I'm not stupid I see through it

[pythianjudgment]

Who| Terezi and Karkat
What| Karkat's being less than anonymous, and Terezi figures this conversation is long overdue.
Where| D1
When| After a really dumb anonymous conversation
Warnings/Notes| None?


Terezi has spent a lot of time pondering this conundrum. One on hand, Karkat's insistence in meddling with her love life has become something of a massive sore spot for her. The less she involves him in her quadrants, the better as far as she can tell.

On the other hand, he's under the assumption that she and Dave are still dating--and making his usual passive aggressive quips about it. This is not only annoying, but it worries her that it might swing things back into the awkward zone between them. And she certainly doesn't want that.

She's been caught between this rock and a hard place for a while now, but finally... finally, it's time to set the record straight, she thinks. Maybe she can find a way to make this quick and painless. Like a band-aid, right?

Terezi heads down to D1, lingering around in the common room before deciding to check his respite block. She's half-tempted to leave a note on the door for him to find, but that's stupid and childish and she doesn't have any paper on hand anyway. Or a pen.

Eventually, she knocks.

Comments

[sleeplessinalternia]

Eventually, Karkat opens the door, "Yeah, what the fuck do you-- oh." He blinks at her. He's not entirely sure why Terezi's descending on him out of the blue with that kind of look on her face, especially with things being still being kind of weird between them. He really hopes she's not pissed off at him about the whole circle of hand-holding thing the night of the District Three announcement. Would the Disciple have told her about it? Shit.

[pythianjudgment]

Meulin would have told her about that, but it's not as strange to her ears as it could be. She's aware that Meulin has some sort of quadrant blurring going on. She doesn't mind that, just as long as she doesn't try to drag Karkat or Signless into their pile.

"You're really bad at the whole anonymity thing," she starts, scrunching her mouth up to one side. She wonders if he can guess what she's talking about from just that.

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Dave Strider is really bad at the whole anonymity thing," Karkat retorts. "At least I stopped quirking. Mostly."

He motions for her to come in his room. This is kind of awkward to be talking about in the hallway, especially since they don't even have their native language to fall back on anymore.

[pythianjudgment]

"Uh-huh." The tone of her voice says loud and clear that she doesn't credit him with that part. It was still embarrassingly easy to pick his comments out of the fray.

"You are also really bad on the uptake." There's some reluctance on her part as she steps into the room. She's not sure how long she actually wants to stick around. This conversation could either go perfectly fine, or turn really awkward... And there's really no telling which it might be.

But she has to at least get the part out that she meant to say, even if her instincts are fighting against her trying to say it. Quick and painless, she reminds herself.

"Dave and I aren't dating anymore," she says, very matter-of-fact. To the point. Blunt. "So you can untwist your little crab boxers over it."

[sleeplessinalternia]

He shuts the door behind her, just in time to hear the second part of the conversation. "Wait, what? Seriously? Since when?" This is news to him, this is so much fucking news to him.

[pythianjudgment]

"Not that it's any of your business, but... Since he got here." Terezi tries to keep the bitterness out of her tone. It doesn't belong there, and she's trying to get over it; but a little slips through. She doesn't blame him for telling her so quickly. It just would have been nice to hold onto that just a little bit longer.

"We finally started talking normally again, so if you could cut back on the jabs, that would be great."

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Yeah, okay, whatever," Karkat says dismissively. "I'll shut up about you around Strider and vice versa. But can I state for the record that he's a shitlord? I mean, I don't fucking know, maybe you broke up with him, but I don't see you doing that--" (unfortunately) "--unless he was acting like a douchewad. And if the first thing he does when he gets here is break up with you, then he's still an assnozzle."

[pythianjudgment]

"What, was he supposed to string me along instead? Let me keep believing that we were a thing, so that when he finally did let me down easy, I could feel even worse for believing in a lie?" She sounds a little angry for a moment. The last thing she wants is to be a charity case. She doesn't want her relationships sugarcoated for her to protect her feelings.

"He's not a bad guy, Karkat. It didn't work out. Yeah, it sucks, but at least he told me. He was honest with me." She pauses, grimacing a little and turning her attention off to the side. "...It was more than I did for you. So if anyone is an assnozzle here, it's me."

[sleeplessinalternia]

He winces, because she has a point. Her holding the secrets of their future over his head--including that she'd been dating Strider in that future--had annoyed the fuck out of him at the time.

"Yeah. Okay. That's one point for him. Did he tell you why?" Karkat's not really looking at her either. "I mean, if it had been anything besides flush I'd figure it was because humans are shit with quadrants, but flushed is like the one quadrant they actually have."

