Elsa of Arendelle (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
frozenfractalsallaround) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thecapitol2014-07-20 04:24 am
frozenfractalsallaround) wrote in thecapitol2014-07-20 04:24 am
wake me up when it's all over
Who| Elsa and Hans
What| Elsa finally confronts sideburn man
Where| Hans' room
When| A couple of days after the crowning
Warnings/Notes|
It's taken her a while to finally find it in herself to confront him. She'd come close, but then preparation for the Crowning had taken over and she just couldn't find the time to actually do it. Or maybe that had just been a good excuse to avoid doing it? Probably. It's not as if Elsa has been gung ho to actually face Hans after what Anna had told her. She's been miserable ever since that conversation. For once shining moment, she had thought maybe she could be happy- that these feelings she'd been denying for so long would actually go somewhere.
But she was wrong. Horribly, crushingly wrong. The fact that she'd let him in only to find out that he isn't the man he'd claimed to be is one of the hardest pills to swallow, and she's still trying to. In a way, it's still hard to believe. That maybe when she sees him, somehow it'll all be erased and he'll still be the same man she grew to... to love. Or at least care about more than she has anyone who isn't family. But Anna wouldn't lie, and she knows that. There's no one solid way to describe how she feels. Hurt, betrayed, angry. So many emotions and no good way to let them out. Elsa has never been the best at confronting problems, so it's been easy to just keep putting it off and putting it off. But she's reached the point where she can't anymore.
She needs to talk to him. Needs to know the truth, to have it confirmed by him and to voice her thoughts. A part of her is afraid- from what Anna had said, he intended to kill her. He left Anna to die and had even planned to stage an accident for her. There's no telling what Hans is capable of, and that's scary to her. A part of her feels so stupid, that she ought to never have gotten close to him again after that arena where he had been so vicious. Was that really the kind of person he was? Had it been a lie, when he'd said he had acted out of fear and desperation? Or was it all real? From what Anna has said, it must be real.
It's relatively late when she decides to do it. She doesn't want an audience, she just wants to keep it on the down low. If the Capitol latched onto it, she doesn't know what she would do. At the same time, she wants to make sure that if she needs them to, someone can hear; the last thing she wants to do is get hurt or killed because she was stupid and did it somewhere that no one could hear. So she decides to go to his room- it's close enough to other rooms that hopefully people will hear her, but private enough that they can talk without people being all over them.
When Elsa gets to his door, it's like hitting a wall of fear. This could end so badly, but at the same time she knows it needs to happen. If she doesn't, it'll eat at her and she'll never be able to get over it, not to mention he's always there. She can't avoid him forever. It has to be done, it has to. She keeps telling herself that over and over, until she finally has the courage to lift her hand and knock.
What| Elsa finally confronts sideburn man
Where| Hans' room
When| A couple of days after the crowning
Warnings/Notes|
It's taken her a while to finally find it in herself to confront him. She'd come close, but then preparation for the Crowning had taken over and she just couldn't find the time to actually do it. Or maybe that had just been a good excuse to avoid doing it? Probably. It's not as if Elsa has been gung ho to actually face Hans after what Anna had told her. She's been miserable ever since that conversation. For once shining moment, she had thought maybe she could be happy- that these feelings she'd been denying for so long would actually go somewhere.
But she was wrong. Horribly, crushingly wrong. The fact that she'd let him in only to find out that he isn't the man he'd claimed to be is one of the hardest pills to swallow, and she's still trying to. In a way, it's still hard to believe. That maybe when she sees him, somehow it'll all be erased and he'll still be the same man she grew to... to love. Or at least care about more than she has anyone who isn't family. But Anna wouldn't lie, and she knows that. There's no one solid way to describe how she feels. Hurt, betrayed, angry. So many emotions and no good way to let them out. Elsa has never been the best at confronting problems, so it's been easy to just keep putting it off and putting it off. But she's reached the point where she can't anymore.
She needs to talk to him. Needs to know the truth, to have it confirmed by him and to voice her thoughts. A part of her is afraid- from what Anna had said, he intended to kill her. He left Anna to die and had even planned to stage an accident for her. There's no telling what Hans is capable of, and that's scary to her. A part of her feels so stupid, that she ought to never have gotten close to him again after that arena where he had been so vicious. Was that really the kind of person he was? Had it been a lie, when he'd said he had acted out of fear and desperation? Or was it all real? From what Anna has said, it must be real.
It's relatively late when she decides to do it. She doesn't want an audience, she just wants to keep it on the down low. If the Capitol latched onto it, she doesn't know what she would do. At the same time, she wants to make sure that if she needs them to, someone can hear; the last thing she wants to do is get hurt or killed because she was stupid and did it somewhere that no one could hear. So she decides to go to his room- it's close enough to other rooms that hopefully people will hear her, but private enough that they can talk without people being all over them.
