thecapitol | (no subject)

Who| Everyone, pretty much. Particularly Secret Santa people and those Creuntus is fucking with.
What| Holiday times!
Where| The Tribute Training center
When| The whole week, but Creuntus' gifts arrive today.
Warnings/Notes| none atm. Please add any in thread headers. Also, for secret santa, if you are the giver start a thread with your giftee's name (unless you two have worked something else out between you). You can use the District threads below, or choose a different setting of your own.

Every floor public space is dripping with holiday decorations.

The decorations are themed, ridiculously so. Every surface is covered, and a table sits proudly full of holiday treats and spirits, kept stocked constantly by the avoxes. Cheerful music plays softly throughout the whole building, though luckily for everyone the Capitol doesn't really know what Christmas carols are.

Those with secret santa's have a cheery, passive-aggressive note reminding them not to disappoint anyone and ruin their holiday.

Those that have expressed a want for some object from home will find a box on their bed sometime during the day, with a merry holiday greeting from Cruentus. Inside they will find the object of their desire, or something similar, crafted from their words.

In blown glass. Pretty, decorative, utterly useless.

Bert's guns, Punchy's goggles, Sigma's music box, Maximus' leg, Mindy's knife, Terezi's dragon cane...on and on, as many gifts as Creuntus could find out. Those that were with them when they were pulled are more perfect replicas, those that they have just described obviously have an artistic touch to them.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Wow. That is the saddest thing I've heard all day." Terezi turns and grins back at him, two rows of pearly daggers interlocking. She folds her hands behind her back in mock politeness.

"Do you want me to walk you through this? We can take it nice and slow--one piece of tape at a time."

"I, I mean..."

This felt awkward. Or was that him...?

Beck looked down to his shoes (trying not to look at the presents, because those were for him, right? His very own presents?), and shook his head. "Yeah, sure. If you want to."

"...Seriously?" Terezi gets a moment of incredulity before realizing that he's serious. He is actually taking her up on that offer to walk him through this gift thing.

"Okay. I feel bad for you, so I'm going to go easy on you. Taking cheap shots just leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth." She motions to the two boxes. "These are for you. Typically the recipient takes the gift and peels back the decorative wrapping! You can do this however neatly or messily as you like. Then you open the box! There will be a thing inside. That is also for you. You can then do whatever you like with the box--keep it, throw it away, I don't care! But you keep the thing inside because if you don't, it's very rude and you might get punched in your weird human anatomy for being a jerk."

Now he felt a little stupid. Was this Present thing really such a common thing with the Users? Well, this wasn't his first time trying to get through something the Users did without knowing anything about it, and it wasn't going to be the last. Maybe it would, if he was really lucky.

He listened carefully. It sounded easy enough! Beck opened the box, Beck got to keep whatever was inside the box (and the box itself?). Not accepting the gift was offensive, and he could see why now. Okay. Easy.

Beck picked up one of the boxes, beginning to tear through the paper. But there was something else that he didn't understand. "Weird human anatomy?"

That definitely gets look from Terezi. A look of the Please Tell Me I Don't Have To Explain This To You Too variety.

"Yeah, you know... Your junk. Your schlong. Your dong. Your meat stick. Your manhood. Pecker. Pleasure rod. Wang. Sausage. Shaft. Beef whistle. Disco stick. Dude piston. Flesh flute. Fun stick. Do you get the picture yet?"

Thank you, Dave, for this plethora of essential vocabulary words.

His junk? He didn't have any junk.

A schlong sounded stupid. And what was a dong? He wasn't eating anything, so what did she mean by a meat stick? Okay, so he was a man. So? Wasn't a pecker the same name for a bird? Was pleasure rod a funny saying for a baton? There wasn't any pleasure in getting hit from that. Wang sounded weird. Again, he wasn't eating any meat so that was kind of stupid. A shaft? Beef whistle? Again, he wasn't eating any meat...flesh flute? Did the Capitol make your arms into instruments? Was fun stick another name for a baton here too?

Beck shook his head. "I don't get it."

He's a program, okay?

Oh, for the love of--

"Your penis. Your male human anatomy." She gestures very descriptively towards his crotch. "Do I have to find you a picture book? I'm sure I can dig up diagrams somewhere! Or you can check down the front of your pants for a second. I'll turn around and give you some privacy, okay?"

She's not actually turning around just yet. He really can't be this dense, can he?

"...Oh."

Beck learned from the (very few) books he read about user anatomy that people usually found mentioning of the penis as embarrassing. He didn't feel entirely that way though; it was something unnecessary that he apparently needed as a user. Half of the user body was like that, anyway.

And it wasn't like he showed it off anyway.

"Sorry. I didn't know all the other words you could call it."

"This has been part of my human learning experiences." Human learning experinces... via Dave, that is. Who may not be the best source of factual knowledge for the aforementioned human learning experience.

"There are always about fifty different words to refer to anything that you're trying to refer to. Except when it comes to genitals! Then, it's like a competition to discover the most inane and arbitrarily related phrase with as few contextual clues as possible. All for the purpose of making someone think that they've accidentally referred to someone's bulge in the middle of the sentence. Cue the laughing and public ridicule, etc etc, everyone goes home happy! Unless they go home crying from the embarrassment, but that's their own fault for talking in the first place."

So Beck didn't really understand the embarrassment when it came to...yeah. It was just another part that was kind of unnecessary, right? They didn't have any of this stuff in the Grid.

So there wasn't any harm in asking more details! Maybe the more he knew about the body and the brain, the easier it would be to live around here. Especially in the Arena when he basically became a loner until he died.

"Why would they be embarrassed? It's just another part, right?"