thecapitol | Memories they haunt his mind

Who| The Disciple & The Signless
What| Post arena checkups and piling, with callouts and talks of dumb shit. Also sitting on Vantases
Where| Twelfth floor, Signless' room
When| A few days after the death of Signless
Warnings/Notes| Mush perhaps and frank talk of death and amputation probably?

If she's honest, it's strange watching him die from the outside. It usually happens in front of her or she hears his name called out in the death listings. So watching him go down like this, helpless to save him and having to watch the process--she doesn't like it in the slightest. His horn cracks and she winces, turns away for the rest. Perfect audio brings the cries to her ears but it's over soon enough. It hurts. If she'd survived that leg, she could have been there, been there for that idiotic fight. For this inevitable death. She didn't and it's over. Over and done.

The delay between his death and his return at least gave her time to think. The Initiate was still out there but he probably wouldn't last much longer. She needed to keep them seperated until Terezi returned.

And well, there was that to talk about.

She gave it a day before she started camping out in the Twelfth District's lounge. She got a few weird looks, but like clockwork she took the elevator up around noon, peeked in his room and stuck around until 7, monopolizing their television to keep up with the arena. One lounge was much like another and this one was easier to keep a watch from.

Her habit was rewarded a few days later when she went to check his room and found him already up. He's swept immediately into a hug, warm and comforting, even if it gets hair in his face and claws snagged in his shirt.

And without really asking, she's up again, finding blankets--far more than he could really use on the bed she thinks--and dragging them into a suitable pile. Asking would be silly, she's seen the arena. They both have things to talk about and not starting as soon as she could would just end up with a repeat of last time.

When it seems suitably piled and nested, she glances back at him.

"I know about it all. So, I figured..." A wave at the pile and she pats it, hopefully invitingly.

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His lip twitches. It sounds so simple when she says it.

"It isn't as though I'm lying to her. I'm just ... omitting. Not saying things I might want to because I don't know how she'll react and I don't want the conversation to derail into an argument."

He thinks about the last time that almost happened, about how a simple attempt at reassuring her very nearly ruined an entire interaction. He squeezes her hand, curls closer against her.

"I don't want to make more work and stress for her than she has to deal with already."

Disciple immediately agrees with that. Thinks of all the thing they're, she's, everyone is asking Terezi to deal with and immediately she wants to encourage that. It feels like it'd exhaust, cause her to burn out under her own attempts to be everything. It's not easy to push past that feeling.

"She's strong. I think--I think she'll be okay. I hate that she's having to deal with so much and she's bad at reaching for help, but I guess I can always sit on her and make her talk if she starts holing up."

This is her general moirail strategy. It's worked before.

"Just, try to be more open. I know it's asking a lot, and I loathe to say it, but she's trying to help and to help, she needs all the facts. Even if you think the facts are upsetting or going to make things worse. Things get worse before they get better. And really, can things get any wors?"

She doesn't wait for him to answer, "And if you say they can, how can they be worse than how you were before all this. Him openly hating you and ready to kill. I can't imagine things will be worse than that."

He can't really argue with that. There's really nowhere to go but up, sad as that is to admit given what it says about the state of things.

"You're right. I'll try to censor myself less around her. I just need to put more trust in her than I have, she deserves that much."

He smiles, just slightly, leans their foreheads together.

"I really am happy for the two of you. We all need as much support as we can get here."

She smiles, wide and with that eagerness that comes from all new relationships. All in the stage where everything is new and could be anything and everything. A honeymoon stage, if trolls had such things.

"I'm glad for all of us really. It gives me someone to talk to when things happen and you just aren't around for it--or we're busy being flushed or black or something--and I suppose it helps in this way. Being able to give insight into parts of your quadrants."

She pauses, rubs her forehead against his for a moment, like a reaffirmation of their bond, "I pity her so much. I guess I figured I'd never find someone who could deal with--us. You've always been lucky in that regard."

"So it doesn't bother her? That's good."

He thinks of Karkat, of Karkat's valiant efforts to pretend that his moirail having another moirail didn't make him just a little uncomfortable. It's understandable that most trolls would take some time to get used to the idea, and it worries him that Terezi might be in a similar position of ignoring discomfort to make her new moirail happy.

On the other hand, his impression of Terezi is that she's very direct. If she were really bothered she almost certainly would have said, right?

"I think it does, a little. But we trust each other--and I think as long as I don't drag her into our pile or something, she won't mind."

It's difficult, having two moirails, especially when you are not used to it. It's difficult and only Signless really understands.

He really does understand. He had to balance this with the Psiioniic back home and then with Karkat, he knows it's hard being there for two people at once, especially when one believes a lot more strongly in Alternian concepts of monogamy.

"That's fine, I wouldn't expect her to. She deals with me quite enough in one quadrant. I wouldn't want to impose on her others."

"It'll be weird enough having you both, let alone in one pile. I'm not sure how you do it to be honest."

Not that they pile together a lot, but he's fully capable of soothing two parties at once. She has far too much experience with that, given she and Mituna were often set off by similar things.

"It's not really a conscious thing," he says thoughtfully. "I just... if more than one person needs me, then I try to be there for both of them the best that I can. Or if one needs me a lot more for whatever reason, I make sure the other knows I care about them but I have someone else to take care of, and I'll be back to help them too as soon as possible. It's a delicate balancing act but it gets easier the more comfortable you are with your partners."

He smiles.

"You should put her first, I think. I have Karkat to take care of me."

Memories they haunt his mind

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