thecapitol | (no subject)

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Who| Kankri Vantas & OPEN
What| Settling in, meeting new people
Where| District 5 apartments at first, then generally exploring around the Tributes' area
When| Just after his arrival, some days after Enjolras' crowning
Warnings/Notes| Warning for Kankri being his annoying self, pretty much. Also, his first chronological threads will be with Claudia and the Initiate, but beyond that timing will pretty much be in the order of tagging.

Really, Kankri found the entire concept of this place absolutely deplorable. He would have no part of it. But until he could find some way to escape his captors, it wouldn't hurt to familiarize himself with the layout of the place. And also to find something to eat, he was quite famished at the moment.

He started in the suite of the district he'd been assigned and herded to like cattle, of course, but soon enough he was meandering all through the building, taking note of its occupants and features with various degrees of disapproval. He wasn't entirely sure of how to approach anyone yet, but he supposed it wouldn't hurt to try for the sake of information.

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He can't really say he didn't do anything, not with the last arena, so he neatly sidesteps the question instead.

"The world he and I are from is very, very different from the world in which the Kurloz you knew was raised. They may look very similar, but they're not the same troll. I... we should sit down. And you should tell me where exactly on the timeline you are."

After all, though he remembered a good deal of his past life, things were not perfectly clear. He'd remembered through dreams and visions, and that left room for gaps and fuzziness. While Kankri looked as though he was perhaps too young to be from around the Scratch, he wanted to be sure.

Kankri hesitates. This all sounds wild. Ludicrous.

But if this is the story that the humans know of trolls, then even if it's all lies, he should at least know what those perceptions will be like. So he has a seat on a comfy couch a few feet away, looking up at Signless expectantly.

"I'm not sure what kind of milestone you'd need for that - Damara was the time expert, and she didn't particularly want to explain to anyone else. I suppose we've been in SGRUB for a sweep and a half, now? And Porrim and I are finally getting somewhere with our frog breeding, it's taken quite some time. I hope that's helpful."

So he doesn't even know they fail. He doesn't know anything. And much as the Signless always felt uncomfortable with his past life, always made Kankri into something to distance himself from, it still feels distinctly gross to have to sit here now and tell him exactly how bad things went.

"I'm going to tell you about things that happen in your future. And I know -- because it's happened to me here -- that it might hurt. But you need to know so you'll understand the rest of the trolls here, and where they're coming from, and why they aren't like the trolls you remember. You -- we -- fail. The game can't be won. So we make a deal to restart the universe, on the condition that our descendents will play and win where we failed. We'll exist in the new universe, but we won't remember Beforus. Are you following?"

He already feels in over his head. There's just so much to cover and he doesn't really want to have to talk about any of it.

His gut twists uncomfortably. This- person who looks like him shouldn't be saying these things. He has to be wrong. They're doing fine. How can he presume to know more about Kankri's life than Kankri himself.

"I find that hard to believe," he says after a moment. "We might be progressing slowly, but we are making progress. Anyway, I don't see how you can claim to know so much if a condition is that you won't remember my planet."

"I wish I hadn't," he snaps. "But I did. Listen. Alternia, the world we made, is not like Beforus. It's violent and harsh and lowbloods are seen as expendable slaves for the highbloods to use and discard as they please. The condition for making trolls able to win the game was to make us ruthless and cruel. And I stupidly, selfishly wanted to change that to fit what I remembered of Beforus being better, so I started talking, and trolls who listened took that talk and turned it into a rebellion. It wasn't what I wanted, or what I intended, but because of me countless trolls are dead or worse. Many if not most of the trolls you meet here will see you and think of that, and I need you to understand that it's not your fault. It's nothing you did. It's what I did by trying to undo what you did, and then everything I've done here trying to fix that and failing too."

He doesn't think he can face telling Kankri quite yet about the execution. That might be too much, on top of what is already probably difficult and painful to process. It's strange how sorry he feels for this troll, but then, now that he's here, Kankri is just one more troll he'll have dragged into a terrible position because of his own thoughtless actions. At least Kankri never got anyone killed. Maybe the Beforan version was better all along.

