[closed]

[ka_sera_sera]

Who|  Karkat Vantas, Cuthbert Allgood, Roland Deschain
What|  luring Cuthbert into a card game so they can tell embarrassing stories about him
Where|  the Commons bar
When|  some time before the Thicker than Blood plot
Warnings/Notes| none expected - I'll update this if anything comes up

There's a wall at his back and the table in front of him sits at the middle of the room, not too close nor too far from the doorway. The glass and gloss of the place keeps catching the light and flashing in his eyes, but mostly the view's good. Roland doesn't truly expect to need a quick escape - from what he's seen, these people seem good at keeping the violence only where and when they want it. But he doesn't trust the people, trusts the place even less, and with that comes old habits. There are a couple decks of cards in front of him, one sitting to either side of his drink, and he flips them every now and then to study the unfamiliar pictures before glancing again at the doorway. There are two people he's waiting for, and this can't start without them. Maybe one of them will know what to do with these damned strange cards.

Comments

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Hey," says the short, stocky troll boy who slides into a chair next to Roland. "Bert'll be here in a second. I closed the elevator door before he could join me, but it doesn't take that long to get back up to D3. We're keeping to the plan, right?"

By which Karkat means is the plan they worked out a few days ago to cheat together outrageously while signaling each other with a foot tapping code in order to give Cuthbert what he deserves.

[tis_allgood]

Bert is a little pissed when he gets there, he didn't like being snubbed like that. But he knows that's just how Karkat is, or at least how he flirts. He's just a little too uncomfortable flirting back when Roland is there. He will spare the troll a playful jab with his elbow.

"Thank you for that, Cricket. I certainly needed the wait. Now what game was it we were to play?"

He nods to Roland and sits down like he belongs there. Because of course he does.

[ka_sera_sera]

"Much as we can," Roland leans over to murmur to the boy, wary of Cuthbert's arrival. "I couldn't find any cards I recognized."

Aaaand here he is. Roland straightens, sliding both decks of cards toward his old friend with a deliberately bland expression. "Up to either of you." He shrugs. It's not that he has no idea what to do with either of these decks, why would you even think that. He's just being polite.

"But since you're late, Cuthbert, it's your job to bring drinks for the two of you." Roland does not look at Karkat at all as he says this. Any meaningful glance would be as clear as if he'd just said, 'Karkat, would you be so kind as to convince Cuthbert to go away so we can plot behind his back?' He'll just have to hope the boy has the sort of mind that picks up on those things without prompting.

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Yeah, well, it looks like they have directions on the back," Karkat says. "Aren't you douchebags glad I've actually learned how to read Capitol Human?" He takes the two decks and studies them--he can read Human silently by now, if still slowly--then opens the top to look at the cards.

They both seem to be games about matching cards. Actually, the second one reminds him of a dumb wiggler game he used to play with his crabdad, only with way less dead bodies in the images of people's professions. So, that one.

"Lonely Old Lady," he says, putting the other one (something about fish) aside and the chosen deck in the middle of the table.

[tis_allgood]

Cuthbert brings back drinks with some grumbling, giving Karkat one that looks sickeningly colorful and sweet. He has a large mug of beer for himself, and nothing for Roland since he didn't ask.

"Well if you're so smart, how do we play it? And what stakes do we play for? There's no fun in it without stakes."

It doesn't take too much for Cuthbert to forgive them again. These were his two best friends and they were all three about to play a game. He couldn't think of anything he wanted to do more at the moment.

[ka_sera_sera]

While Cuthbert's gone, Roland taps the deck in the middle of the table, once more keeping his voice down. "Anything I need to know about that one?"

Roland slides his own drink out of the way once Cuthbert sets the others down. It's fairly satisfying to hear Cuthbert suggest the thing he'd been about to say himself. He'd forgotten how very easy it had sometimes been to get him to play right into your hand, once you knew him well enough. This time hadn't been on purpose, but it reminds him of other days, all the same. "Certainly not coin, unless either of you are willing to give me some. Not goods either, unless either of you have some great taste for leather."

He plucks at the front of his shirt, ostensibly referring to that. But the days when the strip-down version of Watch Me had been amusing and fun were old ones. Those days are old and so is he, and so he is also referring to his own tanned, weathered skin. His eyebrows lift, and the corners of his lips turn up very, very slightly. This is Roland Deschain's version of a joke. Go on, laugh.

