No, it's not a good look

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No, it's not a good look

Who| Jess & Barbie
What| Shippy shit in the wake of tragedy.
Where| D3 suites (like hell is she going to D1.)
When| One week after the news of D3 breaks.
Warnings/Notes| Shippy shit + probably discussion of death.

Everyday she got a little bit stronger. Her skin was less grey, her eyes had regained their typical sparkle. And breathing didn't hurt like it had for the previous couple of months. But her heart was still utterly broken and she spent every night locked in her bedroom crying. It was too taxing to deal with anybody when the only person she really wanted to see was her twin sister. Her dead twin sister.

She didn't even want to see Barbie. Okay, no. That wasn't true. He was actually the only other person she wanted to see, and she wanted to see him quite badly. He loved her. He'd finally said as much. After harboring stupid childish fantasies about him since she was sixteen, Dale Barbara had actually fallen in love with her, but she was too depressed to do anything about it.

God, but she wanted to.

Part of her felt selfish as she typed out the little message on her phone. Wasn't it selfish though, to want to be romantic with someone in the wake of the most horrifying tragedy in the last seventy-five years? Jessica thought it was, but she did it anyway.

Sighing, she tossed her phone onto her bed and flopped face down beside it. On the outgoing screen it read, "Come over. I need you. Now."

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For the most part, he'd let Jessica dictate how often he split his time between D3 and D1 and for the last couple days it had been his own district. Which, ultimately, was fine, he didn't have a shortage of things to do with nearly all his tributes back in the tower and some of them new. But that hadn't stopped him from worrying about her.

Which was why he dropped whatever he'd been about to do and headed straight for the third floor once the message had flashed on his screen. The only pause he took was to type back "On my way."

He didn't know when the switch had happened from him thinking she was gutsy and strong and beautiful to being the constant thought on his mind from when he woke up to when he fell asleep. No matter where he was or what he was doing, she was always there, somewhere in his thoughts. And he wouldn't change that for anything.

Which was why for her to be in as much pain as he knew she was the last several days, had put a heaviness in his own chest and a near-constant crease between his brows. He wished he could do more than be at her beck and call, but there wasn't. Not right now. So he'd do what he could.

He stopped outside her door and knocked twice, waiting to hear something before letting himself in.

Edited 2014-07-04 06:30 (UTC)

Jessica rolled onto her back and looked to the door, mind having drifted to some far off place and time where the vicious world wasn't so incredibly cruel. The fantasy had been brief but so beautiful, she'd wanted to escape to that place for forever. It was almost soul crushing when reality set in and she was forced to recall that she was on her own again.

Except for Barbie. God, how did she manage this? Was it even okay to want to? Why did grief have to be so effing confusing?

Her pulse picked up as he knocked, and before she could even stop herself, she'd made her way to the door with the intention of throwing herself at him the second her entered. And she did, arms wrapped around his neck, body pressed to his as if she were begging him to kiss her and make everything all better.

"Kiss me," she whispered, leaning into him like a cat in heat. The thoughts of five minutes ago, of sorrow, of death, all were forgotten in place of this need to act like a giddy teenager with her crush. "I need you to kiss me."

He'd been expecting a quiet reaction indicating he should come in, instead he got an armful of the beautiful blonde woman he'd come to see. She was pressing herself against him and he was in love with her and although there was a part of his head saying this wasn't the right time for this, he still leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

His arms wrapped tighter around her while he kept the kiss firm but gentle, leaving room for her to put as much or as little into it as she wanted.

Edited 2014-07-08 14:16 (UTC)

She leaned against him, letting him support her and hold her, and as she kissed him she finally relaxed, for the first time in days. For that moment, that brief, blissful moment, she thought that maybe she was dreaming and maybe all the hurt would disappear for good. Foolishly, she was banking on true love's kiss taking away all of her pain.

Eyes closed, she threw herself into the kiss, melting against Barbie like he was a waffle and she was a slab of butter. She wanted so badly to forget everything with that kiss, to have her mind go blank and feel anything but sorrow.

Except she didn't. She couldn't. It took her a moment to realize it, but as soon as she did, she pulled away from him. Jessica was crying.

Some part of him argued he should pull away and break the kiss, he couldn't tell if she was doing this because she wanted to or because she wanted a distraction, but he responded, his hands holding her waist as he kissed her back.

But then she was pulling away on her own and there were tears on her face. This wasn't what she needed. He moved to pull her back to him, this time in a simple hug as his tone went soft. "Oh, Jess....come here, I've got you."

