thecapitol | (OPEN) at least he's not dead now

Entry tags:

(OPEN) at least he's not dead now

Who| Karkat and whoever runs across him.
What| Now that he's out of the mini-arena, Karkat's exploring the place he has to live.
Where| All across the Training Center.
When| After his death in the mini-arena ~ a few days after. Anywhere around then.
Warnings/Notes| Karkat is pretty foulmouthed and irreverent, but nothing else. Feel free to use prose (whichever tense) or action; I'll adapt with you.

Of all the ways Karkat would wish to be welcomed someplace new, this was not one of them. Thanks to the arena, which they'd shoved him in with only minimal explanation, he'd suffered his second death in as many days. Wasn't it enough for Jane to fork him before he showed up? Did he really have to get...

He didn't want to think about it. Maybe it was better that it was something from the arena rather than a fellow tribute, but it didn't make being killed by an oversized, animatronic cartoon beast any better.

Even after, being alive was strange. Back during Sgrub and everything else before Panem, at least there were countless mechanics to explain why someone might revive. Here he didn't know what they did. Something technological? It wasn't unthinkable when they'd brought him here from another part of reality, and while he was glad to not be dead permanently, it was unsettling to think they had such technology at their disposal.

Now he was... not free, but at least somewhere safe. Not subject to the current edition of the Hunger Games, at any rate. He learned his district and what that meant. (District 6, transportation, here's your floor and your room.) He learned that the tower was host to tributes and the various mentors, escorts, stylists, and whoever else served part of this entertainment machine. Night would bring curfew, but days would be relatively open, giving him the chance to feel out his surroundings.

A.
One place he'd definitely find himself was the actual training center, the floor from which the building got its name. Being here would mean needing to be in shape and on his game, and while he had skills still left over from Sgrub, they would do no good if left unpracticed. If he could find a sickle amongst the weapons provided there, he'd be practicing with that. Otherwise he might check out the other stations. Learn knots? Sure. Learn edible plants? Worthwhile. And then there was regular old relief of frustration: he may not have been a fistkind user, but that didn't stop him from taking things out a punching bag.

B.
Night of course would leave him confined to the District 6 area. Unused to a bed, lacking sopor slime, and still rattled from the arena, he didn't sleep much. It didn't help that his species was naturally nocturnal, but even during the day he sought little rest. At least the common area had a TV and games to play, and the kitchen helped for hunger or thirst. It wouldn't be hard to spot the look on his face: tired and grumpy, with perpetual bags under his eyes.

C.
During the day again, he more than once found himself up on the roof. Here the atmosphere was less stifling, with fresh air and an actual sky to see, unlike the darkness or the void or luminescent shapes of dream bubbles back on the meteor. It wasn't his sky, not the one he knew from Alternia, but if it had been he wouldn't have been able to stand the sun. This was tolerable - relaxing, even - and it gave him a space from everything else.

D.
But beyond the rest, he wandered. The tower was big, and he knew well enough that people he knew had to be around. He'd heard mention, or seen a flash of horn in the arena he couldn't stop long enough to identify, and he had run into Eridan while he was still in there. It meant teammates or friends were here, and these above all else he sought out, carrying him through common rooms or the lobby or across hallways and elevators throughout the tower. Feasibly anyone could run into him; though short, most people weren't grey with horns, and it made him stand out.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, thank goodness. The relief is obvious on her face that when he's finally done talking she doesn't hear the ding of the elevators, or anyone else on the roof really seeming to care all that much.

The relief is short lived, because he opens his mouth again, and it's probably the first thing she's ever heard him say - any Karkat say - that has genuinely made her mad. Her jaw goes rigid, entire frame going tight, wings snapping shut against her back (unlike what they usually do when she's angry). She grits her teeth and exhales slowly, eyes shut, before she tries to write anything at all. It takes her a moment.

