Bucky Barnes ☆ adorable trainwreck manpain (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
soldieronwards) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thecapitol2014-10-03 01:03 am
soldieronwards) wrote in thecapitol2014-10-03 01:03 am
Entry tags:
Something causing fear to fly,
Who| Bucky Barnes (616), Steve Rogers, and anyone else.
What| An increasingly unstable man broods in some rather unhealthy ways, but fortunately he also catches up with friends.
Where| On the roof of the training center and in the District 9 common area.
When| Backdated to shortly before the blackout.
Warnings/Notes| Some discussion of suicidal thinking, probable discussion of violence.
[PROMPT ONE: OPEN]
He doesn't want to dwell much on what happened when he realized Natasha hadn't come back after her death in the Arena.
He might have punched an Avox. He thinks he probably punched an Avox. The thought fills him with a distant shame; these are people who've already been debased and horrifically abused by the Capitol, and he brings more violence upon their person? That's really just the kind of guy he is, though. After that, he probably stalked through the halls for a while, trying to find Natasha somewhere else, trying to deny that her not being here was real. He thinks at some point he went downstairs and waited in the lounge for a bit, drinking and people-watching, sure that she would walk by any second.
But he doesn't feel quite present again until he finds himself on the rooftop, on the edge of the rooftop, staring down. He knows there's no point in jumping. There's a forcefield there. But--
(Still, he thinks about it. He thinks about how easy it would be if there wasn't that field there. He thinks about how it would be nice to not have to deal with the torrent of wrongness that is his mind and heart right now. Right now? No, he's thinking that it's more like all the time, when she isn't there to keep him grounded.)
He stands there quietly, his face expressionless, his eyes dark and distant.
[PROMPT TWO: CLOSED TO STEVE ROGERS]
But although Bucky Barnes is a reckless man, although he is often foolish and driven by his faulty heart, he is also a pragmatic one. Eventually, he makes his way to the common area of District 9's level in the training center, and he waits there on a sofa.
He probably gets the occasional strange look for being outside of his own level. He shakes those glances off. He's waiting for someone more important than any of them.
What| An increasingly unstable man broods in some rather unhealthy ways, but fortunately he also catches up with friends.
Where| On the roof of the training center and in the District 9 common area.
When| Backdated to shortly before the blackout.
Warnings/Notes| Some discussion of suicidal thinking, probable discussion of violence.
[PROMPT ONE: OPEN]
He doesn't want to dwell much on what happened when he realized Natasha hadn't come back after her death in the Arena.
He might have punched an Avox. He thinks he probably punched an Avox. The thought fills him with a distant shame; these are people who've already been debased and horrifically abused by the Capitol, and he brings more violence upon their person? That's really just the kind of guy he is, though. After that, he probably stalked through the halls for a while, trying to find Natasha somewhere else, trying to deny that her not being here was real. He thinks at some point he went downstairs and waited in the lounge for a bit, drinking and people-watching, sure that she would walk by any second.
But he doesn't feel quite present again until he finds himself on the rooftop, on the edge of the rooftop, staring down. He knows there's no point in jumping. There's a forcefield there. But--
(Still, he thinks about it. He thinks about how easy it would be if there wasn't that field there. He thinks about how it would be nice to not have to deal with the torrent of wrongness that is his mind and heart right now. Right now? No, he's thinking that it's more like all the time, when she isn't there to keep him grounded.)
He stands there quietly, his face expressionless, his eyes dark and distant.
[PROMPT TWO: CLOSED TO STEVE ROGERS]
But although Bucky Barnes is a reckless man, although he is often foolish and driven by his faulty heart, he is also a pragmatic one. Eventually, he makes his way to the common area of District 9's level in the training center, and he waits there on a sofa.
He probably gets the occasional strange look for being outside of his own level. He shakes those glances off. He's waiting for someone more important than any of them.
1
His voice was dry and distant, as if he simply wanted to avoid the inconvenience of having his quiet time on the roof disrupted by it. Right now, he was occupied with his tablet, playing some kind of puzzle game.
In reality, that was all front and he simply didn't want to see the man come to harm. It would be yet another person that had fallen through the cracks before he could do anything to truly help them, or help them help themselves, like Sherlock Holmes or Charles Merriman.
He wondered if the man had lost someone this arena that hadn't been revived. If so, he wasn't alone in his grief. Mercifully, Lyle had been revived but not Rokk, the young man that had been their leader so many times, that was the beating heart of their team and the head of strange family unit that it was. They had made so many jokes through the years about Rokk being the team "dad" that one of them had even sneakily gifted him a "galaxy best dad" mug for his birthday without ever revealing themselves.
One he kept.
There was still perhaps some chance an alteration of the timeline could bring Rokk back or chance that he'd been revived but kept in holding somewhere but there was also the distinct possibility that he was gone for good and it meant the last Brainy would ever see of him was those few moments before the explosions had caused him to be rained on with his friend's blood.
It was difficult to have hope when the one that always lifted you up out of abject despair with a few inspired words might never speak again.
And yet...and yet there was work to be done. And if this man was having difficulty holding on, it had to be done right here, without Brainy revealing too many inclinations towards selflessness.
no subject
The whirlwind of bitter emotion he's just been through has left him feeling too drained to be anything but sensible, at least for a little while. "I know. There's no point. We stay alive when they want us to and we die when they don't, that's all there is to it." There's a wry hint of morbid humor to his words. "Real simple system. Even a kid could learn it."
Normally he can joke just fine to cover up the shadows on the inside, but right now his voice cracks slightly as he tries.
no subject
It was a simple observation of the reality of their situation but certain implications were there.
That there was a choice. That there were options.
no subject
He's just starting to feel Bucky was gone when he sees the man on the couch as he returns to his floor. The relief he feels is palpable, but it's short lived knowing the other man has lost Natasha because of Steve's actions.
"I was just looking for you."
no subject
It should be a joke. He should deliver it with a grin and a flash of here-and-gone-again laughter in his voice. But his words are flat, and his smile barely touches his mouth, let alone his eyes.
There's no blame in that gaze, though. All that's there is a sort of flinty calm. His eyes are brown, not grey, but somehow right now they look a lot like dense fog, muffled and dull and heavy.
"You found out she's gone."
no subject
Still, he gives a nod to the statement.
"Yeah," he puts his hands on his hips and looks down. "Started to think you were too, hoped I was wrong about her as well. Wishful thinking I suppose."
He looks up at the man again, his expression of understanding as he gives his condolences, "I'm sorry to hear it."