he can go to find her and bring her back.

Finally, defeated and unable to figure out what else to do, he returns to his room, locking the door behind him. Part of him wants to destroy something, smash something against a wall, throw a tantrum. It wouldn't do any good, though, and there isn't really anything in his room to smash. Only a couple of things Ellie gave him, things he would never destroy.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, he puts his head in his hands. She's gone.

Comments

[oopsright]

She can tell he's hurting and that this is affecting in a bad way. That doesn't stop her though. "Funny isn't it, how things have done a full switch around."

Tess sighs and swishes the whiskey around in the bottle before taking a sip. It goes down strong and warm. She's not here to fight, she's going to keep telling herself this as she watches him. Takes in any reaction.

It isn't funny per se, it really isn't, but to Tess it's just another shit end of the stick for them. The shitty people that they are.

"She will come back."

It's now up to her to be optimistic, the same way he'd been so optimistic about there being a cure for her when he had talked her out of doing something stupid. When she had hit rock bottom a while back.

"How many times have I been here, Joel? I came back to you."

[aintyourdad]

"I don't wanna hear it, Tess," he says, his voice a warning. Every time she says it, every little bit of hope she tries to give him, just makes him feel worse. Worse and worse, when he would just rather not think or talk about it at all.

Things happen, and we move on.

"If that's all you gotta say, you should probably go."

[oopsright]

"And risk curfew?" She snorts quietly as she's sipping from the bottle again. "No Joel, I think I'm good right where I am. I risked enough coming here to check on you, you're stuck with me."

That means for the night, unless he has a better idea. Or if he wants to physically throw her out then she'll fight him and neither of them want to go down that path. She wants to tell him that this isn't the end. To her - it isn't. She wants him to not treat this as Ellie is permanently gone.

Ellie can't be, Tess won't believe that.

[aintyourdad]

Curfew. He's almost forgotten about that. Is it that late? He glances at the clock on the bedside table, scowling. "Tess, you need to get back to your room. I'm not gonna see you get into trouble on my account."

Don't make them take you away from me, too.

[oopsright]

"Eat," Tess answers with, nodding to the sandwiches. Firm and not budging on the matter.

If she gets in trouble because she wanted to come to check on her partner and make sure he didn't try to pull a page out of her book then so be it. Looking out for one another, that's what they did, in good and bad times.

[aintyourdad]

"Oh for Christ's sake," he mutters, grabbing one of the sandwiches. If it will make her leave faster, if it will help make sure she doesn't get into trouble, then fine. Fine.

But he has nothing to say as he methodically eats it. If she thinks her presence will be in any way comforting, she's dead wrong.

[oopsright]

The silence between them drags. Tess is okay with letting it. She watches him as he chews a few bites and then looks past him to the scenic wall of forest stretching as far as it can realistically appear.

It looks so peaceful...

"While you in there...what did they do?" He doesn't look like he took much of a beating. Had he smartened up once the bars were slammed shut?

[aintyourdad]

"Nothing," Joel says flatly between bites. "They made me watch the arena. Didn't let me sleep, and barely fed me, and that's it."

[oopsright]

So it was no different for him. They had been given little choice but to do the same only they'd been given food and drink, ample opportunity to move around and mingle with others while the arena played on screens for them during the activities.

"Whatever happened to keeping your head down and your mouth shut, Joel?"

Tess gets it, Ellie's just a kid. And to be put in an arena without either Joel or herself, no older figure there to keep her safe, she gets why Joel would have objected as publicly as he had and started a commotion. But they can't afford to get their asses locked up, it's bad enough that this curfew business keeps them apart at night in case of emergencies, the possibility that something could go wrong and she could turn and he wouldn't be there to be the one to put her down.

Of course this is the woman who's currently breaking said curfew like she usually did break or bend any other law back home.

[aintyourdad]

"You think I don't know?" Joel snaps, suddenly angry, afraid, desperate, because suddenly he's aware that Tess is all he has left here.

"You think I haven't paid enough already? They took her away from me!" He's back on his feet, pacing, the sandwich abandoned. "You need to leave, Tess. Now. Get outta here before they take you, too."

[oopsright]

It's like she can hear each of those emotions, his anger, his apprehension and desperation, all in the snapped words. She shifts on the bed to face him as she watches him begin to pace the floor, the opposite of him - calm.

"I'm not going anywhere, Joel," she answers, quiet and calm, firm, the bottle finished off but held in her hands between her knees. This is my last stop.

[aintyourdad]

"Why?" he asks, glaring at her. "I don't want you here, so what's your game? D'you want to get into trouble?"

[oopsright]

"You don't want me here? Fine. I might as well march outside and let those assholes take me and you'll never see or hear from me again since it's that fucking hard for you," she snaps back as she stands, patience and calm gone now. "And that's what you fucking want so bad."

He's angry, he's upset. Ellie's gone. That still doesn't give him the right to take it out on her but it gives her every right to want to give in and tell him that she hopes he chokes on those sandwiches she had put together for him.

Right now isn't the time for her to tell him that she's here because she cares, he would just end up throwing that back into her face somehow, some way.

[aintyourdad]

Joel pauses, giving her an incredulous look at the harsh words. "What the hell do you want from me right now? Because I've got nothin' to give. Whatever it is you need, you'll have to find somebody else, because I'm through. I need to be alone."

[oopsright]

Did her harsh words give him pause? Good. Or not...

"No, Joel, what you need is to get your head out of your fucking ass." She's moving for the door, needs to get out and away from him, fuck the curfew and the Peacekeepers and their surveillance.

But then Tess stops within feet away from the door, whirling back around to face him. "You know - maybe then you'll have something for me because fuck if I know why I stick around and fucking care about you."

[aintyourdad]

"Get. Out," is all he manages to growl, his teeth gritted. What the hell? Ellie is dead, and she comes barging in here expecting, what? That he'll want to cry on her shoulder? That he'll want anyone here at all? She has to know him better than that.

He didn't ask her to come here, he didn't ask her to break curfew. She'd've been caught and punished regardless of whether she stayed with him or not. They know when people aren't in their rooms.

What in the hell possessed Tess to think he would be any good to anyone right now?

[oopsright]

She knew him better than anyone around the quarantine zone, not better than he knew himself but she knew him well enough. Or had. How much time had passed between her death and him getting Ellie to Tommy's? More than six months? Almost a year? So much had changed and Tess was only now seeing it. It was like they were two completely different people now.

Why does it feel like that day back in September, in Boston? Yeah well, you wanted to be left alone, remember?

Tess hadn't pushed then, it had been different. There was no Ellie. She hadn't been bitten, hadn't died. She hadn't missed out on the trip to Tommy's. None of that had taken place, had altered their way of living, their routines that they'd been so comfortable living for all those years. There was no point to pushing him now, either.

The bottle was chucked onto the bed, bouncing off to roll towards him, the glass thick enough that it wouldn't shatter everywhere upon hitting the ground.

She left without another word only a glare thrown back over her shoulder. It hurt that he was pushing her out and not letting her help; Tess wasn't going to let that show, door snapping shut on the way out.