When she finally does start writing it's a little faster than normal, a few of the straight lines more elongated than usual, a little closer to slashes. She keeps it as controlled as she can, but just what does he think is supposed to be easier for her? Sitting in a room and watching kids die? Half of them she knew? One of them she sent more than half of her tickets to, and he still never walked out of that Arena, and they never brought him back. If she didn't keep smiling at anything that could possibly inspire it around here, she'd lose her mind.

there is nothing easy about this
you need to be more careful about what you say
people listen

The Capitol might take it as a jab at him. Hopefully he won't, because it's not.

Nill's body language clues him in that something is wrong before she can write out anything. It leaves him on edge as he waits for her answer, leaning away from her just a touch, eyes wary. He's not used to having to wait quite like that, and for the first real time he feels frustrated she can't speak normally. He ends up tapping a finger at his knee during the (not actually that long) wait, and his mouth opens almost immediately after.

"I said easier," he insists. "Do you think I'm that stupid that I expect this to be flowers and starlight? I meant I want you to at least avoid the awfulness I went through, getting shoved straight in, narrowly avoiding a panic attack over the whole crazy thing, and the death I just mentioned, and me expressing so in a short little phrase doesn't mean I expect things to be smooth and nice.

"And second off, what's so wrong about me being pissed off at our situation? I'm not saying anything stupid." His gaze hardens here, holding hers. He can't say exactly what he means, but he hopes the intent gets through. No vocal planning around Capitol people. He knows that much. "But if you expect me to keep my lip shut about even the base aggravation, you're going to end up on a face-first drag down the road of disappointment."

It's honestly rare that she's run into people who understand without needing to be told a few times that something is potentially dangerous. And then they all died. An unfortunate pattern that makes it easy for forget not everyone is so willfully dumb, whether they mean to be or not.

She holds his gaze for a few solid seconds before relenting, the tension leaking out of her shoulders, though her wings don't unfurl. She brushes her hair out of her face and looks away from him, before finally reaching for the notepad again.

I'm sorry. I know.
long month.

Just, please be careful. She can't risk writing it again, it would be way too obvious if she did. But she hopes the sentiment gets conveyed by her expression, if nothing else.

When Nill slumps, Karkat's own posture pulls back just a touch. He's not happy still, but his silence conveys enough benefit to let her think and write more patiently than he did a moment ago. That her words start with an apology does help.

He sees her expression, too, and gives it a solid look before sitting back entirely. His breath leaves him as his gaze tips to the sky.

"It's alright," he says, though a tired edge clings to his voice. "I got dumped from a lot of chaos before into more chaos here, and died twice in as many days. Obviously I'm not in the calmest mindset about everything."

His head tilts back to pass her a small, sympathetic frown. "Let's just hope we find something good in this mountain of crap life dumped on us."

Sometimes Nill just genuinely hates places like this. Maybe it's a good thing that it had brought Karkat back. Maybe he's only been on this train the few times around in the weird space that people from their universe seemed to occupy (Universe hardly seemed expansive enough) and maybe when this was over, eventually, he'd try to go back there if he made it that long. Maybe this could be good for him eventually.

I'm sorry that happened to you.
I died before I got here too.
it sucks.
I hope so too.

She offers a little flicker of a smile with that last part, but it's a bit halfhearted. She really hoped they could get something good out of this. That he could, at least. Maybe things can still work out for him.

She's not so optimistic for herself.

Karkat's trip through reality is more complicated than the average person's, but he doesn't know her life to compare. At least for the most part he expected it when he was pulled somewhere new. The only real surprise was when he first entered the game; after that, everything had its own explanation and reason for existing and being where it was. ... Apart from maybe how their Empress got to the new session - he's got no clue how that happened.

But the thing is, getting shuffled around Paradox Space never put him somewhere like this. It's hard for him to really see what would be good about it yet. His wish came from hope, not certainty or even optimism. (Life, he knows, just loves to go awful for him.)

"At least the first time wasn't as bad," he muses with a shrug. Though he doesn't return her smile - those are rare for him - there's a similar sentiment in his eyes. "If we had glasses I'd make a toast or something cheesy like that. May our inevitable deaths be quick and painless, and may our friends suffer little. You want to add anything?"

It's pretty hard to top getting mauled by an animatronic bear, she supposes. And at least one of those two deaths wasn't too bad, although there's not really a way to die that's particularly good. None she's seen outside of movies, anyway.

