lord have mercy

[sleeplessinalternia]

Who| Karkat and OPEN
What| After nearly half a sweep a year away, Karkat's back in the tribute tower. He's not happy about it.
Where| D1 suite, elsewhere in tribute tower, in the capitol itself
When| Week 6 and beyond
Warnings/Notes| I'll be putting up some prompts in the comments for the three locations, but otherwise feel free to make your own wildcard prompt! JSYK, Karkat has been revived a week or so after he died (roughly concurrent to when Kankri got resurrected from his) and looks roughly a year older than he was last time anybody saw him. As for warnings... there will be language, probably references to Karkat's death and a little bit of Homestuck spoilers.



Familiar overhead block surface.

Karkat blinks his occular orbs in dismay. He-- he fucking knows this place. Memories come flooding back. Panem. He's in fucking Panem. Held captive by the fucking Capitol humans. Here he was, half-a-sweep older, and now, now, he knew what a fucking travesty that really was.

"We made you," he mutters under his breath. "You should be worshipping us, not fucking turning us into reality television."

There's a paper container of mixed goods next to him on the resting platform. Karkat shakes it out onto the thermal retention fabric. A bottle of what proved to be some kind of artificial scent. A hat in the shape of a gelatinous sea creature. Rubber bouncing spheres in the shapes of his, Signless, and Kankri's heads. A pendant with an enameled picture of a hamburger on it. Gummy candies in the shape of hamburgers. A black shirt with the word DEAD written in his own blood color. A toy figure of himself whose head came off when you squeezed it.

Karkat stares down at the assorted goods. "What the fucking fuck?"

Comments

[sleeplessinalternia]

Karkat groans. "They did until he came around! I was on the cover of, like, Human Stripebeast Rhythm! They'd send me out with these rich teenage human girls and I was supposed to take them to, like, that amusement park and the aquarium and shit like that. But now it's all about that whiny little shitpan and I am so fucking tired of it all. Is it because he sucks at life? Is his terribleness just that fucking endearing?"

Sadly, no one's explained "moe" to Karkat or he'd know exactly what it is that he's lacking.

[crabulous]

Zoidberg could empathize. He'd once been on the cover of Syncopated Zebra magazine himself. But he was likewise puzzled by the Capitol's interest in Kankri. If they liked pathetic things so much, why didn't they appreciate him more?

"I feel you, brother! Perhaps the solution is to make yourself even more of a loser than you already are! Maybe then people will love you!"

[sleeplessinalternia]

Karkat makes a face a Zoidberg. He was not a loser. "Yeah, fine, maybe I'd get a lot of pity that way, but I don't just want pity, I want respect. And I won't get that by acting like Kankri."

[crabulous]

"Then you should carry yourself with pride, young laddie." Zoidberg gave a resolute nod. He was very knowledgable about such things, clearly. "What sort of respectable man flops around in their room all day? A strapping young fellow like you needs fresh air and sunshine!"

[sleeplessinalternia]

Karkat winces. "Fresh air maybe, but my species is supposed to be fucking nocturnal. I've put myself on a diurnal schedule, but that's only because the fucking humans close half their shit at night."

[crabulous]

In all honesty, several of those words were meaningless to Zoidberg. "Silly humans. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. You know what my Aunt Sadie used to say?"

[sleeplessinalternia]

Karkat shakes his head, fascinated by the crab man in spite of himself. "No, what?"

[crabulous]

"Humans are backwards and sad, but without them, we wouldn't have the great art of musical theater or the comedic stylings of Carrot Top to bring us joy through the ages!" The way he said it was to say duh.

[sleeplessinalternia]

Karkat squints at Zoidberg. "I've never fucking heard of Carrot Top." And he wasn't entirely sure about the musical theater bit either, seeing as it (and theater in general) was something of a lost art for trolls in his time. The problem about live performances, of course, was that it was really easy for someone to sneak up and murder the fuck out of you when you were watching them. Much easier to watch recorded things in the comfort of your own hive.

[crabulous]

Zoidberg gasped in astonishment. "You've never heard of the legendary Carrot Top?! My boy, you haven't yet lived!"

[sleeplessinalternia]

"I'm not from Panem!" he protests. "Or-- whatever stupid planet you're from!"

[crabulous]

"I'm from Decapod Ten!" Zoidberg clearly did not understand that he was being yelled at. "But I am a naturalized Earthican!"

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Yeah, well, I'm from Alternia," Karkat grumbles. "And if the rest of the fleet ever showed up here we'd totally conquer the fuck out of this shitty planet."

[crabulous]

He let out a jolly laugh, condescending and judgmental in it's heartiness. "Your people certainly wouldn't be the first to try! My planet invaded Earth once. You might even call us trendsetters in that regard! What a fun afternoon that was!"

[sleeplessinalternia]

Karkat gives him a look equally condescending and judgemental. "Do you know how many solar systems the Greater Alternian Empire has conquered and enslaved?"

[crabulous]

"The Greater Alternian Empire?" Zoidberg scoffed. "That sounds made up. Are you sure you didn't make that up?"

[sleeplessinalternia]

"I so fucking did not," Karkat says, peevishly, "and it would be my greatest fucking wish if someday the Fleet could demonstrate that to all you fucktards."

[crabulous]

"I'll be looking forward to it!" Really, he couldn't wait. It had been almost boring without an alien invasion to occupy his attention. Back in the future they'd had them every other week.

[sleeplessinalternia]

Karkat bares his teeth at the crabalien. "So am I."

[crabulous]

"Now that that's cleared up," Zoidberg continued, taking this as his cue to join Karkat on the sofa, "How's your day going?"

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Shitty," Karkat grumbles. Then, "You?"

[crabulous]

He was positively glowing, so delighted at being asked about his day! It wasn't a common occurrence for him to be making an actual friend! "How kind of you to ask! I'm doing swimmingly. I was considering undertaking a new knitting project this afternoon!"

[sleeplessinalternia]

For some damn reason, Karkat has been sucked into the surreal wonderland that is making small talk with Zoidberg. "What the hell could you want to knit here?"

[crabulous]

"Oh, lots of things!" He chortled, wriggling into the sofa to get comfortable. "I have a fondness for scarves and mittens, personally."

[sleeplessinalternia]

"Yeah, I figure you wouldn't do gloves," Karkat says, eying Zoidberg's crabclaws.