Anyway, that seed is planted. Even if Karkat doesn't see it grown into the type of game they've been aiming for, he thinks Cuthbert will probably do it for them.

[sleeplessinalternia]

"It's hard to cheat at," Karkat whispers before Bert comes back, "but the other one's not much better, since neither have numbers on the cards. Looks like they're both wiggler games, but that one's one that's pretty close to a troll wiggler game."

Oh look, there's Bert. Karkat takes his soda and sips cautiously, since he doesn't want to get a fuzzy head.

"Not for pieces of clothing either," Karkat says firmly. "We're in fucking public." He's got the deck out of his box and he's shuffling, badly. For some stupid reason he's never been all that great at shuffling cards.

"So, okay, see the picture on the front of the box? That's the Lonely Old Lady. You don't want to be caught holding her at the end. One of us deals all the cards out in a circle until the deck is gone, then we pick up our hands and discard any pairs we make. There's, like, two of every card--they're of Capitol Human professions. Anyway, after that we go around taking cards from the player on our left and discarding any pairs we make. Eventually all the pairs will be made, except the Lonely Old Lady because she doesn't have a pair, that's why she's lonely. That person's the loser of the round. If Bert wants stakes, maybe the other two can dare them something or maybe they have to tell a story or some shit like that."

[tis_allgood]

Bert is fine with the game, and with the stakes. There's a lot of things he might suggest with just two of the three of them present that aren't as appropriate with all three together.

"Aright, but you should know that I have some terribly interesting stories and both of you know by now I've no issues telling them."

He winks at both of them, because they should know he will talk forever if left to his own devices. He'll even take the cards and shuffle them for Karkat, although he'll leave it to the troll to deal.

"Let's get this going, I can hardly wait to regale you with my tales."

[ka_sera_sera]

Roland hums in agreement, watching the easy, wordless way Cuthbert takes the deck when his friend seems to be having trouble. "Then we'd best get started quickly." He looks over to try and catch Karkat's eyes, expression dry. "Gods forbid Cuthbert have to wait more than a single moment."

He takes a slow sip of his drink, then sets out the stakes. "Something after each round, then? The three of us take our turns, and whoever has the least luck agrees to do or say anything of the other two's choosing. Sound fair?"

[sleeplessinalternia]

"So basically it's Veracity or Ultimatum," Karkat says, taking the deck back to deal out the cards. "Yeah, okay. Since we've become a wiggler dormancy gathering, does that mean we'll be playing Whirl the Thin-Necked Glass Beverage Holder too after this? Because you guys better figure out whether we'd be playing that one for kisses or paps."

Despite his mocking words, however, he's actually kind of pleased with how well this is working out. Cuthbert's playing right into their hands.

Once all the cards are dealt out, Karkat picks up his hand and quickly matches up the pairs he's already got. Fulvius Financier, Silvia Stylist, and Ana Avox all end up in the middle of the table.

[tis_allgood]

"You would be one to ask for kisses. And leave your strange alien rituals out of it. Else I'll be forced to explain to Roland what they are and we'll both regret it."

Bert lays down two pairs of his own, Pike Peacekeeper and Dolova Designer. He knows he has the Lonely Old Lady, but he's not about to let that show. If there's anything else going on, Bert doesn't suspect a thing.

"I am going to make you sing for me, Grasshopper."

[ka_sera_sera]

Roland, as it happens, needs very little explanation. Spend enough time traveling and you learn as well as you can to pick things up without one. But he doesn't say so, leaving the two to their banter and studying his hand instead. He knows none of the names of the figures on the cards in front of him, nor does he care to. The only important thing about these cards is that only two of them match. He sets his one pair on the table silently. Well, it's probably a good move tactically, that Cuthbert doesn't lose right away. He and Karkat can only really begin their 'plan' once they start taking each other's cards, anyway.

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Okay," Karkat says, "we'll start with me, since I was literate enough to read the rules for everyone." He turns to Cuthbert, who's on his left, and, squinting and frowning, lets his hands hover over Bert's hand before finally grabbing the card just to the left of the Lonely Old Lady.

[tis_allgood]

Bert draws a card from Roland that does him no good and makes a face at his hand.

"When do we get to our stakes, then?"

