thecapitol | (no subject)

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Who| Elsa and whoever might be up fairly late
What| Elsa goes up to the roof to admire the Capitol
Where| On the roof of the living suites
When| Present day, sometime after midnight
Warnings/Notes| N/A

The weeks following her time in the arena have truly been the hardest that Elsa had ever experienced in her entire life. Not even losing her parents had been as painful as the knowledge that she had killed Anna. All of her life, she had avoided her sister in order to keep her safe and yet when she finally felt like she could be around Anna without hurting her. She had been wrong- her powers had returned and everything had gone horribly wrong.

Ever since then, she'd done exactly as she had her entire life; shut herself in her room and keep everyone out. It was painful and lonely, but she knew it was what she deserved for hurting Anna.

But even those who felt like they were monsters grew restless sometimes and as the days ticked by, Elsa found herself wanting to get out and explore a little. This world was new and foreign and her brief glimpses of it before had been intriguing. The technology was confusing but fascinating all at once.

Finally, the curiosity got the better of her. Late one night, after the noise outside died down and it seemed like everyone had retired for the night, Elsa made her way out of her room. It was too late for her to want to leave the building entirely, so she opted instead to go somewhere she thought she could get a small taste of what she wanted.

So eventually, she made it to the roof. It was the first breath of fresh air she'd had in weeks as she stepped out into the cool night air. Elsa stepped forward until she was near the edge of the building. The view was absolutely breathtaking, she could hardly believe what she was seeing. It was so different from Arendelle, with it's lights and large buildings- to be honest, it was a little overwhelming on top of beautiful.

Suddenly Elsa felt really small and alone. She wrapped her arms around herself and let out a small sigh, closing her eyes. There was no sense in missing Arendelle. She didn't belong there now- if they knew she had killed Anna, then they would shun her- or worse. In her opinion, now she belonged here. With the murderers and the monsters, because that was exactly what she was. If anyone deserved to go back to Arendelle, it was Anna.

Elsa continued to stare out at the twinkling, colorful lights of the Capitol, arms folded over her chest. As horrible as she'd started to feel, she didn't have any particular urge to go back to her room at the moment. So she allowed herself to zone out, imagining what each of the buildings might have in them. So lost in her thoughts, anyone could come upon her and she wouldn't notice.

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Elsa waited for her to get back- she'd actually not realized Harley had cake, perhaps because she had been so wrapped up in her thoughts that it had gone unnoticed. But now that they were about to get into heavier things, she didn't think she could stomach anything.

She drew in a deep breath. "Well," she said after a moment, figuring she should just go for it. What would the harm be in telling? "When I was a little girl, it never seemed that hard to control." Her voice was quiet, vaguely nostalgic. There was sadness in it, too.

"But there was an accident. I accidentally hurt Anna and... After that, I couldn't control it. Every time I got scared, they would go crazy. I froze everything I touched all of the time."

Now that she was getting into it, it became a little easier to talk about. "My father gave me a pair of gloves." Subconsciously, she rubbed her hands together, almost missing the feel of them. "Conceal, don't feel. Put on a show," she recited, maybe a hint of bitterness in her tone- because that hadn't worked. None of it had, and Anna had still been killed by her. "The motto I lived by," she explained as an afterthought.

She ran a hand through her hair and then shook her head. "Sorry, that's not really relevant, is it? You just want to hear about my powers." She shrugged. "I don't know what more to say. They work best when I'm calm, but... I guess I'm never calm enough."

Edited 2014-03-05 12:54 (UTC)

Harley listened intently, eyes focused on Elsa's with an amount of attention that Harley rarely paid to anything. As Elsa came to a pause she swallowed a bite of cake and smiled again.

"Actually, that all helps a great deal." She explained and held out her hand to Elsa.

"May I?" She had some theories of course but one step at a time. Also she was curious if the girl would have a lower body temperature with her powers cut off.

Elsa was glad that it seemed to help. Whatever could aid in getting her powers under control, or at least getting a better understanding of them, was a good thing in Elsa's opinion.

She hesitated at the request, if only because she was still used to not having physical contact with anyone. But after a moment, she nodded and extended her hand. Harley would find that her body temperature was indeed slightly cooler than average, but nowhere near ice cold.

