In Every Atom, Broken, Is a Name [OPEN]

[celebrityskinned]

WHO| Venus Dee Milo and open
WHAT| Venus shows people where the blind spots are.
WHERE| The corner of Castor and Juvenal.
WHEN| After Lonestar's post.
WARNINGS| Likely some mentions of torture and suicide.

Venus does the perfect approximation of just lounging at a bus stop, playing on her network device and checking her receipt for all the things she bought at the jewelry store. Capitol citizens passing by pay her no mind, except to sneer at the brand across her cheek. She knows she should be wearing it like a badge, but no amount of conviction seems able to stop her wincing every time that look of disgust crosses someone's face.

She feels strangely detached, as if she's spent all of her energy either in berating herself for her laundry list of recent mistakes or in acting like they haven't brought her down. She knows that there's chaos around her, and yet she feels like the shrapnel and debris in the air misses her, that the wind doesn't touch her. She knows that she should feel the hum in the earth as the water behind the dam reaches a breaking point, and yet there's nothing. Nothing but the sun beating on her face, her scarred, ugly face.

She's accomplished nothing here. Even Wyatt and Maximus' safety was incidental to anything she did. She has a fistful of locations where someone, anyone might go forth and make fire with a spark that she's to dim to light.

She sits there, browsing some tabloid on her device, and she waits.

Comments

[reassures]

Judging by the way her eyes go a little wide at the mention of zombie apocalypse, it might be an indicator that she hasn't actually heard of worlds like that before. Or maybe it'd just further the belief. Either way, Nill doesn't write anything about it.

no. I would love to see it. I haven't been many places here.

[celebrityskinned]

Venus nods and slings her shopping bag over her shoulder. "I never got your name and District, you know, back in the training center. We kind of went zero-to-emo pretty fast there. I'm representing District Five."

Somehow, even branded as a traitor, she still sees herself as a Spokesperson. She fondles a pendant on her necklace and leans in so Nill can see it. "One of the kids from my District gave me this. They said that since we're fighting, they don't have to."

[reassures]

It's the first time she's heard of anyone really talk about them as representatives, and Nill takes a moment to think about that. To be honest, she hadn't thought the districts were actually real. It wouldn't be the first time people thought they were doing things or going places when it was all one big lie.

She leans in to look at the pendant, her expression a little wondering, before pulling back to write again.

my name is Nill. I'm in district 9.
have you been to your district?

[celebrityskinned]

The pendant is crude, made of wire and beads. There's a tuft that might have once been a feather wound into the copper. Venus tucks it back under the neck of her jacket.

"Once. A year ago or so." She wonders about the girl who gave her the necklace, about her older sister, if she's thirteen years old now or if she died in some factory accident like kids in District Five are wont to do. "And your District is the one with the Mentor who went crazy and started a city-wide riot. Good luck filling those shoes."

[reassures]

The mention of the former Mentor actually makes Nill smile. Obviously she never knew her, but she's certainly heard enough about her. Truth be told Nill admires her a little bit, but she's not sure that her methods were the best. Maybe if she'd done things differently she might still be here.

it sounds like she was an interesting person.
are you sure it was real when you were there?

[celebrityskinned]

Venus feels nothing but empathy for Eva. Given the opportunity, she's sure she would have done the same, with just as little regard for the consequences. Desperation makes a fool of everyone.

She pauses, surprised at that question, and raises her eyebrows.

"As real as anything else here. I wasn't the only one who went, either. You can ask a few other people and see what they saw. We didn't all go to the same District."

[reassures]

Asking many people about it would probably be a little impractical. Not only could it raise the chance of the Capitol keeping an eye on her more, but it might give other tributes the wrong impression, which she certainly doesn't want. There was no way to tell how many of them had been here for as long as Venus. But maybe...

I might do that. thank you.

[celebrityskinned]

Venus passes what she knows to be a blind spot, and almost stops, but then remembers that it's only deaf to audio. The cameras would still capture anything Nill wrote down. So she keeps walking.

"Most people don't last much longer than a year around here." She shrugs. "Most of the people who were here when I came in aren't around anymore. Mostly dead. Or just never came back from the Arenas. I'm not sure if that's the same thing."

[reassures]

I hope it is.

There are a lot worse things than just dying, and being stuck in a place like this, where you die repeatedly and potentially at the hands of loved ones, is one of them. Nill genuinely hopes that if they don't come back from the Arena then it means they're just dead - not here anymore, and not somewhere else, either.

[celebrityskinned]

Venus frowns a bit. "I guess there are worse alternatives, it's true."

She wants to hope they're alive and free.

"Hold on, I want to stop in here." She takes Nill by the hand and tugs her into a bookshop, before looking at the cashier, who seems unusually unperturbed by her brand for a Capitol citizen. "Hi, can we use the bathroom? My makeup's a mess. Nill, can you help me with it?"

She waits for some sort of confirmation.

[reassures]

Nill is not a fan of sudden contact, and she immediately looks startled and tense, but she goes along with it, because for some reason this is important. She immediately understands why, and nods enthusiastically at the Capitolite, before giving Venus a thumbs up.

[celebrityskinned]

On her way down the little hallway towards the bathroom, she pulls a tube of lipstick out of her purse to make the image complete. But once the door is closed, behind her and Nill, she applies it herself as she talks, somehow managing both at once.