Sobbing fully, she fell against him, shoulder shaking as she cried. She didn't want to think about sorrow or pain. She wanted to be taken far, far away from everything that hurt. The fine like between pleasure and pain had been blurred so entirely that Jessica only felt overcome by everything. There was nothing else which could win out.

"No," she said, insistently. "It's not supposed to be like this. This is supposed to make things better."

"Shh, I've got you." He pet her hair and didn't let his grip falter, his tone even and comforting.

"I'm sorry, Jess, there isn't a magical cure for this, only time can do that. I can't do what you want me to be able to do, but I can stay with you for as long as you need me. I can't fix it, but I can try and make it easier, alright?"

He pressed a kiss to her hair and shifted them a bit so he was leaning back against the wall as he held her. "Things will get better...I promise."

Jessica pressed herself against him, breathing against his neck in uneven, shaking bursts. He was right, no magical fix could ever come and solve all of their problems. The world was just royally screwed and the only way to survive was to keep moving forward, to love those around you, to refuse to give up. It was tough and it hurt, but she couldn't give up. Life could have beauty in it, even if it was surrounded by pain and sorrow. The fact that the two of them were alive and in love in spite of everything was proof enough of that.

"I need you. You can't leave me like this. I need you to stay with me." She was demanding in her tone, perhaps even a little petulant. "Distract me. Get me out of my head. I look at you and I'm over the moon. I'm in love with you. I wanna be with you. And I don't want to think about..." Jessica trailed off, eyes darting away for a moment. "You're all I want. Please, Dale. Make me feel better."

It was a bad idea. Some part of him felt it was the last thing he should do right now, but the rest of him felt her pressed against him and listened to her words and the tone of her voice and how he found it very difficult to say no to her in general.

So he didn't.

He was in love with her too and her happiness was one of his main priorities and if he could make her happier for even a few hours, that was worth everything to him.

"I'll stay."

He leaned in and kissed her again, softer but more demanding of her attention, purposefully stealing her thoughts away for himself. His hands found their way to her shoulders and then to her hair as he cupped her head and deepened the kiss.

Her breath came out in a shaking stutter and she seemed to coil around him like a snake, folding him up and pulling him in. It was desperation that guided her now, a deep seated hunger inside that needed to be sated. While he seemed gentle, Jessica seemed chaotic, fingers clawing at his back and shoulders like she had to cling to Barbie for dear life.

"I need you. I need you. Don't you need me too?" She went in for another kiss, tugging insistently at his shirt.

He kissed her, but then pulled away, hands going to her shoulders with a gentle but firm grip. There was patience in his voice and body language, but it was clear too that he wasn't willing to budge or let her keep going like that.

"Jessica, I love you, but if we're going to do this, it's not going to be like this."

This wasn't some one-off fling for either of them--at least he certainly hoped not--desperation and frantic actions wasn't the tone he wanted to set when their relationship was still, technically, getting started.

"Let's go slower, okay?"

For a second she looked hurt, like he'd just scorned or rejected her. Was she doing something wrong? Had he changed his mind about this, about them? After all this time? But a second later, the wound seemed to disappear and she was her usual pouty self again, lips pursed into a slight frown as she slowed herself down to a near stop.

"Slower?" She asked him with great deliberation, as if she didn't know the meaning of the word. "But I-- I don't understand. Don't you want this? Don't you want me?"

He could practically see the Capitol conditioning happening on her face and it broke his heart.

His grip stayed the same, although one hand briefly abandoned it's post to stroke along her cheek.

"Jessica...listen to me. I care about you more than just about anyone else, I want you to be happy and more than anything I want you to see that I care about you for more than the things you assume I care about. I want you to know I love you inside and out, that I'm not just some fling here to use you and that I'm not going anywhere. I do want you, but I want you to know how I want you. Okay?"

He hoped it got through, he wanted to take her mind off things, but he didn't want her to just lose herself in sex, not when he knew how it made her feel about herself.

What was she supposed to say? What could she do besides stare into his eyes and feel herself start to go weak. She'd never been in love before. She'd never been loved before. Not like this, anyway. Never before had a man wanted her for something besides her body. Jessica was used to being the idea of being a body and nothing more. She couldn't quite wrap her head around the idea that she was ultimately something other than that.

"Okay." She said, closing her eyes. She leaned into his touch, like a cat petting itself. "I didn't think you meant it. I didn't think anyone could mean it. I..." It all sounded so disingenuous. She hadn't meant to doubt him. She just didn't know any better. "No one's ever made love to me before."

