thecapitol | of course, of course he wants to be near her

Entry tags:

✘ ellie,
✘ joel

of course, of course he wants to be near her

Who| Joel and Ellie
What| Joel finally kicked it in the arena. Now he's waking up in the Capitol and has to face the music.
Where| District 8 suites.
When| Late week 6
Warnings/Notes| Probably swearing. Ellie is kind of her own warning. :P

He woke up.

This wouldn't have been surprising, under normal circumstances. But given that he'd been bleeding out on the ruined floor of a museum before he lost consciousness, well. He hadn't expected to wake up from that.

It took him a moment to register, to remember, to have everything slot into place, and then -

Shit.

They hadn't been kidding. Ellie, the others, they were all right. Somehow, he knew it was true. Knew he'd died. Knew he was back. Which meant - she must've been brought back too. Must've. And that was what got him out of the bed, not the knowledge of his own resurrection, but the sure, sudden knowledge of hers. He had to find her. He had to see, for himself. That was the only thought in his mind as he stumbled out of the room.

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Joel died.

The words had hit like a hammer blow, straight to her gut. She hadn't seen it, she'd been asleep at the time - tossing and turning on a bed that was too soft - but her escort had told her the moment she'd woken up.

Joel had died. Joel had died, and she hadn't been there, hadn't even seen it.

She'd made a huge uproar before they'd brought her here, dumped her in district eight outside his door. At least she'd been told it was his door. If he came back.

(He had to come back. Right? He had to. He couldn't just -- He couldn't not come back.)

The door had been locked and no matter how she banged and yelled on it, no one would let her in and she couldn't hear anything from inside. So eventually she'd given up and just began to pace - back and forth down the hallway in front of his door.

When it finally opened she turned to the sound abruptly and strode over to him.

"You idiot," She hissed, pushing at him with both hands. "You idiot!"

And there she was. Right there, waiting for him. Right outside his door, like a miracle. A temperamental, potty-mouthed miracle.

Joel didn't care if there was anyone else around to see or not. He didn't care that she was pushing him, calling him names. He grabbed her, wrapped her up in a hug, trying to push away the memory of her fear, her desperate attempts to stay alive, how she'd lost.

"Ellie." His voice was hoarse, with disuse, emotion.

She struggled against the hug but not exactly with any enthusiasm - a show of protest, nothing more.

"You're a fucking idiot," She growled again, though the words somehow got tangled up in her throat. "You just wouldn't fucking believe me, would you? After everything, you still managed to convince yourself that I'd lie about that."

"I never thought you lied," Joel murmured, just, frankly, so glad to have her back somehow that he couldn't give a shit about anything else for the moment. She could call him whatever names she wanted. At least she was here to do it.

"I'm glad you're okay," was the only other thing he could say.

She fell silent, unable to keep fighting against the tight hug, even though it meant that her feet were half way off the ground.

"... Yeah, well, you better be fucking glad that you're okay," She mumbled at him. "I would have killed you if you hadn't have come back."

Another moment, and he released her, putting a hand on her shoulder like he just had to make sure she was really real, actually there. Breathing.

"Duly noted," he said with complete seriousness. He frowned, eyes still on her, basically ignoring the surroundings for the moment. "Did you... see it?" Did you see me die, was what he couldn't quite put into words. He hoped not.

"No I didn't-- No I didn't fucking see it," Ellie said, her voice raising again as she was released, pulling back out of his grip on her shoulder.

"I didn't need to fucking see it, Joel, I only had to hear about it - only had to have everyone and their fucking mother ask if I was--" She cut off, angrily, but she wasn't really angry with him, she was just angry in general.

"Who the fuck was it." Let's get down to the point.

Joel shook his head, not sure what to do with all her misdirected anger. Ah, teenagerhood. At least she was ranting. She was here, and she was alive, and she was ranting and angry - at him, or on his behalf, whatever. It was better than being dead, better than the quiet that had reigned after what happened in Colorado.

"It was my fault," he said, conciliatory. "Spotted what I thought was a runner. Then he talked, caught me by surprise. Don't know who or what he was, but he was dead too."

"Well, good." She said with a venom she didn't really mean, though she certainly felt. She put her hands on her hips, glaring down at the floor, before suddenly striding forward and and hugging him hard.

"Just-- I'm just glad you came back. Okay? Don't die. Not for real. You have to promise me."

His arms went around her again, a little more slowly this time, and he sighed. They both knew that was a promise he couldn't possibly make.

"I'm not goin' anywhere," he said quietly. "We're a team, right?"

She knew it was stupid. She'd already lost him once, and she was going to lose him again, and she was going to keep dying and he was going to keep dying and eventually one of them just wouldn't come back.

Just waiting for my turn.