Harley took her hand gently and placed another hand over it gently cupping the delicate princess fingers and palm in her own more worked hands.

"Here is what I've taken away from the story so far. When you were free to explore your powers you had better control over them. But fear and lack of confidence stifles your control and abilities. Over the years trying to repress things only made them worse because your powers are a part of you. A part that is as important as your mind or your pretty smile."

She smiled for example and gave Elsa's hand a squeeze.

"It's really too bad you didn't have a therapist in your kingdom, they probably could have caught this alot sooner. But studies in mental and emotional health have advanced alot in my time."

"What it boils down to, and this isn't gonna be easy or quick. You're going to have to do a few things."

She brought up one of her hands to count on her fingers but kept holding Elsa's hand with the other.

"First, forgive yourself. It wasn't your fault your sister got hurt, either time. And I don't know her that well but from what little I've chatted with her? I'm betting she's already forgiven you."

There was no denying the truth in her words- all of them, but for the time being Elsa agreed with the first part of what she said. Her childhood was a distant memory, but there was a time when it felt easier, before all of the fear. But it was her fault it had happened in the first place, she hadn't been careful! Maybe things could be different, but it still felt like it was her fault.

It was harder to agree with the last part. She hated the idea of Anna forgiving her. In her opinion, Anna never should have to forgive her, it was unforgivable!

"How am I supposed to forgive myself, Harley?" she asked, giving the other woman's hand a small squeeze. It was comforting to have someone close. "Every time I close my eyes, I see it. Over and over. Anna is too forgiving, she should hate me."

"But she doesn't." Harley reasoned softly. "The arena does things to you. Sometimes perfectly reasonable people do things they'd never willingly do because of what the arena does. And in your case it was because of that mask." Harley had to hide how incredibly jealous she was that the girls got into the arena at all.

She ran her thumb over Elsa's hand gently.

"We can't change what we've done in the past. We can only work on who we are now and who we want to be. So maybe what you should be asking is what would it take for you to be able to forgive yourself for those accidents?"

Elsa didn't even really have to think about it. It would take a few things for her to be able to forgive herself. A few very specific things that were likely never to happen. Harley's words were comforting, of course, and she even made it sound so easy, but the fact of the matter was Elsa didn't feel like circumstances would ever align enough for her to actually forgive herself.

"If my curse was taken away," she said. "Forever. I thought it was gone, but it came back so suddenly, I couldn't even calm myself down at all." If she knew without a shadow of a doubt that her powers were gone completely, then she would feel a lot better.

But then there was the other matter. "I feel like sometimes I deserve it happening to me," she said. "If I could die as painfully and horribly as Anna, then maybe it would balance out. I would be less of a monster- I would be a victim, too."

Hans killing her hadn't really counted- she hadn't felt it like Anna did.

"Hmm..." Harley looked thoughtful and tapped her chin with her free hand, then scooped up another piece of cake to chew. When she swallowed she smiled softly.

"Well if it's a horrible death you're after, you're in luck. The arena is pretty creative at providing you ways to die. So far I've had my neck snapped trying to save a friend, I got sliced in half by another friend of mine, I got eaten by a pack of dinosaurs..." She paused and added "Think really big lizards with really big teeth. They chased me for hours before I ran out of energy." She actually looked sheepish at that.

"And then in that last arena I got taken out on day one by a chemical that melted my brain in a very painful way. Lucky for me I had a friend to smother the life outta me so I wouldn't suffer for long."

This cheerful little list brought to you by the letter H, and a sense of black humor.

As Harley spoke, Elsa couldn't help but press a hand over her mouth, her eyes widening in horror. She had thought what happened to Anna had been bad enough, but all of that sounded more horrifying than anything she could have imagined. She felt her stomach churning and a growing sympathy for Harley the longer she continued.

By the end of it, Elsa, who usually avoided human contact, felt the urge to give Harley a hug. She might have seemed rather cheerful about it, but she couldn't help figure it must be a coping mechanism of some sort.