"I'm sorry."

Kankri stares at his double, not wanting to believe him, not wanting to accept a thing he says. But even if he's wrong, this person who claims to be him looks like he's in so much pain.

"I'm sorry you're from a place like that," he says at last. "Beforus was quite problematic, but I'm sure you haven't had an easy time of it either. I suppose the life of an off-caste hemotype wouldn't be free of oppression anywhere. But if what you are saying is true - not about your planet, I mean, I would hate to invalidate your experiences, about me - then how did you remember? You're asking me to take a significant amount on faith while giving me conflicting information."

Awkwardly he reaches over and pats Signless's knee. That's significantly comforting while not being a pale overture, right?

Whether it's a pale overture or not, he doesn't seem to mind. Any kind of comforting gesture is welcome right now, even from the most unlikely sources.

"I know. I know that I am. And I couldn't... I couldn't exactly tell you why I remember. I just know that when I was a wiggler I began to have dreams and visions of our life on Beforus. Maybe what I remember is shaky or missing in some places, but I know enough to believe it's real, and here you are to validate that. You could ask me things, things only you'd know, if you need proof."

He can't be telling the truth. But if he is, how awful must that have been, remembering someone else's life. Particularly since Kankri hasn't much enjoyed a lot of his so far. If it's true, he's going to be very embarrassed about a lot of things this troll may know.

"Well," he says after a few moments. "My class, my aspect, and the name of my planet. Since only twelve people, including myself, should know that."

"We," and he says 'we' because it's simplest, and he doesn't want to try figuring out pronouns now of all times, "were the Seer of Blood. I don't remember our planet, I'm sorry, there's only so much I have once we entered the game."

Things that happened, he remembers. He remembers the cake Meenah baked and he remembers what happened to Mituna but he couldn't say what his consorts were beyond a vague guess, or how the alchemiter worked, or the different types of grist. Maybe those weren't the things he needed to remember. But of course that begs the question of who gets to decide what's important and what isn't, and whether he's missing something -- and what if Kankri tells him that he is?

Kankri nods, just slightly. "It's all right. Even just that much is...well, more than anyone but I and my friends would know. So, you don't know everything, but you know some, ah, things about my future? And my past."

He sighs, leaning back again. "Time japery was always Damara's area of expertise, and she's never been particularly forthcoming. Especially recently, she's been becoming more erratic. And in any case, it isn't as if she's here to consult with, but all of this makes my head spin. I hope you understand that this is, well, a lot to take in."

He stares down at his hands. "Was it my fault? Because I wanted them not to fight? I didn't want anyone getting hurt. Did that ruin us? Should I not have tried to do what I thought was right, to help us work together?"

Edited 2014-01-09 18:21 (UTC)

Oh, no.

Oh, noooo.

"No, no. It wasn't your fault. It was... a lot of things, but it wasn't your fault. It wasn't really anybody's fault. We just weren't meant to win." His expression tightens just a little. "Sometimes that's how things work out."

"But there must be something - something I could have done," Kankri protests. "Something I can still do."

He doesn't want anyone to have to endure the world Signless is talking about. His is bad enough, but that just sounds awful.

He breathes in, breathes out. Looks down at his hands. Twists and the ring Karkat gave him on his finger because it's a habit that usually calms him down, or at the very least distracts him.

"There isn't. All you can do is come to terms with the life you've led and will lead, and try to make whatever you do while you're here better." He's already fucked that up, of course, unsurprisingly. "I wish I could be more reassuring. I'm sorry."

"I don't want to come to terms with it," Kankri says lowly. "People have been telling me to come to terms with my lot all my life. Things can always change!"

He has to believe that, or he has nothing to hold on to.

"I know people have," Signless reminds him helplessly. "I remember what it was like to be you, I promise, I know."

It's just really beginning to hit him that he may, in fact, have mixed up Kankri being awful with being Kankri being awful. He understands wanting to believe things can be better. Only, wanting to believe that things can be better lead him to be complicit in the death of hundreds of trolls. He's not exactly that enthused with the concept currently.

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