Living inside the shell

[hit_girl_mindy]

Who| Mindy, open
What| The victor returns to the Capitol.
Where| Various Places
When| After being patched up
Warnings/Notes| Mindy, so foul language and descriptions of violence.


After the last few weeks, it was a breath of fresh air to be back in the Capitol. It was not something she would have easily admitted to herself, but at least here there was a sense of ease, knowing that she didn't have to be watching her back for death.

Mostly.

It was strange too. She almost felt alien, coming back here with the win. Death had at least made her an equal: now she was an object, to be striven for or hated or stared at or asked questions to. The crowing would come soon enough, she knew that, and what a pain that would be. Words to say,things to plan, and really, all she wanted was to make sure all her friends were all right. certain ones would hare her now, of course, but that was expected. She had, after all, let the games' nature affect her.

She was more than happy to be restored though: all the bleeding and the aching had taken a toll on her, and she was ready for aching she at least only inflicted on herself. There were several ways of going through with this.

1. The Training room. It was always Mindy's "go to" place, and even now there was no reason not to go. She was aware of the stares and the whispers, but she ignored these: after all, she'd come here last time after her defeat, why should her victory be any different? Mindy is hard at work on the treadmill, looking to see if she can increase her speed. There was a lot to think about, and this was the perfect way to NOT have to do that right now. Cut everyone out, hear some mindless music, run like the wind. Easy.

2. Eventually though, there's a place she needed to go: over to District 12, at the top tower to see Sandy. She hated, more than anything, to apologize or even explain herself unnecessarily but in this case it was needed. Sandy wasn't just some girl to her: she was one of the first friends she made, and after what she'd done, she needed to at least talk to her about it. The girl might not listen or care, but Mindy still needed to explain herself. She might run into anyone in District 12 though.

3. In her own tower, she made the unwise choice of attempting to sleep. After that, she thought a mushroom trip might have been more peaceful. Now she just had visions of the worse things in the Arena: beheading, throat slitting, bombs going off, and all of the dead looking at her as if she were the cause. It was pretty gory, and Mindy had awoken wide eyed and breathing hard. So anyone in the Tribute tower, especially in her District, can see the girl sitting in the room now, oversized shirt on, watching a replay of the games, almost glassy eyed.

Comments

[gardienne]

"She's called Eva, Mademoiselle." It wouldn't matter telling Mindy Eva's name, would it?

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Oh," Mindy said, trying to keep her voice level. So she could look after Eponine but she couldn't expect much for her tributes? No wonder they were all their own mess.

"She's the mentor in my District, actually. I know a little bit about her, but only from gossip. She doesn't talk with us much."

[gardienne]

"She don't talk much at all, Mademoiselle." Eponine hugged her waist again, sensing a little bit of hostility from Mindy again.

"She just wants her son. But now she has me. She's been through a lot, Mademoiselle. She don't tell me much, but she lets me have a room in her house - not even a sofa. A real bed!"

[hit_girl_mindy]

In truth, Mindy wished she could be more angry. Knowing that Eva actually could act like a person, to Eponine of all people, made Mindy at least humanize the mentor more.

"I saw she was like that. We didn't have all that much to say to each other. Honestly I have no idea where she stand on anything. All I know is that we apparently don't see eye to eye on how we play the Arena."

[gardienne]

"Not for me, neither. She wishes I could win it, I think. But she don't say nothing any more. She just... she's there when I wake up, every time. She's waiting to braid my hair." Eponine touched her ratty plait gently. It was Eva's handy work.

"She's nice really, you know? I was a bit wary of her at first, but she's a better mama than my real one was."

[hit_girl_mindy]

"She looks so imposing," Mindy commented. "I guess I never would have though her capable. Maybe she sees something in you that reminds her of her son. I don't know. People have always been hard for me to read anyway."

Mothers. Always a sore subject for Mindy.

[gardienne]

"She ain't, you know?" Eponine was quick to defend her surrogate mother. "I don't know. I truly do not, Miss. I think it is that she feels sorry for my dying each arena so quick, you know? She is not one for so many words, Eva, but she hugs me more than even my Mama ever did, and she braids my hair, and fixes makeup on me. She is truly, truly, kind Mademoiselle."

[hit_girl_mindy]

"You know, I was pretty content hating the shit out of her for telling me to fuck off for the Arena. You're kind of ruining that."

In truth, Mindy didn't really HAVE anyone she hated here. Even Azula didn't really garner her anger, not really. Knowing this about Eva softened her a little about her mentor, she had to admit.

"Sorta wonder why she didn't beat the shit out of Harley then, she IS in her district."

[gardienne]

"She's Harley's Mentor? Oh !"

Eponine looked completely dismayed at that piece of news. Why had Eva not defended her? Why had she not hurt Harley for that? Perhaps she didn't care as much as she said she did. Could Eponine be the next Ariadne ? Eva had been friends with Ariadne, hadn't she? And then she'd helped Ariadne with the bomb - she'd known about the bomb. And she'd blamed it all on Ariadne, and watch the girl executed. Could Eponine be next? Eponine's real Pa wouldn't hesitate, so why would Eva?