She really couldn't resist the compulsion to do it, so she pulled her hand out of Harley's so that she could do just that, leaning in to wrap her arms around Harley. "I am so sorry," she said quietly. "You've gone through so much, I had no idea. You shouldn't have to listen to my problems when you've gone through so much yourself."

Harley looked surprised by the hug, but reacted almost instantly lacing her arms around Elsa and rubbing her back. Harley was an expert hugger in her own opinion and decidedly warm and cuddly when pressed against someone. This close to her Elsa could smell the unique blend of bubble gum perfume and cotton candy lip gloss that Harley favored.

"Shh shh, hey now. Don't be like that frosty. I want to listen to your problems. Misery loves company right?" She gave the girl a squeeze.

"Besides I'm not exactly the nicest gal around either. We've all done stuff we regret. The last thing I did before I came here? I broke the heart of one of my best friends. Over a guy no less. How much more petty and rotten can ya get?"

"The point is, everyone needs somebody. And I'll be that somebody for you."

Despite all of the feelings she had at the moment, she couldn't help but be amused when Harley called her frosty. There was something about it that she found nice- anyone else she would have seen it as mocking, but from Harley it felt like a friendly nickname. She smiled where Harley couldn't see, and gave her a squeeze in turn.

As far as she was concerned, that wasn't a huge deal, the heartbreak thing. It's in the past and they both have skeletons in their closet, so to speak. She can look past those just as Harley can look past hers.

"I'll be that somebody for you, as well," she says, finally pulling back, taking Harley's hands in her own. "We can look out for each other."

Harley's grin could light up the whole rooftop.

"Sounds like a plan to me. I'll take you around, introduce ya to the other girls. We'll make the best out of a bad situation. And trust me I a champ at that." She winked playfully.

It was true, it really could. Elsa was sure that it was brighter than a lot of the Capitol light, not to mention infectious.

"I'm starting to be convinced of that," she said, smiling a wider smile. "Thank you, Harley... For everything. You're one of the nicest people that I've ever had the pleasure of meeting."

Harley giggled once more "That...is unfortunate. But a compliment so I'm willing to take it." A heartier laugh.

"Alot of people think this place is a hell hole, but through the harshest winters the strongest ice is formed." She winked "This may be just the situation you need to grow into the best woman you can be."

Elsa couldn't help but laugh. It was a bit of a scary thought, but Harley sounded so chipper about it that she couldn't really bring herself to be too afraid at the idea. Maybe it would turn out better than she thought? She just didn't look forward to having to go through a lot of hardships before she was a better person.

"Maybe so," she said. After a moment, she took in a breath, letting it out in a sigh. She suddenly felt tired. "If you don't mind, though... I think I might head back to my room. I'm getting tired- who knows, maybe I might be able to sleep now."

"No problem. I'm always around so we'll see each other again soon." She smiled warmly and offered her arms out for another hug.

"Protip kiddo, they've got this tea you can make, if you can't find a box of it in the kitchen order it from room service. It's like sleepytime tea or something but it'll put you right out nice and peaceful like. You might get some vivid and weird dreams...but maybe it'll smother the unhappy thoughts for ya?"

Seems like more and more people were using the drugged tea to sleep these days. But Harley was a fan of better living through science.

She was quick to hug her, much quicker than she normally would be, but she felt a lot more comfortable around Harley than she did anyone else. As she pulled away, she gave a nod.

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." She didn't know if she had the energy to actually go and make the tea, she actually felt much more tired than she'd have expected. Maybe all she needed was to talk?

Her gaze lingered on Harley for a moment, almost unwilling to leave her company before she pulled herself away and headed to the exit. She stopped, gave a small wave, and then disappeared through the door.

Harley offered her best smile and waved cutely with her fingertips till Elsa was out of sight. With a sigh she gathered up her cake to finish it off while looking out over the city.

"Nice kid. It's gonna be a shame when this world ruins her." She remarked offhandedly to no one in particular. Popping the last bite of her now cooled cake into her mouth she considered the possibilities.

Maybe Dr. Quinnzel could help make the pale girl strong enough to survive the living hell this world inflicted on tributes.

Or maybe Harley Quinn could make her crazy enough to enjoy it.

Time would tell.

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