thecapitol | Living inside the shell

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Living inside the shell

Who| Mindy, open
What| The victor returns to the Capitol.
Where| Various Places
When| After being patched up
Warnings/Notes| Mindy, so foul language and descriptions of violence.

After the last few weeks, it was a breath of fresh air to be back in the Capitol. It was not something she would have easily admitted to herself, but at least here there was a sense of ease, knowing that she didn't have to be watching her back for death.

Mostly.

It was strange too. She almost felt alien, coming back here with the win. Death had at least made her an equal: now she was an object, to be striven for or hated or stared at or asked questions to. The crowing would come soon enough, she knew that, and what a pain that would be. Words to say,things to plan, and really, all she wanted was to make sure all her friends were all right. certain ones would hare her now, of course, but that was expected. She had, after all, let the games' nature affect her.

She was more than happy to be restored though: all the bleeding and the aching had taken a toll on her, and she was ready for aching she at least only inflicted on herself. There were several ways of going through with this.

1. The Training room. It was always Mindy's "go to" place, and even now there was no reason not to go. She was aware of the stares and the whispers, but she ignored these: after all, she'd come here last time after her defeat, why should her victory be any different? Mindy is hard at work on the treadmill, looking to see if she can increase her speed. There was a lot to think about, and this was the perfect way to NOT have to do that right now. Cut everyone out, hear some mindless music, run like the wind. Easy.

2. Eventually though, there's a place she needed to go: over to District 12, at the top tower to see Sandy. She hated, more than anything, to apologize or even explain herself unnecessarily but in this case it was needed. Sandy wasn't just some girl to her: she was one of the first friends she made, and after what she'd done, she needed to at least talk to her about it. The girl might not listen or care, but Mindy still needed to explain herself. She might run into anyone in District 12 though.

3. In her own tower, she made the unwise choice of attempting to sleep. After that, she thought a mushroom trip might have been more peaceful. Now she just had visions of the worse things in the Arena: beheading, throat slitting, bombs going off, and all of the dead looking at her as if she were the cause. It was pretty gory, and Mindy had awoken wide eyed and breathing hard. So anyone in the Tribute tower, especially in her District, can see the girl sitting in the room now, oversized shirt on, watching a replay of the games, almost glassy eyed.

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Don't worry, Mindy, he's not sure why he feels different either. In his mind, he can't rationalize it either way: being angry or not, leaving him in a painful limbo. One thing he knows for sure: that the situation they've been forced into is so very wrong and not only for the young girl he sees before him or when he thinks of Ellie. They were all meant for much better than this, he's quite sure. No one deserved to die like this, no matter the promise of returning to the land of living after.

" 's not that," he explains a little more candidly than he probably should. "I don't... 's not like you had a choice, really."

But that's not the reason either and he can't wrap his head around it. He wishes he could make up his mind either way and then follow a sure course from there. He blows out a breath and shakes his head.

"Well that's for sure," he blurts out in response to her remark to the fear still churning in his chest. It's too soon to face her, the memories of the knife sliding into his chest still so fresh he can almost feel it now.

He pauses only a moment to ask, "But you're not going to. Are you?"

"For me, no. I just... needed the win. I'd had some riding on this one, actually. More than people think. I didn't get any joy out of it. I mean, I just met you, and you seemed like a nice guy."

Or dwarf or whatever.

"Wait, what?" She looked slightly offended. "No, we're not in the Arena. Why would I? Do I seem like I would?"

That sucked. She'd had enough people telling her she was some kind of freak kid.

Kili would argue that he's a nice dwarf through and through, but that he's also a fearsome warrior when not facing friends in a death match he otherwise had no stake in. He's had it explained to him a few times, how children were sent to a permanent death year after year, but he still couldn't see how that affected him. He would much rather not see his friends dying or being killed himself.

Still, he doesn't stop himself from replying, "Yes."

As soon as the word is out of his mouth, though, he wishes to take it back, but not for Mindy's sake. He'd just rather not take another knife to the chest if he can help it.

Well. That settles that. It sucked, of course. If Shion had said it, she wouldn't have blamed him: she had straight up slit his throat, so that made sense. But Kili she had explained the stakes and had given him time before they fought. Thinking she was just going to go and stab him was actually pretty rough.

Then again...

"Well. It looks like I'm stealing Pruna's rep for kid bad ass then. Relax, guy. I'm not gonna fucking ice you. Besides that being impossible, we're not in the Arena. You have to be a special kind of scum bag for me to want to risk it."

Shit, she wouldn't even do that with Azula.

"Oh," he replies before even thinking of filtering himself. It seems that once outside of the arena, everyone seems to be willing to lay aside grudges and anything else that happened inside its walls.