He's so eager to get to the part where he gets his friends to do silly things or tell him secrets. The game itself hardly matters in comparison.

[ka_sera_sera]

"Don't wet yer clouts, maggot," Roland mutters absently, making a passable imitation of Cort in one of his old sayings while he looks over his cards. "The world'll still be here in the half a moment it takes us to finish."

While he talks Roland holds a hand below the level of the table, between him and Karkat. There are symbols on each of the cards, nothing like the ones he's familiar with but simple enough that his hand - the left, luckily - can mimic the symbol of the one he'd like to be given. If Karkat has it and can manage to show Roland without tipping their hand, then Roland and Cuthbert will either need a tie breaker or they'll both lose, and Roland will say so.

If Roland doesn't end up with the card he needs, he'll lose, but he won't make a big deal of it. Either way, he just raises his eyebrows and watches the other two evenly.

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Maggot," Karkat repeats, with a snigger. "Now I know where you got the stupid thing about calling me different kinds of non-troll bugs."

He glances down at Roland's hand signal and shifts the needed card up about a centimeter.

"Huh," he says. "Now there's a thought. You can pretty much farm maggots with rotting meat, can't you? Maybe me and Terezi'll do that."

[tis_allgood]

Cuthbert takes the opportunity to call Karkat something colorful he learned in Alternian. And he says it with a smile.

"Why ever would you want to farm maggots? Is that... I thought you had a mother grub for that sort of thing."

He gives Karkat an especially uncertain look, totally missing whatever shenanigans are going on under the table. They're actually pulling it off.

[ka_sera_sera]

The card Roland decides to take, conveniently enough, happens to be just the one he needs. He sets his extra pair out on the table mildly, though even if he'd let anything peek through his expression he doubts the other two would notice.

Three pairs for Karkat, and two for himself and Cuthbert. Roland doesn't point it out as he'd planned to though, just takes a sip of his beer and watches the interplay between the other two.

[sleeplessinalternia]

"First of all," Karkat says, "troll grubs are not the same as maggots. Second of all, there is no mother grub here. There's not even a matriorb! And thirdly, if there were a mother grub here, we'd probably skip right over the brooding cavern trials, because for right now we need numbers more than quality, so most of the grubs would make it to being wigglers. And fourthly, those aren't the kind of grubs we want for grubloaf anyway."

He shrugs. "And yeah, okay, Panem maggots probably aren't optimal either, but they're close to the kind we're looking for."

[tis_allgood]

Most of that goes in one ear and out the other. "And I thought I could talk a man's ear off. You make me look positively silent, Wiggler."

Bert looks down at the cards on the table and then back at the other men at the table. "So who won? I'd desperately like to dare Karkat to shut his fool mouth for a bit."

He knows it's the pot and kettle here, but he's not going to say that about himself. He just wants to get to the part of this game that's actually fun for him.

[ka_sera_sera]

"Karkat." Roland looks from his and Cuthbert's two pair to Karkat's three, pointedly. "So either we both lost, or the victor gets to choose his bounty." Too bad, Cuthbert. You'll have to wait a little while longer. Or forever.

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Hmmmm," Karkat says, looking them both over. "I guess I could give one of you Veracity and the other one Ultimatum. So. Bert. I dare you to pet Maximus' stripebeast. Roland... Roland can tell me why the fuck he was calling Bert a maggot."

[tis_allgood]

"What? Right now? You know you're far more afraid of him than I am."

Bert gets up from the table looking angry. He tucks his cards into one pocket because he doesn't trust them not to mess with them while he's gone.

"I was going to go easy on thee, but it seems I should spend my time thinking of some things to have thee do that are far worse than just being quiet. Mayhap Roland will learn a thing or two about troll biology today."

He pouts all the way out of his room and off to find Maximus or at least his tiger. He won't be gone too long.

[ka_sera_sera]

Roland frowns after Cuthbert and puts his hands on the table, standing and refocusing the frown toward Karkat. "How dangerous is what you just asked him to do?" Roland will give you the benefit of the doubt before going after him, but by god if you get Cuthbert killed before he's even had the chance to get used to him being alive...

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Not as much as it sounds!" Karkat says hurriedly. "If it was a killer they wouldn't let Maximus keep it here. They're not actually big on death and fighting outside the arenas, probably because they can't turn it into money and scare tactics when it's not broadcast to everyone."