Are you hurting the one you love

[carnagecarnival]

Who| Initiate, Signless, and Disciple
What| Quadrantmates reacting to their ashmate's/moirail's arrest.
Where| Signless's room.
When| Immediately after the anouncement of Penny's death.
WARNINGS| Language. Freaking out. Self harm possibly. Last resorts.

They'd brought him down, thieved his moirail, then lifted him up with small hope. Slimmest grace with the return of the Nameless and his alter.

And then they did the worst thing that could possibly be done.

No word comes from his mouth. Just a scream, loud and long. And then he's running. Without even thinking, without even knowing where he's going he's running fast as he can like it's dawnrise and he's been caught out in the day. But worse. He'd have taken a second blinding. He'd have taken anything else.

He needs his moiral. He needs his moirail. He needs him so bad he can't hardly breathe. He shakes like he's caught within an isolated earthquake and his limbs are going to rip off him any second.

With chattering teeth and wide eyes, he goes to the last person he'd ever thought he'd go to.

"Please, PLEASE, I need-- I CAN'T-" Is what he says, eyes going red on the brink of losing himself completely, blood flowing fast from the palms he's tearing into, to the troll-- trolls-- there in the room. "Didn't know where else. PLEASE-!"

What is he begging for he doesn't know. He just knows he needs to be stopped before he hurts his best friend's last chance. At least for a quick death.

Comments

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

Her breath shudders and it's easier to calm without the raging influence, the indigo all in bloodlust spurring on her own. Her breathing is still ragged but she turns to him like always, like before, like it's someone else in their pile and not Fraysong.

"Kankri, they're going to torture her. What ..." What if she doesn't return? What is she supposed to do, just wait? She waited before, let her people be dragged away and they never came back. Her lips are pressed into thin black lines as she remembers torture. She's been through that before, been half broken, her body rejects the very idea of Terezi in her place with a shudder.

[69problems]

Signless leads the Initiate over to the pile, wincing a bit at the blood on the floor but knowing there's no reason to fuss over it now. He hates making work for the avoxes, but they've dealt with worse.

"You sit here," he says, patting a spot next to the pile but just removed enough to not be uncomfortably close to pale. It's close enough that he can keep a steadying hand on the Initiate's arm while being able to twine his other hand back up with the Disciple's.

"I don't know what's going to happen, Meulin."

He can't in good conscience tell her not to worry, and he certainly can't tell her that things are going to be okay. Even if Terezi's only tortured and then returned to them, the damage could take sweeps to be fully undone -- or worse, it could prove to be permanent. The Disciple has every right to be worried.

"But I think the important part is that we keep ourselves safe so that when she comes back we'll be able to be here for her. She'll need us and especially she'll need the two of you." He doesn't want to voice the possibility that Terezi may not come back. Surely she isn't stupid enough to have actually done what they're accusing her of? His general impression of her is that if she were going to murder someone, she'd be able to do it without being caught.

[carnagecarnival]

He gets right up there and settles. His eyes stay closed. His breath still comes hard. And for all the Signless grips his arm he rocks on the spot.

He shakes his head when the Signless speaks. Because he know what can happen, he knows the million ways it can happen.

Seadweller writer. TORN MITTS. Runner limeblood. CLAWS PULLED FROM DIGITS, ALL RUNNING IMPOSSIBLE. Propaganda poser rustblood. SCARRED UP AND DOWNLIKE, MOUTH TORN FROM MAW. Ribbon dancer indigo. HUNG BY RIBBON, LEFT TO SUN SCORCHING, PAINT REMOVED, TICKET DENIED. culled. ALL CULLED. Teal- OH MIRTH. Oh Messiahs, the holy two and mirth makers. I GIVE UNTO THEE SOUL OF THY AND BEARING FOR THINE WICKED WILLINGS. Let thine sinner’s tongue plead to thee, give unto thine loyal gracious blessing upon family mine, let us not fall to the blinding and so see Carnival's path--" He doesn't know when what's in his head starts coming out of it. But at some point it did and right there he stops.

"SORRY. Sorry," He says looking down. He squeezes his eyes shut, then opens them. "KEEP SAFE. How?"

[disciplewhomsignlessloves]

Her claws are still sharp, that's still a thing they're doing, making them into points anew with every awakening, just the same as they repierce her ears and straighten her mess of hair. Every time anew. They dig into her palms until she feels the blood drip, listening to the Initiate's words. The pain grounds her, helps her hold back the screams and the urge to throw herself at him, make him take it back, stop praying for her, she'll be fine, she doesn't need it.

The Disciple remembers Terezi's calm fury, her anguish, the promises to talk later, and she thinks maybe Terezi did. Maybe she did--but it's not something to kill her for. She was defending them all, justice--her little moirail was all justice and revenge.

She won't say it aloud. Won't condemn her.

"Quiet, shut up, don't talk about it. That's how we keep safe."

Her words are bitter. It doesn't feel like enough, she doesn't want to be quiet.

[69problems]

It feels almost hypocritical when in the past the Signless has been so unhappy to be told to shut up, to pretend not to care, that that's the safest thing to do. Here, though, he has no choice but to agree with the Disciple.

"If we lash out now it will be seen as taking a side against them. They could even frame it as being complicit in murder, if they particularly feel like punishing us for something -- or if they want a reason to make her punishment worse. If we speak out we run the risk of hurting her, too."

Because that's how this place has always worked. Punishment for acting out is often done through hurting someone else. If they say anything now, Terezi's chances of not coming back skyrocket.

[carnagecarnival]

He looks from Disciple, then to the Signless. He gets his look on like they've crushed something precious of his and he ain't believing. He takes the words in, turns them over repeated for hope. He finds none.

The balls of his palms press into his eyes, as his body tenses and goes through another round of shudders with barely restrained need to cull. He is both ignorant and hyper aware of the arm holding him tight. He is less aware of the way the blood of his palms marks his face like tears after he pulls them away.

She'd have more time if he was quiet. Just a little more time. A little more time to torture her-- no, no, no, he can't think on that. Small whines leak out but nothing more.

They're going to kill her. This he knows. But he needs time. He needs to give her time.

Slowly, he starts to bob his head in a miserable nod.