But dwarves are not particularly prone to forgiveness, to anyone or anything. While Kili isn't particularly angry with her, he can't quite reconcile his unease around her, not yet at least.

"Is this your rule or the Capitol's?" He asks, genuinely curious if sanctions are the only thing holding her at bay.

"Mine," she answered. "Obviously the Capitol enforce it, but like I said, I don;t go around looking for fights after the Arena unless someone pushed me, and even then, that would be a lot of pushing. I can faintly imagine what would happen to me if I did decide to break the rules and look for that kind of justice. It's not worth it."

That was logic. Of course, what had happened with them went beyond logic, and she knew that.

"I didn't enjoy killing you. I would have preferred some mutual eating and a conversation. But at the end of the day, the Arena's not going to stop with those things, and I already died in the last one."

At first he doubts her, that initial response doing little to soothe his worries. He had seen the avoxes, seen what speaking out would result in, but she could always decide one day that it was indeed worth it. It's strange for him to think down the line, to consider the futures and possibilities, but he's started to realize that with the cyclic nature of life and death in the arenas comes the dangers of not thinking ahead.

He would much rather not have to worry of such things, but he's not in a position to push them away anymore.

Still, Kili's gaze changes as she continues, at the reminder that they can't all just be friends, that simply hoping for the killing to end will not bring down the arena, that puppy dog eyes and pleas and whines will do nothing. Here, there is only steel and blood and that is the only way out. She died in the one before, did that mean he would now be the killer?

It's a question he's been juggling ever since their last conversation and he hates that he doesn't know which way he wants to go.

"So you're not going to stab me," he clarifies just one more time, wanting to at least be sure of one thing in his life.

"No," she said, giving him a dirty look. Christ, the guy was like a broken record. "If anything, I should be worried you stab me. I'm the one that killed you in the last Arena. Why would you still be fearing me anyway?"

Seriously, he GOT that there were Peacekeepers ready to swoop down if something like that happened, right? Never mind how it would make no sense anyway. His death wasn't because she was into killing...it was because she understood the nature of what she was supposed to be, whether she wanted it or not.

"Besides, aren't dwarves supposed to be the 'GRR ARGH' type to avenge themselves? No wait, I think I'm thinking of Klingons. I dunno, some nerdy thing. I'm bad at remembering race classes."

Kili's issue is largely that he doesn't understand that there are roles the tributes have to fill, that there has to be a killer, there has to be a victim, everything has to fit into exact notches. One person has to be the notch, another the corner piece. Ered Luin was a shelter from the harder life, with his mother and his brother at his side, he had never known hunger though he had met loss too early in his life to remember particularly well just how it felt. He had grown up relatively carefree, able to choose whatever path he wished, largely independent of the wishes of those around him.

The idea that he has to fill a specific role, to turn into a killer is still such a foreign concept and he has yet to fully accept such a thing. Everything still seems so plain and superficial, that someone who kills must enjoy killing.

"We do, but... my uncle would argue I'm not a traditional dwarf," he replies, relaxing a small measure, though not enough to be entirely off his guard. "Dwarves aren't known to use bows."

"Well, to be fair, I'm not used those either, and you're pretty damn good with the bow an arrow. I found out firsthand, remember?"

She said this with an amused expression. It had HURT, really, having that arrow in her all that time, but she'd known better than to pull it out and make the injury worse. Granted, Donatello had not helped there later, but you did what you could, she guessed.

"I didn't expect you want to go slaughtering kids right off the bat. I knew you were friends with Ellie, so. I'm glad you treated her well. I didn't want to kill you."

Oh, that's right. Through all of this, Kili had somehow pushed away the reminder that he had shot her first after all, before her knife ever touched his skin. He was the one who drew first blood between them and that thought sends a shudder down his spine, though he fights to conceal it. Here he was, afraid of her, afraid of retaliation, when perhaps it was the other way around. Of course, he's never thought of himself as a particularly frightening dwarf, but that doesn't make it any less possible for others to perceive him as such.

His expression darkens with this reminder, that for every night he had a nightmare of her blade slicing into his chest, who was to say she didn't have similar dreams about him and his bow?

"But now I'll have to," he replies, looking up at her again. "To win, I'll have to."

She didn't, if for no other reason other than knowing that Kili had not meant to kill her and they both knew it. If she'd been scared, the shot would have been enough. She would have run, found a place to heal. That would, of course, have been the opposite of who Mindy was. If there were any place that she could show herself, it was the Arena. There people could see exactly what she was made of.

"Yeah," she said, "or outlast them all. But you might get lucky, and get to kill people you don't like. Don't count on it though."

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Living inside the shell

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sorry for my slow!

Re: sorry for my slow!

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