He curled around her protectively, his fingers petting through her hair soothingly. He couldn't fix this quickly or easily, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to do his best as long as he could. She deserved to have someone she knew loved her for her, she deserved to be reminded that she was more than what the Capitol had made her.

"Let's change that."

Every move he made was slow and purposeful, every touch gentle and with loving intent. He'd show her every way he could, he knew words could only do so much on their own.

Barbie's fingers traced along her face and tilted it up enough that he could lean down and press their lips together. It wasn't rushed, but his passion was there in it, his passion for her.

His kiss was electricity singing down her spine. She couldn't explain it, couldn't give a name to the sensation. All she knew is that she felt alive. She knew what it was to be wanted, knew what it felt like to be lusted after and pined for. This wasn't that. Whatever spark was igniting between them was beyond just sex and violence. Jessica could feel it in her bones. He loved her. Dale Barbara loved her. It was just like she'd always dreamed about, ever since she was a teenager, falling for him on TV. This was a fantasy come to life, and it was her life.

"This has to be a dream." Her words were soft, muffled against his lips when they finally parted. Jessica was panting a little, unable to fully contain the intense rush of emotions and hormones coursing through her. She was like a cat in heat. It was taking every last bit of willpower to turn on the brakes, even for a little while. She could hardly keep her hands off him, all she could focus on was him, his hands, his mouth, his body, how good it felt when he touched her, all the things she wanted to do, and quickly. It was enough to make her head hurt.

Closing her eyes purposefully, she broke away from Barbie's embrace, just far enough that she could lead him by the hand toward her bed. "Sit."

He follows her obiediantly and sits on the bed, but as soon as she's near enough again, he pulls her into his arms and kisses her with care. It's a short kiss, however, and he presses their foreheads together a moment to let her breath.

"Can't be a dream, Jess...those go away when you wake up, I don't, remember?"

He's silent a moment, trying to think of what would be the best way to show her what he desperately wanted her to know. He wanted to make love to her and never once let her forget that she was with someone who loved her. He watched her go through everything she did for years, unable to help beyond being a shoulder to lean on...maybe now he could do something.

He pulled away with a light kiss to her forehead and decided being soft and loving was definitely the right way to go, but equality in the act was what would help. He stripped his shirt off first, letting it fall to the floor before he moved to wrap his arms around her and lavish her lips with more kisses. One step at a time.

Jessica watched him with hungry eyes, like a lioness about to pounce on her prey. He looked so good, just watching him was making her crazy with want. But she had to believe him, that it would be worth it to go slow, that taking the time to actually feel something with her heart instead of her body would make it all better. She trusted Barbie. She didn't trust anyone else. So she stayed herself and kept her clothes on. For now.

"You look good enough to eat," she laughed, hovering over him a moment before leaning in to bite at his lower lip. She only stayed like that for a second or two before shying away again. She still couldn't believe this was happening, and for a split second, she suddenly felt like a scared, awkward teen girl come face to face with someone much older, wiser, and smarter than her. For that flash of time, she reverted to age sixteen in her head. It was just a moment though, and after closing her eyes, the feeling passed. She was still a bit unsettled though, unsettled enough to need some sort of reassurance from Barbie.

"Before we go any further, you have to answer me one question." She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck, straddling his lap.

He'd had a plan, but -as she was one to do and had always done with him- she shook it up by climbing into his lap and fixing him with a look that made him want to protect her and kiss her at the same time. He settled for a middle-ground and wrapped his arms around her waist to hold her to him as he placed a chaste kiss on her cheek.

"I'll answer as many as you want. What is it?"

He couldn't imagine what it was and considering she sometimes asked things he didn't expect (another thing he liked about her) he didn't bother trying to guess, just continued to give her his patient and undivided attention.

Eyes locked, she waited before answering him, taking the moment lose herself in her feelings, in his feelings, in everything that was crackling between them like a live wire. "I've wanted you for as long as I've known you, I..."

Even now, she felt vaguely embarrassed, enough so that her cheeks flushed. She wasn't the type of woman who blushed, and she certainly wasn't shy, but with everyone else, she was posing. It was a game with everyone else. With Barbie, she felt raw and real. And being so honest with someone, exposing herself... it was a scary prospect.

"I want to know why you love me. Why do you love me? Why are you here? What was it about me that made you want to be with me?"

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No, it's not a good look

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