"Yeah," She mumbled, but didn't seem willing to let him go this time. "... I-- I'm really sorry. About Aunamee. I didn't even-- If I'd known it was him--"

"Hey."

He frowned, brushing absently at her hair. "Don't you ever apologize for that stuff, alright? That ain't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

Of course, that didn't mean he wasn't holding himself partly responsible, when bad things happened to her.

"But I did," She said, before drawing in a breath and pulling back again, to look up and meet his eye. "... I know better, Joel. I know better than to let people get that close, to trust them to be decent--" She cut off, piercing her lips tightly.

"I got sloppy, here. And I yelled at you for being wary, and I was wrong."

He shook his head slightly, heart aching for her. He understood - he knew she just wanted to have friends, to have people she could trust around her. She deserved that. He wanted that for her, honestly.

But twenty years of knowing it wasn't possible without a lot of risk had killed it for them.

"Trustin' someone is always a risk," he said quietly. "I can see you've made some good friends here, though. Don't beat yourself up over it."

She'd missed him so much. The force of it slammed into her and she gripped a little tighter, before finally letting go, forcing herself to turn away and look somewhere else. She'd missed him so much, and she was only likely to lose him again, and she was making friends and she was only going to lose them too.

And then people like Aunamee...

She swallowed, looking down at the floor. She wasn't going to think about him. She wasn't.

"Guess I should show you around," She mumbled downward, completely changing the conversation because she just couldn't deal with the rest right now.

There was that distance again, that painful, awkward distance that made him want to try and reach out to her but without any idea of how. To fix it, so she'd be more like she was before. Before Colorado.

Sometimes he hated himself, for failing her like that.

"Sure," he said, willing to let her change the subject, if there was a chance she'd perk up again, if she could smile and laugh and make bad jokes that he could groan at. "So this place is an actual city? With stores and restaurants and stuff?"

"Yeah," She said, unable to fake cheerfulness as she turned and gestured for him to follow her to the elevators.

"Never seen anything like it. No curfew - not now, anyway - never seems to sleep, more random shit than you could shake a stick at. Anything you've missed from before the world fell apart? Bet I could find it for you."

And dutifully, Joel followed, rubbing at the back of his neck. Weren't these things supposed to be happier?

"Do they have good music?" he offered.

"No cassette tapes," She admitted apologetically, though the barest hint of a smile twitched at her lips before it faded too.

"They get obsessed with a lot of stuff, but I think we're their equivalent of rock stars. But yeah. We can find some music."

"You know cassettes were pretty old even before the infection hit," Joel teased a little. "Ah well. You're probably more interested in food, huh?"

"I just kind of need to get out of here," Ellie admitted after a tense moment, pressing buttons on the elevator. The fact they they worked were enough to baffle her.

"I just-- I need you to understand this place, Joel. I need you to really see it, you know? The arenas are shit, but--" The doors opened into the lobby and she made for the exit.

"... You just need to see it."

He nodded, not seeing any point in questioning why. She needed what she needed. Joel would stick close, keep an eye on her, let her play tour guide or whatever she wanted to do.

"Sure. I'm goin' where you're goin', so lead the way."

She half wanted him to refuse, half wanted him to argue, just so that she would have somewhere, something to focus the pent up rage that she didn't understand.

So instead she just pushed through the doors and out into the city.

The city was massive, sprawling and impossibly tall, glittering with lights and overcome with noise. Crowds of chattering Capitolites in ridiculously garish outfits tittered by as she hit the streets. It was an impossible place, compared to her world, something that she had been sure only existed in comic books, and every few minutes a Capitol citizen would point to them and whisper and giggle to each other and it was all Ellie could do to block them out.

Music. Fine. She'd find him music.

She was single-minded as she weaved through the crowd, not even bothering to check behind her to make sure Joel was keeping pace.

It was shocking - like stepping into a vivid dream of the past, like how downtown Austin had been, way back when, but brighter, in some ways. More garish, more colorful, even more in-your-face.

He'd never liked big cities back then, and combined with all the stares they were getting - like they were particularly fascinating zoo exhibits - it immediately raised his hackles, made him uncomfortable. Part of him wanted to turn right back around and go back the way they came. He felt jumpy, exposed, especially without any weapons. God, what if someone in these crowds decided to attack them?

She was already pushing ahead, another minute or two and he'd lose sight of her in the crowd. "Ellie!" he called, pushing ahead, putting his head down as though to deflect - something.

She turned at the voice, half angry enough to snap at him, but the anger died on her tongue before it could be released when she saw him. He looked more uncomfortable than she could possibly remember, and a twinge of guilt twisted in her chest as she realised that was half of what she wanted. (And was so disappointed in herself for wanting it.)