If they were actually toasting, it'd be a good one. Of all the weird mantras she's heard over the years, she likes that one a lot. Nill considers it for a moment, before jotting something down on the side of the paper. She must think better of it though, because she just as quickly scribbles over it, making it near impossible to tell what she wrote.

Instead she writes something else to show him.

may we not watch our friends die, and may our friends not watch us die.

He didn't have time to consider it the first time he died. Just a fork through his middle and done. For all it freaked him out, it was better than the bear. (Perhaps one could count the time his dreamself died, too, but that was kind of a different animal. Not as big a deal.)

He lets her think out her response, not bothering to fuss over whatever it is she scribbled out. What she does show turns out surprisingly morbid, but topically spot on.

"... Yeah." His tone is a bit weak. "I've seen enough of that before this place."

It leaves him silent for a good stretch until, head dipping, he adds, "God, life sucks."

The scribbled out bit was significantly less morbid, but probably wouldn't have made much sense to Karkat anyway. Old grudges tend to linger even when you're not sure you have good enough reason to hold on to them. Though it's not like what he said was much brighter. Just more amusing.

In all the different directions this went, Nill managed to forget her cigarette entirely. By the time she remembers it's already burnt down to the filter. She frowns at the filter and drops it into a pocket for later disposal before pulling a fresh one out and lighting it. If any a conversation ever needed the almost close to safe feeling the smoke inspired, this one did. She doesn't lift her notepad again until she's had at least a lungful.

it sucks a lot.
at least the sky here is nice.

He wouldn't have a clue.

Her fiddling with her cigarettes draws his attention, though, and he watches her as she puts the spent butt into her pocket and fetches a new one to light. It's not the first he's ever seen one, not with Eridan's dancestor or (more than that) his love of romcoms, but it's a habit still foreign to him to witness. No one's ever smoked around him before, save her when she first approached, and the smell is strange and unappealing enough to make him wonder.

"Yeah," he mutters, distracted when she lifts her note, and his gaze does briefly tip skywards. For all the different skies he's seen, he still misses Alternia's - but this he doesn't say.

Instead, pointing at her cigarette, he asks, "So what's that for?"

Of all the things she thought that trolls might not have in their world, cigarettes weren't one of them. Nill seems surprised, and glances between Karkat and the cigarette now in her hand before her wings flutter a little. She's not sure how to describe what they're for to someone who isn't familiar with them, but she can certainly try.

some people use them to calm down.
if you aren't used to them it can feel nice.

Nope. Not really. If certain dancestors were anything to go by, smoking itself isn't unknown, but the specific of cigarettes is a human thing. Troll culture isn't always predictable or cohesive ~~thanks Hussie~~.

"Calm down?" he repeats, gaze slipping from her face back to the little stick. "How does it work? And what do you mean about if you're not used to them?"

This is definitely not something she ever thought she'd need to explain to someone. Usually if someone wants to discuss them it's either because they want one or because they want to remind her that they're bad for you. Which is sort of laughable when you spend time in places like this.

they have nicotine in them.
it's in the smoke when you inhale.
the more often you smoke the less you notice it.

"Hmm."

Like the item itself, nicotine means nothing to him on its own. He doesn't even know it it would affect him the way way it would a human, though the idea of something calming is tempting. Anyone who looks knows he could use something to settle him down now and then.

He looks to her face again. "Is it worth it? The lessening effect and everything."

While she would have been more than happy to compare nicotine to something else, there isn't really a good way to go about doing so. She has no idea what an appropriate equivalent he might understand would be.

Her expression softens a little as she taps the ashes from the end.

not for everyone.
it is for me. I had lots of friends that smoked.
do you want to try it?

Surely just letting him try wouldn't hurt anything. He might not even like it if he tried one.

Karkat's certainly lacking on the smoking friends front. Cronus was nothing of the sort, not when he avoided him as often as he could, and the smokers of other substances he didn't hold near to him either. There's nothing personal to it.