[pythianjudgment]

"That's not something I want to talk about." And not just because it's Karkat this time. It's mortifying, the things that he said happen. She doesn't want anyone to know how far she fell. She doesn't want to be judged for things that she didn't even do. Not this version of her. Never.

"The point is that Dave is not nearly as terrible as you seem to think he is." She pauses, thoughtfully considering her next words. "And I think... You should give him a chance. He said that you two ended up being close. Just stop being pants-on-head retarded for like... five minutes, and actually talk to him. I promise, he wants to be friends with you."

[sleeplessinalternia]

Karkat frowns. "Yeah, maybe. Can you promise me that those mysterious reasons weren't..." Shit, he's not sure at all how to phrase this that isn't completely assholish. Especially with Bert gone and their last conversation being such a fucking disaster. "Look, if it wasn't because he was... fuck, okay, what I'm trying to say is that sometimes if you try to date humans they get to be jerks about things, especially if it's not a human romance, because they think they should get some stupid fucking special human prize for trying to do a troll romance at all, because they're bending over fucking backwards to be in this relationship according to them. And it doesn't mean they're bad humans or whatever, but it does mean they suck as boyfriends. So if it's not because of that, then... maybe I'll talk to him."

[pythianjudgment]

Terezi isn't sure that she wants to know why Karkat is asking her something so specific--or why he thinks that Dave is that kind of person. Bending over backwards and expecting some human prize... It doesn't sound anything like him at all.

"They're not mysterious reasons, Karkat. They're personal reasons. If Dave was some kind of shitty person trying to passive aggressively wrangle me into something I didn't want--or trying to guilt some kind of gold star out of me for being culturally well-rounded, then yes, I would tell you about that. But it wasn't like that--he isn't like that, and you need to stop making these ridiculous assumptions about my relationships." She trails off into exasperation, throwing her hands up just a little.

She doesn't know how to make him stop caring so much. It keeps coming down to that, who she is or isn't dating, and how Karkat inevitably has a problem with them. And now this assumption that there's something nefarious about their breakup, too.

"Please. I can handle myself. Why can't you just let me do that and worry about your own friendships?"

[sleeplessinalternia]

"They're not ridiculous assumptions!" Karkat says, throwing his hands up in the air for emphasis. "Maybe you've forgotten, but I did the human male dating thing too! And it crashed and burned like a fucking inflatable bladder flying vehicle and then he died with like fifty fucking things left unsaid between us and maybe I just want to make sure that Strider wasn't being stupid in the way that Bert used to be stupid because... fuck, I don't know! Humans are stupid and fucked up and I know Strider and Lalonde were pretty fucking decent for humans when we were on that fucking meteor but we also outnumbered them two to one so they couldn't, like, put all their stupid and gross human expectations on us."

He folds his arms in front of him. "And I have been worrying about my own shit. I spent perigees worrying about it and trying my fucking best not to interfere with you and Strider or you and that fucking shitbag Fraysong and okay, fine, I fucked up this time, but I have been fucking trying, okay. But whatever. It's not like you ever notice when I do make an effort for you, only when I fuck it all up."

[pythianjudgment]

"They are stupid assumptions, Karkat! You're taking one experience with a human and assuming that they might all be like that! Despite having lived with them for who knows how long, and they never once acted like that."

She wants to shake him until he understands, she's so frustrated with all of this. It feels like something that's been going on forever, and she doesn't know how to stop it.

"You're wrong. I do notice when you try for me. All the times that I want you to, but especially all the times that I don't. You're my friend, Karkat, but that's it. You're not entitled to know about my quadrants or to judge if the people I hang out with are good enough, or to make guesses at how truthful I'm being about my break ups. It's not your business, and I need you to stop. I need you to respect me enough to back off when I want you to."

[sleeplessinalternia]

He wants to keep shouting, but what's the use? Nothing he can say will change the facts that he fucked up things with her forever and everything he does just compounds it.

Why can't he back off? What's wrong with him? Why can't he just be happy to be her friend? Why does he have to be so fucking hung up about her? It's like he's stuck like this, in this stupid emotional fuckup land, where he can't get over her and can't let her go as long as there's the tiniest chance that maybe, someday, she will take him back again.

Maybe the only way he can stop being a shithead and get over her is to kill that chance.

"Your friend." His shoulders slump. "I... can you promise me that's all we'll ever be? Swear it on... fuck, I don't know. Justice. Can you do that for me? Because I need to be able to give up on you to back off and I can't if there's a chance... if there's even a little chance we'll be able to go back to before everything... I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to stop wanting to get involved and I'll slip again. So I need you to help me give up."