God, what had he even done? It was the Capitol's fault, not his. They'd brought him here, the same as her, and dumped him in the arena and could she really be mad with him? It was the Capitol's fault that he died, and the Capitol's fault that he would keep dying, and there was nothing she could do about it.

She waited until he caught up and then reached out to take his sleeve.

"Come on," She said, changing her direction. Instead of leading him through the main street, she pulled him down a much quieter alley, where the crowds immediately thinned.

"The whole place is like that," She said apologetically. "And they-- they don't really see you, you know? Not as people, anyway. Either they ignore you completely or they think you walked out of their television screen and can keep on staring at you as if you were still in it." Her hand finally let go of his sleeve but she didn't back away.

The alley was a bit of a relief - Joel's demeanor didn't change much at all, a stranger probably wouldn't have noticed the difference, but Ellie knew him well enough, had seen him in enough tense situations, to pick up on the changes immediately and respond to them.

"It's damn creepy, is what it is," he muttered darkly, determined to keep closer to her now. "No one ever looked like that back home."

"You'll get used to it," Ellie said, a little darkly, as she put her hands on her hips and kicked at the dust. "... Look, Joel, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-- I shouldn't take it out on you. I'm glad you're alive, and..."

She sighed. "I'm glad they brought you here, as fucked up as that is, I guess. I shouldn't be glad, but I am."

"Hey." He shook his head, as if to shake away an annoying bug. "Don't apologize, okay? None of this is your fault, and trust me, I get bein' angry.

"For what it's worth, I'm glad you're here, too. This place is messed up, but wherever I am, I'd rather know you're around. We look after each other, yeah?" It was better - much, much better, in his mind, than not knowing where she was or if she was even okay. He couldn't imagine what it must've been like for her here before he showed up. He would've gone crazy with worry.

She took a deep breath, let it out again, and then offered Joel a weak smile, looking up at him.

"Yeah," She said quietly, before stepping over and sliding her arms around him to take another hug. She usually didn't require so many, but... Usually people didn't come back from the dead.

"Yeah. We take care of each other."

To say that Joel wasn't very touchy-feely these days was quite an understatement - but he could appreciate her need for contact. He hadn't even been without her for so long, but he sure as hell had been worried, nonetheless.

She'd been drowning. And then in the arena, the way she'd... Well. It was as comforting for him, now, to wrap his arms around her, give her a squeeze, remind himself that she was here, breathing, alive, no gaping hole in her gut. Just a girl, his baby girl.

"Have you found any good ice cream places yet?" he offered after a moment, changing the subject.

She didn't hold on long. Physical affection wasn't something she was totally used to with him, she just needed it, for whatever reason, in that moment. So it was only a moment before she pulled herself back, let out a breath. She felt better, as stupid as it was.

She wasn't sure how, but Joel was good at making her feel better.

Most of the time.

"Ice cream? Uh, not really," She said with a shrug. She'd never tried it before coming here, so she hadn't really thought to go looking for it. "They've only got every fucking food in the universe, though, so I'm sure they've got something."

Well, he did try, at least.

"I haven't had ice cream in a long damn time," he said with a nod. "D'you know what a banana split is?" As he said this, he started walking again, stepping out onto another street - a little busier than the back alley, but still quieter than the main thoroughfare they'd been on earlier.

"Uh, a banana that's gone on a date with a sword?" Ellie asked slightly sarcastically, already relaxing a bit as she fell alongside him.

"Dude, I hadn't even seen a banana until I came here."

He allowed himself a little chuckle. "That ain't half bad, actually. It's split lengthwise, see, and then between them is your ice cream. Chocolate, vanilla and strawberry. Chocolate syrup, walnuts, whipped cream and a cherry on top."

"That sounds fucking amazing," Ellie admitted, relaxing a little bit. It was getting easier to relax with each passing moment.

"A little intense, but amazing. Though I don't see how it could get better than pastry, to be honest."

"It's been so long since I've had somethin' that rich, it'd probably make me sick for a few days," Joel said, glancing around for someplace that might serve ice cream in some capacity.

"Worth it, though."

"Totally worth it," Ellie agreed instantly. "I was sick for like, a week, when I first got here."

Down the street lay a shop fashioned into a old 50's diner, albeit the Capitol's idea of what an old 50's diner would look like. So, completely over the top. But there it was. She pointed to it, where a large glittery ice cream sign blinked in the window.

"There?"

"Bingo." He smiled faintly. The decor was pretty outrageous, like most things he saw around this place, but that didn't matter. What mattered was the food.

"I'm buyin'," he said, mussing her hair.

She couldn't help the soft smile, though she shook it off with a mocking laugh.

"Uh, well duh, like hell I am," She said, but she was unable to completely keep the fondness out of her voice as she followed him inside.

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