"The bathroom is in this store doesn't have mics or visual. That's not a hard and fast rule for every bathroom in the Capitol, though most of them only have audio, as far as I can tell. The Capitol's gross like that." She does her eyeliner too, while she's in here, straightens one of her feathery earrings that's gotten tangled.

"I'm pretty sure the employee in here is in on it. He's nice even to those of us with brands."

[reassures]

Nill lets out a shaky exhale once they're inside the bathroom, leaning carefully against the counter top, back to the mirrors. She watches Venus as she does her makeup, her gaze only drifting to the door when she mentions the employee that had let them inside. She wonders just how long the employee will be able to keep it up before someone discovers where his sympathies lie, but she tries not to think about it too much. No matter how long, it won't be good when it happens.

After a moment Nill returns her attention to Venus, a response written up right away.

who is the person you want to protect?

[celebrityskinned]

Venus swallows and closes her arms, leans against the bathroom sink while her mascara dries. She resists the urge to bite her lip, now that the lower one is sparkling with shimmery pink gloss.

"Kankri Vantas. He's just a kid. He's- he's the only person I got left. Ellie, too, but Joel and Tess will take good care of her." She takes a deep breath. "He's in my District."

[reassures]

Kankri?

Nill's thoughts immediately go back to the crowning. To the boy who had only had a pair of pants on, who looked like he'd been tortured (makeup, thankfully), whose hands were bound in fire bright cuffs even though it was for show. Before Nill had thought the outfit was just another jab, a way of the Capitol saying that they had control of everything, like they did with her outfit. That thought had been reinforced when he said he was a pacifist.

Now she's beginning to think it may have been more sinister than that.

Kankri Vantas?

Double checking with the spelling, to be sure she has it right. Just in case.

small horns.
he said he was a pacifist.

[celebrityskinned]

"That's him. That's my-" She doesn't have a word for what Kankri means to her. She knows there's a troll term for it, but that's not something she feels she can use. It's not something that explains how he anchors her here, how he is her blessed, beloved ball and chain.

"He's getting worn down by these Arenas. I need him out. I want him out of the fight." She pats on some blush. "I can't save every kid in here, so I'm focusing on him. Then maybe I'll still be around to help the rest."

[reassures]

The way Nill looks at Venus when she speaks is probably the most empathetic anyone will ever see her.

It's only a few sentences, but just that, the way Venus says it, the way she can't say it, makes her heart ache, makes her eyes burn even though no tears threaten to fall. She doesn't even need to blink them back. Though a wound recently reopened, the pain is an old one now. Nill has had people that precious to her, and she watched most of them die, or destroy themselves, or worse.

It's a few long seconds before she actually manages to write anything, but when she does she holds it up for Venus, gaze a little faraway.

you need to make him a victor.
if I can help you try to keep him alive I will.

[celebrityskinned]

It's one of the kindest faces Venus has ever seen directed at her. It's the antithesis of the scowls on the faces of Capitol citizens when they see the brand etched into her with hot metal, it's the opposite of the smiles hungering for her pain that haunt her nightmares, the memories of her torturers.

She only holds back her tears because her makeup is fresh.

"Thank you." She reaches out to give Nill's hand a squeeze.

[reassures]

For once, Nill doesn't flinch away from the contact. She meets Venus's gaze, trying to be reassuring, but after a moment, something occurs to her. Something she can write here, because it's safe.

She writes another message on her notepad, quickly, and holds it up for Venus to see, because they probably shouldn't be in here much longer than they need to be if they're only working on their makeup.

there is a boy here. his name is Nico.
he always wears black. he's not good at making friends.
no one will be looking out for him. he won't let them.
he won't accept help. he won't say thank you. he won't let you stick around.
you don't need to look for him. but if you see him, please try to keep him safe. even if it's only for a minute.
it's not an exchange. I will help you no matter what.

Truth be told though, she would sleep so, so much better if she knew at least one other person was going to keep an eye out for Nico, even if it was only in passing.

[celebrityskinned]

Once she's read the note, she rips the page off the notepad and flushes it down the toilet.

"Nico's from District Two, right? I know- I know his type." She was that type when she was a teenager, so wrapped in her own self-loathing that it became a form of emotional mummification. So protective of the the only thing she was certain of - her own worthlessness - that she would defend it at the cost of anyone who approached.

It was years ago, and yet the echoes follow her still. She remembers too well what being that teenager was like.

"It may not be an exchange, but you got a deal anyway." She nods her head. "Here, let me put some makeup quick on you so we can explain why it took so long."

[reassures]

The relief that floods her is sudden and overwhelming. There have been a few good things since she got here, and she clung onto them as if her life depended upon them, but this is different. There has been near nothing to help lift the weight that hung on her, the knowledge that for what she did to someone that she loved, maybe this was deserved. Even Venus's agreement doesn't lift that, but it's so much easier to bear, knowing that someone will at least know Nico existed and he needed help, no matter how much he didn't want it.

Nill nods, blinking her eyes rapidly to make sure she doesn't actually start to cry, and takes a step closer so that Venus can put makeup on her.

She does, however, take a moment to mouth out thank you.

[celebrityskinned]

"Any time," Venus says, as if this were the simplest of favors, as if Nill were just thanking her for the mascara Venus expertly applies, the eyeliner that goes on and dries within a few blinks. "There. Now you look fresh and bright. Sorry, I don't have anything in your skin tone, obvious reasons, but this lipstick..."

She puts a dab of pink on Nill's lower lip with her pinkie.

"Alright. Next place is the back alley on the way to the smoothie place. Let's go."