open;

[aintyourdad]

Who| Joel and OPEN!
What| Joel's (not so) auspicious return to the Capitol. The arena messed him up pretty bad, and now he's got stuff to catch up on here.
Where| Various; see starters.
When| Week 6, possibly into week 7.
Warnings/Notes| Lots and lots of manpain. Probably some cussing, possibly discussion of child death and zombie violence.

[ 1: D8 suites; ]

Joel spends the better part of three days after his return in his room. He's got a stash of food, and he's used to not bathing for long periods of time. He can't bring himself to leave, regardless. Not after all that happened. Not after Sarah. He couldn't save her, again. He couldn't save Riley. He couldn't save Clem. Clem. Christ. And now Ellie's alone in that hellish place, and he can't face it.

He can't.

[ 2: D8 common area; ]

When he finally emerges from his room, bleary and sleep-deprived and thinner than before he went into the arena, Joel makes a beeline for the kitchen area. It's one of the things that he can always do to calm himself down here - cook. Fresh food, good food, is in abundance here, and Joel takes advantage of it. It's almost therapeutic for him.

Of course, there's no avoiding the multiple television screens that are always on in the common area, proclaiming the latest "news". A news report catches his eye, and for a while he's enraptured, unable to look away as the anchor details the plague, the quarantines - and an entire district, blown off the map.

Joel's face darkens, into a scowl, something tight and disgusted but not surprised, not horrified. If anything, it's all too familiar. No wonder it's so quiet around this place.

"Jesus Christ," he mutters, and then goes back to his cooking.

[ 3: Training Center; ]

Eventually, by the end of the week, in need of something else to occupy him, Joel ventures to the training center. He doesn't think training really does him much good - his skills were all acquired through long practice. But it gives him occupation, and it can be a good idea to check out who else is around, and what they're doing

Size up the competition, so to speak.

[ 4: A coffee shop; ]

By the end of the week, with the quarantines lifted and the fear of disease essentially gone, the city is getting back to normal - well, normal by Capitol standards, anyway. It's strange, to see a place recovering from a disease. Joel's world never recovered. It just fell apart, completely.

But there's no point dwelling on it. If he does that, he'll just start to think about things better left alone. His old life. Sarah. Hell, even Ellie. At least getting out of the Tribute Center gets him away from all the screens for a while. He watches sometimes, to see if they're following Ellie at all, but just as often he can't, doesn't want to, doesn't see the point. So he finds a coffee shop, a secluded one, away from the big touristy areas. Good strong coffee is what he needs.

Comments

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Yeah, I know that, I won, remember?" Mindy pointed out, slightly annoyed at the implication. "My first arena I was starving and couldn't eat anything because they poisoned the food. I just, you know, never thought of starting a fire indoors unless I wanted to set off an alarm."

[aintyourdad]

As far as Joel is concerned, winning is about pure luck as much as it is skill. Being the last person standing doesn't necessarily say anything about their survival skills. Certainly not a kid like her.

"Can't practice without doin' it," he points out. "Why else would they have this here?"

[hit_girl_mindy]

If he'd seen her run, he'd know that you needed more than luck to live through everything. Hell, Enjorales was proof that luck was necessary, but she'd needed more than that.

"I guess," she said. "Of course, it always depends on where you're at too. Altitude, surroundings, all of that shit. Also helps to get some sponsors there."

Which reminded her. Had to see if she could get some more support for Ellie.

"But she's still there. I can hope."

[aintyourdad]

"Survival always depends on where you are and what you've got available," Joel points out with a shrug. "Havin' a few basic skills can help."

He pokes at the tiny fire carefully, staring into it. He doesn't have to ask who Mindy is talking about. There's only one she he gives a shit about, only one she Mindy would need to bring up with him.

"She is," he murmurs quietly.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Never disagree with that," Mindy said. "Where you are always shapes what you do. I'm not a camper or an outdoors kind of gal, I'm city, but I learned it quick. You have to use what you know."

It's been awhile since she's seen Ellie, of course. Riley was off somewhere, and Clem and Sandy were awesome, but Ellie was, like, entourage. She had't understood why, or even how, but it had just happened.

"It sucks, doesn't it? Having to know you could be there, to stop the moment something's a threat and fucking missing it for something. It's becoming a real pain."

Worse was that it applied to more than just Ellie for Mindy.

[aintyourdad]

"That's trust," Joel says quietly. "You trust another person when it counts. Trust when they've learned all you can teach them, they'll know how to put that to use. Even if you're not around for them."