"Then perhaps she don't care for me after all." Eponine tried to laugh, as if she didn't care at all.

[hit_girl_mindy]

Mindy held up her hand. "I wouldn't jump to that conclusion yet. Eva is sort of an island to herself, she doesn't really get involved with us. Chances are, she wanted you to deal with your own problems. I mean, being a mother is one thing, but you can't have your parents fight your battles for you. As a kid who has no parents, trust me, you learn to fend for yourself, hopefully because you were guided there."

[gardienne]

"I can fend for myself." Eponine was offended that Mindy apparently thought that she couldn't look after herself. Eponine knew very well that she could look after herself very well - she'd kept herself alive this last decade in Paris, no?

"It is just nice, don't you think, when people stand for you and wish to help you. It shows... it shows they love you. Don't it?" She was quite embarrassed saying that, but she tried her best to hide it.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Didn't say you couldn't. I said its probably what Eva's thinking, among other things. When it comes to people and what they do, she probably figures you sort that shit out yourself."

Mindy blinked. Hearing that aloud made her feel a little lonely for some reason. "Yeah. It does. From what I hear, Harley got on a lot of people;s shit list for how extreme she was. Most of them probably do care about you."

[gardienne]

"I shan't forgive her. But..." Eponine raised her hands and shrugged her shoulders in a helpless sort of gesture. "It is done, no? The past? Well, it don't matter. I have had worse things than that. And there will be worse again. It is over. And now we must think of your crowning, no?"

[hit_girl_mindy]

Mindy was not at all surprised that Harley had done something like that. It was, of course, something that Mindy figured they could work out themselves.

"A healthy way to think about it. Though the last thing I wanna think about the dumb ass crowning. Getting up in front of people. Saying things."

[gardienne]

"That is to be your life from now on though, Mademoiselle. Standing up and talking. Perhaps you ought to talk to Eva about it."

Or maybe not. Eva was in trouble too often for Eponine's liking, and she didn't want Mindy ending in the same way.

"Or perhaps Madame Jessica. She is better to talk to, I think. She is my Mentor."

[hit_girl_mindy]

Mindy swore quietly. "Yeah, I know."

She made a face.

"Yeah, I dunno how the mentor who slept her way through the competition to win is going to help me."

[gardienne]

"It doesn't matter how she won though." Eponine didn't think much of Jessica for doing that either. "But she does know how to talk and the like, to be a good mentor, you know? You can be like her in that respect."

[hit_girl_mindy]

"I guess that's a good point, not that I know much about her mentoring. How is that going?"

[gardienne]

Eponine shrugged. So far, she hadn't had too much contact with Jessica herself.

"She is letting me do as I wish. For now. That is about as good as I can ask for. I do not wish to be interfered with."

[hit_girl_mindy]

"Hmm. I don't think I can let my fellow tributes 'do as they wish' if it means they don't try last in the Games. I have to make sure they represent our entire district, after all."

[gardienne]

"Why do you care? It is not your District. Why should you care for their honour? They are disgusting anyway, if they wish for murderers to be their heroes. I don't want to win for my District. I do not care at all."

And in District Three, should this conversation be broadcast, the cries of teenage girls would ring out. Their tragic heroine, dismissing them all in one fell swoop. But what Eponine said and what she really felt were complete opposite things. Her actions had hurt those girls in District Three and she didn't want to hurt anybody else ever again. So she was alienating herself from them on purpose.

[hit_girl_mindy]

"You went to the District yourself, so you can say what you want about it." Personally it sounded like a shitty thing to say to Mindy, but whatever. It wasn't her life. "But my district, they're getting by. They didn't sign up for the games, and us being here means their kids don't have to die. But its more than that: if you live your life not knowing basic survival skills, just staying safe, someone's going to wind up killing you. I want more than just them surviving. I want them to find a reason to live."

Which sounded nice. Mindy was trying to find a reason herself, personally. After her dad died, she had hardly had a case of homesickness, after all.

[gardienne]

"Then you are more noble than I." Eponine made herself laugh, though she felt sick to her stomach.

"Me, all I did was get my friends there whipped by the Peacekeepers for hiding me. I do not want anything more to do with any of them. They are not so badly off as I was in Paris: they can get by. Let someone else win."

[hit_girl_mindy]

"I've never been noble. I've fucked up people way worse than this with a smile. if I don't like you and you're trying to stop me, believe me, I will make you feel pain in ways that you won't see coming. But what I am, is fair, in my eyes anyway. Its not fair what this is, and what they do to us, nah. But the Districts didn't ask for it either."

She sighed. "And if I project the whole 'I don't care about them' shit I go against everything I ever stood for. I protect people. I try to save lives by killing killers. Being complacent, not caring that I won because I don't have to kill? I would have never won the games that way."

[gardienne]

"Then you are perhaps more heartless than I." Eponine sighed as well. "I wish you well, Mademoiselle. You won't forget me in the arena, will you? You'll help me help Ian, yes? Now you have nothing else to do?" She may as well ask for help. She needed all of the help that she could get.