In all, it's the thought of something calming that pushes him when he nods to her. "Alright. Tell me how the hell it works because I don't want to burn myself or ruin the effect somehow by doing it wrong."

He sits up straighter and sets his attention to learning.

you just have to put the end with the filter in your mouth and inhale.
it might taste bad, or make you cough.
holding it by the filter is best.

It seems like giving him a full one of his own might not be the best idea at the moment, so instead after he's done reading she pulls the cigarette out from between her lips, taking a moment to point out the filter, before she holds it out towards Karkat for him to take. She can show him how to light one for himself if he decides he's ever interested in trying it again.

He eyes her instructions with some amount of skepticism, and Nill herself when she offers the cigarette that's just been at her lips. Is that safe? Is it normal? ~~So he wonders as she offers the teenager a carcinogenic tube of leaves.~~ Still he takes it, careful to hold it by the filter as indicated. No singed fingers here.

But okay. He can do this. If he likes it well enough he'll ask for one of his own instead of sharing. He puts it to his lips, carefully inhales, and...

Horrible, acrid smoke is what he gets. He coughs just as she warned, and his free hand shoots up to cover his mouth as he holds the cigarette away from him.

"Fuck," he hisses as his eyes sting and well up with tears. "Jegus, that's awful. How do you stand it? Does it--" Another fit of coughing overtakes him. "Ugh. Does it get less horrible or what?"

Oh dear. Maybe cigarettes weren't really made for trolls to be able to handle terribly well. Still, Nill smiles, only very very slightly amused, and her wings flutter as she offers a small shrug.

you get used to it.
do you need water?

They're on the roof, but there's also a garden up here. Gotta be a place to find water around somewhere.

Get used to it, she says, and she's smiling and offering water and shrugging like it can't be helped. Like it's fine to give up. And it probably is, no real harm done, but Karkat is nothing if not stupidly stubborn.

He straightens up, wipes at his eyes with the end of a sleeve, and regards her firmly. "No. If it's something you get used to, and it is that calming, then I can do this."

Again he lifts the cigarette, still stubbornly clutched in one hand... only to look at her again. "Is it really that calming?"

Nill was pretty okay the first time she tried it herself, but that's only because her lungs were exposed to so much shit at that point that depending on where she was, the cigarettes were honestly probably healthier. At least they had the filter.

Her expression becomes a little sheepish.

I think it's better for me than than other people.
it reminds me of home.
if you want something to help calm you down weed would probably be better.

Indeed, Karkat has no proper exposure. Cronus didn't even smoke his, useless tool that he was. He eyes the cigarette some more, but with her answer he hands it back over without going for a second drag.

"What's weed?" he asks instead. "What makes it different than this?"

She takes it back and puts it between her lips again to write more easily, thinking nothing of any sort of importance that could be inferred from the action.

there are dry leaves in the paper.
weed is a different plant.
it's healthier than cigarettes are.
it lasts longer and it's stronger.
it's more expensive and harder to find.
it's easy to sleep after smoking it.

She holds the notepad up, and after a few seconds she realizes she forgot something, so she makes a gesture for him to wait just a second while she adds another line.

it makes people hungry.

Karkat watches as she writes, breathing easier now, though not as well as he would were her cigarette not still lit. The eventual rundown gets a quite read through, and he lets her add to it without a fuss. It really isn't something he's familiar with, when the only addictive substances he's properly seen people deal with before are slime and drinks. Alternia probably wasn't a place for anti-drug PSAs, not like humans had.

The way she puts it really isn't helping. Healthier, long-lasting, stronger effect, helps with sleep... Price and finding it may be a deterrent, but it's not putting him off the prospect if he did find it.

The addition is a little weird though. "Hungry? Why that?"

She's not actually sure how to respond to that question, and it shows a little. Her wings flutter uncertainly, and it seems like she thinks about it for awhile, but. Nope. Nothing. No one ever really explains why pot makes you hungry, they just supply chips whenever you smoke with them.

I don't know.
some people say it makes food taste better.

Maybe they were just binge eaters? Nill was never in the habit of eating much to begin with, so she didn't usually eat much while high, either.

(OPEN) at least he's not dead now

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