It does suck, but there's nothing he can do about it, so there's no point dwelling on it.

[hit_girl_mindy]

Mindy's words died in her throat, and for a moment, Joel could see the girl there, the one that missed her daddy, who HAD learned all she could from him and more when he was around, and was making do now that he wasn't. Because, thinking about it now was heavy on her. Somehow, someway, she had to get him out. He was HERE.

"Yeah," she said, regaining composure. "Think that might have been a lesson she picked up along the way."

[aintyourdad]

"Sure, kid," Joel says quietly, not missing that look on her face. "It's a lesson she's learned."

It's almost, but not quite, sarcastic. He's talking about himself. About the way he's come to trust Ellie, not the other way around. She's still a child, sure, but he knows better than anyone how capable she is. And however much he wants to keep protecting her - and will, whenever he can - he knows he has to accept that she can and has done the same for him.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"At that age, in the right circumstances, it what you have to learn. No one is gonna hold your hand or shield you from the fucked up world you live in. You find a way to adapt and you learn to keep getting stronger. She's learned that while both you and Riley weren't here."

And she would learn it more and more, of course. The worse this place got, the more obvious it'd be that Ellie would have to decide how she wanted to live.

[aintyourdad]

"Ellie was takin' care of herself long before she ended up here," Joel says dismissively, poking at his little fire. "She is better, and stronger, than anyone here could possibly understand."

He's not sure why - why he feels so particular about this. After Colorado, though - he believes it wholeheartedly. He includes himself, too. Not even he knows how strong and resourceful she is. He still doesn't know the whole story. "So don't you go tryin' to explain her to me, kid."

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Please. If you really believed that, you wouldn't have to protect her and stick by her as much as you do. You can say that you believe that all you want, but I don't really see you letting her do her thing. I know exactly how resourceful she is, I've seen her before you came here."

And she could guess why he stuck by her, of course. She wasn't stupid.

[aintyourdad]

"You don't see shit, kid," Joel says with a growl. "And you don't know shit about me, or my relationship with Ellie, no matter how much you think it's like whatever you had with some guy back home." He shoots her an annoyed look - he despises it when people talk like they have any kind of knowledge of his life, his feelings, his history, his relationships. He hates it, and he hates especially that he thinks Mindy should know better by now.

He dumps dirt on his little fire to put it out, preparing to leave. As far as he's concerned, this conversation is over.

[hit_girl_mindy]

Mindy is not into being disregarded, especially not by someone who had gone out of his way every single time they met to tell her she was a little girl and she should stay that way. She wanted to like Joel, she really did, but he pissed her in so many ways that it was hard to ignore.

"Really? You seemed to think you knew a fuck of a lot about what went on with me and 'my guy back home.' You say all this bullshit about how Ellie is her own person and shit, but you're right there by her side. You're pretty much her dad. Fine. If she sees you like that, whatever. But you don't get to fucking say that she's her own person and then stay around. A part of you wants to be there and see what happens to her. I'm saying that in these fucking games? She'll have to stand on her own, because all you have to do is watch them awhile to know its the terrain and then the people. That's not even getting into the mind games they'll try to play if they want to get to you."

A part of her, she knew, saw what she was saying and hated it. Would she have told her dad to buzz off if he's been in the games with her? No. But he also would have known that she needed to stay on her feet, that she HAD to have the stuff to last when he left. So far, she'd proven him right. It didn't make this shit any easier, and when it came down to it? She understood something else she was pushing against too: Joel needed Ellie. Ellie had survived here without Joel, but it hadn't been the other way around. If Ellie wasn't here...well, she wondered what Joel actually WOULD care about.

[aintyourdad]

"Kid, for the last time, you do not have to lecture me about survivin' this shit," Joel says, exasperated. "Go punch your punching bag. I will worry about my kid."

She can play armchair psychologist with whoever she wants, but he doesn't have to listen to it. There's nothing more to say, so he walks away.

[hit_girl_mindy]

Mindy shrugged. He could survive how he wanted. Whatever happened, she figured that Ellie would be able to deal anyway. She didn't get their connection, and really, she didn't need to. That was their thing.

The punching bag comment though, that pissed her off. Not so much because he said it to demean her, but because she felt like she was doing it for nothing. She KNEW it was a good thing that she wasn't in the games. She KNEW that being a mentor was going to be a struggle.

Once she got in her head though, all she could hear was her Hit Girl self, taunting her about being soft. She felt too much, let too many people get close, and then? She couldn't even do the thing she was trained to do.

It wasn't an escape from hell. It was just a different version.