When Elsa gets to his door, it's like hitting a wall of fear. This could end so badly, but at the same time she knows it needs to happen. If she doesn't, it'll eat at her and she'll never be able to get over it, not to mention he's always there. She can't avoid him forever. It has to be done, it has to. She keeps telling herself that over and over, until she finally has the courage to lift her hand and knock.
no subject
But then Hans recovers, and his response has all guilt washing away. She squares her shoulders and stands as tall as she can, and while she isn't as tall as he is, she's putting every ounce of royal ferocity into her air as possible. She won't back down, she won't be intimidated by him. It's one thing, to over think it and be afraid before it's even happening. It's another to experience it. She refuses to let him control her through fear. Elsa's felt enough fear in her life, he isn't going to be one of the factors in it.
"You will not talk to me like that," she says, and it takes a lot of effort to keep her voice calm. She wants to yell at him, to slap him again, to... to do something. But she's better than that. She has to be. "You have no authority over me."
She takes a step closer, trying to further prove that she won't be intimidated by him. "Why, Hans?" she finally asks, because that's the one thing she wants to know above all else. "You had nothing to gain by lying to me here. I have no kingdom and no authority. You could have avoided me and it would have made no difference to you, and instead you... you lied and you manipulated me. Why?" As much as she's trying to hide it, the betrayal and hurt is clear in her eyes as she looks up at him, even if though she's trying to mask it with anger. For as angry as she is, the pain just can't be erased.
no subject
The wheels are turning in his head as quickly as they can and he's considering the possible outcomes of this. Elsa is as much a darling amongst Capitolites and Tributes as he is, if not more so given how reclusive he's felt as of late. He has the influence of a mentor, but it would do no good if his tributes turned against him. In desperation he exhales through his teeth in a soft his, his expression softening long enough for her to see that he's hurting before his shoulders slump ever so slightly.
"Don't you see, Elsa?" He asks, the desperation in his voice tangible. "It's not about what I can get from you- not anymore." He admits that freely with a tightening of his frown. "If I wanted to turn away from you, I had more than enough opportunities to do so. After you killed me- well- I wanted to. But I couldn't." He presses his hand to his chest to express the fact that his feelings are coming from there. "It would have been easy for me to turn my back and it would have been easy, for both of us. But.. There was nobody else for you and I.." He draws in a breath and lets it out in a sigh of desperation before he sobers himself. "I let myself get caught up in it all, but I didn't use you for anything. There was nothing to use you for." He shakes his head, moving to walk away from her so he doesn't need to make eye contact.
no subject
As he turns away, refusing to make eye contact, Elsa's fists clench at her side and her lip quivers lightly, as she tries to keep her emotions under control. The fact that he's trying to worm his way out of this is so frustrating, she could cry. She could scream. She could honestly slap him again and not feel bad about it. But she doesn't, she just stands there.
"You got caught up in what?" she asks, her voice taking on an icy bitterness to it, because now it's getting personal and it's hard not to sound bitter. He sure as hell didn't get caught up in feelings for her. "Lies?" She bites her lip to stop it from quivering. "Anna told me everything. You left her to die of a frozen heart and you were going to kill me! You never cared for either of us, Hans. Stop lying, stop trying to play whatever game it is you're playing because you've already lost!"
no subject
"I'm not sure if you understand, Elsa. There is no game here, there is nothing for me to do. I'm as trapped as you are!" He spreads his hands to illustrate the vacant space that is his conscience right now. He bites down on his lip in frustration, brow furrowing again as he looks away. "But I know you're right, I should have admitted everything long ago. I can't deny it, and I won't." By being forthcoming with that much, he wants to seem like he isn't weaseling out of everything. And then he'll look back at her, a little desperation in his voice. "I just couldn't bring myself to, in the Arena and out of it. Everything moved so quickly and I started to.. in a sense I suppose.." He trails off, searching for the word but looking worried to use it. "Care. About you."
no subject
"So, what?" she asks, and there's honest confusion in her tone, mixed with the anger. "Being brought here made you grow a heart?" It doesn't make sense to her. "How can you go from wanting to kill me for my kingdom to caring about me?"
no subject
"Being around you showed me who you were. You even more than your sister." He lifts his shoulders into a graceful shrug. "Anna forced my hand and I made the wrong choice. I know by now I should have let her down easy, but the Capitol caught wind of it before I ever could." He seems remorseful about that much. "We were all we had, for a moment there. It's hard not to feel something when you see so many sides of a person."
no subject
As he continues, she lets out a bitter laugh. There's a part of her that wants to believe him, but at the same time it's the last part of his sentence that shatters that. "It's more like you saw every side of me," she says, "But I didn't see the sides of you that mattered." How he can say that they saw so many sides of each other, when he never let her in on the fact he was a murderous throne chaser?
"You keep trying to make excuse, but what do you expect from me?" she asks, sounding indignant. "After everything I heard, do you really think the fact you might have felt something for me really makes everything else you did alright? Do you really expect forgiveness?"
no subject
"I'm not making excuses, Elsa. You asked me a question and I answered it. I haven't asked for your forgiveness and I don't expect it, either." He spreads his hands again in defeat, looking almost expectantly at her. "If you sought me out, I assume it was with your own intentions. You wanted to hear what I had to say for myself or you wouldn't have wasted your breath on me." Now its his turn to look a little indignant. "You don't want my apologies or my excuses, so what do you want? I have nothing to offer you, I have no way of making it up to you. I have nothing here. No friends, no lovers and no family. If you're here to shame me then you're about twenty or so years too late. What's done is done, Elsa."
no subject
"I wanted you to be the villain that Anna made you out to be!" she admits, her tone a mix of exasperation and frustration. If he were, then this would be so much easier and she could feel better about everything. I wanted to hate you, goes unsaid, but that's everything she wants right now. Instead, there's that part of her that still feels that flutter of affection towards him, and that's all she can feel hatred for right now. Hearing the man you've grown to have intense affection for admit that he has nothing is just... a very hard and conflicting thing to experience.
Elsa takes in a deep breath, trying to pull herself together. "What I want is just... for you to stay away from Anna," she finally spits out, because she knows she needs a better reason for being here than what she said a moment ago. Otherwise this is fairly pointless, and the truth is the confrontation is making her lose a lot of her earlier steam. She realizes she ought to include and me, but there's something stopping her from doing it. Maybe it goes without saying, though. Any sane person would take it that way. "If I hear about you doing anything to her, then I'll..."
What?
She's never been one to make threats and she knows there's not much she can do. She lets it trail off, because she doesn't have a good threat in mind and she knows even if she did, it wouldn't come off as very intimidating. This whole confrontation is just making her feel very compromised and... lonely. Very lonely.
no subject
"I am." He answers, seeming sincere about it, as if he'd been conflicted about telling her. He's amazed that she hasn't picked up on it yet, that she can't see that this is what he is. He gives her a dull look at her request and gives his shoulders a shrug of defeat.
"If she can keep herself out of my business, I have no interest in her. The Capitol, however, will feel differently." He raises a hand flippantly when he points that out, as if to say what can you do. "You'll do what?" He calls her on her bluff, a brow raised. "I think we both know that anything we could do to one another isn't even a shadow of what the people here could do if they deemed it necessary. We aren't on opposite sides here, Elsa. Whatever we do needs to be done with caution." He warns, because look at him he still cares. "You can leave, if you want." He offers, because he can see that her resolve is weakening. Suggesting she leave him alone in the politest way possible gives him that little bit more power over the situation.
no subject
Maybe both. Definitely both. They both know well that she wouldn't really be able to follow through with it, both because of the Capitol and her own feelings towards him. That's what she hates the most about this, that even though she knows she should hate him and want nothing to do with him, those feelings haven't truly set in yet. Of course she feels betrayed and of course she's hurt, but it's like it isn't quite real to her. When you're fighting a battle between what you know you should feel and how you really feel, it's the most frustrating thing and Elsa just doesn't know what to do.
As he speaks, she finds herself nodding. She knows. The Capitol could make their lives so much more miserable than they could ever make each other's. Threats are pointless. Even thinking about it is pointless. When he says that last bit though, her nodding stops. She knows she should want to leave, a part of her does want to leave. But the other part of her feels like if she leaves now, then it's all over. Everything that ever existed between them is just... gone. It's stupid and she knows it's stupid, she shouldn't be holding onto the past when she knows what he's done, but the way he's acting is just making it disgustingly easy to want to hold onto it.
The hesitation is too obvious, and she knows it. But suddenly she's hyper aware of the fact that she mentioned to only stay away from Anna when giving him her terms. She never said he should stay away from herself. The moment she has that thought though, she's trying to push it away. No- that's irrational. That's irrational and stupid, she can't have any form of relationship with him after what he's done to them- regardless of whatever she's experienced it or not, Anna has. She can't do that to Anna.
Even being tempted makes her feel awful.
"I do," she says, and the fact she has to force herself to sound like she absolutely means it makes her feel even worse. She turns to go over to the door and as she moves towards it, emotion she didn't expect to have bubbles to the surface and she feels tears stinging at her eyes. She grips the doorknob with a frustratingly shaky hand and turns it, moving to leave.